Calorie Queen

I suppose it would be interesting to mention how I came face to face with a magical girl on the most depressing day of my entire life thus far. Everything happened so suddenly; it's hard to really put into perspective what exactly transpired that evening and why I was the only one who could remember her identity after she transformed back into a regular college student. She functions best with extreme caloric intake yet remains as slim and slender as your average Japanese teenage girl.

Now, when I say "Magical Girl," I mean it in every sense of the word. A typical shoujo anime protagonist who can transform her wardrobe at will, use otherworldly powers like it's second nature, and is more gorgeous than even your favorite model or actress. When I saw her fighting what I could only describe at the time as a monster, it was as if I, Nakahara Kazuo, the deadbeat journalist, had been watching a tokusatsu hero show in virtual reality. Nothing appeared to be real, yet it was too vivid to be a dream.

* * *

As I was heading toward the train station, I received a text message from my close friend, Sakuta Ryo, explaining in great detail that he would not be keeping his promise about attending Comiket with me. At first, I thought nothing of it and didn't see it as a betrayal of any sort. I mean, things like this happen all the time; something comes up, and you can't keep an important promise to a friend. I'm not so heartless as to reply angrily, given that Ryo and I had been best friends since grade school. However, the further I read, the more I wanted to strangle my friend of fifteen long years. The words I wanted to highlight were,
"I got a girlfriend,"
and
"I think I'm going to get lucky."

Now, that depressed me more than anything. How could Sakuta Ryo, the twenty-year-old man known for his openly expressed lust for 2D anime girls to the general public; the man who has a collection of erotic dating simulator games larger than even Yamazaki Kaoru, actually land a girlfriend? The words just couldn't be found, no matter how hard I racked my brain for an answer. Holding two Comiket tickets in my right hand, I crumpled them and even considered tearing one of them to shreds.

"A girlfriend?! Get real, Ryo!"
I shouted in the midst of a crowded train station, reluctantly drawing the attention of curious onlookers. My embarrassment soared.

It wasn't as if I was going to waste my ticket by throwing it in the trash; after all I could still have plenty of fun browsing doujinshi and Gunpla by myself, but the absence of Ryo would make it much more difficult to browse the not-so-family-friendly doujins as a lone adult man. To make matters worse, I had planned a duo cosplay with Ryo and already had my costume inside the tote bag resting against my hip. The idea of wearing my Hijikata Toshiro cosplay without a Sakata Gintoki to complement me- well, I felt my face flush. There was nothing I could do; I had to go to Comiket by myself.

I stepped onto the morning train, already relieved to see cosplayers among the businessmen who crowded the train car. It put me at ease knowing I wasn't the only weirdo in the vicinity. Naturally, my eyes scanned the various costumes scattered about. There were a few that I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't familiar with, but a majority of them were recognizable characters, including an entire crew wearing matching Zeon uniforms with a Char Aznable cosplayer leading the group. Of course, I would never go and talk to any of them, as I am what you could refer to as a loser. No people skills, I can't maintain eye contact; yup, "loser" was a perfect term. I didn't think I was particularly unattractive, but I definitely didn't have the confidence to match my sanpaku eyes and handsome haircut.

Naturally, my eyes kept glancing at the girl with bright blue hair. I was curious about her cosplay; curious about if that deep-colored hair was a wig or dye.
Some kind of magical girl?
I studied hard, almost like a predator. Her outfit was slightly revealing, with an exposed stomach and a skirt that rode up just enough to keep perverts like me guessing what was underneath. While it wasn't a typical sailor uniform, it definitely had inspired elements of such. The uniform's color was white with a deep, sapphire blue lining, much like that pretty hair of hers. Cute star-shaped pendants lined the hem of each short sleeve and edge of her skirt's waistband. She held a small wand with a crystal gemstone hovering in the center.

"Talk about dedication... that's some serious effort for a Comiket cosplay."
I whispered low enough for just myself to hear.

* * *

I stepped out of the train car, along with my fellow otaku, who had eagerly pushed their way through the irritated businessmen in order to claim a spot in line at Tokyo Big Sight. Of course, being the accidental creep that I am, I followed the magical girl. She wasn't heading in the direction of Comiket or any of the local convenience stores. It piqued my interest greatly.

