A Kat's (GOD AWFUL!!!) Blessing
The wind picked up as Kat made her way home. More clouds covered the sky, blocking out the moonlight. She wondered if a storm was starting to brew, and decided to pick up the pace.
I should’ve taken mom’s car after all, she thought.
About halfway back home, after taking a turn around a small patch of forest, Kat was suddenly met with the sound of loud barks and snarls. She came to a screeching halt as her heart skipped a beat. The lack of moonlight made them difficult to see; their outlines vague and distorted. Despite being unable to see them clearly, she could tell they were very large and very vicious. Each bark was thunderous, nothing like she had ever heard before. It was definitely a dog bark, but something was off about it. Distorted. Unsettling.
The blackness of their fur caused their form to meld with the shadows. Or maybe they were part of the shadows. Monstrous beasts rising out from the blackness of the night, ready to rip apart whatever unfortunate soul came across their path.
“Oh crap,” she mumbled to herself.
She wondered if getting all that cake had used up her luck for the day, as this was exactly what her mom had worried about. The bravado she had shown off to her mom earlier had vanished, leaving behind a scared girl unsure as to what to do next.
Do they notice me, she thought. Can I run away?
She looked at her options. She could jump into the trees and thick brush, but she would have a difficult time making her way through it in this darkness. Alternatively, she could cut into the neighboring cornfield, sneak by, then dash for home. But the barbed wire fence would be a pain to get around, and if the dogs see her before she’s through, she’ll be a sitting duck.
Her best bet, she figured, was to turn around and head back to Maria’s house. She could ask her dad for a ride back to her place.
Just as she was about to turn around and flee, the clouds opened up, allowing the moonlight to shine through. She could now see the dogs perfectly well, and they were as vicious as she had imagined. But now she could see that the dogs had congregated around something. A small animal.
Cowering amidst the circle of vicious dogs was a small kitten with black and white fur. It was tiny. Helpless. The dogs were sure to kill and devour it at any moment.
The mental image of the small kitten, who probably just entered this world not long ago, only to meet a grisly demise, distressed Kat.
Of course, that was the circle of life. Kat knew that. Dogs, no matter how vicious, are animals too. They need to eat. This kitten was just unlucky. It’s survival of the fittest. There was no reason for Kat to get involved.
The poor animal gave Kat the chance to make a break for it. The dogs would be distracted, and she could run back to Maria’s, or risk going around and dashing home, sacrificing the kitten for her safe return.
This was her chance.
“Raaaaaaah!” she cried out, like the idiot that she knew she was.
She dashed straight into the pack of wild dogs to where the kitten was. Picking it up with a quick swoop of her hand, she held it close to her chest and started running as fast as she could.
The dogs were not pleased that Kat had stolen their dinner, and soon began to chase her. Their barks pounded her eardrums like massive drums. They shook her inner core. If she were to stop running, she knew she would be dead.
But she had faith in her legs. She was a fast runner. The fastest person she knew, even. Nobody had ever managed to beat her in a race. But that was still limited to only humans.
And even if she were the fastest human in the world, running on loose gravel was tricky. One wrong step would send you crashing to the ground.
And so she did.
She tumbled onto the gravel road, bruising her arms and legs. Not willing to let go of the kitten in her arms, she didn’t even try to stop her fall. Bits of gravel stabbed her as she rolled to a stop.
Her adrenaline dulled the pain, letting her ignore it for the moment.
She hurriedly looked down to make sure the kitten was okay, letting out a sigh of relief when it looked up at her and meowed, seemingly unharmed.
Not that she was out of the fire just yet. The pack of dogs began circling her. There was no way for her to escape now. They were out for blood, and hers was on the menu.
“I guess I’m seriously doing this,” Kat said, getting back to her feet.
All she could do now was fight.
I know you told me not to, but it looks like I don’t have a choice, she thought. Hope you can forgive your stupid daughter.
The first dog launched off the ground. Its front legs stretched out as if reaching to grab her. Its mouth gaped open, baring its fangs.
Mimicking fighting games, she did a high kick while belting out a “Ha!”
Her foot made contact with the dog.
And then it popped. It burst like a large balloon filled with multi-colored confetti, with a noise like a party blower going off.
Kat stood there, confused by what had just happened. But before long the next dog attacked.
It too burst into confetti with a bang, followed by a party blower going off.
One by one, each dog attacked her, and they all met the same fate.
Finally, all the dogs were defeated as a gust of wind blew the confetti away. She wasn’t even sure if what she’d seen was real, or if she was hallucinating. Maybe when she fell, she bumped her head and was lying in the gravel unconscious.
A victory fanfare song played from somewhere nearby.
