(V3) Chapter 5: Masks Are Meant to be Peeled

At first, I was anxious if we're going to share the same bed. But seeing two futons in the bedroom, I sighed in relief.

A single lamp lit up the space between us and a couple of books lay open beside each futon. The walls were neat and white, devoid of personal belongings.

The room was silent, except the faint patter of the storm from the ceiling.

Takamine-san laid on the left bed, her hair still slightly damp, tied in a loose bun. She picks up a book and flips through the pages carefully, pausing every so often in a gentle focus I rarely seen.

I saw her face across my futon, how her slight movements caught in the darkness and the lamplight. She was pretty in both ways, like a porcelain doll.

I picked up my own book and pressed my back against the wall, letting the silence take over us.

"How was the rain?" she spoke softly.

"It was…" I hesitated, "memorable."

She lowers the book, enough to shoot a glance at me.

"I find your answer unsatisfactorily."

"Why?" I asked. "Do you want to hear that I like being in the rain in an instant?"

"At least I expected you to make a good impression of it." she giggled lightly, putting aside the book. "After all, you're with me."

And now, she's looking at me expectantly.

The question might be a trap, maybe not. Either way, I have to play my cards well.

“It was fun. At first, I was just going with the flow. And then…I saw you, and the way you talked about how the rain was freeing…it moved me. It made me realize that your recklessness had a deeper meaning, so I dove into it.”

“Because I don't have to be perfect when below the rain. And the feeling is exhilarating.”

My eyes landed on the book title. "The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown". Takamine-san already pulled her blanket up to her neck and closed her eyes.

I really wanted to talk about that book, and how that's going to change her life. At some point, I thought of stealing it all over.

And my thoughts got ahead of me, making the words slip.

“Flaws are a blessing, a thrilling journey to take. A big window to jump out of.”

Her gaze landed on me, eyes caught in surprise, although I never meant to.

Perfection is the end of growth, the end of connection, the end of truly living. What's interesting about a character who never stumbles, never learns?

After a few minutes of still reading, drowsiness started creeping in so I put my book down gently and lied my head down.

I closed the bedside lamp and the room fell into complete darkness.

But then, Takamine-san suddenly spoke.

“Hey,” she called softly. “What does Miyamoto-kun mean to you?”

I turned to her and opened my eyes, as if it would make anything visible. A montage of images flashed through my mind; the memory of Ayase's desperation, her gentle gaze and her kindness. Everything I felt for her seemed as if it was only yesterday.

“You’ll probably think it’s weird if I answer this question, considering that I’ve known Ayase for less than 2 months.” I chuckled bitterly.

"So that means, you met her on the night I rejected you?"

That question caught me off guard. I don't know if telling what really happened after that would change anything between us, but for some reason, that question made my lips twitch and my fingers clench.

“Well…yes.”

"Are you happy?"

"Huh?"

"Were you happy that night?"

I thought for a minute before answering.

"Happy, probably. If I were able to kill myself that night."

"Eh?"

I bet that reaction said it all. Everyone would be really surprised if I told them that I tried to kill myself after a damned rejection.

In retrospect, I had suffered more than that years back. Deaths, betrayals, loneliness and…accidents.

Some were in my very own hands. At their expense.

But I had to admit that Takamine-san's rejection was the trigger. It really evoked the question about my own value, the thing I'm fighting for, and if this life is still worth living.

"Then out of nowhere, I heard her. And she needed saving more than I do. Guilt would've followed me in the afterlife if I hadn't saved her."

"So that means?"

"She was getting attacked by her employer that night. I came to the rescue, and saved her instead. I thought of trying to do it again after that, but seeing her, hopeless in everything, crushed me more. We saved each other in a sense. But in doing so, we became even closer to each other."

"How romantic."

"Romantic?” I hissed, a loud thump growing over my chest. “I don't even see her as one. But whatever. That's what I decided that night. No matter what, I'll protect her until I can't anymore. I couldn't live knowing something so cruel had been done to her before. And besides…there's nothing else left for me."

“How about me?” she asked, and it surprised me.

“…What?”

“Do I mean something to you too?”

Silence.

For some reason, that question embarrassed the hell out of me. I don't know what is the issue she is trying to press, and the hardest part is, It's an instinct to make a good impression out of this.

I fail, then this moment is over.

