Threads Between Us

My heart is beating fast as I sit on my bed, hair still damp from my shower. I can still hear Miyari's in the other room, water cascading from the showerhead. It gives a steady pace to the clock ticking on my wall as I lay there.

It's the only thing I can hear besides her in the bathroom.

"Uwah~" I groan, burying my head into my pillow, trying not to think of her naked in the shower, of the water dripping down her hair, or the fact that she's in my house. 

"Calm down, Kimiko. This has already happened so many times before. She's your best friend, you know her. The only thing different is that you're just going to ask her out this time, it's not a big deal, not a big deal…"

I clutch the voodoo doll still securely in the bag next to me, feeling the smooth cloth and the button eyes. After a quick detour to the emergency clinic to ensure Miyari's head was fine, we had finally arrived back at my place. The ice cream had been a little melted, and we'd finished it in the living room, talking and laughing. But now as the day was winding down and I'd offered her a chance to wash up and stay over since it was getting late, I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.

It was just a sleepover, just a sleepover. It wasn't even a big deal, I told myself. We'd done this a dozen times already. Besides, I'm supposed to be the composed, genki one. The one that has everything under control, not some blushing mess.

I sigh and sit up over the bed's edge, the hem of my oversized shirt falling over my thighs. I need to calm down more, so I take a swig from the bottle of green tea on the sitting table, leaning over to place it back once I'm done.

"…" My eyes linger over her smartphone on the table as I do so, right next to her bag.

Before I realize it, I'm lost staring at it, the memory from last night resurfacing and sweeping me away.

***

"…And that's why I think T*m Nook is actually a stand-up tanuki! He's just trying his best to run a business and make sure everyone is happy, but people call him a scammer and greedy capitalist pig! Even when they're the ones borrowing all those bells from him with not a single percentage of interest!"

"I… think I can agree, Miyari," I reply, watching her wave her hands around like a madwoman on the video call. I'm lying on my bed, lights turned off, only the dim glow from the screen illuminating the room. I can't help but smile. "I mean, he does help people start a new life, right?"

"Right!" she exclaims, pouting like a chipmunk, making me giggle. "Why is that so hard for mortals to get?! He's such a generous and caring spirit, it's ridiculous how much hate he gets…"

I nod against my pillow. "They just don't have the same wisdom as you do. Though, to think that a Grand Magus such as yourself has taken such a fancy for an NPC like him…"

She blushes and grumbles, none of her usual cosplay effects on her, just pajamas. "I-I mean, not just him! There's Is*belle too, and she's a lovely lady. Very helpful and kind. I'd date her."

"Really?" I raise a brow at the unexpected admission. "To think that an immortal like yourself has such base desires for the common—"

"K-Kimiko, shut up!" She covers her face under her blanket. "I'm just saying if she were within this reality, I'd definitely date her."

I deflate slightly, smiling as I readjust myself, but it doesn't quite meet my eyes. "Well, she's not. So what are you going to do, oh great and mighty cultist of mine?"

"…" Her dark-brown eyes glance at me as she pulls down the blanket again. "I… well, I mean… there is another girl I have my eye on. She's not an animal-human hybrid, but she's cool enough, and I know her in real life…"

Oh? That's news. She's never talked about this person before. I lean forward, intrigued, despite my heart sinking a little that she's found someone. "Who? C'mon, tell me, Miyari-chan! Maybe I can help set you up with her?"

"T-that is information I must keep veiled from even you, my most trusted ally," she stammers out, more nervous than I've ever seen her. "B-but I can tell I'm planning on confessing to her sometime soon, and I have a general idea. I just… need to work the finer details out."

Before I can ask for said details though, she quickly addends, "Can't elaborate more though. Intelligence may leak over such unsecured comms. You understand, right?"

"O-oh!" I blink, leaning back.

My heart sinks even lower.

It's not like she has to tell me everything about her life, we're just best friends. But… I'd at least like to know who she's planning to date, especially since they'd be stealing away my crush.

"That's… that's cool," I finally manage to say, thinking of the various cosplay acquaintances she's made in the past year. "Well, whoever it is, I'm sure they'll accept you, Miyari."

Her blush brightens, and she nods. "Yeah, I hope so. Thanks."

I smile in response, a bit forced. Oh, huh, there are tears forming in my eyes, aren't there? Stupid tears. I rub them out, hoping she won't notice.

"So, wanna get back to talking, or…?" My nose is the tiniest bit congested, but she probably can't hear it through the microphone.

"…Actually, I think it's time to sleep," she says. "It's almost midnight, and we both need to get up for club tomorrow, nya?"

