Romantic, friendly or familial love

I arrived at my front door with my head still weighed down with thoughts about the day’s events. Though she had insisted that she would simply try again tomorrow, it was clear Pep was upset by the events that transpired earlier in the afternoon. That together with her hesitation when shutting down the PC had more than a little concerned.

Most of the way home I had been thinking of possible ways to give Pep a bit more of a head start, but I ended up shooting down all of my own ideas. Social media advertising? I don’t have social media. Advertising at school? Most people are doing clubs at that time anyway. Watch the stream with sock puppet accounts so it looks like she has viewers? That sort of ‘benevolent deceit’ was one of the things I hated about this world. Lying to people to spare their feelings when the truth is inconvenient. What cowardice.

Well, if I was gonna help her out, I would have to figure out soon.

“Yaki, I’m home,” I called out as I opened the front door. Though I quickly saw that I needn't have called, since the adorable menace I called my sister was sat nearby in the living room, probably mindlessly scrolling social media.

“Welcome back, bro,” she said, turning to give me a toothy grin. Though that grin faltered when she saw my face. “Hmm? Something on your mind? You’ve got that ‘angsty teenage protagonist going through their depression arc’ look on your face. Problem at the club?” She asked.

Time and time again I found myself underestimating my sister. A cursory glance at my face and she saw right through me. Normally people wouldn’t have even noticed my difference in expression at all.

“Yeah, but it was nothing major. Pep tried out streaming for the first time but it didn’t go so well for her, she seemed a bit down about it.”

“I’m guessing no one was watching?”

“Worse. Only one guy joined chat and he basically told her to stop streaming.”

“Yikes. Poor Peps. She gonna give it another try?”

“Sounds like it, though I imagine her motivation is probably already running thin.” This wouldn’t be the first thing she gave up at the first sign of resistance either. Pep was both smarter and more talented than anyone tended to give her credit for, but she had a terrible habit of picking up new hobbies and then throwing them down the moment they proved more difficult than she expected.

Considering my… misgivings about the online influencer sphere, I couldn’t say I was exactly opposed to her just giving up that particular dream, but that didn’t mean it didn’t upset me a tad to see her so down on herself.

“Y’know, it makes a nice change to see you actually act concerned for someone other than yourself for once,” Yaki said, though she had turned her attention back to her phone.

“What do you mean ‘for once?’ I’m always looking out for Pep.”

“Yeah, but you’re actually showing it for once instead of making up some selfish justification. Normally it’s ‘if she’s annoyed she’ll drag me along with her’ or ‘she’ll ruin my peace and quiet if I don’t fix this.’ It’s rare to see you just openly admit that you’re concerned about her instead of spinning it as some personal burden.”

“You saying I have some sort of facade?”

“I’m saying you used to.”

For a moment, I wanted to rebut, but honestly I knew she had a point. I guess I’ve let the walls down a little bit. Dammit Pep, making me lower my guard like that. Some idiots might actually get the impression I’m a nice person.

“Anything new on the Pep front, by the way? Since you two were a little… shaky the last time we talked about it?” Yaki asked just as I reached the door to the kitchen.

“Ah- yeah, you could say that I guess…” I felt heat rising to my face. Because of the way that conversation had ended, I hadn’t had to confront the events of that day since. This would be my first time talking about it out loud. “Pep… kinda… confessed to both me and Sai at the same time? And then said she wanted both of us?”

Even just saying it made me realise how absurd the whole situation was. I had avoided thinking about it entirely ever since it happened, but now I was being forced to confront it, and I was honestly just as lost as I was back then. Not only that, but I knew for a fact that Yaki was about to interrogate every detail out of me. Considering the day I had just had, I wasn’t sure I had the emotional wherewithal for that conversation, but I braced myself for it regardless.

“Oh? She confessed her love to you, did she?”

“Y-yeah…”

“I see… how nice…”

I winced, waiting for her to tear into me, and…

“Th-that’s it?” I asked, confused.

“Hmm? You expected me to say something else?”

“I mean… kinda?”

“Well, got nothing else to say. You have fun with that.”

“...right.”

I slowly turned away and walked through the door, completely and utterly bewildered that the conversation had ended there. Yaki not interrogating me for every minute detail? That felt completely out of character.

And it was

It dawned on me as soon as I felt that arm wrap around my neck and my knees get kicked out from under me that I had let my guard down way too soon.

“You really thought I would let you get away with just that, you damned fool? Give me details, dammit!”

“Do you really need to have me in a Jiu Jitsu hold for that?!”

“I’ll be asking the questions here, dammit!”

“Can you ask them from the sofa instead slowly eroding my kneecaps on the laminate floor?!”