"What kind of question is that?" I laughed it off.

She is probably rolling her eyes at this point.

"I'm asking. Am I important to you too?"

Then—

“Yeah. You do. You are someone dependable, and you help the classroom at times of need.”

“That all?”

“I mean—as a student council president, your trust ratings says all about your performance. This year, you peaked at 96%, and that was the school record. The last time we had a 90% trust rating—oh, when whas that? Fifteen years ago?”

Crap. I think I said too much.

Takamine-san didn’t say anything for a while.

And the feeling of discomfort started growing internally.

"I see. Good night, Ishida-kun.”

I sighed. A much needed relief.

“Good night, Takamine-san.”

In the dark, I listened to the sound of her breathing.

And for the first time in years, I concluded that I didn’t hate the rain as much as before.

Because this time, it brought somebody back.

Click.

The warm amber glow of the night lamp hummed into existence.

Click.

The light turned weaker, a faint night light.

Sleep hadn't visited me, so I shut my eyes again. It's just probably Takamine-san getting up to use the bathroom or to drink some water.

"Are you still awake, Ishida-kun?"

I groaned, and rose up to a sitting position.

"Yeah. Let me guess, afraid of ghosts?"

No reaction. I guess this is bad timing for fooling around. After all, there's just the two of us here and the rain hasn't stopped.

There were no sounds of slippers against wood or a door creaking open.

It was footsteps—deliberate. Closer. Then, the subtle sound of fabric shifting, falling.

My heart started to race. The way she walked towards me raised alarms that there is something wrong happening in here.

When she got close enough, that's where I saw the real deal in front of me.

I choked on my own breath. Takamine-san climbed up my futon and sat on top of me, her long black hair falling loosely over her shoulders.

My eyes darted away, and her uniform and skirt lay crumpled behind her.

"Hey," she called out. "Are you sure you're not going to look at me? Am I not good looking enough?"

My cheeks reddened instantly. I tried my best to hide my flustered face, ignoring the fact that she was only wearing a pair of black underwear in front of me.

I gulped, "What are you doing, Takamine-san?"

My voice barely made a sound.

She held my face with one hand, forcing me to glance at her straight to the eye.

Those sharp blue eyes…had turned soft and sultry. Her cheeks held an eternal blush.

"I thought you'd stop me sooner as I clambered up here." she whispered quietly. "But I guess you wanted to see what I'd do next.”

“And that is?”

“I’ll let you see me as a woman and not just a student council president."

Her slender fingers brushed from my cheeks down to my abdomen, then in between my hips.

A surge of electricity was sent through my body, and my mind was on the verge of completely yielding to temptation.

Yet I managed to blink it out and regain control.

"You're kidding me, Takamine-san. Stop this."

"Force me."

Everything felt composed. Poised. Like she had chosen this moment with frightening precision.

Takamine-san's expression remained unchanged. But there was the hint of curiosity on her face. Her eyes, though trying to be sultry, held the meaning of possessing me. And that made my face grow warmer.

She was close.

Too close, and not like how I imagined the two of us were supposed to be.

Before, I always remained observing in the background, always standing across a considerable distance. Even at the library, we sat one seat apart from each other. Still close, but nothing compared to what we have right now.

I can count the individual long lashes framing her sky-hued eyes, ringed by a tinge of royal blue.

Her lips, ever so slightly parted and inviting me in, are as pink as strawberries, and maybe, soft as a cotton candy.

I shook my head, swallowing hard. Then, I held both of her shoulders, and she let out a muffled yelp.

"No.” I commanded. “This isn't you. If you're going to say something, I'll hear you out. This isn't what you're supposed to do."

Maybe she doesn't understand how messed up this is, but I do. I don't care how the world flipped that the girl that rejected me decided to offer herself proudly, I just want her to realize one damn thing.

She probably got conscious of what she was doing and averted away.

"Are you sure you don't want it?"

There wasn’t a shred of seduction left in her voice—only curiosity. Desperation, maybe. A quiet unraveling.

"I have no interest at all."

And with that, she released her weight that pinned me down and sat next to me, and covered herself with a blanket.

"It's because you talked about Ayase like she was your entire world," she continued, voice low. "You're a completely different person when she's around. I watched you...protect her, save her, look at her like she'd disappear if you blinked. And yet, not once did you say something like that about me. I just want to know...why not?"

