(V2) Chapter 12: Pendulum Swings

It’s been a whole day and a half since Ayase hasn't woken up.

And for me, a day and a half sleepless.

Unwashed body.

Messy hair.

Half-burnt clothes. Slightly burned part of the neck.

My yawns come curt, my eyes too heavy to lift.

But I still managed to watch over Ayase sleeping peacefully on the bed, hugging the plushie that looks like me, and the heart shaped pillow, as if it was her only lifeline against the unseen.

Beside her were milk and delicacies left to cool down just in case she wakes up anytime.

Medicine. Anything that can help me find out what the hell is happening.

Across the open window, the sky is already turning orange.

My sleepless head already started to play tricks on me—strange hallucinations and ghosts of my parents catching sight and just disappearing out of nowhere each time I blinked.

My eyes returned to Ayase, and I realized that we’ve been like this since she overheated. I escorted her home, and she immediately showed signs of fatigue and noticeably lower temperature.

Androids aren’t that too human to acquire fever, aren’t they?

The thought of wiping her with a cold towel feels really off to me.

So I stood up, and sat next to her.

The bed squeaked at my weight.

I leaned forward, taking a closer look at her face.

She looked harmless, vulnerable and serene. Her pink hair tumbled over her shoulders, carrying a scent of roses, and her face, as smooth and bright as untouched snow. Her delicate features, her soft lips, how she breathed slowly and silently—I can’t help but feel guilty.

Regretful.

Especially how I treated her lately. The words I said last night.

But how can I blame myself? I never knew—she never wanted to reveal.

How badly I wanted to run, to disappear, to be angry and to push her away. She’s not human, but a sentinel, a heartless android. But I can’t. There’s something in her that keeps me close. Maybe my memories, maybe…

Something deeper.

I know that the world will turn against us if they ever knew, but I just don’t know how I can react to it.

I’m afraid and I am at a loss.

But one thing I did right was to save her. My guts won’t be able to go over it if I hadn’t.

That way, I may have shown her how I truly cared.

Ayase turns slightly, making the bed creak.

A stray hair touched her cheek, and I tucked it behind her ear.

“Nnn.” she let out a low sigh as my finger and her skin made contact.

The strands felt natural—like real hair. One would really mistake her for a human forever if they don’t dare to investigate.

My eyes roam her features one more time. But before they could land on some crucial parts, I gulped and turned around.

For now, I have to start the chores—that way, everything is already prepared before she wakes up.

Before I could leave, a whisper put me to a stop.

“Ishida-san…”

I flinched, and turned around.

Ayase was still peacefully asleep. But I stepped forward for good measure.

No reactions, nothing.

I swear I heard her voice, but maybe that’s just my mind playing tricks on me.

She twists once again to the side.

“Stay.”

That confirms it.

Is she sleeptalking?

I trudged closer, and her head weaved side to side with a frown.

“Ishi…”

“Ayase, I’m here.” I whispered back.

“!!!”

Her arms jumped around the mattress, as if looking for something that doesn't want to be found.

Finally her hand, cold and trembling, landed on mine.

Tears are already welling up her tightly shut eyes, making my heart sink.

“Don’t go,” she followed—eyes still shut.

I started to tug her shoulders as she started to squirm feverishly.

“Ayase!” I exclaimed.

“Please don’t…” she begs, much to an unseen enemy.

I pulled her harder in desperation, cold sweat already forming all over me.

“I’m here, Ayase!” I muttered, panic lacing beneath my words. “Come on!”

The bedsheet was already in ruins, pillows already being kicked out from the mattress.

“Ishida-san!” she finally snaps, her head cocking upward instantly.

Her hand rummages on the bed sheet as she breathes rapidly.

“I-Ishida..san…where are you?”

Her eyes kept searching, until they landed on mine.

She paused, and her tears started to fall.

“You’re here,” she muttered slowly.

“I am…”

She leans forward, her head landing just right on my shoulders.

And a short moment passed before she broke.

“I dreamt of you,” she sobs. “leaving me forever…”

I returned an embrace and she melted between my arms.

“You know me.” I remarked. “You know I’ll never.”

My hands started to caress her back, trying to calm her down. Her figure trembled against mine, and I could feel her warmth cruising to me.

Her skin was soft and supple to the touch. Everything about her felt human.

Ayase was completely different from every Sentinel I had encountered.

