Chapter 23 part one and part two

Chapter 23 Part One: Missing Resolution

Her soul ached, her body felt exhausted, and she hardly had the energy to move, but she was satisfied. Addie was safe. She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom and simply enjoyed the relaxing way she sunk deep into her mattress. It had been days since she had the luxury of a normal sleep schedule; it had been days since she last got to rest her head on a pillow. Now that she finally had the opportunity to lie in a proper bed, Addie was loving it. She took full advantage of the lazy morning.

Last night, she had made doubly sure that no one would disturb her in the morning. She already had to deal with the giant fuss the manor healer spent over her last night. She certainly wasn’t going to wake up for morning lessons. Today Addie would only rest. She wouldn’t even leave the bed for the entire day. All of the house staff had been notified last night, as Addie made particularly sure that no maids would so much as clean the floor outside her room. She didn’t want to see them.

Lastly, Addie made sure her dad knew that she would be receiving all of her favorite meals for the day, even if the chef had to procure out-of-season ingredients. Her dad complied, as Addie knew he would.

Thus, she stared up at her bedroom ceiling (which felt a bit unfamiliar after she forced the maids to move all her belongings to a new room in the house). She wouldn’t ever step foot in her old room again. Too many bad memories.

The morning Binary light lazily drifted in, light beams tracing past the gaps in her curtains. Strawberries and whipped cream with powdered sugar sat on her nightstand directly to the left of her bed, within reaching distance.

Addie would even have made Christena spoon-feed her breakfast too, just to knock her down a notch, but she ultimately decided she needed a break from all things maid, at least for a day. Probably even for a week.

Unfortunately, all of this didn’t stop Addie’s mom from barging in, though, as the door flew open causing a slight breeze. Addie adjusted her position to sit up.

“Oh! My little girl is looking so adult! Bonded to her new friend,” her mother said with pride.

Squishy preened at the foot of the bed, clearly soaking in the praise.

“Hi, Mom,” Addie spoke shortly, and a bit of her exhaustion seeped through.

Her mom didn’t seem to notice that at all, as she bulldozed right on ahead. “Addie, sweetheart! How are you feeling? Doing okay? I heard you wouldn’t be going to your morning lessons today.”

Addie was about to reply, but her mom barely paused as she kept talking, “I heard you roughed it in the forest for a few days. Well, I’m certain you’re glad now that you had all those camping trips with your father! I don’t know if I could have survived out there like that. I’m an indoor girl through and through,” her mom explained, almost trying to force herself to be cheerful.

That was seriously understating Addie’s time in the forest. To be fair, no one had explained the full extent of things to Addie’s mom. Even Addie didn’t want to talk about it.

Addie’s mom had never received a bond, not out of injustice though. She simply waved away the opportunity as a child, something Addie could never understand. Addie wouldn’t give up on the idea of using magic for anything, but she at least knew intellectually why her mom had that perspective: she hated danger. Well, now here Addie was, she had gotten her magic, just as she wanted, in the way she wouldn’t give up on. It had been a lot though, so much so that she didn’t know if she could do it again if she went back in time somehow.

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” her mom’s tone suddenly dropped and her face turned serious, “I heard you ran into Hagal.” She paused for a moment and bit her lip nervously. “Your dad should have structured this better. Apparently, and he didn’t want me to tell you this, but you teleporting through the forest like crazy was completely unexpected.” Her mom laughed deprecatingly for a moment, then continued, “I mean—” She huffed a small laugh out, “Dimensional magic? Tom didn’t even know there was such a thing. There were theories yes, stuff left over from the dragons. Ah, those theories are much better explained by your dad, anyways.”

Her mom huffed and again smiled deprecatingly. Some of her frustration leaked through, obviously directed at her husband.

“Trust me when I say, if he had planned to just send you willy-nilly through the forest, and encounter Hagal, without some pre-planning on his part? Well, I never would have let it happen. That’s all I’ve heard though. For some reason, Christena isn’t talking to me. She told me to tell you that she’s sorry,” her mom whispered that last bit like it was some kind of secret.

Her mom’s words spurred up a deep ache full of ugly resentment. Maybe, if her mom had known about the plan for her bonding initialization, her mom would have put a stop to it. Addie didn’t know if she could ever forgive Christena or her dad. None of this was fair, she didn’t care what they said. She’d never cascade; she’d never never be a danger to the town.

But, precisely because Addie had gone through all that hardship, she had gotten her magic, learned how to use it, and how to use it to survive— how to fight. She had successfully escaped from the witch all on her own— a point of pride. Her flight through the forest: avoiding the Aurwolf and making her own fire, finding the river with Squishy, all of those were Addie’s accomplishments, and no one could take that away from her.

