Suffering From Success

 As I walked through the side entrance, I opened up my phone to start Lacey’s application. If there was anyone in this world I could understand, it would be Lacey. I was her creator. I meticulously designed every line of code that made up her systems. If there was anyone I understood, it had to be Lacey.

The home screen for her application loaded, and I saw that her avatar’s head was bowed. Her hands were folded together as she mumbled in prayer.

Never mind. I can’t understand anyone in this world.

“Lacey,” I said. “It’s time to deliver the eulogy.”

Her eyes opened up, and she delivered a thumb up. I was going to have to investigate these bizarre behaviors. I don’t remember this being in her training data.

I slipped in one of the earbuds I received from the Ustasian military. These were specially designed as camouflage to blend in with the ear. The best part was that they were wireless, so I could connect it to my phone. Lacey would recite my speech to me while sitting in my pocket, and all I would have to do was repeat it. By my estimation it was a good plan, but somehow it didn’t calm my nerves.

I walked up to the front of the pews. My hands were sweating, and my throat felt drier than the Sahara desert. I froze for a second before Lacey began. I opened my mouth.

Everything after that was a blur. I had started speaking, and without warning I found myself outside milling around the entrance. I racked my brain, but I couldn’t recall anything that happened during the eulogy or after it. I hope I didn’t embarrass myself too much.

The mourners had mainly left by now, and I wondered if I was the only one left. Right as I peeked inside, I noticed Nika and the others approaching. Their faces were stern. I braced myself for their reaction.

“John,” Nika said with a serious face, “that was amazing.”

“It was?” I stupidly asked.

Nika grabbed my shoulder. “You should have told us earlier you could speak like that. No wonder those kids at the elementary school were so shocked.”

“Are you sure that was me? I’m not too good at public speaking.”

“Could have fooled me!” Melissa shouted.

Io nodded and said, “It was like a scene out of the climax of a book. With oratory skills like those, you could be a great politician someday.”

Tatiana addressed me with a small smile, “So many of us were moved to tears. I almost burst out sobbing myself. Who knew the two of you were so close?”

“Close?” I wondered out loud. “We weren’t that close. I barely knew Maria.”

“Again,” Melissa emphatically declared, “you could have fooled me.”

“How else could you have written such a beautiful speech about her life?” Nika inquired.

“There’s talk that you’re in her will, John. She was quite wealthy,” Tatiana explained.

Oh man, what the heck did I say in that speech?

“I’ve been here for less than two weeks. There’s no way I could be in the will,” I said.

“Of course there is,” Io squealed. “The wealthy woman who everyone admires but who silently suffers alone meets a boy from another country who’s homesick and confused. Together, they find comfort in each other’s arms. It’s a tale straight out of a great romantic book.”

“J-John, d-don’t tell me the two of you were in such an i-immoral relationship!” Nika cried in horror.

“Of course not! Use your brain!”

“Oh man, I’m jealous,” Melissa complained.

“It may not even be limited to John. Maria could have used her influence to gather an entire harem of men who came to Miklagardia as international exchange students,” Io continued her delusions with madness in her eyes.

Nika screamed.

“Mom was right! Older people really are wiser and more experienced,” Melissa proclaimed.

“Tatiana, is Io always like this?” I groaned.

She gave a rueful smile before uttering, “Only when it comes to politics and romance.”

Tatiana bopped Io over the head. Io responded with a small cry of pain before being dragged away by Tatiana.

“I’m sorry for her behavior! Please forgive her! She didn’t mean it!” Tatiana shouted.

And then there were three. Nika turned to me and bowed.

“Sorry about that,” she stammered. “I, uh, don’t know what came over me.”

“That’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” I assured her.

“Well, uh, if you’re not too busy tomorrow, can I ask you a favor? I really need to crack down for these exams at the beginning of the year, and I’m really struggling with math. You’re really good with computers, so I thought you may be good with math too. Would you be able to tutor me?”

Good to know it wasn’t only exchange students who had to deal with these exams. Still, just because you can program doesn’t mean you can do math well. Granted, I could do both, but it’s still bad to make assumptions.

“Sure,” I said bluntly.

“Really? Great!” Nika responded. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, and we can go to the university library. I’ve got to go, so I’ll see you two later!” With that, she swiftly walked away.