“I’m so sorry for lying all the time…”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Even if,” she sniffles, “I’m not a human?”

“Whatever you are,” I responded. “Haven't we already talked about it last time?”

She didn't reply immediately. She simply let out quiet sobs against me, grasping to my clothes.

I feel like talking to a child at this point.

“I thought…” she pauses, “I'd never see you again after that.”

I sighed, a part of me sinking. I always acted as gently as I could, to never intimidate her, but it seems that what happened on that night got really the worst of both of us.

“You know,” I started, pulling her closer. “Wherever you will go, whenever we will be separated, you know that I will always come look for you and try to save you. That's not because I have ulterior motives just like your past owners did, but it's because I am indebted to how you changed my life. So thank you for that.”

The words came out smoothly, and I felt her returning the embrace. She pressed me against her chest, a soft and warm feeling met my cheeks. It was like a pillow, except it never was.

My face…was planted between her bosoms—and I was being cradled like a baby.

I couldn’t quite register the feeling because it was my first time being in this situation. It was somehow comfortable and heavenly.

My cheeks and ears started to feel hotter than usual, but before I could pull away, she spoke.

“Can we stay like this for longer?”

I hesitantly nodded, while she ruffled my hair. “Sure thing.”

She let me feel her warmth, keeping me close for a few moments until I cannot stand embarrassment anymore.

“Ayase?” I called out, retorting my head back slightly.

No reply.

When I brushed her hair backwards, she was already asleep.

A smile formed on my lips.

“You really, really feel like not a Sentinel at all.” I whispered, much to myself as I lay her down on the bed gently.

I pulled the blanket and covered her, glancing at her one last time before pulling my phone and heading out.

***

“Am I a bother? I feel like taking away your precious time. You should’ve stayed in the diner.”

“You already pulled me here and now you're pushing me away?” Akio-san responds, brows sharpening in disappointment. “Quit joking around, kid. Besides, it’s been a long while since I dropped by—”

He pauses, and pinched the air. “When you were this little.”

I didn't respond. Everything he said was right.

And it hurts my pride.

His eyes explore the living room, and he lets out a smirk as he finishes.

“Kinda not the house I imagined it would be, I'm impressed.”

He stood next to the refrigerator, ruffling with the handle.

“She arranged it for me.” I answered. “Quite an impossible task, but she went through and did it.”

Akio-san huffs in return, opening up the fridge.

“Now look at who's being babysit.” he remarks, picking up two bottles of beer. “Thought you were the one giving her acts of service but it was a big turnaround.”

He turns around and gives me a condescending grin. “Pretty keen on abusing your girlfriend, aren’t we?”

“Hell no!” I snapped, my cheeks starting to burn. “Whatever I earned from working at the diner, it went on the new appliances!”

Our efforts are just mutual, simply saying.

“I know, kid,” he replies. “So what’s the real catch?”

This time, Akio-san sounded flat and serious.

The beers thud against the table with a fizz, cold water rippling on the bottle.

But I stood silent. Unable to think, unable to speak.

Unable to figure out where to start.

Noticing my silence, he turns to me sharply, testing me. “This is not about money, are we?”

“Y-yeah…” I slowly admitted.

“Then spill,” he follows up.

It was at this point that my words would’ve come out smoothly, but it choked behind my tongue. But my concern about bothering him felt heavier, so I mustered the courage up.

“Ayase’s a Sentinel.”

Akio-san choked, clearly dumbfounded.

Silence descends to the kitchen.

And the words I just said left a taste of ash on my mouth.

“Sentinel?” he repeated, as if he couldn't believe it. “Where the hell did she get that level of companionship?”

He pauses, contemplating. But his eyebrows sharpen when he realizes it, and our eyes meet.

“She’s an AURA.” he concludes, voice low and cold.

I nod. “And I cannot find her Sentinel ID. She’s probably an experimental model.”

A bottle takes flight straight to me, but I managed to catch it.

“You little shit.” Akio-san muttered. “You’re killing her. Your presence is giving her a forced death wish.”

As soon as I heard it, I filled my throat with alcohol.

The truthness in his words sent daggers straight to my chest. But what’s more painful is that Ayase is fully aware, yet she doesn’t care about the consequences.

