Forgive My Sins

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” Raz looked down at his younger sister walking beside him, the woman looking at him with suspicion in her eyes that were an identical ocean blue to his.

“I don’t know if I should trust you.” Celeste felt an inkling of apprehension at the invitation, but her curiosity had gotten the better of her. “Did you invite me out to do Mother’s bidding and lecture me?”

“No. Unlike her, I don’t care what you do in your personal time.” A perfect blonde eyebrow raised on his flawless face, a strong suggestion to the woman. “However, I would persuade you to learn how to keep your personal affairs discrete. It’s not a becoming look, and I would argue that I’m more tired of listening to Mother’s complaints than you are.”

“Mother’s just old-fashioned, it really isn’t that big of a deal,” she huffed but quickly put on a tight, obedient smile before he could comment. “But if that’s what the mighty Grand Duke Raziel commands, then I will obey without question.” She curtsied with flourish.

The man didn’t look amused in the least. “Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what?” The woman feigned innocence. “I’m just wondering why you called for me today. You never ask me to go anywhere with you.”

“That’s because you’re an embarrassment.” He turned his attention forward as they continued their way through the streets of The Kingdom, passing by the immaculate white and gold buildings while the angels around bowed their heads in their direction.

Celeste seethed quietly. Raz was always so petulant. Even as a child he never wanted to play or do anything fun with her. Granted, he was five years older and interested in other things. But she had known siblings with even larger age gaps who got along much better than they ever did; the older one setting aside their maturity now and then to at least halfheartedly entertain the younger. Not Raz though. He had always been so serious, so blunt, rarely ever laughing or smiling.

Their father had done an excellent job in stifling anything he found to be unnecessary or troublesome in his son. Emotions being one of those things. They were frivolous and would only ever hinder his ability to further serve Him. So, he had taken special care with the boy.

Spare the rod.

Spoil the child.

And Raz had never been spared. Never spoiled.

On the contrary, Celeste had been the second born and a girl, and she wasn’t held to the same standard as Raz had been. She had been allowed to use her imagination and frolic through the gardens on sunny days and giggle with the other little girls of similar standings. She could dance and play and act silly. She had freedom and could do mostly as she pleased.

Raziel had been born to further their royal line. To bring honor upon their House.

Celeste had been born to be loved and cherished.

But despite Raz’s grouchy nature, Celeste loved and admired her older brother. He may never have indulged her childish whims, but he was the only person she could truly trust. He was always on her side, often taking the blame for her mistakes so that she wouldn’t have to face the harsh consequences of their mother and father. He listened to her, kept her secrets, and accepted her for all of her flaws in a home that demanded absolute perfection.

After all, God was watching.

So of course, when he told her to follow him, she did. She had no idea where they were going, but she was excited to find out. He had never invited her to do anything, but today was her twenty-third birthday, and so whatever it was had to do with that.

Right?

“Are you getting me a gift?” Her stunning face lit up at the thought. Raz was Grand Duke, and he had access to everything in The Kingdom. No one could deny him. No one could tell him no.

He didn’t even look at her. “No.”

Of course not.

He was such a grump.

But her mouth dropped when he stopped and opened the door to the best swordsmith in all The Kingdom. “You liar!” she gasped. “You are getting me something!”

“Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

Celeste could hardly contain her rapture as she burst past her brother, surrounded by the finest swords in all of the heavens and land. Each one was impeccable, painstakingly made. The room was wide and open with the floor free from obstacles, the perfect place to test out any of the swords that lined the walls. She ran her fingers along the different hilts, trying to listen for the one that would speak to her. “Does this mean you’re going to let me be a Wing Clipper?”

“No,” the man responded while meandering slowly behind her, watching her curious hands like a hawk.

Of course not. Raz would never allow her to do the more satisfying jobs, and although Cassiel would probably at least entertain her, he couldn’t go above Raz.

No one other than God could.

“What about Headhunter?” She already knew the answer, the same as always, but she’d never stop trying.

A small, impatient sigh seeped from his lips. “No, you know it was difficult enough to gain enough approval to grant you the position you have now.”

