Chapter 1 A fresh start

In addition to a king-size, fluffy, and cozy bed with numerous pillows and a cozy blanket, the walls were decorated with glitzy jewels and pure white. There was a lovely window next to me that overlooked the kingdom, the forest, the rivers, and numerous shelves filled with priceless books and foreign-language texts. I guess I have no choice but to accept the fact that I have been reincarnated, even though it took me some time—or rather, it hadn't really set in—that I'm in a new body and a whole new world. Maybe I didn't want to acknowledge it at all. Yes, a fresh start, a new body, and a new universe

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“"Like hell it is. I mean, why am I here? Why am I here, for crying out loud? I wish I could go back, sigh.

It took me a week, of course, to realize what I was getting into. It takes me a month to adjust to being a baby and a year to realize that I'm in a whole new world. I've seen this described in books and video games, but who would have guessed that it would be real?

I say this while staring out a window. In some way, the cool, fresh air cools me as it hits my face. It was challenging to grow up and get used to my new small size as Eliana. My real body as Diana was tall. Naturally, I embraced it, and before long, I was taller than the majority of my friends and relatives. The majority of them teased and were envious of me, but I never really had any problems overall, so naturally, I had a lot of issues that developed gradually. I'm eleven years old now, which is definitely a long way off.

Eliana Whosefors has a stunning appearance. Even at the tender age of eleven, Eliana's long, straight golden hair, her slender arms and legs, her beautiful, pure white skin that almost resembles a doll, her large blue eyes that almost resemble the pure blue sea, and finally her flat chest and slender waist speak volumes about how stunning and beautiful she truly is. In addition, the dress I'm wearing is a mix of blue and red, which surprisingly complements my features.

When I saw myself in the mirror, I nearly passed out because I was almost as shocked as anyone else. I would have undoubtedly cursed myself if it had been a dream, but fortunately it is reality, so I have made the decision to try my best this time to live a better life free of regrets.

The forests, the way people talk, the fantasy elements, the foreign literature, the use of magic, and of course the topography all made this entire scene seem like a real fairy tale dream straight out of a book. This entire experience felt very much like a dream. I suppose I'm still dreaming. I'll still do my best to live this life, even though I'm the only one who knows that I've been reincarnated and am not the real Eliana. If I played my cards right then I can live a fairly good life here I can’t expect a normal life here but then again I’ve got thirty years of experience so I’m sure it’ll be smooth sailing from here.

Keeping that in mind, I carefully shut the window, keeping out the cool, fresh air, and left my room. I wasn't hiding here; I was just exhausted and needed a break. Along with a lovely, long, reddish carpet that extended to the end, the hall was also embellished with jewels. The kingdom's yard and entrance were also reflected in the windows. Fortunately, I was not alone, so I stayed in my room and attempted to read and write this foreign text. Occasionally, Father and Mother would leave in a carriage, leaving me alone with the maids, who work diligently here.

For this, there were numerous tongues. The commoners' language, which was naturally used by the common people; the ancient language, which was used by people in the past; and finally, the royal language, which is usable by royals like me. It seems to have been used for convenience as well as a means of distinguishing and better understanding them.

So, day after day, month after month, year after year, I studied them all one by one and became somewhat better at it, or at least sufficiently so that I could have a reasonably decent conversation with them. For that reason alone, I was relieved to get to the end of the hallways.

I watched the maids clean up after the family dinner. As they cleaned it up, they didn't even look at me.

I chose to ignore them and went to the backyard terrace, where I saw my mother sitting elegantly, reading a book and sipping tea, with a trusted maid standing beside her, ready to pour her tea whenever she asked. Given her wrinkles and whitened hair, Mother was obviously getting older. Despite having a grandmotherly demeanor, her beauty never diminished, and I could tell just by looking at her that realized that Eliana's mother was the source of her beauty.

She saw me approaching, and she smiled softly. Her blue eyes, which mirror the ocean like mine, were genuinely soft, but they had seen a lot. She made me feel much safer and a little threatened. She was gentle, kind, and occasionally stern, but not to the point of being mean.

She knew when to be nice and when not to be, and she was aware of her boundaries. She gradually and clearly explained to me what was right and wrong, as well as how to behave and speak like a noble. When I had nightmares, she soothed me. She lavished me with attention, but not to the point where I became reliant on her. I respected her for wanting me to follow my own path, but naturally, I kept it to myself.