In all honesty, Addie was glad her mom had come to talk to her. Sure, she originally wanted to spend the morning alone, and she was more than a little annoyed at her interrupted alone time, but the normalcy was nice. The company was nice. It just plain felt good to talk with her mom and be comforted by her presence.

“Mom, I have to tell you something,” Addie said. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of what she was about to share.

“Dad didn’t just send me out willy-nilly into the forest. They made me think Christena was killing people. Killing everyone in town,” Addie explained in a whisper.

Her mom’s face grew into a horrified expression with each new word.

Tears started streaming down Addie’s face, even without sobbing, she just couldn’t help it, they fell all on their own. Yet, she still managed to continue her explanation calmly, “They... They made me think Christena was trying to kill me. I thought we were fighting to the death in the forest.”

Now Addie’s mother started crying too. She jolted forward and wrapped Addie up in a crushing hug.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. They keep me out of all the magical stuff, you know? I should have stopped it. It’s my fault. I won’t let anything like that happen to you again,” her mom promised in a jumbled rush.

Then, Addie finally hiccupped. She sobbed, becoming a blubbering mess, and couldn’t speak more about it even if she wanted to. The sobs from mother and daughter filled the room for a time. Each new sob felt like Addie was letting out another piece of her trauma, another moment of bottled-up fear finally released back out into the world. Addie hugged her mom tighter.

Eventually, the sobs came to a gradual stop. Then, they just hugged together in Addie’s bedroom, silent for a time. Addie felt empty. The gentle embrace of her mother was the only sensation Addie felt, as all of her emotions were simply drained.

Finally, within the embrace, her mom whispered into Addie’s ear, “I’ll talk to them. We’ll talk to them. This.. What you went through, Addie, it’s unacceptable. Do you understand? What your dad did is absolutely unacceptable.”

Even though it wasn’t directed at her, a slight shiver went through Addie’s spine. It was weird to hear her mom take that scolding tone with anyone other than her. And, Addie didn’t know if she agreed. Was it unacceptable just because her mom avoided danger? Was it still unacceptable if it meant Addie now had magic? Whatever her mom would talk about with him, whatever kind of justice could be done for this situation, Addie would be there to witness it.

After that, they continued to talk, for a time, about non-magical subjects. Just catching up, some mother-daughter-alone time. Addie enjoyed it. Her mom did, too.

***

Now that it was time to confront them, Addie’s earlier angry feelings of retribution got pushed to the side as nervousness consumed her. She wrung her hands and fiddled her toes on the leather armchair she was sitting on. It was slightly too tall for her, so her feet dangled into the air a bit. In the same chair and to her right, Addie’s mom sat next to her in solidarity, the two of them holding hands.

Across from them, in opposition, were Addie’s dad and Christena. Christena seemed just as nervous as Addie, but Addie’s dad had a hard look. He didn’t seem angry, though Addie thought he might have been for a second. Instead, he just looked deep in thought.

“This ‘plan’ that you two went through— it was unacceptable. I want explanations. Right. Now,” Addie’s mom commanded.

Addie gave her mom’s hand a quick squeeze.

“Love,” her dad began.

“Don’t ‘love’ me!” Addie’s mom said while symbolling quotation marks with her fingers. “Tom, what you did was liable to scar Addie for life!”

Addie cupped her hand and put her mouth next to her mom’s ear, “What does liable mean?” she whispered.

“It means,” her mom started saying to the room, “That your dad is the reason all of this horrible stuff happened to you. And Christena! How could you go along with all of this?”

Christena put her eyes on the floor and didn’t respond.

“It’s not her fault,” Addie’s dad sighed. “I made her go along with it. Love, I need you to understand—”

Her mom interrupted her dad again, “What I understand is that you let our daughter get chased by an Aurwolf! She could have died!” her mom shouted.

Addie wrung her hands together and uncrossed her legs, only to cross them again on the other side. Squishy whined.

“Stop,” Addie’s dad said. “Addie could have cascaded. The fact of the matter is that we did not lose Addie. But if she had cascaded, not even I could have saved her. Besides, this is the price of magic, this is what I went through as a boy, and this is what Addie asked for.”

The room was quiet for a moment, and Addie’s mom let out a shuddering breath. “Our daughter is ten years old,” her mom replied.

Monitoring the room, Addie’s dad spoke up again, “Addie, sweetheart,”

Addie looked away from her dad.

“What you needed was purpose. Bonding initializations are dangerous. Leah, you know that.” Addie’s dad looked at his wife. “If Addie didn’t have purpose from the first moment of her bonding initialization, she would have cascaded. We decided Addie was ready for magic, but we still gave that power to a ten-year-old. No one can help with a bonding initialization, except for maybe the dragons of ancient lore.

“I’m not a dragon,” her dad emphasized. His eyes started going red. “I never wanted Addie to get lost in the forest. I never expected her ‘Squishy’ to find her through the strings of fate. I expected another, lesser creature to bond with her, something that I could have more control over. When they disappeared into the forest, Christena and I searched for them for days.” He gripped the handrest so tightly Addie could see his hands go white.

