Goodbye, I Love You

“So you’re really going to leave us, Mahiru?” Kousei’s mother asked, her voice tinged with more sorrow than usual.

After Kousei had shown Mahiru the papers he’d received, she made her decision almost instantly: she would return home the next morning. She didn’t want to tell him what was going on, but the tone in her voice made it clear it was a serious matter.

“Yes,” she said softly. “I’ll return to my family tomorrow morning. I need to try and make things right with them. Thank you for your hospitality, Asuka, Satoshi. It was a pleasure to meet my future parents-in-law. And…” Mahiru turned towards Yuuna and wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I’ll miss you a lot, Yuuna. I hope we can meet again soon.”

“Mahiruuuun, please don’t leave me,” Yuuna wailed, squeezing Mahiru’s body. “What am I going to do without you? Can’t we just make my brother go live with your family and keep you here instead? Mom? Dad?”

“Hey, I’m right next to you!”

Kousei knew how much Yuuna liked being around Mahiru, but he was still her biological brother, so he’d hoped she might show a little more loyalty.

“Take care, Mahiru. Come back whenever you need our help.”

Even Satoshi, who had been the most hesitant about Mahiru staying at first, had completely warmed up to her over the last few weeks. This shouldn’t have been a surprise considering how thoughtful and gracious Mahiru always was, but Kousei was still amazed by her ability to melt even the coldest of hearts.

“Will you have one last breakfast with us before you leave?” Asuka asked.

“No, I’m really sorry. I would like to be back home early in the morning, so I don’t think I’ll have the time for that. But…”

“What is it?” Asuka urged her to continue.

“Could I leave my bags in Kousei’s room for the time being? Just in case things take a turn for the worse and I have to run from home again.”

“Of course, you can store them here for however long you want.”

“Thank you. Thank you for everything. I will never forget what you’ve done for me.”

Mahiru could feel a heat welling behind her eyes, a soft sting rising in her nose. She couldn’t afford to cry here, not if this might be the last time she faced them. Waiting for the wave of emotions to pass, she desperately gripped Kousei’s hand, clinging to his touch like it was the only thing that could give her strength.

“Want to go to sleep? You must be exhausted,” he said, his voice steady and reassuring.

In reality, a storm was churning inside of Kousei as he put on his bravest face. He didn’t understand what had driven Mahiru to leave so suddenly, didn’t know what burden she was carrying. But seeing her like this, all he wanted was to be someone she could rely on.

He was sure this is what Mahiru truly needed at the moment. Everything else could wait.

“Yeah, I’m ready for bed.”

After thanking everyone one more time, Mahiru headed for the bedroom, with Kousei following after her.

As he walked past Yuuna, he saw a shadow passing over her face. It was an expression he had never seen from his sister.

“You’re really letting her go like that, Kousei? Tsk.”

Her sudden words and rare use of his name sent a shiver down his spine, freezing him in place.

“Wha–”

But just as quickly, her expression brightened again, the shadow vanishing behind her usual wide grin. Without another word, Yuuna turned and disappeared into her room, leaving Kousei staring after her in silence.

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“I can’t believe you’re leaving already.”

With his arms wrapped around Mahiru’s body, Kousei lay in his bed, trying to process the emotions quietly tearing him apart.

“I won’t be away for long, I promise. There’s just something I need to take care of. I’ll be right back.”

Mahiru tenderly stroked his hair as Kousei choked back his tears.

He’d told himself he would be the one comforting her, that he’d stay strong for her sake. But here they were, and it was Mahiru soothing him instead. He didn’t want to let her go. Not when he didn’t even know the real reason behind her sudden departure.

“Really? Can you come back just like that after entering the East?”

The question came out sharper than Kousei intended, his voice laced with worry. What if she couldn’t cross the wall again once she was back home?

Or what if she was found out by her father?

His grip around Mahiru tightened instinctively. He couldn’t bear the thought of letting her out of his sight, not with so much uncertainty hanging in the air.

“Of course, dummy.” Mahiru said gently, brushing his cheek with her fingers. “The permit I have works both ways, so I can come back once I’m done over there. Honestly, I’ll probably be back by tomorrow, so you might not even notice I’m gone if you oversleep.”

“That’s still one whole day! You’re the one who said you didn’t want to be away from me for even a second. You know what? I’ll come with you.”

Kousei didn’t even want to imagine what could happen to her in a single day. Who was to say he would even get to see her again once she was out of reach?

“You can’t just do that,” Mahiru let out a gentle laugh. “Unless you’ve got a permit yourself, you can’t cross the wall. And I doubt you have connections to my father.”

“Then I’ll call him right now! What’s his number?”