“What can I do?” I questioned, voice starting to crack in desperation. “I wanted to run, to escape. To discard her forever—but she keeps chasing and chasing me, trying to save me at all times. And I’m afraid that I am also falling into the same crap. I’m afraid that I already forgave her kind about what they did to my parents, and I’m afraid that I am falling deeper, more than the feelings of caring.”

I stepped closer, eyes pinned on the floor, and grasped Akio-san’s shoulder.

“I’m afraid that we are already dependent on each other. I’m afraid that I will always take lengths to save her. So tell me how stopping her is still an option?”

Akio-san watches me for a long moment, his fingers drumming lightly on the table. His usual sharp gaze softens just a fraction, but his jaw remains tight, like he's holding something back.

He lets out a slow sigh before grabbing his own bottle, twisting the cap off with a sharp pop and standing up.

“Honestly, you’re in the deep shit you created.” he finally speaks, taking a gulp.

I don’t answer. What else is there to say?

Akio-san pats my shoulder twice, a smile forming on his lips.

“You were always this stubborn, Haru.” he remarks. “Always kept your head low, never let people in. But now, look at you.” He gestures vaguely at me with his bottle. “Getting tangled up with an AURA of all things.”

The way he says it, AURA, makes my stomach twist.

He’s not wrong.

“Tell me,” he continues, voice quieter now, “Are you ready for what comes next?”

I stiffen. “What do you mean?”

Akio-san clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Don’t play dumb. If she’s an AURA, if she’s been hiding from whatever hellhole she crawled out of, then there’s only one way this ends—someone will come looking for her.”

I exhale, running a hand through my hair. “They already found her. And those Sentinels are no jokes.”

He raises a brow. “And you're sitting here, sulking over feelings you can’t figure out?”

I grit my teeth. “It’s not that simple, Akio-san.”

I have fought lots and lots of them, and defeated them. I realized that most of the Sentinels back then used the same style of fighting, and it was programmed in them. One Sentinel reacts to something the same way as others do, creating a pattern.

However, AURAs have the capability to feel, empathize, become autonomous and…

Learn.

Just like humans, they have the capability to adapt and innovate. So fighting Allain and his cohorts the next time will just prove harder for me as they possibly have studied me and practiced counterattacks.

His expression shifts, something unreadable crossing his face.

Then, after a pause, he gets up, grabbing his beer and motioning for me to follow. “Where is she?”

I hesitated but pointed out the half-opened door beside us, and I eventually trailed after him.

We make our way down the hall, towards the bedroom.

Akio-san slowly pushes the door open, stepping inside without hesitation.

His eyes immediately land on Ayase, curled up on the bed, her pink hair cascading over the pillow like silk. The blanket is tugged up to her neck, and her face is relaxed, her lips slightly curled upward—as if she’s in the middle of a sweet dream.

That was a stark contrast to what she looked like earlier.

Akio-san stares for a moment, then—

“Pfft.”

He stifles a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well, damn,” he mutters. “Androids get fevers now? What’s next, they're gonna start catching colds too?”

I sigh. “Probably. She overheated last night.”

Akio-san whistles lowly, crossing his arms. “That’s rich. A Sentinel overheating from emotions? Kid, are you sure you didn’t bring home a human?”

I didn't respond.

Because I don’t know the answer myself. How I wish she was, but reality always hits otherwise.

“She looks real,” Akio-san continues, his voice quieter now. “Too real.”

He moves closer, observing her. The slow rise and fall of her chest, the way her fingers twitch slightly in her sleep.

“She even breathes…” he mutters, almost to himself.

I swallow hard. “Yeah.”

Akio-san exhales sharply through his nose. “Fuck it.”

He steps back, turning to face me fully. "So that’s why."

His expression is unreadable—somewhere between frustration and pity. He glances back at Ayase, sleeping peacefully, unaware of the storm raging inside my head.,

I frown. "Why what?"

Akio-san takes another swig of his beer before setting it down. He turns to me, his voice lower now, more careful.

“Listen, kid. I’m gonna tell you something, and you better really hear me.”

I nod slowly.

“If she’s got that much human in her…if she feels the way a person does, then she’s dangerous—not just to herself, but to you.”

I clench my fists. “I know that.”

“No, you don’t.” Akio-san shakes his head. “You’re too close, kid. Like I said, you’re killing her.”

“And she’s not willing to hold back herself.” I argued. “I already ordered her to shut her feelings down, but she doesn’t bulge. She cannot lie to herself anymore, and that’s her reason.”