Why would a cosplayer walk in the exact opposite direction of her destination? Is she meeting a friend?
My mind began to race as I stayed at least thirty feet behind her. I didn't see a cellphone or a GPS in her hands or skirt pockets. Perhaps she was familiar with the area? But that still wouldn't explain why a teenage girl is wandering around in a revealing uniform without so much as a cellphone, let alone a bag.

It was then that I thought of my brilliant plan. I would pretend to make a phone call to my best friend Ryo and casually mention that I'm lost trying to find Comiket. That way, if she was lost, she would naturally turn to face me and show interest in my conversation. If she was meeting a friend, she would simply ignore me and continue her stroll. Pretty genius, if I do say so myself.

I took my cellphone from my right pocket, pretending to tap the screen a few times. Aligning the speaker up with my ear, I quickened my pace behind her, ensuring I was in earshot. My voice cracked a little bit at first, but I quickly recovered with my best attempt at a loud conversation that wasn't actually happening.

"Ryo! Hey, man... I'm lost on my way to Comiket! Yeah, I can't seem to find the venue! Man... I'm such a dunce, huh?! What's that? You have directions?!"

My eyes shifted between the blue-haired girl and the crowded streets of Tokyo. She was quickening her pace as well- not at all how I expected this genius plan of mine to go. At this point, I was practically sprinting after her. This was not a good look. To an outsider, this probably looked like a pervert running after some innocent cosplayer in broad daylight. Actually, there was no other way to see this situation. For some reason, my legs just wouldn't stop running.

"Forget the stupid phone call... Hey, blue-haired girl!"
I shouted loud enough for everyone but her to turn their heads.

What on earth am I doing?! I'm chasing a total stranger and even calling out to her! This is beyond just me trying to be friendly; I'm a total predator!
My legs continued to move, faster and faster, around each and every corner she took. She was quite fast herself, yet I managed to stay about ten feet behind her during the chase. Through the back alleys of Tokyo, I stalked my prey with heavy breaths and sweat dripping down my chin.

It wasn't until we reached the shopping mall that I had realized the real reason behind this blue-haired girl's frantic sprinting. If my eyes were working correctly, what stood before us could only be described as a kaiju. Yes, a kaiju; an enormous beast with vulgar proportions and teeth larger than my entire torso. That day, instead of peacefully attending Comiket with my best friend, I was face-to-face with a monster the width of three semi-trucks combined and as tall as a large house. A kaiju.

Before I could even process some semblance of an actual thought, I watched as that blue-haired magical girl soared through the sky, landing a brutal bare-fisted punch on the snout of the beast. Her hair fluttered gracefully behind her, whipping around her petite stature like a superhero's cape. Her tiny hands managed to send that large kaiju at least fifty feet across the road and into a building, shattering the structure with a deafening crunch. Her eyes glistened with a bright blue sheen, and the wand in her left hand erupted with vibrant rays of colored light. By the time my eyes had made contact with hers, she simply smiled.

She chanted something unknown to me, a language that sounded like it belonged to a forgotten time. Her wand, gently clasped between her fingers, spewed numerous shards of ice toward the fallen kaiju, causing the debris around it to create something of a smoke screen. Eagerly, I awaited the results, watching with bated breath as the dust blew away with the wind.

Not a single scratch on the entire kaiju.

"What the hell?!"
I shouted in confusion, wondering how such a powerful attack had managed to leave the great beast in perfect condition without so much as a trickle of blood. I looked up at the hovering magical girl, noticing her unamused eyes. She cursed under her breath, giving me a nervous sidelong glance.

"Hehe... oops."
She had finally spoken, and the only word she said was 'oops?'

I was beyond shocked- downright perplexed. Could it be that she's actually...
"You're... kind of clumsy."
I spoke toward her, scratching my head as my eyebrows furrowed.

"Hey, I am NOT clumsy! I just... well, what do you know about magic?!"
She zoomed down to the ground before me, placing her hands on her hips and giving me a scowl unbefitting of a cute heroine.