“I swear, I expected your sister to be the one to throw this sort of tantrum,” Mahiru sighed, amused, and cupped his face in her hands. “I promise I’ll be back, okay? Just wait here for me.”

“Please take care. I don’t want to lose you now.”

Kousei buried his face against her chest, gripping her tightly as the weight of the moment sank in. He fought to keep the tears from falling, but they stung anyway, just behind his eyes.

“Of course. I made a promise to you, didn’t I? I said I’m going to marry you one day.”

“I’m looking forward to that day,” Kousei murmured, a tired yawn escaping him. “Wake me up before you leave, in the morning, okay?”

“Mhm,” she nodded, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

After a few more soft kisses and whispered affections, Kousei drifted off to sleep in her arms. For a while, Mahiru held him close, memorising the warmth of his body, the sound of his breathing, the weight of everything she might be leaving behind.

Then, she slowly rose from the bed, her heart pounding.

She knew this was the moment to say goodbye to the person she’d intended on marrying, the person who had cared for her so selflessly over the last month. The person she had, without question, fallen in love with.

Unable to bear the thought of seeing him cry again in the morning, Mahiru was getting ready to leave the house at night while Kousei was asleep. Realising this might be the last time they would ever see each other did make her chest tighten, her heart ache. But even so, this felt less cruel than lying to his face one more time.

Because unlike Kousei, Mahiru knew exactly who had sent the papers to Hayato. After all, how could she not recognise Mamoru’s handwriting after spending her entire life by his side?

Though she couldn’t figure out why he had written down the address of an internment camp which had been put out of use more than thirty years ago, she was aware Mamoru would only contact her for an absolute emergency. One that might make it impossible to leave the East again.

Mahiru’s body felt heavy, as if the floor beneath her might swallow her whole. She was shaking, her heart quivering, tears welling up in her eyes. Trying to fight those emotions, she sat down at Kousei’s desk, clenching her fists and gritting her teeth.

Was this really for the best?

Would Kousei ever forgive her for running away without a word?

But how could she look him in the eyes and pretend that everything was fine? Wasn’t that a greater betrayal than simply disappearing?

Through her quiet tears, something caught her eye. Kousei’s notepad lay on the desk, the pages slightly ruffled from when he’d last used it. An idea slowly took shape in her mind.

If she wasn’t able to convey her feelings while facing them, maybe she could leave something behind. Something he could hold onto. A piece of her, immortalised in writing.

Her hand moved almost of its own accord, the words in her head forming faster than the pen in her hand could keep up with.

After a while, she stood up again, her body heavy with the weight of what she’d just written. She gave one last, lingering glance at Kousei, her heart twisting in her chest.

Goodbye, Kousei. I love you.

Turning away, she took the two papers out of Kousei’s backpack, carefully checking the permit one last time to ensure its validity. One way or another, that permit had passed from Mamoru’s to Hayato’s hands, its journey still a mystery. The connection between the two was something Mahiru couldn’t yet piece together.

But what bothered her more, what gnawed at her insides, was the real question she couldn’t shake.

Why had Mamoru sent her another permit?

Of course, Mamoru had always been meticulous, planning everything down to the smallest detail before leaving Mahiru in the West. A month ago, when they parted ways at the hotel, he’d given her a permit so she could safely return home in the unlikely case she didn’t enjoy life in the West. As a loyal servant to her father, Mamoru handled many logistical tasks, so getting his hands on such permits was easy for him.

But giving her two? That made no sense.

Did he think she might have lost the first one?

Or did he maybe…

Want Kousei to come along?

The thought hit Mahiru like a cold wave, and she shuddered.

No.

She couldn’t.

She cared too much about Kousei to drag him into this unknown danger. She wouldn’t risk him, especially on a mission she herself didn’t fully understand

This is insanity, Mamoru.

Fortunately, Mahiru always kept her original permit safely in her pocket, so there was no way for Kousei to get his hands on it.

Or so she thought.

When her hands fumbled through her pockets, they met nothing but empty air.

Did I…lose it after all?

Panic fluttered in her chest as she rifled through every pocket of her trousers, checked her luggage, even searched down at the pastry shop. The permit she was supposed to protect with her life was nowhere to be found.

Until…

“What are you doing?” a girlish voice muttered from behind her in the shop.

“Y-Yuuna? Ah, you know, I was just hungry, so I wanted to look for something to eat,” Mahiru stammered, trying to cover up the panic in her chest.

“Oh, you too? How about we share a meal, then?” Yuuna proposed with an enthusiastic grin.

“S-sur–”

“Quit the crap, Mahiru.”

In the blink of an eye, Yuuna’s entire expression changed into a hard, intense glare. The vein on her forehead throbbed with unmistakable frustration.

“Y-Yuuna?”

“How long do you intend to keep lying to us…Miss Watanabe?”