Frivolous Aim

In my state, I thought a lot of what ifs. 

If you had been here or gotten to Aka faster. I might have stopped the death of Aka and the others.

Enuma threw a boomerang of logic at me, "Did you, who cared more about the world’s view than anyone else, just say that?"

I tried to reply, “eh That’s…”

And the boomerang pierces me again. Enuma said, "Indeed, think of if you saved him, and you get to travel together. You may not find it a nuisance if you travel together with him and get into trouble. You are tender-hearted."

I tried to rebuttal, “I-If that’s the case!”

Enuma continued, "However, for him, it might be heartbreaking. It may be harsh to say, but the public’s eyes are not as lenient as you think. Because he understands it better than anyone. That is why he lived out here in the woods."

I couldn’t say anything back. While I was just thinking that it would be fun to travel with Aka a nice ogre. It was just a selfish dream. 

Enuma chuckled at the notion, "The eyes around you matter not? Do not make me laugh. No matter how aggressive your remarks, you who know nothing of the world, its people or of demons, have no basis. It is unreliable."

I don’t know anything, I’m weak, and nothing I say is reliable.

That’s what it is. I understand what Enuma is saying, but that’s too much for Aka to be saved.

I said, “But, if that’s the case. That’s why as it is, Aka isn’t the burden.”

He didn’t do anything wrong, but was just kicked out of the house he lived in.

Enuma had his hand on his forehead, like he was trying to stop his head from exploding. "Wrong. This is not the case."

I gasped, “Eh?”

I couldn’t do anything after all. Enuma, who read my mind, strongly denied it.

Enuma said, "Boy, it is no consolation. That ogre must have truly become your friend. That is why he is no longer before you."

I start, “But-”

Enuma continued, "You know nothing of the world. You know not the depths of humans and demons. Your power is weak, as well. But nevertheless, even though you were human, you befriended an ogre. I am the first to witness such. Truly, you have done well."

Enuma’s words reached my heart, and that’s why I was so frustrated.

If I was stronger.

A world in which me and Aka could walk around openly with no complaint from anyone. If only the world were like that.

Enuma interrupted my thoughts. "I believe your father also shared a similar dream."

“Eh?”

Enuma said, "Instead of simply fighting against the demons with hatred, to go beyond the walls of demons and races, to see a world free of conflict, something-something… he said."

It was the first time I heard of it. My father did that.

Enuma said, "Well, by whatever means Heero came to that concept. It is a dozen years after my death and this is the status quo."

I replied, “Well then!”

At that time, I simply thought up an idea —

Enuma elaborated "In the first place, I knew things would not go well. Rather, it is impossible. Absolutely."

I was astonished by Enuma "What?”

Before I said something, Enuma denied it. "Friendship between individuals, like you and Aka is impossible, much less to achieve it on a tribal or global scale. In the first place, you and other humans fight against each other over differences of countries, races, cultures and even historical perceptions. Then, what of a difference of species? How can you strive in a world full of differences? Because it could not be done, war broke out."

I had no answer, “That’s”

Enuma continued, "And most difficult. It is impossible to draw the line on which race to make friendships with."

Draw a line. Enuma tells me with a somewhat complicated expression.

Enuma trying to explain, "For instance, you eat meat, do you not? One can survive even if they do not eat it. But you would still eat, would you not? So, are animals exempt from your friendship?"

I still perplexed, “That’s”

Enuma continued, "What you ate the other day. The animal meat, where did the food come from? An animal? A beast? Aka hunted and fed you the rabbits that you let go because of your weak-willed heart. You did not notice but it happened."

Where to draw the line. I hadn’t really thought about it. Usually, the rough case being.

I was astonished, “I ate shooting star and his family?”

Despite making me crestfallen, Enuma continued, "However, beastmen and demons, myself included, can converse with animals and beasts. Some of them are connected by bonds like a partner, a friend, or a family. What would you tell them? Because humans cannot talk to animals and monsters, so they are allowed to eat and hunt them."

I am still having no answers, “Saying something like that.”

Enuma continued to lecture, "It is so. You cannot understand. People have different common sense, culture, and ways of thinking depending on the environment in which they live. This is impossible to reconcile demons and humans. Supposing you try to force them together, a break will always occur somewhere. Such is life."

Enuma talks, as if he had the materials and knowledge to refute all of my words and thoughts and ruin my shallow and naive ideas.

Enuma said, "Therefore, boy. Can you easily say something frivolous like aim for a world where the demons and humans coexist?"

It’s not that it’s difficult. It’s impossible.

That’s Enuma’s conclusion, and I couldn’t overturn it.

I was so miserable that I lay on my back. “I’m a weak, small, ignorant kid. That’s why you’re saying I can’t change the world either.”

But that’s what Enuma says to me. "It is so. That is why whatever you do, you must be strong, grandiose, and grow to abundant knowledge as a virtuous man. To never let anything about Aka go to waste."

That’s why I should grow more, Enuma then said, "Boy. Be stronger. And cross the world, with him in mind. Do not simply travel around the world, be aware of what you feel and what you want to do there. Maybe there is some hint of possibilities."

I replied, “Hint?”

Enuma elaborated, "What you say now may be frivolous, however if you are strong and grow to abundant knowledge, yet still say the same thing. Then those words carry zeal and will undoubtedly lead to something."

I asked, “Something. What is it?”

Enuma just brushed it off, "’Something neither Heero nor I could reach in the end."

It’s Enuma’s vague words, and the future is uncertain, and there are no clear answers or goals.

But I still know, “I’m going to get stronger, look around the world and see a lot of things.”

Enuma replied, "Is that so."

It’s up to me in the future, and I’ll have to move forward anyway. “I will. Let’s eat!”

Enuma chuckled, "Ah."

Having made up my mind, I emptied the pot of breakfast that Vin left.

There was well-boiled soup in it. I decided to eat it all vigorously.

For a moment, salty juice was coming out of my eyes, but I decided to eat everything and move forward.