I had completely given up on my quest to pursue Nika. I was planning to call Naggy and Olson to tell them that Nika was planning on becoming a nun, and that the whole operation was a bust. Knowing them though, they’d still order me to go after her. Still, tutoring her couldn’t hurt. I turned to address Melissa.

“Was this what you were talking about this morning?”

“Who knows?” she blithely questioned with a smug grin. “By the way, you can have this back.”

It was my Gamestation Lifer and the television connection cable. Where had she pulled this out from?

“Are you sure? I don’t need it anytime soon.”

“I’m sure! Just let me come over and play with you sometime. Games are always more fun with friends!”

She waved a two-finger salute before running off.

I was set to go to bed early that night when my phone rang again. Boy, I sure was popular.

“Hello?” I answered.

“I’m calling for Johnathan Caesarea,” a familiar gruff said.

“You’re speaking to him.”

“Excellent! Johnathan, I’m Father Salamis, we met at the church earlier today.”

“Ah, right. How exactly did you get my number?”

“Information travels fast here.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I must say, you’re a wonderful writer. I had to steel my emotions after hearing your eulogy, lest I lose control. It was incredibly moving.”

“Thanks for the compliment. Sorry, Father, was this all you wanted to say?”

“Let me get to the point. Have you heard the rumors about you?”

“Is this about how she supposedly included me in her will? I don’t know where that started. I didn’t even know her too well. I just wanted to say something nice at her funeral.”

Salamis laughed, “I figured as much. Sadly for you, many others believe it, including her own family.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“Maria—God rest her soul—inherited quite a substantial fortune, which only grew exponentially under her real estate empire. She was unmarried and had no children, so her kin were confident they’d be next in line.”

“Until they heard the rumors,” I groaned. “Do they seriously believe that?”

“It seems so. I can’t say what they’ll do, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they take action against you, Johnathan. They have considerable influence in Miklagardia, especially at Saint Isidore’s University.”

I held myself back from cursing. I was in this country for less than two weeks, and I had already made mortal enemies.

“As a priest, I cannot violate the Seal of Confession, but a man in my duties hears many things. I will keep you updated on what I hear on the ground. Be careful,” Father Salamis ominously warned before hanging up.

I gave a deep sigh. I decided not to dwell on that disturbing conversation and went to bed.

The next day, Nika and I were at the university library. I was attempting to teach Nika, emphasis on “attempting”.

“I don’t get it!” Nika threw her hands up in surrender. “I’m a political science major? Why do I need to know math?”

“You were close. We’re making good progress. Let’s try again,” I reassured her.

We were soon interrupted by a mob of students rushing through the library entrance. They held signs with slogans and demands, chanting some sort of marching song. Leading the charge was none other than the Book Girl herself, Io, chanting, albeit in a very soft voice.

“Io! Stop your political nonsense right now! We’re trying to study” Nika hissed.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t do that,” Io softly replied. It was hard to hear her voice in the midst of all the screaming from the other students. “The Students For A More Democratic Democracy demand radical change. We must disrupt the system.”

“Disrupt it when no one else is around then! I can’t focus with all this noise!”

I nudged Nika’s shoulder before handing her a set of earbuds. I motioned her to put them on while I did the same with my own pair.

“Is that better?” I asked.

“It is!” she said with wonder. “I can hear you, but I can’t hear the protestors.”

“They’re noise-cancelling earbuds. They electronically remove all sound beyond a set decibel.”

“Maybe you’re right. New technology really is useful.”

I had to agree. Technology really was useful. These were the same camouflage earbuds I used yesterday at the cathedral. The Ustasian military truly outdid themselves. We could block out the noise from all around us, except for Io’s soft voice, but ignoring that was trivial.

By the end of the day, we had made some genuine progress filling in the gaps in Nika’s knowledge.

“Thanks, I think I understand almost everything I need now,” said Nika cheerfully.

“That’s great. With another session or two, we’ll have you acing those exams in no time,” I confidently remarked.

The two of us left the library, pushing our way past the protestors, and walked out into the warm, starry night. We walked silently for some time before Nika stepped in front of me. She stopped and quickly pivoted to face.

“John?” she quietly asked with sadness in her eyes. “Do you like this country?”