Days 70-113: Leo

Both me and Ava turned around at the scream. It was a man and he was charging at us with a knife. Something about him was familiar.

Have I seen this person before? No time to think right now, someone is threatening Ava’s safety. I have to get rid of this person.

Before I could react, Ava pulled her gun and fired. But as the shot went off, someone tackled her. As soon as I turned to her another man slammed into me. Her bullet hit the man who tackled her. But it wasn’t enough—her bullet grazed his arm. He pinned her down. The man on me tried to take me down, but I held my ground and fought back. I glanced back at the third man. Still far. Big, slow, lumbering—lucky for us. I turned my attention back to the man in front of me. He swung; I dodged, drew my knife, and slashed—caught his side. He staggered. Not deep, but it connected. I stabbed his arm, kicked him down, and drew my gun. I aimed at him. And froze. I couldn't shoot.

He isn’t a threat anymore so I shouldn’t kill him.

My hesitation gave the fat man time to close the distance. I turned—too late. He kicked me hard, and I hit the ground. The man I’d slashed grabbed me, locking me in place. Ava shot off another bullet killing the man who was pinning her down. She used her remaining strength pushing the body off of her. But before she could recover, the fat man lunged. He stabbed at her—she dodged, barely—but then his other hand slammed into her head, knocking her out.

The fat man turned to me, “Remember, me?”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked him.

“So you don’t…”

“On that day—you stabbed me on my leg and prevented my fun.”

I looked closer at the man’s face and realized it was the same man who tried assaulting Ava. “It’s you!”

“There it is,” he said, laughing. “After what you’ve done to me, how could you forget?”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You took what was rightfully mine. You stabbed my leg. You escaped without me getting my revenge. Do you understand how that made me feel? I want my revenge and take back what’s rightfully mine.” He pointed at Ava’s limp body. “I was her neighbor for a while, you know. She would sometimes stop by to help me, her kindness was something beautiful to me. I wanted her but everyone wouldn’t allow it. People would say that I was too old or that it was too weird, but she is rightfully mine. As soon as I heard that there was a shortage of police I had to seize my opportunity. But you—you had to ruin it for me. Now—you can’t do a damn thing but sit there and watch me take what’s rightfully mine.”

The man started walking to Ava’s unconscious body. I struggled, but his grip didn’t loosen. He only had one arm around my throat; the other was still injured. So it left my hand and arm able to freely move. The hand that was holding the gun.

I have to do something. I told her I would protect her. I have to kill this man.

My limbs were lead. The gun wouldn’t rise.

Dammit. Was I still afraid? Even now?

As I tried to find the strength to raise my gun the man hovered over Ava’s body. “I’ll have to kill her first this time, in case anything goes wrong.” He looked over to me and gave me a smug smile. He raised his knife and said to the body, “I’m sorry, but this is the only way I can keep us together,” he whispered.

I have to do something NOW! I think back to what Ava said, “And remember—don’t hesitate.” This time—I won't. Not again. Not someone I love.

BANG

The bullet ripped through his skull. Red mist and bone sprayed the air. He fell over and a puddle of blood formed around his head. I then pulled back the gun and pointed the barrel at the head of the man who was holding me down.

BANG

I didn’t stop there. Stepping over the fat man’s body, aimed again, and fired until the gun clicked dry. I had to make sure this scum died. I stare at his body for a while.

I killed him...

When I finally realized what I’d done, I stepped back and looked around me. I was surrounded by three bodies. All of them, limp and lifeless. John flashed in my mind. I caused this… I felt sick to my stomach and fell to my knees. I gagged. My stomach turned over. But I couldn't throw up. My eyes started getting blurry and tears flowed down my cheeks.

I’m a murderer. I pulled the trigger this time.

I then looked over at Ava’s body. Just seeing her provided me with some comfort, it calmed me down a bit.

B-but this was necessary. This was for Ava…

I scooped Ava into my arms and made my way back to the hotel. She was still unconscious when we arrived. I laid her gently on the bed.

Hopefully she gets a lot of rest tonight.

In the mirror, my reflection stared back—blood smeared across my face. His blood. The man I killed. I lurched over the sink and threw up.

No, I shouldn't feel bad. This is what is necessary for our survival. They’re the bad guys, not me. I just did what had to be done.

I washed off the blood and headed back to bed. Halfway to bed, my legs gave out. I collapsed onto the ground. My chest seized up—I couldn’t breathe. Gasping. Clawing for air. Then everything went black.

“Leo! Leo! LEO!”

Is someone calling my name?

I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were heavy. Two hands reached toward me, prying them apart—it was Ava. I moved her hand out of my eyes and pulled myself up.

“Thank goodness you’re okay.” Ava said with a sigh of relief. “I woke up this morning seeing you passed out on the ground.”

“I’m fine. What about you—are you hurt?”

“I’m feeling fine don't worry about me. By the way—what happened yesterday? Last thing I remembered was being attacked. How did you get away safely?”

…

Looking down at the ground I feel a sense of guilt swell up inside me, “I just killed them.”