"Elly, just the right moment! Would you like to have tea with me? My dear Elly, it's the sweet herbal tea that you enjoyed.

In a gentle voice, Mother invited me to join her for tea. Yes, I do adore Mother. I went over there to meet Mother. When the maid serving Mother arrived, she poured me tea with grace and skill. When it was filled, the maid stepped back, and I took a tiny, elegant sip. The tea itself and its green hue rose beautifully within the little teacup. As Mother had mentioned, this herbal tea was particularly my favorite; I loved how its sweet scent and sweetness helped to calm me.

"My dear Elly will be married to a handsome and trustworthy man in just five years. How could I ever let you go, Elly, my beautiful Elly?

I nearly spat out my tea when I heard the words "husband" and "betrothed" used together. I could still feel the trauma and fear of men in general, and I was clearly trembling. I set down the teacup slowly and made an effort to say, "I don't want to get married. I'm not like everyone else. I dislike men, but naturally I

didn't say it aloud. I didn't hold it against Mother because I understood her intentions. She wanted me to be happy, so I could see why she wanted me married, but I obviously didn't want to interact with men in general. Even though I lived for thirty years in my previous life, my trauma and fear did not suddenly disappear.

In addition, I was never completely comfortable around strangers and was always on guard around my family or those I truly trusted. The truth kept getting stuck in my throat, even though I wanted to refuse to tell my mother. I felt guilty for lying to her and to myself by only agreeing with her.

“Indeed, Mother, I am thrilled to wed a solid and trustworthy man in order to honor my parents.”

When I made my declaration, Mother's eyes widened. Was it not what she had anticipated? Was she aware that I was lying? Even though I couldn't tell yet, I could tell she was sad in some way. She said something unexpected next, but I wasn't sure why yet.

"Oh, Elly, we're content with your happiness and health; you don't need to make us proud. Yes, it is important to be happy and married. Nothing matters more than your happiness, Elly, my love. I promise to be there for you no matter what route you choose. Mother said in a matter-of-fact manner

I wanted to express everything and reveal the truth that had been causing me pain for years before I even arrived here. Simply put, her warmth and gentleness made me feel incredibly afraid I didn't want her to think poorly of me. I wanted her to think well of me and give me compliments. I did not wish for her to be depressed. Despite all of the kindness and pressure, I was only able to nod and continue lying to myself, feeling horrible and guilty, even though I truly wanted her to be happy and content.

When my mother noticed that I wasn't feeling well, she put her warm, strong hand—which is covered in scars—up to my head and patted it like a mother would to a child who was looking worried.

"I apologize, Elly. Did I push you too hard? I sincerely apologize, Elly.

My mom said in a dejected manner.

Her warmth and kindness made me feel even worse every time. Like a Guinea pig waiting to die, I felt imprisoned and confined. In the hopes that it would smooth me out, remove all of this from me, reform me, and make me someone who could make anyone happy, I could only lean into that warmth wand kindness.

Why, oh, why, am I being tortured like this? I wanted to flee to a paradise where I had everything I needed, had said everything I needed to say, and was at peace. Why can't I act normally?

Under all that stress, I nearly started crying and got up to excuse myself. I turned down my mother's generosity and fled in sympathy. The maids were staring at me oddly, but I ignored them once more. Right now, I wanted to be by myself in the dark and not have anyone look at me.

and simply drift off. I locked myself in my room and sobbed uncontrollably in my bed because I felt so guilty and under so much pressure. All I want is for myself to be normal already. I wish I hadn't been reincarnated as Eliana or even traumatized by men. God, why did you bring me back to this world? Why? Oh, why? Please respond, tell me why.

Why, why, why am I unable to be truthful with myself? Saying that is simple, but it turns out to be a lie, and I end up lying to myself once more. Actually, now that I think about it, I was never truly honest with myself. Yes, obviously not. I am the worst, the worst—why can't I just be normal? It's easy: this is how I was born. I was not a straight girl at birth; I was a lesbian.

I could never truly identify with dreamy, strong men because who wants them? It's that easy.

I simply am different, and I will always be this way. I would never find any man attractive or trustworthy. Of course, a dream is just a dream, nothing more, nothing less, but I would rather have a woman and only them. If only—oh, if only—I could sometimes be honest with myself.