Threads Between Us

My heart beats fast as I sit on my bed, hair still damp from my shower. I can still hear Miyari in the bath, water cascading from the showerhead. It gives a steady hum to watch the clock ticking on my wall.

"Uwah~" I bury my head in my pillow, trying not to think of her naked in the shower, of the water dripping down her body, or the fact that she's in my house with my parents out of town. This has already happened so many times before, so it's really not a big deal, right…?

I clutch the voodoo doll next to me, feeling the cloth and button eyes beneath my fingers.

After finally arriving back at my place, we'd eaten our melted treats in the living room then talked and laughed over games like usual. But now as the day winds down, I can't help but feel nervous about her staying the night.

It's just a sleepover like we've done a dozen times already. So why am I a blushing mess? Is it because of her potential feelings for me? Or is it because of the adrenaline thrumming in my chest knowing that what I've felt for her may actualy be a shared sensation.

"…" My eyes catch on her smartphone left on the sitting table.

Before I realize it, the memory from last night resurfaces and sweeps me away.

***

I'm lying on my bed, lights turned off, with only the dim glow from the screen illuminating the room. I can't help but smile as Miyari waves her hands around like a madwoman on the video call. She has none of her usual cosplay effects on her, just the cute pajamas I bought her a summer ago.

"…And that's why I think T*m Nook is actually a stand-up tanuki! He's just trying his best to run a business, but people call him a scammer and capitalist pig! Even when they're the ones borrowing all that cash with not a single percentage of interest!"

"…I think I can agree, Miyari-chan. I mean, he helps newcomers start a new life, right?"

"Exactly! Why is that so hard for mortals to get?! He's such a generous and caring spirit, it's ridiculous how much hate he gets…"

"They just don't have the same wisdom as you do, the Grand Spellmaster, who's taken a fancy to his misunderstood soul."

"T-taken a fancy? Not like that! If I had to choose anyone from that game, it'd probably be Is*belle. She's cute."

"Really? I was mostly joking. But to think that you would actually date a mere mortal like her…"

"K-Kimiko!" She covers her face under her blanket. "I'm just saying if she were within this reality, I'd court her. After all, she's smart, funny, and always has the brightest of smiles."

I deflate slightly. "Well, she's not. So what are you going to do, oh great and mighty cult leader of mine?"

Her dark-brown eyes are revealed as she pulls down the blanket again. "I mean… there is another girl I have my eye on. She's not an animal-human hybrid, but she's cool enough to rival my own powers."

"Someone real…?"

"Of course! What do you take me for?"

"Pft, I see. Selfcest isn't the worst option if you're referring to your reflection. Unless… you actually mean me, your loyal and trusted companion."

"S-shut up! I'm being serious you know!"

Any hope I have vanishes at the rebuke and confirmation.

"O-oh… Really?"

"Y-yes. I actually am interested in someone."

"…Who is it, Miyari-chan? Is it one of the cosplayers we met at last comiket? Maybe I can help set you up with her," I say despite my heart sinking.

"Erm. Unfortunately, that is information I must keep veiled from even you, my most trusted ally. B-but I will say that I'm planning on confessing to her soon. I just… need to work the finer details out, then I'll have you assist me. That's the most I can elaborate since intelligence may leak over our unsecured comms. You understand, right?"

My heart becomes one with the ground.

It's not like she has to tell me everything about her life. But… I'd at least like to know who she likes beforehand since they'd be stealing her away from me.

"That's cool," I finally manage to say, "Well, whoever it is, I'm sure they'll accept you, Miyari-chan."

"Y-yeah, I hope so. Thanks."

I force a smile. Oh, huh, why are there tears forming in my eyes?

I rub them out hoping she won't notice.

"So, wanna get back to talking, or…?" My nose is the tiniest bit congested, but she probably can't hear it through the microphone.

"…Actually, I think it's time to sleep. It's almost midnight, and we both need to get up for club tomorrow, nya?"

"Mmm, did you just nya?"

"I-I can do it if I want!" she huffs, and despite my melancholy I can't help but snicker at her expression. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. You should too. Mortals need their sleep even more than someone of my caliber."

"Right, right, your 'magicks' are far superior than my own witchcraft."

"Good, you're learning~" she giggles, and then her hand goes to the top of her screen ready to end the call.

"…" But it doesn't end. In her half-sleepy state, it seems she's forgotten to press the right button. Instead, she places it on her nightstand and plugs it in to charge.

"Um? Miyari-chan?"

However, I get no reply.

"…" I stare at her dark ceiling on the screen, hearing her yawn and stretch as she snuggles under her blanket.

Several more seconds of staring at the darkness pass, waiting to see if she'll realize.

Nothing.

"…Miyari-chan?"

The only response I get is the steady rhythm of her breath.

I sigh. This girl…

It's at that moment I remember I can end the call from my end. However, an idea strikes me before I can commit.

It's a bit embarrassing, and I feel guilty for thinking it, but… if I place the phone beside me, I can pretend that she's sleeping at my side.

Cautiously, I do just that.

Her microphone is surprisingly sensitive, so I can hear every little noise she makes.

*inhale* *exhale*

I feel myself curling as the rhythm of her breathing envelops my entire being. I wish I could hug her, hold her, and experience this intimacy for real.

Despite my best efforts, I can't hold back the sadness anymore, nor the sobs that eventually wrack through my body.

Why is Miyari in love with someone else?

I mean, I'm glad that she is. I'm happy for her. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. I wanted to be the one to hold her; I wanted to be the one to kiss her; I wanted to be the one who cuddles her to sleep every night forever and ever.

Ever since we met in middle school, her friendship has been the most valued thing in my life. And now, it's turned into something beyond. Something that keeps me up and night and makes me want to spend the rest of our existence together.

But I guess it hasn't for her.

Wetness streams from my eyes.

"…Kimiko…?" Miyari's voice cuts through the darkness.

I instantly freeze.

"Kimiko, are you okay…?"

"…" My heart thunders in my chest as I keep completely silent. Did she catch me listening in? Crap, why do I have to be such a creep?!

After a few moments though, it seems that isn't the case. She mumbles a few incoherent things confirming that she's just talking in her sleep.

"Kimi… ko…" Her voice is soft and gentle, and it's almost like a prayer.

My panic quiets into guilt.

Still, I let her mumblings wash over me, and a small smile forms beneath my tears.

Even if she's not in love with me, I can still be her best friend. Sure, we'll probably start spending less time together, but that's okay. It would've happened anyway with university prep around the corner.

I need to get over this selfish notion of wanting her all to myself.

Clenching my fist, I decide enough is enough and reach for the button to end the call. But before it can fully terminate, I hear her sleep-talk one last thing.

"Kimiko… I… love you…"

The screen goes black, and tears start to roll down my face again.

***

I open my eyes back to the present. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting, but I'm still alone. Still reminiscing.

Was that real? Or was it just me hearing something that I've wanted to hear for years? Even if it was, it could've just been a platonic 'love you'.

But on the off chance that it wasn't…

That meant the crush she mentioned was me, right?

I sigh.

A glance at the clock tells me that I need to start getting ready.

And so I do just that as my heart beats in anxiety.