Ava covered her mouth, eyes wide. After a moment of silence she placed her hand on my head and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I’m fine. It was just something I had to do.” I lied to her, I knew that if she knew how much trouble it caused me she would be worried sick.

“I’m sorry I made you do that. I know you don’t like it…”

“No, I'm fine with it this time… The man who knocked you out was the same man who tried assaulting you. And like you said—he deserved to die.”

…

She slowly lifted her hand from my head. I looked up, drawn by the sudden absence of warmth. Her fingers brushed my cheek, lingering there. It was warm. It was comforting. “Not by your hand though. I know how killing affects you—don’t push yourself for me, okay?”

She saw right through my lie, I chuckled, “Yeah, sure.”

I lied again. Being with her makes me feel so happy, I don’t want to lose her. No matter what she says, I’ll do anything to protect this.

Over the next several weeks we stayed in the city. We explored the city or stayed in playing board games—trying to live normally after everything. Most days felt good, almost enough to forget what I’d done. But sometimes, an image of their lifeless bodies would pop into my head at night. The memory made me nauseous. I’d wait for Ava to fall asleep, then slip into the bathroom to throw up. But if she wasn’t asleep then I would pretend to be. It went on like this until we were suddenly ambushed one time. Three men charged at us with knives. After seeing how bad things got last time I didn’t want to hesitate this time. I pulled my gun out, faster than Ava, and shot the two guys who charged at us. Ava told me that I could’ve let her handle it but I told her that I don’t mind killing someone who threatened our safety. I forced a smile. She didn’t buy it. After this incident it got harder to sleep. The images of bodies kept popping up when I closed my eyes. It got so bad that I wasn’t able to sleep some nights.

But I had to make it seem like I was fine so Ava wouldn’t worry. As the days passed we kept exploring the city or played board games. On one of the days Ava spotted a manga-filled bookstore. She hovered by the door, clearly curious but hesitant to step inside.

“Hey you want to go in there?”

“Uh, yeah sure. But only if you want to though.” She seemed a little embarrassed for some reason.

“Didn’t know you were into all this nerdy stuff.”

“No, not at all.” she turned away while crossing her arms, “We don’t have to go in if you’re not interested then.” Her eyes kept flicking to the door. She definitely wanted to go in.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about this kind of stuff. I was just teasing. I’m into that sort of stuff too.”

“Yeah but it’s just that I’ve never read anything like that growing up. I was too occupied studying and doing other things so I never had the chance to experience this. Plus, it does seem kind of nerdy too.”

“Let’s go in then. After all, everything is free.”

Ava was like a child in a toy store. She ran around and grabbed so many books. Mostly light novels because the manga would’ve been hard to bring around considering there were so many of them.

After thirty minutes Ava had two bags full of light novels and a huge grin. “Alright, let’s head home.”

On the way back Ava was talking about how she was excited to start reading. She said that once she finishes these books we can go back and get the sequels. I teased her for being a nerd but it was nice seeing her so happy. I wish this moment could last forever.

We suddenly heard footsteps behind us, I turned around and saw no one. I whispered to Ava that someone is following us. We turned a corner and waited to ambush this guy. Ava didn’t take out her gun, instead she pulled out a knife.

“We don’t know if this guy is dangerous or not yet. So killing him out right would be wrong.”

“We can’t take any chances though.” I took my gun out and aimed it at the corner and waited.

The man eventually showed up, holding a gun so I started firing. I kept shooting until he fell down and I ran out of ammo.

“What the hell?!”

“He had a gun, letting him live is threatening our safety.”

“Yeah but I think I would’ve been able to get him without killing him. We did have the jump on him.”

“Maybe, but I don’t want to risk anything.”

…

I turned away at once. One glance at the body, and that face would follow me forever. “Alright let’s head back now.”

Over the next few days Ava would read her books and finish all of them pretty quickly. When she would read I would fall asleep, catching up on sleep I wasn’t able to get the night before because of the faces.

Ava looked up from her book. “Are you okay?” Her face was filled with concern.

“Yeah I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You haven’t been sleeping have you?”

“No, what?”

“I know what killing does to you. You don’t have to pretend. Be honest with me please.”

“I said I’m fine.” It came out harsher than I meant. “Sorry—just don’t worry about me.”

“Okay, but please tell me if anything is troubling you.”

“I will.” I lied, again.

The next morning, Ava said we should leave the city. The attacks were getting worse. I couldn’t forget how happy she looked in that store. I begged her to let us stay. She shook her head. “It’s too dangerous.” I pushed back—just one more visit to the bookstore.

Back at the bookstore, she was a whirlwind—snatching books left and right. I laughed before I could stop myself.

“Something funny?” she asked.

“Nope, not at all.”

We were halfway back when I heard rustling behind us. A bush. Something moved.

Someone is following us.

Instinct took over—I grabbed my gun and aimed.

“DON’T SHOOT.”

Ignoring her I let off a few shots.

“What the fuck?!”

“We can’t risk anything.”

“Then we should’ve left the city.”

Ava rushed to the body. The man was unarmed. When she looked up at me, her face said everything.

This guy wasn’t a threat—I killed an innocent man….

No one spoke on the way back. There was nothing to say.