3 - I'm Not A Hero So I Just Press [Return]

Why, you may ask?

Why not save the princess?
Why not dive into another world and claim your overpowered destiny?

Isn’t it every shut-in’s dream?

Yes. It is.
But I’m not a shut-in. (I swear?)
I’m a hobby writer.

Nevertheless—

A fantasy world!
Magical powers!
Girls prettier than your budget anime’s entire cast.
The Chosen One. The cheat code. The Returner.

But no.

Let me take you back.

The first time I saw the goddess?

Accident.
Total misclick.
I was just testing my skill—[Return]—a glorified escape key.

The second time, though?

That one wasn’t a mistake.

That was the system saying hello.
No, like literally.

Welcome, hero.

I woke up to a status screen.
Floating in the sky like some cursed AR pop-up from a game I didn’t install.

Name: Shuu
Level: 1
HP: 13
MP: 9
Skills:
- [Return] – Mastered
- [Writing] – Amateur

Great.
My god-tier escape skill and crippling self-doubt.

You really had to label it “Amateur,” huh?
That hurts, man.

That was it.
No sword.
No blessing.
No tutorial NPC.
Not even a cookie.

Who am I?

Jinwo*?

I looked ahead.

Horses. Reins.
A sparkling white carriage rolling up like it owned the horizon.

The princess’s honor guard, no doubt.
I could already hear the juicy backstory:

Cursed bloodline.
Secret heir.
Forbidden romance.

Yeah. She'd want all that.
Maybe she’d even explain the vaguely sentient, meta-aware status screen?

[SYSTEM TIP: If your Chosen One has not responded in 7–10 business days, please re-roll.]
[OLD WORLD LOCATED: Attempting forced escape will result in resummon attempt.]
[You cannot escape destiny. Please disable adblock to continue.]

Yeah, no.

“I’m not grinding for XP.
I already pay for W*W.”

[Return]

And just like that—I was back.

From there, I learned quickly:
They are people. Kind of.
More like... the idea of people.

But the worlds?

The worlds are like scripts written by a bad screenwriter on a sugar high.

I can feel it, every time—
What each character wants to say,
What role they’re about to play.

Just from a glance.

A tsundere dragon-maid with mismatched socks.
Temper like the scaly-tailed anime cliché she was modeled after.
A little puff of fire every time she ‘hmph’-ed at me.

...It was hard to walk away from that one.
Bless your heart, Aiko.

By the time the 14th princess offered me her kingdom and her heart,
I could finish their dialogue for them.

Sometimes, I even said it along with them.
Just for fun.

“Oh Hero! How I’ve awaited you!”

It felt wrong.
Like puppets with someone else’s hand up their back.

And not one—not one—ever asked me for my name.

Hero.
Savior.
Champion.
Chosen.

Exposition.
Panic.
Tears.
Sacrifice.

It’s always the same.

I’m not heartless.
I’m just… tired. (Writing is hard!)

Maybe that’s why, from the beginning,
I picked the one power that made sense for someone like me:

None.

No [Swordmaster].
No [Lightbringer].
No [Infinite Mana Core of the Ancient Celestial Phoenix Clan].

Because I’m not a hero.
I just press [Return].

I’m a writer.
And whether it’s heroism or fiction, I’m probably mediocre at both.
I just happen to enjoy one more than the other.

So nah.
I’m good.

I’ll write the story.
Just don’t expect me to star in it.

And I’d rather cheat fate than cheat with a stat screen.

But the worlds—
The genre and tropes I’d left behind—
They didn’t like that.

The more I refused, the more it corrected.

More portals.
More sudden flashes of light.
More freaking trucks.

(Gas prices are gonna skyrocket again.
Sorry, Okaa-san.)

Eventually… they started showing up here, too.

Perfectly over-proportioned princesses.
Elves with the idea of clothing.
Holy swords pummel-up, begging me to pull them from their stone prisons.

Yeah. They sent the entire sealed sword.
Rock and all.

What if I hurt my typing fingers?

The nerve.

I kicked them all out, obviously.

Well… most of them.

I’m not interested in a green-haired, busty beauty who thinks swooning over me will save her world—
Especially when I know her better from her hair color than she could ever know me through actual conversation.

I mean, isn’t that kinda wrong?
Feels like I’d be taking advantage of the situation, right?

Cherish yourself more, Princess 14-san.

...Even if Dragon-chan was pretty cute.
(It was the socks.)

And so it went.

That is…

Until I met him.

Next Time: Enter the Demon Lord! (He’s actually a total bro!)