“Wa ha ha!” came a high-pitched voice, as the kitten vanished from her arms.
“Huh?! What?!” Kat said, fumbling the empty air that had once been a small creature.
Another cat poofed into existence in front of her, but this one was fully grown. Weirder yet, it stood up on its hind legs. Even weirder yet, it was decked out in gold jewelry that reminded Kat of ancient Egypt.
“Congratulations! You passed the test!” the cat announced as it clapped energetically like its favorite sports team just won the big game.
Even weirder yet, the cat just spoke in perfect English.
Kat collapsed to her knees, unsure of what to make of the incredibly bizarre situation unfolding before her.
“Am I dreaming?” she asked.
“Do you wish for me to check?” the talking cat asked.
The cat walked up to Kat, let out a claw, and scratched the top of her hand.
“Youch!” she exclaimed, flinching in pain.
“How’s that?” the cat asked.
Kat looked at her hand, beads of blood appearing where the cat had scratched her.
She was awake.
She jumped to her feet, screaming in excitement. “Ohmigosh! You’re a talking cat! And I just kicked dogs so hard that they burst! And there was music! And why am I not filming this right now?!” she said, pulling out her phone. She brought up the camera app as fast as she could and started filming.
The talking cat appeared not to pay mind to it.
“Once again, I must congratulate you,” the cat resumed.
“Who are you? What are you?” Kat asked.
“What am I? Well, that should be plain to see. I am but a cat,” it said. “But! I am not just an ordinary cat! No! You see, what I am is a god of cats! The god of cats! A deity. An almighty! A di-vin-ity! The holiness. Godliness. Eternal Father! Of the C-A-T.”
“A… cat god?” Kat asked.
“Isn’t that what I just got through saying?” it asked.
“Right, right. Sorry. It’s just, my mind’s going a bit ‘AAAAAH’ right now, and I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed in general.”
“I understand, child,” it said as it began to approach her. “And what tools you have in your shed, and how sharp they may be, are of no importance.”
“But I can understand what kind of person that you are,” it said, interrupting Kat. “You, young lady, are a kind soul. A soul the world needs a whole lot more of. The kind of soul that I have not seen in thousands upon thousands, uh-pon thou-see-ands! Of years! Not have I come across one such as you since my days at the Nile. And I’ve been around. I have seen many people in my time. Can you guess how many?”
Kat thought for a moment. “Is this a rhetorical question, or are you seriously asking for an answer.”
The cat god belted out a laugh. “Oooh. I like you,” it said, pointing up at Kat. I think you and I would get along quite well. But that cannot, will not, shall not be.”
“Wait, what?” Kat asked.
“Though our coming together is indeed a magnificent event, I must bid you adieu.”
“But we just met.”
“I know, I know,” the cat god said. “It pains me to. Hurts, even. This is the longest conversation I’ve had in such a very long time. But my journey continues to find more like you. Those who put themselves in danger for the feline kind. But so as to cherish this fateful crossing, I shall bestow upon you a gift.”
Kat perked up. “Really?”
“Yes, I will. Something so that you may never forget this day. So you may keep my memory with you for all times until the day Death comes to take you to the other side.”
“Really?! Awesome!” Kat cheered.
Turns out going against mom’s wishes was the best decision after all, Kat thought.
She wondered what kind of gift it would be. Some sort of trinket with magic powers? Maybe some cool-looking tattoo on the back of her hand?
“What is it?” Kat asked.
The cat god raised its paws into the sky. “I bestow upon you the greatest gift in all the world! Something that all living things desire, but so few can have. A gift be-yond value! Be-yond greatness! Be-yond…” It paused for a moment, having seemingly lost its train of thought. “Be-yond beyondness!!!”
A cloud of pink-colored smoke burst around Kat and blew away with the wind in a matter of seconds. Where she once stood was now a calico/human hybrid.
“I have given you the fur of a cat, the ears of a cat, the claws of a cat, the tail of a cat, the whiskers of a cat, the fangs of a cat, the eyes of a cat,” the cat god said. “You are now what everybody wants to be! A cat!”
Two party poppers appeared before Kat, shooting confetti and streamers onto her head. Then a party blower blew into each of her ears. She was too stunned to react.
The cat god let out a hearty laugh, satisfied by its work. “I see that my magnificent blessing has rendered you speechless, as it had for the other few chosen individuals that I had bestowed it upon! Well, I must be off. There are other matters that I must attend to! Fare thee well, young one! Fare thee well!”
The cat god sped off, running on only his hind legs as he waved his paws back and forth.
Laughter echoed to the night, Kat looked down at her new form.
“What… the… craaaaaaaaaap?!”