He falls silent immediately, carefully studying the situation. After a short moment he starts to rub the crease between his eyebrows.

“Then brace for the inevitable.”

His words send a chill through me.

I want to know more. To at least learn how to prolong it.

But I can’t. Because deep down, I know that’s the only truth.

He sighs, rubbing his temples. “Look. I’m not telling you to dump her on the streets. But if you wanna keep her around, you better be prepared for what’s coming. And when that time comes…” He places a firm hand on my shoulder, squeezing it.

“You gotta choose, Haru.”

His grip tightens for just a second.

“Her…or your own survival.”

The words hang between us like a storm cloud.

I look past him, towards Ayase—her sleeping face, the way she clings to the blanket as if searching for warmth.

The truth is…

I don’t know if I can make that choice.

And that terrifies me.

He snaps his fingers. Pulling me back to reality.

“You’re being chased by her peers, and not just that,” he clears his throat. “You’re chasing and running out of time.”

I nod. “You’re right, Akio-san. But I’m always trying to survive in between.”

“If she already has that number of peers, then it’s obvious that she’s already active for quite a while now. It won’t be so long before she’s gone.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, hands curling into fists. My mind raced, trying to grasp onto something, anything that could change this.

But deep down, I know.

There’s nothing. The candles will soon burn out.

And that thought made my eyes moisten, something I haven’t felt in years.

"If she’s gonna go anyway," Akio-san suddenly says, interrupting my thoughts, "then make it count."

I looked up at him, blinking. Trying to hide what’s welling up in my eyes.

"What?"

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I don’t know what kind of twisted fate made her stick to you. But if she’s already on the way out, then at least let her live like a real person before she goes. Give her something good to hold onto. A life worth remembering, even if it’s short."

I stare at him, stunned.

"You mean…?"

"You know damn well what I mean." Akio-san glares at me. "You’ve been treating her like something in between. Not fully a human, not fully a machine. But if she feels like a person, if she wants to live like one, then why the hell are you hesitating?"

I feel something in my chest crack.

"Because I’m afraid," I admit. My voice is small and weak. "Afraid of losing her. Afraid of what it’ll do to me when she’s gone."

Akio-san scoffs. “Afraid, weak, hesitating and frightened. Honestly Haruki, fuck all of those negative feelings.”

Akio lifts one finger up, resetting my focus. “You’re already losing her. Every second you hesitate, every moment she spends caring about you, it’s already happening. So you have two choices: Either you waste what little time she has left pushing her away figuring out your damned feelings, or you make whatever’s left of her life worth something."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I was too afraid of getting attached and giving a damn worth of feelings, because the last time I did, it all went down the drain and tragedy.

And now, I'm afraid that I already did.

On the very first day we met. That day she brought me home and took care of me.

I look at Ayase again. She stirred, now cuddling onto the squishy plush that looked like me. On the way she holds it, like it’s her lifeline. Like she’s still clinging to something even in her dreams.

If she’s truly going to disappear…

Then I can’t waste the time we have left.

Even if it hurts.

Even if it breaks me.

I take a deep breath, steadying myself.

"How?" I finally ask. "How do I give her a life like that?"

Akio-san smirks. "Start by treating her like she’s alive, kid. Like she’s already human."

A human, it is. I believe that I treated her more than that.

So I nodded, finally recomposing myself.

“Thank you, again and again,” I spoke suddenly. “I may not have reached this far if not for you, Akio-san.”

“Shut the hell up.” he cuts immediately, rubbing the back of his neck. “I already told you many times to stop being cheesy.”

But I stepped forward, arguing, “But that’s how it’s supposed to be, right? You’re already my father at this point.”

He flinches, his air of composure breaking.

“Your what?” he questions with a frown. “I’m a gangster, a diner owner—not a goddamn babysitter!”

I chuckled at his sudden reaction. Akio-san is in a clear dose of panic.

“You sure would look cute if you ever were.” I mused.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m out of this shit.”

“Shh. Someone is sleeping.”

“Yeah, your fucking metal girlfriend.”

“Girl—what?!”

Our puns continued as the night loomed closer.

With more and more beers we took, the more lessons I understood.

Maybe, everything doesn’t revolve around what I fear or what I cannot get.

Maybe, it’s all about everything I currently have.

Ayase, especially.

And if her time is already limited…

Then I’ll make every second count.