Body.exe Has Entered the Chat

Would you like to recreate your body?”

The voice echoed inside my head like a half-asleep AI assistant trying its best to sound confident.

I blinked.
Wait, I didn’t have eyelids. Or a body.
Right. Still dead. Still floating in a weird bug-ridden divine void that looked like a failed Unreal Engine loading screen.

“…Body?” I muttered. “You mean the one that got flattened by Truck-chan?”

“Yes.”

“Didn’t that thing explode on impact?”

“Yes.”

I paused. “And you want me to… rebuild it? Like in The Sims or something?”

“Yes. Please select a form: Default (Hot), Custom (Experimental), Random (Haha Good Luck).”

I stared at the options floating in front of me like holographic choices on a scuffed gacha banner. The words “Default (Hot)” were glowing as if they knew I’d pick them.

“…Wait, why is ‘Hot’ the default?”

“Because we analyzed your browser history.”

“HEY!”

“And your Google searches.”

“STOP THAT!!”

I tried swiping the dialogue away, but I had no hands. It didn’t matter, though—because the system didn’t wait for input.

“Default (Hot) Selected. Rebuilding body in 3… 2… 1…”

“Wha—wait—!”

[INSTALLING: B̴̤̐O̴̮̾D̸̞̓Y̴̯͂.̷̘̄E̴͎͘X̴͙͗E̵͍͠]

It felt like being 3D-printed by a celestial gaming rig.

Light poured into me, or maybe out of me, I couldn’t really tell. My soul filled up with warmth, pressure, and the faint sound of a synth-heavy loading theme.

Flesh snapped into place like Tetris blocks. Muscles layered themselves like instant ramen. I even felt my hair flick into anime-perfect volume with a satisfying “shing!” sound.

When the light faded, I was standing. Barefoot. Wearing sleek, black robes that shimmered like a cheat menu in fabric form. My face reflected off the system window in front of me: sharp eyes, unreasonably symmetrical features, jawline crafted by a waifu-artist on commission.

“…Okay, fine. I do look hot.”

“You’re welcome.”

I spun once. The outfit moved like silk coded in ray tracing.
I flexed a bit. No jiggle. Solid.

“Alright. Not bad. I look like a final boss crossed with a limited event banner.”

“Now would you like to view your stats?”

My curiosity kicked in.

“Yeah, let’s see ‘em. Hit me with that god-tier data.”

The system window expanded like someone pressing CTRL+Z on a scroll wheel.

【Divine Stat Matrix: Kagura Jinrou】

STR: ▓▒▯▒▒▒▒▒▓▒░░☼

DEX: ∞+∞+∞ = ERROR

INT: ♫▀█☠♠△♨Ξ⇌

VIT: ９９９９９９９９９９９９９９９９

LCK: ∅

SAN: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

CHR: Ｓ級グリッチ美

AGI: [Redacted by Reality]

RES: YES.

WTF: [MAXED] [??? OVERFLOW]

“…The hell am I looking at?” I whispered.

I stared at the mess of symbols like it was a broken slot machine made by a demon.

“System, what do these mean?”

“You are strong.”

“That’s not a stat. That’s a vague compliment.”

“You are… very strong.”

“That’s still not helping.”

“You are… possibly the strongest entity in existence. The algorithms broke trying to calculate your numbers. The stat screen is for decoration only.”

“Wha—how is that helpful?!”

I sighed, rolling my eyes so hard I swear they made a grinding noise. I raised a hand, dramatically, like a bored anime prince summoning sparkles for no reason.

“I mean, how strong could I even be, anyway—?”

FWOOOOOOM—

The world shattered.

No joke. No exaggeration.
The entire void around me cracked like glass.

Thin lines of white spread out from my lazy little hand wave. Space warped. The sterile system-zone crumbled like a discarded PNG in Photoshop.

“…Oh.”

Everything exploded into color. The bug-filled divine white room I had been trapped in disintegrated into thousands of sparkling code-fragments and evaporated like glitch mist.

Suddenly, I wasn’t standing in a menu anymore.
I was—

Floating in the middle of the cosmos.

Endless galaxies spun around me like fireworks. Purple nebulae pulsed to an ancient rhythm. Planets spiraled in perfect dance. Light and shadow danced across my brand-new cheekbones.

I stood—hovered?—in open space, completely unharmed, robes fluttering with no wind, in the exact pose of someone who definitely didn’t mean to do that.

“…Oops.”

DING.

The system window politely respawned next to me.

[NOTICE]
Congratulations!
You have successfully destroyed the White Void Bug-Prison™—an indestructible containment zone meant to hold broken gods, glitch anomalies, and rogue deities for all eternity.

Status: DELETED (somehow).
Estimated Repair Time: Never.
Error Flag: [Oopsies Were Made]

“…You’re telling me that was a prison?!”

“Yes.”

“And I just accidentally broke it by waving my hand?”

“Yes.”

I turned slowly to face the system window like a schoolboy catching a teacher's glare.

“…How did I do that?”

The system paused.

A soft bleep.

“You cheated.”

“…I what?”

“You cheated.”

“You’re just gonna say that like it explains everything?!”

“Would you like a more detailed explanation?”

“Yes! Absolutely!”

“You are running on the Cheat.exe Authority Kernel. You are the administrative core of all cheat-based logic in existence. Your presence overwrites balance. Your actions do not require calculations—they simply happen. You are, to put it simply…”

“…A game-breaking bug in the flesh?”

“Yes. Also, your new nose is statistically perfect.”

I buried my face in my hands, floating among the stars.

“…This is insane.”

“Accurate.”

“Wait… if I just broke the prison that was impossible to break…”

“Yes?”

“…What else can I do?”

The cosmos around me pulsed, as if curious too.

The system beeped.

“Would you like to find out?”