“Then how does letting her fight Christena, running in terror, help Addie’s bonding initialization?” Addie’s mom asked coldly.

“We exhausted her magic. Then I confirmed her soul had not cascaded. Until then, Addie needed purpose. To ensure she didn’t cascade further. We were lucky that she hadn’t cascaded from the very beginning! But I had no way to know that. Not me, I’m just a man.” His face looked hard.

“Addie, I’m so sorry that things went out of control,” her dad tried. “Do you understand at all why we had you grow through all of this?”

Addie... Addie didn’t know what to think. Maybe in time, she could understand. Maybe she should just be glad she had her magic and Squishy. And yet... It was just too much, maybe her mom was right.

Chapter 23.2: Reflection

Sitting across from her dad and Christena, Addie started hiccupping as tears ran down her cheeks. Her mom pulled Addie closer to her side of the cushioned seat, wrapping one arm around her. “Shh, it’s ok.” She rubbed Addie’s back for her.

“Addie, all Area Lords give their children purpose. It’s the only sure method we know of to keep a soul from cascading during their first bond. Normally, we would have been there to watch over you. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you in the forest, but aren’t you glad you found magic?” Her dad prodded.

“Yeah,” Addie looked down at Squishy who sat on the floor near her dangling legs.

“We needed a villain. A make-believe villain. So that you could have purpose, while also forcing your soul to call out to the strings of fate and call upon a bonded companion. Christena agreed to the plan because she knew how much you wanted to find magic. Originally, we only were going to have you alone in your room for a few minutes while we watched over the process. Then, you would have ‘defeated’ Christena during your bond ignition, and afterward, we would have confirmed the ignition went smoothly— without you cascading. Instead, we spent days looking for you in the forest and then scrambling to figure out what to do when we noticed you by the river. Our plan could have gone better. We didn’t know if you were already cascaded; we didn’t know anything about the current situation. All we knew was that you needed purpose, immediately, and that we needed to exhaust all of your magic. We had no time to plan. I wish I could have done it better. I wish I could have done all of it better. Addie, I’m sorry.” His hand went white on the armrest as he leaned forward with red, teary eyes.

“Can you forgive me?” her dad asked.

“I don’t know,” Addie said as she looked away.

“Tom, I think that’s enough for now,” Addie’s mom said with a long sigh. “Let’s give Addie more time to rest.”

Her mom turned her head to Christena, “No lessons for the rest of the week. I want the healer to spend more time making sure Addie is okay.”

Christena nodded seriously. “Of course.”

“Come on, Addie,” her mom said as she stood up from the cushioned seat. She held Addie’s hand and guided her out of the room.

Addie took one last glance into the living room as she went through the doorway. She wouldn’t ever forget her father leaning forward with red teary eyes, nor would she forget Christena’s hunched shoulders as she bent forward in her seat and stared at the ground.

Why was her dad crying? Addie thought all of the sad stuff had happened to her. So why was he so upset?

Leading Addie through the halls back to her new room, her mom said, “Do you still want to join your father and I for dinner?”

“Okay,” Addie said quietly.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“That’s okay.”

“You are a strong girl, you know that?” Her mom squeezed Addie’s hand. “You are my strongest, bravest girl. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

*Thunk!* Addie flinched, Christena’s meter stick whacking harshly into the chalkboard at the front of the room.

“Fine,” Christena said a little harshly. A small trickle of fear dripped into Addie at Christena’s apparent frustration, “You don’t want to listen to me? We’ll move straight onto practical applications.”

Addie hadn’t been able to listen to anything Christena had been saying all morning. Too many thoughts and fears kept interrupting all of Addie’s thinking.

“Alright, Squishy, you’re coming too.” Christena glanced at the top of Addie’s desk as she saw Squishy’s ears perk up and his attention shifted away from his nap.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook either, Fluffy.” The poor Slyfox looked absolutely miffed— she was far too much of a precious beauty to be commanded around at will. Especially from her extremely comfortable fox-sized bed on Christena’s desk.

All of that went completely ignored by Addie, of course. She jumped out of her desk as quickly as she could, only turning back to check on Squishy. Behind her, Squishy stretched his whole body, front legs splayed out in front, back arched, exactly like a cat.

An initial rush of excitement swept through Addie at the thought of ‘practical applications’. That meant they were going to practice magic!

But, her enthusiasm dwindled almost immediately as she looked back at Christena from the doorway. Maybe Addie needed to find a new person to teach her lessons. A small pit of dread welled up inside her at the reminder of all the awful things that had happened because of Christena last week.

