Chapter 7: Echoes in the Stillness

Tide's Reversal
Chapter 7: Echoes in the Stillness

It's impossible to say how long Tom lay on that cliff, but when he came to, it was already evening.
Whether it was the same day or the next didn't matter much.
The only relief was that he had finally managed to rest properly.
Even if in such a strange way.

This time, Tom didn't forget the dream, Steffen, or the voice that had spoken to him. He wandered the city streets for a long while, lost in his thoughts. And he had plenty to ponder.
On one side, Charlotte's worries, the peaceful life on land; on the other, that strange voice calling to him, the one that had taken Steffen.

That old man definitely knew something... But what?

The night outside had grown deep, and he hoped Emily and Charlotte were already asleep—but in vain.

- Mama, Mama! Daddy's back!

- Hello, sunshine!

- I was waiting for you. I stood here all evening to meet you.

- How lucky I am to have a daughter like you.

The warmth of home and the sweet presence of Emily briefly dispersed the clouds of worry over Tom's head, but not for long.
He berated himself for the lack of strength and will standing between him and his family.

- I know! You always said I'm the best daughter in the world.

- It's true! And I've seen the world! It's vast and grand, and amid all its wonders, you're the greatest miracle I've ever witnessed.

Tom wasn't lying. His life had been full of adventures, often teetering on the edge of death, but all of that paled in comparison to the day he first saw Emily.
A tiny bundle of life, as if appearing from nowhere. But behind that "nowhere" lay the effort and strength Charlotte had poured into that moment—and Tom understood that.

- And you and Mama are the greatest miracle I've ever seen!

- By the way, where's our mother?

- She was waiting for you too, but when it got dark, she told me to go to my room.

- So why are you here now?

- I wanted to ask Mama to sing me a lullaby. But I heard her crying in her room. I didn't know what to do, couldn't sleep, started worrying. I thought if I met you and told Mama, she'd be happy and stop crying.

- You're a very good daughter, Emily. But we can't delay now. Since I'm here, everything will be alright. It's time for you to go to bed, and for me to save Mama.

- Save her from who? Did a witch steal her joy, so she'll cry forever?

- No, daughter. She was enchanted by a weak-willed, foolish wizard. He's very dumb and selfish. I think I'll deal with him quickly, and Mama won't be sad anymore.

- I knew everything would be okay when you came back!

- Of course! Now, Boatswain Warren, time to inspect your bed.

- Aye, aye, Captain Warren!

As Emily closed her door and blew him a final air kiss, Tom nearly broke into tears.
From his perspective, he truly didn't deserve this. Emily was too clever and too good a girl for a father like him.

He simply didn't deserve such a miracle.
And if he thought about it, he could spend his strength and time becoming worthy of it.
Worthy of Charlotte's efforts and Emily's kindness.
Perhaps this was what Richard had meant back at the port: "I believe in you, Captain."
But Steffen...
Tom's greatest sorrow lay there. If he abandoned his desires and ambitions, if he chose to part with the sea and the mystery of that unknown voice that took Steffen, he would cease to exist.
In his place, a mere gray shadow would walk the world, while his true self rotted away at the bottom of his being.

He felt ashamed and sad, but he understood this wasn't the answer. That solution wasn't his.
His answer lay somewhere out there... Somewhere beyond the horizon, in the mouth of that voice calling and beckoning him.
But to uncover those secrets, to finally connect all the dots, he needed to talk to Charlotte, who was now alone... waiting for him.

- Charlotte...

- You don't need to whisper... I can't sleep. Even lavender didn't help. What about Emily? I heard her calling me?

- Everything's fine now. She greeted me. We talked a bit, and she went to bed... I checked on her before coming to you. She's sleeping like a baby.

- Ha, Tom, she still is a baby.

- But you always say when I pick her up that she's already grown. And that we won't blink before she's all grown up.

- True, but that's for later. For now, she's our little girl. If only I could fall asleep as easily and carefree in my bed like she does.

The last sentence slipped out involuntarily. Charlotte wanted to end their conversation, but certainly not now—not after such a heavy day for both of them.
She felt deeply ashamed yet simultaneously relieved, for now the inevitable would finally happen.

- It's all because of me and what happened this afternoon.

- No, it's my fault. I'm just a naive fool who selfishly thought I was saving you from yourself, but I was only doing what was best for me.

Charlotte went on the offensive. She could no longer hold it all inside. Now was the time to say everything—even if Tom objected, even if he disagreed...

- You were right.

- Don't try to flatter me, Tom. I made a mistake. I knew who you were from the start. You can't live without the sea. Home here with me and Emily—it's chains that don't let you breathe freely. And it's always been that way. I saw it and knew it would be like this from the beginning. What's more...

Charlotte paused, her breath catching. Words poured out of her like a torrent, ignoring everything in their path—even Charlotte herself, who began to feel slightly breathless.

- Don't interrupt me! What's more, I fell in love with you exactly as you are. A boy with a passionate, fiery gaze, facing dangers head-on. Turning darkness into boundless sunlit spaces. Wasn't I foolish to think it would ever pass? Wasn't I a fool to want a different Tom? All this time, I've seen how miserable you are here.

