Tax Evasion in Space

Streaks of light covered our windshield, as we sped down the hyperspace highway. It had been about two hours since we departed from Crapooine and Randy still had yet to settle on a planet for us to land on.

"What the-..." Randy got a confused look on his face as our ship abruptly began to decelerate out of hyperspace.

The sudden change in motion caused me to fling forward. If I hadn't grabbed onto the corner of the grill, I would have flung head first through the windshield. "What's happening, Randy?"

"Not sure. Our hyperdrive engines cut out." He started flipping switches on the dashboard, attempting to fire our thrusters back up. "Nothing, it's completely dead."

A strange and eerie silence manifested within our ship, as all the stars outside our vehicle's windows were blotted out by a dark object.

"It's probably just a solar eclipse interfering with our equipment or something." He sat back not seeming particularly concerned.

"That's a solar flare that you're thinking of. Even if it was, eclipses don't cover all the stars in the sky." As I stared out the window for a moment, I came to a realization. "That's no eclipse, Randy. I think it's a ship!"

In front of us was a menacing pitch black cube shaped object, that was the size of a small moon. It let out a low rumble, as it loomed in front of us. A metallic grinding noise rang out as a rectangular hatch slid open and a dark red light poured out. Our ship moved, as it was drawn into the cubes opening. Soon after, we came to a halt, as our truck rested in an empty and dimly lit hanger.

"This is bad, Randy! I think we just got abducted." I panicked.

My brother remained in his seat, seeming unconcerned. "Just chill, little bro. It's probably just some new sales sce-."

He was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the driver's side door.

"I’m looking for Randy R. Rodgers. Open up. Beep bop." A robot spoke through the door.

Immediately upon hearing his name, Randy dove out of his driver's seat.

"What do they want with you?" I whispered.

He shrugged. "Heck if I know." Grabbing me by the back of my neck, he opened the refrigerator door. "Hide in here and keep quiet."

"Maybe we should hear them ou-." Before I could finish, Randy shoved me into the fridge and closed the door. I could hear the sound of him opening one of the storage compartments on the floor, which I assumed he hid himself in.

From outside, the robot repeatedly pulled on the handle, followed by some rustling sounds and a click. Considering our ship was ancient, it was no surprise that it was effortlessly able to bypass our locks. Its feet clanked as it stepped onto the metallic floor of our food truck.

"I saw you through the windshield. I know you're in here. beep bop." The robot stamped closer until it stopped directly in front of the fridge.

I held my breath, enduring the mildly cold temperature.

The robot tapped its hand against the door of the fridge. "Hiding is pointless. Beep bop." It proceeded to throw open the fridge door. The robot wore a black suit and black tie. On its screen monitor it displayed a red angry emoji face.

I fell out curled up in the fetal position, as my body shivered. "Wh-what do you want from us?"

It forcefully reached its lanky robotic fingers into my pocket and removed my wallet, from which it pulled out my ID chip. "Scanning. Beep bop." A red light emerged from the tip of its index finger. It used it to analyze my identification.

It paused for a moment. "You are not Randy R. Rodgers. Beep bop." Handing my wallet and license chip back to me, it continued rummaging through our cabinets.

"I don't know what you want with my brother, but he's not h-here." I nervously attempted to persuade it to leave.

It flashed me a skeptical emoji onto its face. "After analyzing that response, I am 99.9999999999999999999999% sure that you are lying. Beep bop."

As the robot went back to searching through our truck, it turned its focus to the metal door for the storage compartment in the floor. Aggressively, it yanked the door open, revealing... a pile of pool noodles.

The robot shook his head. "The only logical explanation for owning this number of pool toys is pure idiocy. Beep bop."

"Take that back you ducking robot!" Randy emerged from the pool noodles, unable to help himself from rebuttalling the robot. "I'll have you know I got all these noodles for a crazy deal on Amerzom."

"You aren't helping your case." I muttered under my breath.

"Are you Randy R. Rodgers? Beep bop." The robot asked.

Randy smirked. "Depends who's ask-."