Christena reached her arm out toward the desk, where Fluffy quickly jumped up and climbed onto her shoulders, looking not unlike a fancy orange fox scarf. The four of them all made their way towards the back of the giant building, where Addie knew they would be practicing outside on the back lawn.

The walk down the manor’s hallways was long and winding, and Addie reflected on her father’s words from earlier this week for quite a while, mostly spacing out as she remembered their conversation.

Addie had done a lot of reflecting on the events that she was basically forced into. She had felt a lot better when her dad explained that this entire bonding initialization, had gone way off his original intended plan. Most importantly, she wouldn’t have been lost stuck in the forest, or fighting through terror and magical exhaustion. At least, that’s what Addie wanted to believe. Even after all of that, her dad was still her dad. And, she loved him. But, that didn’t mean it would be easy to forgive him. Even now, she still didn’t know if she forgave him.

According to her dad, Squishy was a completely undocumented creature. He wasn’t even sure where in the caste system the small and scaled cat-like creature would land. For all they knew, Squishy was as powerful as a caste two or three bonded. In fact, it wasn’t impossible he was a caste one creature either, but considering only the likes of dragons tended to be that powerful, it was unlikely.

For a moment, Addie’s thoughts paused, and she looked up at Christena’s face. Without realizing it, Addie’s hand naturally held onto Christena’s hand as they walked the hallways. Addie consciously looked down at their intertwined hands; and in a slight panic, she quickly released Christena’s hand. Addie then wiped her own hand off on her skirt.

Christena tried not to show any hurt on her face, but it was clear that she regretted things between the two of them. Perhaps unsurprisingly, things hadn’t gone back to normal after the past week. They may never go back to normal completely ever again, Addie reflected. Maybe, if the original plan for her bonding initialization had gone perfectly, and Addie’s fear had been stamped out on the original timeline her father prepared, things would have been different. As it was, Addie didn’t know if she would ever be able to instinctually trust Christena ever again. It was hard, to see her maid’s face hurt— seeing what was essentially her second mother feel pain due to Addie’s imposed distance. Though Addie knew it was hard on Christena, she was still glad that Christena respected Addie’s choice for space.

Addie wouldn’t ever let herself feel guilty over this, though. Mostly, she just felt tired, and sometimes scared. It wasn’t her fault that Christena’s face sometimes looked more like a monster’s than a person’s.

The nightmares agreed with Addie, too.

After Addie let go of Christena’s hand, the walk became a lot more subdued. Addie just watched her feet with her hands down at her sides. After some time of silence, she glanced up at Christena’s face, but Addie found it somewhat hard to look at. Christena tried to outwardly project a professional and serious air, but mostly her expression came across as guilty and regretful.

She would never bring it up aloud, but a few days ago Addie had heard distant shouting through the walls of her bedroom during the middle of the night. When she and Squishy got up to investigate, using their powers to enter the space between the walls, they came across Christena with tears streaming down her face. Addie would never forget those tears of furious anger streaking her makeup— Christena’s accusing, pointing finger aimed at Addie’s dad, screaming at him.

The words she screamed didn’t matter. Addie knew why she was upset, why she was angry at her dad. He devised a plan where Christena had to be the villain, perhaps unnecessarily. This felt wrong, especially since Addie was still so young, only ten years old. Their relationship might never go back to how it once was, and Christena had seemingly lost a daughter in all but name.

That shook Addie, and she couldn’t keep listening after she discovered the source of the noise, so she quickly left and went back to bed. She wanted to forget she witnessed that, but the memory had kept her awake even after she tried to go to sleep.

Addie didn’t know if their relationship would ever go back to how it was before her Bonding Initialization, but she at least knew Christena was trying. She saw the effort Christena put in to try to make Addie feel safe by respecting her distance, and she saw the effort she put in to be a responsible teacher for magic. Those efforts still made Addie feel warm inside, regardless of anything else.

It couldn’t be helped, Addie smiled to herself a bit and reached her hand back out to Christena, who looked surprised, but happy. Not one to miss an opportunity, she gently cusped Addie’s hand back into her own, and Addie seriously led them the rest of the way out of the manor and into the yard. Addie couldn’t help but notice the unshielded joy on Christena’s face. Just this once, Addie would spoil her. Tomorrow, well, in time they would find out if Christena could be forgiven completely. Perhaps not, and perhaps tomorrow Addie wouldn’t feel comfortable holding her hand. But for now, Addie could be strong. Maybe it would help the nightmares, too.

Regardless, no amount of self-reflection would stop Addie from practicing her magic. Squishy seemed to vibrate as well. His excitement bled over to her from their bond, even as Addie’s excitement did the same to him. Their emotions multiplied each other until both of them could hardly sit still.

As they stepped out onto the lawn, Christena started to talk about ‘safety’ and ‘following the rules our predecessors so diligently created for our benefit,’ but Addie barely heard any of that.

It was magic time.