She scoffed at the claim. How ridiculous it was that a man could easily rise in the ranks doing the bare minimum while she had to use her brother’s influence in order to be given even a chance. Then, once she had it, she had to continuously prove herself worthy of her position, working harder and providing more results than everyone else. “You didn’t need their approval. You still don’t.”

“I didn’t, and I don’t, but I certainly don’t expect you to know how diplomacy works,” his voice stern, fed up with her persistence. “You should know by now where your place is, and if you can’t be grateful for your blessings, then maybe clerical work would suit you better. Or perhaps Land Duty.”

“I was only joking,” Celeste mumbled sheepishly, choosing not to argue further, her hands continuing to explore all the different options on the walls. She hated Land Duty. Nothing was worse than walking around in Golden City with all the pompous Guardsmen who couldn’t hack it in The Kingdom. They were basically glorified babysitters for the angels who chose to make a life on the land rather than in the heavens. And although being a Guardsmen on land was the last thing she wanted to do, had she been born a mere subject of The Kingdom, she would have chosen to live on the land.

There wasn’t much for a subject to do in The Kingdom other than work and cater to those of higher standing. They were provided for, no one in The Kingdom ever went without, which was why so many chose to stay. But on the land, they were mostly free to do as they pleased as long as it aligned with God’s will. They weren’t bound by their standing in the heavens; they could create their own. They could be as successful or unsuccessful as they wanted. They could even choose other beings to be their One, create half-blooded children that although beautiful and loved by Him, were not pure and would never bear an angel’s greatest attribute.

Snow white wings.

There were things that angels could do on the land that they couldn’t in The Kingdom, and that drew many angels down from the sky. However, doing so meant that they were taking on the risk and unpredictability that the land had to provide.

They were taking on suffering.

Something The Kingdom promised to protect against.

As long as you followed God’s will.

And never stray.

“So, why are you getting me a sword?” she asked. “I already have one.”

Raz looked with disgust at the weapon at his sister’s hip. “Because it’s a piece of shit. Every sword you choose is trash. These are all the best. There’s no way for you to fuck this one up. So, pick one.”

He was always so brass and crude, his remarks sharper than any sword on the wall.

But despite his formidable demeanor, it was such a nice thing for him to offer.

As always, his actions spoke louder than his words.

But his words were correct. Celeste had a nasty habit of allowing her emotions to drive her actions. Time and time again, she would be drawn to a weapon at first glance, and without a second thought, it would be at her hip, and she would be regretting her choice shortly after. So, she would just make a new choice. And then another.

“Well, not everyone can have access to the more desirable swordsmiths. Nor can they receive swords that were gifts from God, now can they?” she shot back in a playful manner tinged with a side of envy. That was the weapon she really wanted, the one she would never regret, but she could never be Grand Duke so it would never be hers. However, one of the many on the walls would certainly be a lovely consolation prize.

She could hear the heavy footsteps as someone from the back came into the showroom, but she paid them no mind. She had more important matters to attend to.

Like which sword she was going to choose.

“Raz.” She heard the man say. His voice was deep and pleasant, friendly with familiarity rather than conformable.

“Ben.” Her brother’s voice was also deep, but that was where similarities ended.

“What are you doing here?” There was a pause and then the man’s voice changed slightly, the pitch going higher with interest. “Oh. The little sister, huh?”

Raz grunted, and Celeste knew that that would be that, so it would be best for her to be polite and introduce herself to the man who obviously knew her brother. She turned with a proper smile.

And felt all of the oxygen escape her lungs as her chest constricted around them and her heart.

The man was tall, even taller than her brother who was already loftier than most, and wore a black, leather apron over his long-sleeved white shirt that was smudged with soot and ash. He had thick, loose, blonde curls that he kept in a high ponytail that hung just past his shoulders and eyes like the winter sky. Wings, that although not as grand as hers, a physical representation of the power of her blood line, were glorious and would put most others to shame. A rare find among the subjects of The Kingdom.

What a beautiful man.

And he was looking at her the way that so many men did.

Her smile grew because it was welcomed.

And his eyes brightened because he knew it.

“I’m Celeste. It’s nice to meet you.” So very, very nice.