The robot wasn't playing around. Before Randy could finish it shot him with a spark of electric from its finger tips, causing him to fall over unconscious.

It proceeded to go through his pockets until it found his ID chip, which it scanned. "This is in fact Randy R. Rodgers. He will be coming with me. Beep bop."

"Woah, stop right there! I'm not just going to let you take my broth-." I attempted to step between my passed out brother and the robot, only to be met with a zap to my throat. Immediately, I fell over and everything faded to black.

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"Little bro... Little bro... Wake up." Randy's voice rang in my ear, as he slapped my cheeks (the face kind) until I regained consciousness.

I rubbed my head, which ached from hitting it when I passed out. "Where did that robot bring us?" I lifted my head up from a long wooden table that was surrounded by several swivel chairs. We were currently sitting in a very average looking conference room.

Randy picked up the vase in the center of the table, which had a plastic sunflower sticking out of it. "Shhh, this room might be bugged." He proceeded to whip the vase against the table causing it to shatter.

I got up and dashed over to the blinds that were covering a set of large windows and peeked through a gap in them. "We're definitely still in that cube. Getting out of here isn't going to be easy." Outside the window was the vast cold darkness of space.

Randy picked up his swivel chair. "Step aside little bro. I'm breaking that window."

"Are you insane! We're not even wearing space suits. We'll die out there." I grabbed onto the other side of the chair and attempted to wrestle it out of his hands.

"Let go! I'm trying to save us." He yanked the chair back toward himself.

I maintained my grip on it. "You're trying to save us by killing us?"

"I'd rather take my chances in space than getting our butts probed or whatever it is these robots have planned for-."

Our little argument was disrupted, as the metal door of the conference room slid open. The robot in the black suit from earlier entered. "Mr. Rodgers, please take a seat. Beep bop." It extended out its lanky arms like noodles and proceeded to knock the chair we were fighting over out of our hands.

"What is it you want from us?" I nervously asked, as I sat back down in my chair.

The robot pulled up a seat of its own and sat down. "There is nothing we need from you. Our business is with Randy R. Rodgers. Beep bop."

"What the heck did you do?" I muttered in my brother's ear, as he returned to his seat as well.

"Who the duck are you?" Randy passive aggressively responded to the robot.

My stomach sank as the robot flashed a particular logo onto its face screen which was the seal of the most feared organization in the galaxy...

"I'm with the Space IRS. Beep bop."

My brother glared back at the taxbot looking unimpressed. "I don't know what a 'Space IRS' is, but if you have business with me, just spill it now, robo-bro."

"According to the space government’s records, you have not filed your taxes in the past nine years. Beep bop."

"But we just filed taxes for our company last month." I interjected.

"You are correct. Space Burgers LLC is all up to date on its taxes, but Randy R. Rodgers, as an individual, owes 250,000 stollars after interest in back taxes. Beep bop."

Randy shrugged his shoulders. "What even are taxes?"

I slapped my forehead. "You've been evading taxes for nine years!"

He still looked confused. "I'm going to need a dictionary definition, robo-bro."

The taxbot displayed a block of text on its monitor, as it spoke. "Tax, used as a noun. It is a charge usually of money imposed by authority on persons or property for public purposes. Beep bop."

Randy defiantly leaned forward. "So what you're saying is the government's shaking me down for money. What if I just don't pay?"

"Then you will be sentenced to prison for tax evasion. Beep bop."

"But we don't have that kind of money on hand. How is he supposed to pay that?" I wondered.

"Please hold out your arm. Beep bop." The robot ordered Randy.

Randy complied and the taxbot proceeded to transform its finger tip into a syringe. It jammed it into my brother's arm.

"What the duck was that!?" Randy exclaimed.

"You have been injected with a micro tracking device. According to this court order, you have three months from today to pay the back taxes you owe. Failure to comply will result in your immediate imprisonment. Beep bop."

I shook my head. "There's no way that's enough time! There's got to be another way-."

Randy put his hand up to cut me off. "Just relax, little bro. If the government wants money, then I'll give it to them... And I already know how we're going to get it."

Judging from the smirk on his face, I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking...