Chapter 3: Shadows on the Horizon

Chapter 3: Shadows on the Horizon

When Charlotte was twelve years old, her older brother went to sea for the first time.
The whole family had long been expecting this, and it wasn't surprising—Bristol was a port city, after all, and every local boy grew up steeped in the atmosphere of seafaring.
They greeted the dawn at the port, just as they spent their evenings bidding farewell to ships as they sailed into the dark abyss.
The spirit of adventure and the potential dangers inspired young, childish hearts to test their own worth in a battle against the elements.

Charlotte, however, had always been completely indifferent to it. Since childhood, she had been terrified of water and couldn't understand what was so fascinating and mysterious about it.
Why venture into the darkness without knowing what awaited you there? It was far more pleasant to feel the solid ground beneath your feet, to enjoy nature's gifts, and to greet the same sunrise every morning. Here, it was warm, her feet were always dry, and her loved ones were nearby.

The night before her brother's departure, she had a strange dream. In it, she was drifting in a small boat, all alone, amidst the quiet waters of the ocean.
The moon blazed with an eerie, acid-green glow, blinding her eyes.
Charlotte stood up and tried to call for help, but she couldn't make a sound, as if she were mute.
Yet the sea understood her. Suddenly, amid the calm stillness, a wave rose and carried her boat at tremendous speed, and an island began to appear on the horizon.

As she approached the shore, she saw her father standing there. Beside him was her brother, but he looked much older. Next to them stood an unfamiliar man, holding a little girl in his arms.

They waved to her from the shore, calling her to join them, and Charlotte rowed toward them with all her might.
But when she was just a short distance from the shore, the boat stopped, and it began to drift quietly in the opposite direction.
Charlotte rowed with all her strength, her hands bruising against the transparent thickness of the water, but neither the sea nor the boat obeyed her.

She tried to scream again, but before she could utter a word, she found herself on the shore—right where her loved ones had been standing.
But now they were in her boat, slowly drifting into the dark unknown.

There was no sadness or disappointment on their faces; no, they were smiling... And Charlotte, clinging to the golden sand, wept silently, unable to utter a single word.

Charlotte didn't immediately understand what that dream meant. As a child, it simply frightened her. She wanted to share it with her brother but held back, fearing she might jinx his first voyage.
Later, she simply forgot about it—after all, everything went well, and a year and a half later, her brother returned from a successful expedition.
The years passed, and she came to terms with the danger that loomed over her brother at sea every day. But six years after she first had that dream, it came to her again.

It was the same, but this time, only her brother and father were in the boat.
A week later, news arrived that her brother's ship hadn't survived a storm, and the entire crew—except for one cabin boy—had perished.

Charlotte's entire family was shattered by the news. Her father couldn't believe his firstborn was gone and became obsessed with the idea of finding him, while her mother cried endlessly through the nights.
Charlotte, on the other hand... She didn't know what to feel. Like the others, she was devastated, but even more, she was consumed by guilt. Guilt for not telling anyone about the dream, for not doing anything—though, as it seemed to her, she could have.

After the family lunch, Emily's tutor arrived, with whom she studied almost every day, so she went to her room to study, leaving Tom and Charlotte alone at last.

- We've got a wonderful daughter.

- As cunning as her father.

- I'd say as wise as her mother. Who at her age would want to sit with books?

- Wisdom comes with age... I don't think it's about the books.

- Sometimes, when I look at you, I feel like you were born as wise as you are now.

- Really?

- Yes... Your eyes... It's like they see right through things, straight to the essence...

- And that's all?

- And they're incredibly beautiful... But lately, they've been sad almost all the time. Did something happen? What upset you today?

- Just Emily's story about Mia's father.

It was Tom who started this conversation. Perhaps deep down, he hoped Charlotte would simply say, "Everything's fine, Tom, don't worry." But no... And that wouldn't have happened anyway—his Charlotte might stay silent for a long time, but she would never hide the truth from him.

- Well, Charlotte... Are you sure you want to talk about this again?