He smirked, so cocky and sure of himself, his gaze roaming along her body as he leaned over on the counter casually. “Benjamin, but everyone calls me Ben. What are you looking for?”

You.

“A new sword.”

“A sword, huh?” Ben licked his bottom lip, eyes focused on hers, speaking without words. “You don’t want a sword. I’ll show you what you want.” He straightened and disappeared into the back.

She looked over at Raz curiously, wondering what else other than a sword she would want. Her brother only sighed and rubbed his thumb and middle fingers across his eyes.

The man returned shortly and held up an over-sized glaive with a wide, bright smile. “This is what you want.”

Celeste couldn’t help but laugh as she stared at the ridiculous weapon, its long blade jutting and hooked in a menacing fashion. “A glaive? Why would you even have this? No one uses a glaive.”

“Exactly. No one uses them. It’s different, and they find false comfort and safety in what they already know. They fear what’s different. What they don’t know.” He held the glaive out to her, a challenge on the curve of his lips and raise of his brow. “That’s why you want it. Cause you’re not afraid.”

No.

She wasn’t.

Ben nodded, handing it off to the woman. “Go try it out. I made it myself. Trust me, you’ll want it.”

Celeste took the weapon to the middle of the floor and began swinging it, testing its feel and how the handle slipped through her hands, the blade going further and coming closer as she quickly learned to maneuver it effortlessly. A welcomed change from what she had grown accustomed to.

He was right.

She did want it.

And she would have it.

Raz glanced over at the man as he watched the woman intently, his lips upturned slightly, eyes mystified. He’d known Ben for years and used him for information on the lesser-known comings and goings of The Kingdom. The man was smart, remembered every face and nearly everything he heard which made him the perfect informant. And Raz enjoyed being around him for the most part. He was friendly, outgoing, and could be entertaining. Never expecting more from Raz than a fair price for the services provided and his company. Now and then, they’d meet up at a tavern that Ben wanted to visit. They’d drink, and sooner or later that same look would come out directed at whatever woman Ben had taken a liking to.

Raz had never seen it fail.

And he had never seen it so hopelessly consumed, determined.

Raz wasn’t deaf or blind or ignorant to his sister’s own pursuits of men. They liked her, and she certainly liked them back, but never for long. She was not one to be tied down, and he didn’t have the heart to force her to finally start making her decision before she was ready, despite their mother pressing the issue on a regular basis. As head of the house, it was his responsibility to push her along the way in choosing her One, a push that should already have happened, but he never felt like it was his place. When she was prepared, she could do so on her own.

It really was none of his business, and he didn’t really care. They were grown, they could make their own decisions, and it had nothing to do with him. But the way they both looked at each other was unsettling.

Like an omen of bad things to come.

He couldn’t just let it go.

“I’ve known you for a long time, Ben,” Raz began.

“You sure have,” Ben agreed, only half listening. “A very long time.”

“So, I’m going to warn you now, don’t do it. Nothing good will come from it. She chews them up and spits them out, and you’ll be no different.”

He chuckled lightly. “Good. That’s my preferred method.”

“I’m serious. She’s not one of your doe-eyed barmaids.”

“I never assumed she was.”

Raz’s voice dropped, demanding the man’s attention that he readily gave. “I’m trying to help you, Ben. You’re wanting to play with fire, and you’re going to be the one burned while she moves on to the next and the next. And even if there isn’t a next, she’ll end up being forced to settle for some duke, and you’ll be left behind. You’re smart, you know that. You know there’s no other way for it to end.”

Ben studied the man for a few moments before returning his gaze to the woman, the same yearning pooling in his eyes. “That’s very sweet of you to look out for me, but I wouldn’t worry about it, Raz. It’s better you don’t.”

Raz already knew that nothing but trouble would come from those two.

He would remind Celeste later of the position she was in, a weak attempt to protect a woman who only wanted protecting on her time.

But it wasn’t his place to interfere.

And he wouldn’t.

It would be their choices.

And their consequences.

Celeste spun and faced the men, smiling brightly. “I want it,” she declared, her eyes locked with Ben’s as she lowered the glaive’s blade to her lips. “Forgive my sins.” And she kissed the cold steel.