A lump slowly rose in Charlotte's throat. Tears, seemingly from nowhere, began to flow—first slowly, then with full force—from her beautiful, crystalline eyes.
What a sad beauty.

- I tried to make it so you'd feel good here. So you'd feel free and happy with us. But your happiness... I can't reach it. It's beyond my grasp. With me, you wither, while at sea, you're your true self.
Isn't it a crime to take that from you?

- I'm so confused myself. Now I don't even know what 'living' means to me.
And who I am, for that matter. It's as if I can't taste the air—it doesn't exist for me. I tried so hard to breathe, but felt nothing. Somehow, it now seems like all these years, a mirage born of my thoughts lived in my place while I dozed at the bottom of myself. But I'm not even sure if 'I' exist at all.
My eyes, in recent years, have only seemed open.
Of course, I thought it was because I stayed home instead of sailing.
After all, that's what I've done my whole life.
But now I'm not sure. Ha, Charlotte...

Tom wanted to mention the voice, Richard's words, Steffen—but that would only make things worse.
Then Charlotte would worry even more. She'd fear for Emily, and this conversation would end badly, even if she understood him.

- Stop blaming yourself. It's just that I couldn't handle it.
I should have tried harder. I should have accepted that God gave me only half of you. What a fool I am...! I thought I could be content with that, but I wanted a bigger piece. I longed for what I had no right to, no strength for, no faith in...
Tom, maybe I just misunderstood everything?

- What do you mean, Charlotte?

- These past few days, I've been thinking. Maybe this is just my fate.

- Your fate?

- Perhaps God sent me into this world to learn humility? My soul hasn't mastered that lesson perfectly yet! Maybe it's punishment for all my sins? To bid farewell and lose all the men dear to me to the sea?

- Don't say that! Listen... Whatever happens, no one and nothing can take me from you. Or you from me. That much I know, as clear as day! It's the only truth my mind can grasp. The only ray my eye can catch.

- But... It took them all... EVERYONE, TOM!!! My brother, my father, and now...

- Shh... You told me that yourself.

Charlotte could no longer hold back her tears. Behind that crystalline, sincere flood, her words became unintelligible.

- When we first married, I was just a foolish boy.
Winds and dreams of distant islands roamed my head. Lands where no human foot had stepped. I loved lying on the bowsprit, dreaming of the elements bending to my will.
But I was just a boy living in my dreams. Then, into my ordinary life came the extraordinary you.
Before meeting you, I only read about wonders and magic.
But only after you entered my life did it truly shimmer with magical light.
It was you who told me not to fear despair.
Only by knowing despair can a person find their true self.
Only when you lose everything do you truly begin to possess something.
And that something—is you. You yourself.

- Because for God, all things are possible... And one must simply believe. Only in moments of despair can one truly believe...

- With those very words, you call me home in moments of storm or calm when I'm out there. So I beg you... Don't say that. Because our love...

- Is eternal. One day I'll die. One day you will too. But we! Our 'we,' our true and sincere 'we,' will be etched forever in the starry heavens, nearly on par with God.

- Charlotte... I need this expedition. I don't know why, but I feel that this time, I'll understand. I'll bring back the colors... This will be the last time.

- Don't promise what you can't keep.

- I'll take Emily and you boating. Maybe I'll train young sailors. But on this last expedition, I'll find my soul and put it back where it belongs.

I'll bring it back to us.

- I could never stop you.

- One last time...

- One last time.

- You won't even notice how quickly I'll be back home.

- Or maybe you won't recognize Emily when you return.

- I'll recognize Emily even when she's 97. And you too!

- I know it makes no sense, but could you... Could you please promise me you'll be alright?

- I promise. Now, I'll return home at any cost. For God will curse me if I break an oath to you.

- I'll pray for your return. If only I could do more!

- Do what you've always done when I was at sea. Just believe in my return. As the first humans believed in dawn during the darkest night. Believe and call me. Your voice can tame the waves, shatter lightning, and dissolve rains on my path. Call me, and I'll surely find my way home.

- Every night, I'll whisper a prayer for you.

- If you do, I'll hear it. And I'll return. Then our constellation will be born.

The greatest gift—and the greatest torment—from the gods to humanity is choice.
The choice between what's right and what one desires.
On one side of the shilling, a burning desire—the only thing real in this wheel of Samsara.
The sole glimmer of light amid the cold, lifeless bodies of planets.
On the other, the gray, rigid "must." Without this "must," any "want" loses its taste, its meaning, its colors.
Anyone who has ever desired something has faced this oxymoron.
So too did Tom.
It's unknown which answer is correct. It's unknown what we should do.
If only, after the fair-haired angels press their fingers to our lips, they'd hand us an instruction manual.
But this is our stone. One we must push to the summit through pain and suffering. Oh gods, let it not roll back down.

Night claimed dominion over the world, casting darkness upon the earth. But darkness is merely the absence of light. Thankfully, at least today, the Warren home glowed with light.
Tom and Charlotte had finally reached an agreement, finding a fragile balance between "want" and "must."
But from the darkness, eyes watched them—eyes displeased with this arrangement.
Yet this made it all the more interesting... The fragile is so much more satisfying to break...