- I understand everything, but I can't get it out of my head that you don't have to go to sea anymore. You've been awarded the Order of the Garter, everyone in town respects you. We don't have, and never will have, money troubles. And as for Emily growing up, I won't even start on that. With all this in mind... Why put yourself in danger?

- We've talked about this a hundred times. Being a sailor, sailing the sea—it's the only thing I've dreamed of since I was a child.

- And you've done it! You've seen so much, lived through so many adventures. And it's a miracle that you've come back every time.

- Charlotte, you know I can't just sit at home. But I can't live without you and Emily either. And the fact that we keep coming back to this question depresses me immensely. It's the same thing every time.

- I know about your childhood dream. And if you haven't noticed, I've always supported it. But now, it's not just me waiting for you at home. You have a daughter now. Have you ever thought about the fact that every time I see you off at the port, it's like I'm watching the gods flip a coin? I don't know if I'm seeing you for the last time or if the gods will be merciful and I'll get to rejoice at your return.

- But every time I've come out on top! The gods are on my side. And you've had a hundred chances to see that for yourself! Besides, it's not just about them. You said yourself I'm a good sailor and captain—do you really think I can't handle myself?!

- But you can't guarantee it'll be the same this time, or the next! You can't win every time. I know how skilled and strong you are, but at sea, it's not just up to you. If the sea wants to take you, it will, no matter how much you resist...

- Even if that's true! What if my fate is to die at sea?!

- Then don't go out there! Just stay with us. Tell Emily fairy tales, go to festivals with us. Joke with me like you did today. Most importantly—stay safe and stay alive. For as long as possible.

- Fine! And then you'll get a real me, but some lifeless imitation instead! Don't you understand!? The sea—it's... These last six years, while Emily's been growing up, I haven't been able to sleep properly. Every day and every night, I hear its voice. I've tried everything to drown it out, but it calls to me. It can't live without me, and I can't live without it!

- And we can't live without you... Don't you understand...

- But that wouldn't be me anymore...

Tom was both furious and depressed at the same time. This care, which had turned into some foolish lack of faith in his abilities... Did Charlotte still see him as that small, weak boy who couldn't fend for himself?
Why did she think he was so weak?! Hadn't he proven to her over the years that he'd be fine—that he was the one in charge at sea, not the other way around?
Tom wanted to shout... He was already exhausted... But he didn't want to upset Charlotte. After all... Nothing in this world was worth even a single tear shed by his beloved Charlotte. And lately, she had been crying. A lot.
Because of him...

- Where are you going?!

- I'll go clear my head at the port and check if everything's ready for departure.

- But we haven't finished talking!!!

- Sorry, but I need to be alone.

- We'll finish this tonight.

- Wait...

Tom slammed the door, but in truth, he only opened another rift between himself and Charlotte.
A zugzwang... It must happen often in family life. Interestingly, a simple problem, like the one Tom faced, was actually far more complex than a complicated one.
As tautological as that might sound, the essence here was quite straightforward.
When you face a complex problem, you have countless ways to solve it. Take a storm, for example—Tom had often been caught in storms, teetering on the brink of death.
But when the elements try to ruin your existence from all sides, you can resist from all sides too. Depending on where it happens, the condition of the ship, the number of crew, and the weather conditions, you have plenty of options to avoid dying at sea.
You can simply wait it out by lowering the sails, you can cut down the masts, or you can try to catch the wind with tacks to escape the storm faster.

But when the problem is simple... Everything becomes far more complicated, because in such situations, there are no half-measures—you have to choose one option... And usually, it doesn't come without losses.
"Stay home with Charlotte."—That would mean pleasing his wife but condemning himself to a gray existence on land. It would mean stripping himself of passion, stealing the greatest dream of his childhood from the boy he once was.
"Go to sea."—That would mean breaking Charlotte's heart, which had already suffered so much. It would mean risking his family and, ultimately, risking death.
"Either-or," Tom...
But is that really how it has to be...?