Yaki went silent for a second, seemingly genuinely contemplating her options like a lunatic instead of just letting me go. After a second, tho, she stopped pressing down on my legs and let go of my neck.

“Thank y-” I was cut off by her grabbing me by the collar and dragging me out of the room. On the list of ‘things I will never tell a soul,’ getting manhandled by a 16 year old girl is going at the very top.

***

“Alright. Talk.” Yaki immediately opened with her best bad-cop act. Unfortunately, I knew her well enough to know that lying to her might actually be more dangerous than lying to the police.

“I already said I would, you fool. What is it exactly that you wanna know?”

“First, the obvious. You said yes, right? You accepted her confession. Right?” The sharp look in her eye made me think twice about lecturing her on the difference between statements and questions.

“W-well… technically…” I wanted to avoid lying, but I also struggled to put the answer into words. Big mistake.

“You. Said. Yes. Right?” She said, leaning forward and grabbing me by the collar. What is your obsession with preventing me from breathing, woman?

“She said she doesn’t want an answer yet! From either of us! She left before I could even say anything!” I said, fearing for my life as I saw that look of hatred in her eye.

“And what are you gonna say when the time comes?!”

“I don’t know, dammit!”

She eyed me with suspicion for a moment, before sighing and letting go, sitting back into the sofa.

“Well that’s at least an improvement from how you were before. In the past you’d have just brushed it off or found an excuse to say no. What changed?” She asked, her tone softening significantly.

“I… had a talk with Sai on the way home afterwards…” I said being met with a raised eyebrow. “I told her why I never considered the possibility of me and Pep being together. That we both felt we owed too much to each other, that it was gratitude and debt that tied us to each other, not love. And I still don’t think I’m totally wrong about that. But Sai… made some good points that are hard to refute…”

“Hmmmm? Like what?”

“That I was trying to invalidate Pep’s feelings, trying to twist them in my mind to fit my own preconceptions. She told me I was presuming to know Pep’s feelings better than Pep herself which… I can’t exactly deny, if I’m being honest with myself.” To be frank, her words had been echoing in my head a lot lately, and I was starting to feel more and more guilty for the way I had forced my own rationale on Pep like that.

“Wow. I had thought Sai to be almost as socially clueless as you, but she can really see straight through you, can’t she?” Yaki said, a slight mocking to her tone. “I guess you gloomy loner types understand each other better than everyone else, huh?”

“I’d be annoyed at you for that comment if I wasn’t unfortunately aware of just how right you are. For as much as we disagree on… pretty much everything, Sai and I seem to kind of… ‘get’ each other on a level most people don’t.”

“I see I see…” she said, a smirk coming to her face. “So the three of you found the ultimate solution to a love triangle then?”

“Come again?”

“The solution of just all falling in love with each other together, duh.”

“Oh for g- just because we understand each other does not mean I’m in love with Sai, you fool.”

“And Pep?”

“I-” I stopped myself. Mainly because I well and truly didn’t know how to answer that question. How did I feel about Pep? As much as I thought on it, I just didn’t know.

I loved her, that much was certain. But whether that love was romantic, friendly or familial… I just couldn’t tell. Hell, I didn’t even really know the difference. I was just as protective towards her as I was Yaki, so maybe I loved her like a sister? I just… didn’t know where that line was drawn. And which side of it she sat on.

“I’m guessing this is why she gave you time to think. Knowing you, you’d have blurted out a ‘no’ in some vein attempt to ‘protect’ her and then justified it to yourself later. Instead she’s made you do something I didn’t even think was possible: actually introspect on yourself for once.” She cackles slightly as she said this.

“Oh, har har, laugh it up. Antisocial loner has poor self awareness, experts shocked.”

“Isn’t being self-aware about your poor self-awareness kinda self contradictory?”

“We’ve already done that joke.”

“Damn, I really need more scenes.”

“Every time you have a scene it’s because of my emotional turmoil, I’d really rather you didn’t get more of them.”

“You don’t wanna see me more often? You’re so cruel to me.”

“Hey, it’s your fault for only ever being tied to my misery and self-hatred, y’know.”

“But that’s all you have!”

We both broke out into a slight chuckle, the fall back to our usual banter signifying that the serious conversation was over. Despite her… less than gentle means, I was glad to have her there. I could always trust her to be a point of comfort regardless of my problems.

“Hey Yaki?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” She met my declaration with a grin.

“I love you too, bro.” She leaned in and gave me a quick hug before I got up to leave the room.

I expected the chapter to end there, but to my surprise, she called me back a moment later.

“Uhhh… bro? Isn’t this a video of Pep?” She said, showing me her phone. Sure enough, there on twitter was a clip with Pep’s face, and just below it, a view count in the thousands.