The Shitpost Chapter

      “Hey James, come look at this” Emma said to James as he was in his chair.

      The class had ended for the day and James was getting up from his chair when Emma called out to him. He walked over to her to see her by the window in the room. She was looking out into the dark outside of the school into the great beyond that was outside.

      There were nutcrackers marching in a line. They all wore blue and yellow outfits with old looking rifles in their right hands. You could almost hear them marching through the soft snow with their wooden boots.

      John Paul walked over and put his arms around James and Emma. “What do we have here?” He said looking outside. “This is a little early for illusions huh. I guess Santa's starting to get impatient or something”

      James looked at John Paul “Wait, do you believe in Santa John Paul?” James was confused. Being seventeen or however old John Paul was is old to believe in Santa, but only three years longer than James. It was not that far of a guess.

      “Speaking of which”, James thought, “Emma acted weird when I told her I stopped believing in eighth grade. Mabie everyone around here still believed in Santa. Something like that would diffidently be possible in this cult of a school.”

      John Paul waved his hands in denial “Oh no. I haven't believed in Santa since I was like five. How dumb do you think I am. Only an idiot would believe in Santa in the first place.”

      “You're wrong. There are tons of little kids out there who believe in Santa. Are you going to fight them on that? James asked with anger fueling his voice.

      “I could totally beat a bunch of little kids in a fistfight,” He said.

      “Oh my gosh, you're impossible. You are soooo funny” said James, sounding more furious than before.

      John Paul responded in a completely serious tone. “Thanks. I also think I'm really funny. I really appreciate the compliment.”

      James gave up.

      Lee and Jimmy walked over during the midst of the conversation. ‘What's this about being funny?” Lee asked.

      John Paul turned to her. “Oh I was just thanking James for his incredible complement”

      “Oh you complemented John Paul, that's so cool. I'm glad you guys are becoming friends so fast. I know it can be hard up here in this prison, I mean school, but I'm glad you're doing ok.” Lee said.

      James tilted his head in confusion. His brain processed what he just heard for a few seconds before he realized that Lee was being serious. It was on that day that James learned that Lee always thought people were honest. Always. Likes seriously, always.

      “So anyway James, you seem like you really like Destiny, have you been playing for a while?” John Paul asked.

      “Yeah, it's part of the reason I'm up here anyway. Everyone always says I was so addicted to technology, so when I got an opportunity to get away, I did.”

      “I once knew an old lady like that. She was always saying how dependent I was on technology, I then called her a hypocrite and unplugged her life support. Rest in peace.” John Paul responded.

      Lee looked outside and saw the line of marching nutcrackers “You know, there's something that has always bothered me. The illusions don't have a home and all and were in the north pole. So how do the illusions eat.”

      Everyone looked at her. No one spoke up. Everyone's brains were so fried by the statement. Finally, John Paul broke the silence.

      “Well, we did it. Science is going to freak out at this. We have officially found the first person with a negative IQ, and I thought someone like Michal Scott was as low as it would go.”

      Lee’s face turned a bright shade of crimson as she punched John Paul “I know they're just like illusions or whatever, but think about it? They're obviously more realistic than anything you see in the movies. It only goes to ask a question like what do they eat.”

      John Paul smiled at her. He then proceeded to talk like Lee was one year old. “Lee, I see that you have blonde hair for a reason.” Emma, who was also blonde, proceeded to hit John Paul as well.

      “Ow… you punch hard” John Paul waved his hand around and regained his composure. “Anyway, I got a solution. You said they were homeless right, then how about cannibalism. That way you can get rid of the hungry problem and the homeless one at the same time.

      Lee gave up

      “Anyway, lest get back on topic. There are not normally Illusions out this early. Why do you guys think that is?”

      James shrugged, having no idea himself. He threw out a random guess. “Maybe they were bored or something. I mean, if I were a Christmas illusion, I would find it really boring to be out here doing nothing. Also, they could be trying to break in. I mean there are treasures in here like my body pillow you know.”

      “We did it again science. We have officially found the second person with a negative IQ. I really made this chapter last minute huh… what am I doing with my life.” John Paul said.

      “Chapter? What are you talking about?” Emma asked

      “Never mind. My brain is so fired from that statement. Yall reading this should just be glad i made it so James cant say pog every other word. Also to answer your question. The illusions are probability just like glitched, or the sun's reflecting on the snow weird. Maybe there's a gas leak or something like that.”

      James thought about the word that John Paul had said. Ever since he said it, James had a huge desire to say the word. It filled its thoughts, and he could think of nothing else po**ers, po*champ, Po*, po* city, po**enstin. The words kept filling his brain as he felt more and more compelled to say the word. Finally, he tries to speak it. “Po-”. James felt the air leave his lungs as the world itself kept him from saying the word. (Note- the word po*, or po**ers is classified as a vulgar word in the same class as b**ch, F***, and others. These words are not suitable for good boys and girls, especially Christain ones. Because of that, they have been filtered out. Thank you for your patience.)

      “Anyway, I think I'm gonna head to my room guys. My brain can't handle any more of this.” John Paul said as he left the room