The Idealistic Woman

I decided to wait a day before putting my plan into action, so I spent the better part of the next day hanging out in the library with Bekah. We didn’t talk much. She kept her nose buried in her books, and I discovered the dark and the quiet made it an excellent spot to practice my meditation. Bekah acted like I wasn’t there, but I was her sister. I could read her emotions well enough to tell that she was grateful for the company, even if it was silent company.

When meditating these days, I sank so deep into the Expanse that I could begin to feel the magic weave that made up the Pocket itself. This magic truly was far beyond anything any mage could do today. The magical structure of the Pocket, I discovered, was almost like a body. It looked like one big thing, but it was actually made up of countless tiny cells that all worked together to create a greater whole. Only, each spell was a complex magical formula that I would have to spend months studying to even begin to grasp.

Only…something felt off about the body of magic. The spell was so complex that I couldn’t be sure, but I felt like a part of it was coming undone. It felt like a fabric that had not yet unwoven, but was growing weaker. I didn’t know what caused the sensation, though, and I definitely couldn’t try to fix it.

Oh, well. No use worrying about things beyond my control. I opened my eyes and released the Expanse like I was emerging from the bottom of a pool. I didn’t especially want to confront Liah, but then again, things weren’t going to get better by waiting. I better go now before my resolve weakened.

As I stood up off the pile of books I had used as chair, I asked Bekah to wish me luck. “What for?” she asked without looking up.

“Hmm…A battle, I guess.”

“Uhuh.” Bekah seemed unimpressed but wished me good luck.

***

Liah wasn’t hard to find. Like the day before, she was lounging around near Shemman’s practice corner. Seriously. Did that boy do anything other than train? As I approached, I glanced at his bare chest, sweat outlining his lean but developed muscles. Not that I was complaining.

Stay focused, Rakel, I chided myself. Shemman greeted me with a smile and a wave. I smiled back but turned to Liah. “Can I talk to you?” I said. I tried to keep my voice as neutral as possible.

“…all right,” the other girl replied cautiously.

Shemman glanced at the two of us. Our eyes briefly met. He subtly nodded to me, then said “I ought to be going. I promised to play with Jepha.” I gave him a quick smile that I hoped sent the message I appreciated his tact. He smiled as well, picked up his discarded shirt, and walked off.

When he was out of earshot, I turned Liah, but she started the conversation. “Let me guess. You want me to stop hitting on your boyfriend.” She leaned against the solid grey mist that made up the Pocket’s walls, arms crossed and with a bored expression on her face.

“No,” I said. “Well, yes, I do, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

She smirked. “Wow. Not even going to try to deny how you feel about the murderer boy, huh? How cute.”

I took a deep breath. If I let her direct the conversation, we’d just get into a shouting match. I needed to stay on track. “What I really wanted to talk about was how to treat Rubia.” Liah didn’t say anything. I chose to take that as a good sign. “I agree she’s dangerous. And I agree with trying to talk her down to turn her to our side, or at least make her not want to murder us.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Liah said with a shrug.

“But,” I continued, laying stress on the word, “we have to find another way. We can’t be monsters. We’re mages.”

“I’m doing what I can, as a mage,” Liah replied. I detected a faint note of defensiveness in her voice.

“We’re supposed to use magic for good,” I said. She didn’t reply. “Did Shemman tell you about the mages the Aijalon hunt down? They’re criminals, using magic to hurt people. We’re supposed to be better, Liah. We’re supposed to be the good guys.”

Liah spun around. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She made as if to walk away, but I grabbed her by the shoulder. “We’re not done talking.” With our faces only a few feet apart, I saw the anger in her eyes.

She shook my hand off. “I’m starting to get really sick of your moral posturing. Leave me alone.”

I ground my teeth in frustration. I wasn’t getting through to her! What could I do?

My father’s words from before echoed through my mind. We mages respect strength. We always have. Using my Space magic to throw her around would just make her angrier. Besides, what kind of hypocrite would I be if I appealed to force right after preaching how we were supposed to be the good guys? No, there had to be something else.

Strength. I realized something in that moment, as my eyes were locked with Liah’s. Strength didn’t have to mean magical prowess. There were other kinds of strength. In this case, maybe I could persuade her by showing her the strength of my resolve.

I took a step back and spread my arms wide. “You make a good point, Liah.” Her eyes narrowed, clearly unsure what I was doing. “I haven’t convinced you. But like it or not, we’re going to be together for a long time. One of us has to give. So go ahead. Try to convince me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“Just what I said. I’ve said my piece. You can say yours.”

“This is stupid.”

I put on a cocky a smile. “What’s the matter, scared? You’re the one with the magic that makes you a social expert. I’m just the dumb hypocrite, right? So come on. Hit me with your magic.”