I froze, my hands tightening into fists below the sheets.

"Why do you—"

"Maybe it’s jealousy," she cuts me off. "Or something deeper. I don’t know. I was always held back by customs and I already feel so trapped. So I thought…this is me, not holding back."

"I understand that.” I muttered, composed. Even though I was like a deer caught in the headlights. “Let me remind you though, there's a flaw in your marketing."

She turns to me, an eyebrow lifted curiously.

"A flaw in my marketing? What are you talking about?"

"Know your audience. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. But the way things stand right now, I wouldn't exactly call this a good start either."

Yes, it was the same thing she said to me when she's the only one that refused to believe my made up stories about Ayase. Now, I'm the only one that will surely reject her advances to go all the way with me.

For now, I just can't. I will just betray myself if I do anything else.

"I don't know how to feel beyond what I am allowed to. I want to understand every single one of them. What do people feel when they love? When they’re wanted? When they're..." she trailed off, clutching the blanket above her shoulders. "...touched."

I sighed.

"What do you think will happen if we did it right now? We'll be just two awkward students who just threw our lives in a strong feeling that will never last. You said it yourself earlier, you take no sophism seriously. If things went further…well, let's not go into detail. But one thing is clear, you're just swayed by your own feelings."

"Isn't that how you humans understand emotions? Through skin? Through closeness? Men are naturally stimulated by their opposite sex, especially when they see them bare. Carnal desires are primitive and I knew you weren't different. I just took advantage."

While I can say that it's actually true and takes knowledge above average to realize such that, I have no desire to bulge into her advances.

"We're not a science experiment," I replied hoarsely.

"This is my only chance." she whispered, bitter. "I see myself as a daughter locked in a glass case. A puppet molded by legacy. This body—my emotions—they've been kept away from me my whole life. So if this is my only chance to learn—if this is what it takes to finally feel something..."

She reached for my hand, slower this time. "I trust you enough for me to choose you over anyone when it comes to my body."

I clutched her hand gently but firmly. My heart was pounding—but not for the reasons she might have imagined.

"Are you doing all of this just because you wanted to get validated by me?"

Her eyes widened at the question. Looks like I hit a nail.

"This isn’t it," I continued. "This isn’t the way. You're worth so much more than what your body can offer someone. This—this isn’t love. This isn’t freedom either."

Silence.

Her lips parted, just a crack.

Maybe she already realized it, maybe she didn't. Whatever it was, she looked lost. Defeated even.

"I'm sorry. I thought…"

Her eyes trembled. The arrogance cracked. The cold perfection unraveled.

"And if you're really curious...then I'll help you figure it out. The right way. Let's find your freedom together. Not like this.”

“But—”

“I don't mind.”

Her eyes widened, clearly unsure how to react. Maybe people never had an understanding beyond the facade of perfectionism she always carried with herself.

No one asked her about who she really is.

No one offered her a helping hand to discover what she really wanted to achieve.

Because after all, she's already perfect to the eyes of those who looked at her, and no one wanted to see her beneath the mask.

“You deserve to cry for the right reasons. To smile because you're happy, not because you're pretending. And your soul and body, they both belong to you alone. So give them to the one that deserves it, not the one you think is more convenient. That's your only gift."

I said everything I wanted to tell her. I could tell I managed to get through her walls and convince her to stop this act and come to her senses. She's still trembling slightly, but no longer looks like she's going to do anything that could push whatever she's trying to achieve earlier.

Takamine-san slumped to my frame, burying her face in my chest. She didn't press me further, we just embraced the silence and warmth of our blankets below the pouring rain.

Whatever I said wasn’t rejection.

It was redirection.

And it was the first time anyone had ever told her that she was more than what her family or society or even her own shattered heart had tried to reduce her to.

"Let's go home." she offered. "Thank you for everything."

I nodded. "Alright."

We had come to an unspoken pact.

No more masks.

No more pretending.

If Takamine-san truly wanted to understand what it meant to be alive—I would help her. Not with skin. Not with touch. But with real experiences. Laughter. Failures. Ugly tears. Quiet nights.

I will never take advantage of her weakness.

I would guide her toward strength.

And in this quiet room, covered in the soft hum of nightlight, we seal it not with a kiss, but with a fists pressed together, like comrades in battle, finding solace in our own internal wars.