Person of Interest

◆ Yukiteru

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

Next to me, I hear someone say to Mother. I don’t know who it is, but that doesn’t matter. Around me, everyone is crying, except me.

Grandfather has passed away. But I don’t understand why this is happening.

Why is everyone crying?

Father stares at me. Usually that would be in disbelief at my impassiveness. But now he’s used to it. And he keeps quiet.

I don’t understand why. I don’t understand this, this dam of emotions that breaks during a funeral service. I don’t understand emotion.

But I have to show it, or else people will suspect me.

Tears intensity: 40%.

Adjust expression: bitterness, grief. Make it believable.

And I cry. I cry because or else I’m not human.

I have to choose: pretend to be human or never get anywhere.

When we get home, I see a message from Enomoto on the phone. He says that I missed the welcoming ceremony and that Hakanagi made the speech in my place. He also says he’s sorry for our loss and closes the message with a “I wish well to your family after this tragedy”.

Tragedy? He must be talking about Grandfather. But he was already with a foot on the grave. Why do they cry over someone who was already going to die any day now—or, better pointed, what causes people to feel things?

This is a question I have struggled to answer. The best response I could come up with, so far, was “external stimuli”, but I don’t think this is a fitting answer. “External stimuli” doesn’t accurately describe human society as a whole. So, now, I’m still stuck at the same question.

Question: What causes people to feel?

Progress so far: stalled at 20%. More data required.

To accurately answer this question, I would need the help of someone who, in common word, ‘wears their heart on their sleeve’. And, also, an awakening; something, anything, that would make me feel true, raw emotion for the first time.

From downstairs comes the shout of the old cuckoo clock indicating it’s getting late. Hurriedly, I start getting dressed for the night.

I’ll continue this tomorrow.

The moment the alarm rings, I’m already up. I don’t know why I’m up earlier than I should. But what I do know is that something, a giddy feeling in my chest, is making me do everything faster.

Anxiety? No. It’s a calling. Something calling out to me—to whatever’s inside me that may be called a heart.

Unknown variable detected. Must investigate.

Emotional awakening progress: 10%…?

Exactly twenty-five minutes and two seconds later, Father’s car pulls over at the school building. I get out and shut the door behind me.

“Yukiteru,” Father calls, behind me. I turn around.

“What?” I ask. He sighs.

“Look… I think it’s best to leave your mother alone for a while. She’s still touchy from the funeral, and…” his voice trails off. I can tell that he’s grieving too, since Father and Grandfather were very close, even though it was his father-in-law and not his own father. But I…

…I can’t.

“I understand,” I say, in my best understanding, emphatic tone. “I’ll leave her alone.”

“Thank you, Yukiteru,” Father says, and then drives away.

I don’t watch his car go. It’s unnecessary.

I’m walking down the halls of the school with thoughts of this morning in my mind.

Question: What could have made me break my sleep routine?

Answer progress: …less than 10%.

I don’t understand. What could have caused this? Insomnia? No, I’ve carefully tabulated my waking-sleeping hours and know they are in average.

So why?

I’m so absorbed in thinking I don’t notice the person dashing in my direction until it’s too late.

We collide. The student—it’s obvious it’s a student—staggers back slightly, their hand never leaving my chest.

“Are you alright?” I ask, filling my voice carefully with concern.

When the student looks at me, something happens when I see their—or rather, her face. It’s a girl, roughly my age, with long brown hair and… pale lemon eyes? The single star in the collar of her blazer identifies her as a first-year, so this is her first day here. She appears flustered instantly, her cheeks coloring a slight shade of peach, and her eyes—huh?

Her eyes change.

From the pale lemon from before, to a rose pink, like a cherry blossom. I don’t know why this happened, but I realize something.

She’s feeling, and oh-so-obviously. I think this is a person who “wears their heart on their sleeve”.

She may help me find the answer.

Suddenly I feel something, something that starts bubbling in my chest like a can of soda opened after being shaken. It bubbles through my entire body, starting from the spot on my chest where this girl’s hand is.