"You... didn't land your attack at all."
I placed my hands on my own hips in retaliation, towering over her with an annoyed grimace of my own.

"I was just... creating a smoke screen so I could think! It's not easy taking down Mërks every day!"
She crossed her arms in a pout.

"Mërks? Is that what you're calling that hideous kaiju?! And what are you doing? Don't you need to fight it?!"
I pointed a shaky finger at the feral monster, widening my eyes at its approaching feet.

She blushed slightly, looking surprisingly adorable for someone with such a loud mouth.
"Hehe... I kind of need calories to use magic... Basically what I'm saying is... we're gonna have to run."
Before she even finished her sentence, she had left me for dead. Completely left me.

I gasped loudly, watching as she sprinted down the traffic-filled streets and let out a desperate cry.

"What the hell?! Get back here and do your job!"
I followed suit, sprinting through the cars that had been abandoned due to the Mërk's appearance. My legs carried me directly to her side, watching as her skirt fluttered up with every long stride she took.
"You need calories to use magic?! What kind of shitty ability is that?!"

"It's not a shitty ability! My magic is insanely strong as long as I'm stuffed with calories!"
She made a beeline toward the nearest convenience store. Thankfully, the patrons had evacuated long ago.

I watched in awe as the pretty girl shoveled handfuls of Pocky and onigiri down her throat without so much as chewing. Her cheeks puffed wide, and the noises coming from her were beyond disgusting. Once again, I grimaced.
"This is hard to watch."

"Shuff uvv! Yoff ngh no whaff ish luk!"
She sprayed her unchewed crumbs directly in my face as she attempted to speak.

"Holy hell! Eat or speak, choose one!"
I cowered from the barrage of saliva-covered chunks heading my way.

With an audible gulp, she let out a breath and said,
"Shut up! You don't know what it's like!"

"Sure, maybe I don't... but I do know you have to get back out there and defeat that thing!"
I grabbed her by the collar of her uniform, staring angrily into her sapphire eyes.

"I'm working on it! I need thousands of calories to even cast a simple spell!"
Her hands moved quickly as she shoveled an array of snack cakes into her cheeks, smearing chocolate and strawberry jam across her lips in the process.

Like something out of a manga, her body began to glow. She stood up, waved her wand, and flew out of the convenience store at the speed of sound. I quickly darted toward the door, watching as she hovered before the growling beast, chanting in that same language that I didn't understand.

Her wand seemed to extend, transforming into more of a staff-shaped object. With one final chant, a circle of light and stardust emerged from behind her. The baby blue-colored magic seemed to crackle like thunder as she flew closer to the Mërk. In one swift motion, a beam of sparkly light pierced through the monster's skull, immediately disintegrating the large beast into nothing but a small, red orb.

She slowly floated down to the road, like a scene from Laputa; weightless and graceful. Grabbing the orb in her free hand, she walked toward my direction.

"You... what was that just now?"
I asked barely above a whisper. I studied the way she walked closer, like an angel using the powers of the devil himself.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm a magical girl. You can call me Magical Mai."
She struck a victory pose, bending her posture slightly forward to accentuate her curves and holding up a peace sign with a cute wink.

"Magical... Mai... so, your name is Mai?"
I studied each and every detail about her posture, soaking in the display of cuteness before she decided to straighten herself out.

She returned to her normal stance, waving a finger toward me.
"No, I'm Magical Mai! Not just Mai!"
Her cheeks turned faintly pink, and her eyes averted mine as if I had just called her out on something embarrassing.

"Right... I understand that you're adding Magical in front of Mai, but wouldn't that mean your name is Mai, and you're magical?"
I tapped my chin in thought, trying to understand her heroine name choice.

"What? Well, um... I'm just Magical Mai! Don't go trying to guess my real name! Honestly, you're not even close!"
Her entire face was now crimson red. It seemed I hit the nail on the head.

I decided not to press the issue further, knowing that the conversation was going nowhere.
"Okay... Magical Mai, it is."
I had other things to ask, such as why there was a kaiju attacking Tokyo, and why magical girls even existed in the first place. I knew I was about to be in for a long explanation. Lord, help me.