I didn’t know where all my bravado was coming from. Truthfully, this was a long shot. But I had been at odds with Liah for pretty much my entire life. If I was going to lead these people, they’d have to respect me.

Liah narrowed her eyes but didn’t leave. She drummed her fingers on her thigh. “Big words from a scared child,” she began. It was subtle, but I could detect a change in her tone. This tone, like she was reading from a script, was how she sounded when she used her magic on me. “All this talk about doing the right thing—isn’t it just self-satisfaction?” Despite myself, I winced. Liah was getting on a roll. “You’re looking for validation from me, of all people? Of course you are. You can’t do anything right by yourself. You’re the laughingstock of our whole community, a disappointment to your father, an incompetent apprentice to your grandmother, and a failure of an older sister. You keep telling yourself that that’s ok. But you know, deep down, you’ll never get validation from the one person you really want it from. You know he’ll never love you back, because he already rejected you.” Liah’s eyes went wide. I got the impression even she was surprised what was coming out of her mouth, but she didn’t stop. “How does it feel to know the man you love would prefer a murderous psychopath, or even a girl like me, over you?!” She stopped, panting a little. I stood firm. She wavered. “This…bluff…isn’t going to work. I’m not going to…you aren’t…”

I took a deep breath. I’d be lying to myself if I said it didn’t hurt; I was on the brink of tears. I knew she was mostly lying, but that was the genius of Liah’s magic. Her lies were crafted so that even if the target knew they were lies, they would still hurt.

Plus…I hated to admit it, but I knew there was a kernel of truth in her words.

Trying to control my breathing, I approached Liah. She didn’t move. Gently, I put my arms around her. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“You’re crazy” she replied.

We held the hug for a long moment, then broke apart. I collapsed, lying arms and legs spread apart on the grass. “I’m beat,” I said. “Hearing stuff like that really takes it out of you.”

Liah sniffed. “I was holding back.”

“I figured.” I sat up and patted the ground beside me. After a moment’s hesitation, she accepted the invitation and sat down cross-legged next to me. Suddenly, I panicked. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. Now didn’t feel like the right time to bring up the topic of Rubia, but I didn’t know what else to say.

Maybe sensing my discomfort, Liah chuckled. “I always resented you, you know.” She drew her legs up to her chest and hugged them. “It wasn’t fair. You’ve got amazing magic, and your family is alive. All could ever learn was this one crappy spell.” In a softer voice, she added “And I never met my parents.”

I kept silent.

Liah kept talking. “I bet you never even wondered why the Empire kids in school stayed away from you and your sister, huh?” I realized I never had. Liah chuckled dryly. “Yeah, you were never great at reading the room. Those kids kept away from you two because I used my magic to focus all their hate on me. Any time it looked like one of those brats was going to pick on you, I’d insult one of them just enough to make myself into the target.”

She had said something so important so calmly. “Liah, I…I never knew. I’m sorry.”

She dismissively waved her hand. “Don’t apologize. It was my choice. Besides, it was kind of fun realizing I could manipulate people like that. Although the actual ‘getting bullied’ part was a lot less fun.”

I sat up and looked at her. Liah was lying on the grass beside me, hands behind her head and with a distant expression in her eyes. I took one of her hands in mine. “Why would you do something like that? For me, of all people?”

She pulled her hand away. “Don’t flatter yourself. It’s just…well, I guess I figured my magic had to have some purpose. I wanted to do something with it. Plus, I guess, I wanted to do the right thing. You know, standing up for the weak without hope of reward, just like a hero in a story.” Liah scratched at one cheek, looking embarrassed. “Look, I was young and stupid, ok?”

“Idealism isn’t stupid, Liah.”

“Oh yeah?”

I nodded. “I’ve got to be idealistic. We’ve got a few dozen mages in our community, and only a handful can do magic. But we’re up against an Empire that controls the entire known world. If I weren’t idealistic, I’d have to give up.” I didn’t know where my determination came from, but I knew at the moment that it was real.

“Stupid” she murmured, but there was no venom in her voice.

“Sure is. But if that’s what it takes to be a leader to these people, then so be it. Besides—” I paused, my face going pink at the thought of what I was about to say. I couldn’t stop now. “Besides, how else can I keep pursuing Shemman when I know I don’t have a chance with him?”

Liah sat upright and snorted. “C’mon, surely you aren’t that stupid.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“You’ve got way more than a ‘chance’ with that boy. Have you seen the way he looks at you whenever you enter the room? He’s head over heels.” She pushed herself to her feet and stretched. “Fine, you win. I’ll lay off Rubia for a while. And hey, maybe if I’m in a good mood, I’ll help you get together with your man.” She walked off, laughing to herself, leaving me a red, sputtering mess.