What is going on with me?

What is this… feeling?

And I realize what this is.

This is emotion.

An emotion so… there, that it threatens to crack my faceless demeanor on the spot.

Did… this girl trigger this? This emotion?

I want more of it.

I want to know what this is, to break it into parts that I can analyze and rationalize.

“Um… I…” the girl stutters, and this just increases the bubbling feeling. Now my body is getting warm. “Y-yes,” she finally says. “I’m sorry, Senpai,” she finishes.

I vaguely wonder for a moment how did she figure that out, then I remember the stars in my blazer. Even though the collar’s closed, the stars are still visible—if you come close enough. From this distance, this girl could have seen very clearly the two stars that mark me as a second-year.

I raise one eyebrow at her, a marking that I’m going to ask something. “Um… Is it just me, or… did something about you just change?”

Her eyes widen subtly and I can tell that she’s processing my words at lightning speed. I can’t even compute the amount of possible interpretations, so I finally get to the point:

“Did your eyes just become pink?”

Now with this her mind most likely has just come screeching to a halt. Her expression races through a million different emotions—emotions!—and she squeaks:

“P-pink?”

“Yes, pink,” I reply to her. “Like a cherry blossom. A beautiful color, but… I could swear your eyes were pale lemon until one second ago.”

She doesn’t answer immediately, what implies to me she’s trying to process something big. I can’t figure out what based on her expression alone, but asking would be rude of me as her senpai.

After a five-second silence, she finally speaks again, still squeaking slightly:

“What-What’s your name?”

I smile. Her emotions are so obvious, and so present I can’t help but feel truly happy. I’ve found someone who legally cannot lie about how they’re actually feeling.

Because now I’ve spotted a pattern. Her expression before she looked at me seemed anxious about something—probably class time. And her eyes were pale lemon, but now they’ve changed to pink.

Which means her eyes follow her emotions.

It’s quite the fact, taking into consideration that this normally happens solely in works of fiction. But, apparently, this girl is an exception.

It might be caused by an interaction between the melanocytes in her irises and the hormones released by the brain when feeling particular emotions. Yes, the most likely explanation.

If there were scientists here, I bet they would already be studying her. But not me.

I want to study her, on my own.

I want to figure out what makes her feel.

I want to see what colors she has yet to show me.

But this pink seems special, to her at least, judging by her expression when I noted that her eyes were this color.

That must mean… I’m the cause of the pink.

I caused this new, special color.

I triggered an emotional awakening on her… and she triggered an emotional awakening on me.

She’s the cause of my newfound emotion.

Therefore, I must keep her close, for further observation.

I want to see what colors she shows when she’s with her friends—I know she has them, a girl like her can’t stay alone for long.

I want to see what emotions she might help me unveil for myself.

It is a greedy wish; I am well aware of this.

But I must get closer.

If I want to keep feeling, then I must get closer to this girl.

“Haibara,” I say. “Yukiteru Haibara. I’m a second-year, and the president of the student council. I couldn’t attend the welcoming ceremony because of family issues, but else you would have seen me there. Pleased to make your acquaintance, um…”

“Aishi!” She squeaks. “Tsukasa Aishi! Tsukasa writes as ‘color’ and ‘eye’, because of, well, um, my eyes. I’m, um, a first-year. Pleased to meet you, Haibara-senpai!”

Her eyes start glitching, flickering between that beautiful pink and a bright sunset orange. Embarrassment, that I can tell. Of course, any ordinary girl would be embarrassed to be so close to a guy like me—pretty, a senpai, and the student council president no less.

But this girl—she fascinates me. Her rainbow eyes have captured my attention.

I want to see what emotion looks like. And for this, I need her, and she needs me.

Because I want to make her feel things. And in order to feel that, she will need me to trigger those emotions.

So it was this that was calling out to me.

Fate, trying to warn me that I’d meet this girl.

I’m glad, truly.

Because now I’ve found my destined one.

Tsukasa Aishi… don’t worry anymore.

I’ll make you feel more of this special emotion.