"Mmm, did you just nya?"

"I-I can do it if I want!" she huffs, and I can't help but snicker at her expression, despite my melancholic state. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. You should too. Mortals need their sleep even more than someone of my caliber."

"Right, right, your 'magicks' are far superior than my own witchcraft," I say, rolling my eyes as I maintain my mask, and she nods, pleased.

"Good, you're learning~" she giggles, and then her hand goes to the top of her screen, ready to end the call.

"…" But it doesn't end. In her half-sleepy state, it seems she's forgotten to press the right button. Instead, she places it on her nightstand, plugging it in to charge.

"Um? Miyari-chan?" I ask into the phone. However, I don't get a reply.

"…" I stare at her dark ceiling, hearing her yawn and stretch as she gets under her blanket.

Several more seconds of staring at the darkness, waiting to see if she'll realize.

Nothing.

"Um… Miyari-chan?"

The only response is the steady rhythm of her breath, and the occasional rustle of her blankets.

I sigh. Really?

It's at that moment I remember I can just end the call from my end, so I move to do just that. But a strange thought strikes me before I can commit.

"…" It's a bit embarrassing, and I feel guilty for thinking it, but…

Well, I can always blame it on an accident later.

And so, I place my phone beside me, charging it, and listen to her breathing as my own evens out. Her mic is surprisingly sensitive, so I can hear every little noise she makes.

*inhale* *exhale*

The rhythm of her breaths is a soothing lullaby to my ears, and I can't help but curl up as I experience it, her cute noises enveloping my entire being. It's soft, adorable, hers.

I wish I could hug her, hold her, experience this intimacy for real…

"…" Wetness forms in the corners of my eyes as I think about that. Despite my best efforts, I can't stop the tears anymore, nor the sobs that eventually wrack through my body.

Why is she in love with someone else?

I mean, I'm glad that she is. I'm happy for her. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. I want to be the one to hold her. I want to be the one to kiss her. I want to be the one who cuddles her, and who she can cuddle, and rely on. Ever since we met, I've felt this way. I've felt it growing, and changing, and morphing over the years, our friendship becoming something more, all the way into our final year of high school.

But I guess, not for her.

"…Kimi-chan…?" Her sleepy voice cuts through the darkness and my self-pity despite the slowness of it, and I freeze. "Kimi-chan, are you okay…?"

"…" I don't respond, not trusting myself not to make a noise and blow my cover. Did she catch me listening in? Oh no, why did I have to be such a creep?!

After a few moments though, it seems that isn't the case. She mumbles a couple other things, pretty much incoherent, and I realize in relief that she's talking in her sleep.

"Kimi… chan…" Her voice is soft and gentle, and it's almost like a prayer.

Ah, I'm being blessed by her, aren't I?

"…Kimi… chan…"

I let her mumblings wash over me, and a small smile forms despite the tears. Even if she's not in love with me, at least I can still be her best friend—still a part of my life. Sure, we'll probably begin spending less time together if she gets a girlfriend, but that's okay. It would've happened anyway with university prep around the corner.

I'm just being childish and selfish by wanting her all to myself.

Clenching my fist, I decide enough is enough. I'm being way too nosy and weird. I go to reach for the button to end the call, but before I can press it, I hear her sleep-talking once more, and my fingers pause.

"Kimi… chan… I… I love you…"

"…"

"Kimi… please go out with me… please… please notice I'm confessing… I'm so scared you won't return my feelings…"

"…" Tears roll down my face.

"Kimi-chan…"

"…" I try to stop my sniffles.

"Kimiko. Please notice I like you."

"…"

I end the call and bury my face in my hands, sobbing. Did I really just hear her feelings? Was that real?

Does that mean the crush she mentioned is… me?

***

The wetness trickling down my face drops to my bare legs, snapping me back to the present. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here, but I'm still alone. Still reminiscing.

"…" And the sounds of the shower are still going, still streaming.

A glance at the clock, realizing I need to start getting ready. There are still some things to prepare, so that when she pulls the strings again, everything will fall into place.

And so, with the voodoo doll still firmly clutched in my hand, I stand and place it inside the dry room of the bath, snuggling it in on the towel and spare clothes I set for her with a note. She won't be able to resist taking it from that position, especially with my invitation, and I'm counting on that fact.

Before I'm caught, I slide the door closed again, retreating to the bedroom. A quick check in the mirror confirms my appearance is fine, so I lay down and wait, an anxious smile on my lips.

Waiting for her to pull my strings.