Study Hard and Follow Your Heart

◆ Tsukasa

It’s been a month now since I first met Senpai. Ever since then, nothing has been quite the same.

If I’ve been studying? Yes. If I’ve been talking to Chiho and Tae a lot? Surely yes. But if I’ve been thinking about Senpai? Wholeheartedly, the entire day? That’s a huge yes.

Hopefully we’ll get to talk more often. I want to see that smile of his again, to feel those blossoms in my chest once more.

If this is the meaning of love, then… I know why shoujo glorifies it now. It’s simply deliverance.

If love feels like this, I get why people get addicted to things. This is better than any drug. I need to feel it again. The feeling of wanting to come back to it… no, it’s not addiction. Addiction is too strong a word. It’s longing… right?

Yes, longing. Longing to see your loved one smile, to be acknowledged by them… it is truly a great thing, to be adored and to adore.

It’s been a while since the day at the cafeteria, and I can’t stop thinking about Senpai. I wonder what he’s doing now—talking to Enomoto-senpai, reading, studying? I want to see him. Thanks to him, I’ve seen the color I’ve so craved to see, pink.

And I long for this feeling again.

“Kacchan?” Chiho snaps me out my daydreams with the call of her pet name for me. “Kacchan, are you okay?”

I manage a smile. “Yes, I am, Chiho-chan,” I say. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

“About Haibara-senpai?”

I nod. “That incident at the cafeteria…why did that blonde say he was everyone’s favorite senpai? It’s a gross statement.”

“Kacchan...” Chiho says, lowering her manga. Her eyes are full of genuine concern. “The way you talk about him... it sounds like one of the characters in my stories right before they get consumed by a spirit of obsession. It's not... healthy.”

Chiho's words hit me like a slap. A spirit of obsession? She doesn't understand. She's never felt the way I feel; she's never seen her own eyes turn pink. This isn't some cheap horror story; it's destiny. But the genuine worry on her face makes a cold knot form in my stomach. She sees too much. I let the mask slip. I need to fix this—now.

I force a laugh, hoping it sounds light. “Wow, Chiho-chan, that's dark! I was just kidding. Don't worry, I'm not going to start hiding in his closet or anything.” I give her my most reassuring smile. “I'm fine, really.”

Yes, except not now.

When Senpai notices me the way I need him to notice, I will be fine. When he doesn’t look at any other girl besides me.

And there might not be any other girl besides me.

***

Lunch break arrives, and I’m glad we’ve gotten the same table as that day (and every single day after that one, but regardless). While Tae starts rambling on and on about some random anime she’s been watching with Chiho, I stare at the table, thinking.

I can't get the image of those girls crowding around Senpai out of my head. It makes my stomach feel like it’s full of angry bees. It's not crazy to just… be aware of things. I started watching... writing down when they leave class—Miko-senpai has gym at 2:00, Hana-senpai has her acting club at 3:30. I started helping out with small tasks for the student council, and if I happen to suggest that Senpai should check the library inventory right when Miko-senpai is busy… well, that’s just making sure his work is done efficiently. It’s better this way. It keeps him safe. It keeps us safe.

“Aishi-san?”

I jump like someone has exploded a bomb next to my ear. Standing right next to me, having appeared without a sound at all, is Senpai.

“S-s-s-s-senpai?!” I stutter ridiculously. I can almost picture the laugh on Tae’s face right now with me acting like our favorite shoujo heroines on live.

“Do you have a moment?” he asks, and I almost faint on the spot.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god—CALM DOWN GIRL! YOU’VE GOT THIS!

I mentally slap my own cheeks to regain focus and then say:

“Yes, what is it?”

“I found this in the student council room. Is it yours?” Senpai inquires, showing me a small pink handkerchief with the name ‘Tsukasa Aishi’ woven on the back.

I want to die. I really want to die. Of embarrassment.

He’s paying me back for that keycard incident.

…Wait, did I forget this there? I don’t remember ever taking my handkerchief out on the student council room.

EEEEEHHHH?!

My brain starts to fry as I arrive to a shocking conclusion.

He actually nabbed it from me?! Why?! Wait… was he trying to find an excuse to talk to me? Like… how it happened with the keycard that day?

“Yes, it’s mine,” I say. “But I don’t recall ever taking it out in the student council room. Where did you actually find this, Senpai?”

He doesn’t lose an inch of composure, but I can tell by the sudden change in his breathing rate that I’ve stunned him.

“To tell the truth, I actually found it in the locker of one of my classmates, Nagano-kun,” Senpai says, after a moment. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you would be creeped out and end up avoiding me because I could be a pervert just as well.”

My cheeks instantly warm up. AAAAAAHHHH that’s so adorable!!! He was trying to protect me… that’s why you’re my soulmate!

“I appreciate your kindness, Senpai,” I tell him, giving him the best smile I can muster as he gingerly hands back my handkerchief, brushing our fingers in the process (I do my best not to blush). “I won't forget this.” I take a deep breath.

“That's awful!” I exclaim, clenching my fists. “To think someone would do that... and cause trouble for you, Senpai.” My voice comes out a little colder than I intended. “I... I won't forgive him for that.”

An insect, I think, a cold fury washing over me. He dared to touch something that connects us and made my Senpai deal with the mess. He tried to interfere with our story. Unforgivable.

Much to my surprise, I watch as Senpai’s beautiful face takes on a bright red blush. Then, muttering something I barely catch as “See you around”, he dashes off, vanishing into the cafeteria.

“Wha—” I gasp, right as someone starts to laugh behind me. I turn around and see Tae almost doubling over from laughter and Chiho, looking very red, hiding a cute pout behind a horror manga.

“Now THAT was rom-com material!” Tae exclaims, way too loud. “The handkerchief, the smiles, the blushes… awww that was TOO CUTE! I should have filmed this!”

“Tae!” I exclaim, feeling my face heat up and realizing self-consciously my eyes must be pink or orange again.

“Tae, please stop teasing Kacchan,” Chiho says, still with her face behind her book. “When YOU’re the one with the blushing scenes, then don’t think you’re be in the right to complain about teasing.”

“Sassy, eh?” Tae slings an arm around Chiho’s shoulders. “What, you jealous?”

“Eeeeeeek!” Chiho squeaks like a dying mouse and then retorts, “No! It’s just… facts. Like, for example, that at least one of the characters you get to know at the start of a horror story won’t survive to the end.”

“Ah, whatever.” Tae lets go of Chiho, then walks toward me. “When are you planning to tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“That you’re down bad.”

“I’m not down bad!” I exclaim, thankfully not loud enough to be heard by anyone else.

“Oh yes you are. Who do you think ya lying to? You're only confusing yourself, Rainbow-chan. Just accept that you like him.”

“AAAH, YOU'RE INSUFFERABLE!”

Tae's laugh is a little strained this time. Her smile falters for just a second as she tilts her head. "Jeez, relax, Rainbow-chan. You're getting kinda scary about this." She quickly follows it up with another loud laugh to make it seem like a joke, but the observation hangs in the air between us.

***

“I’m home!” I call as I enter the house. Mom, in the kitchen, smiles at me.

“Hello, Tsukasa,” she says. “How was school today?”

“Good!” I reply, taking off my shoes and running to drop my bag on the couch. “Today I found that handkerchief I lost!”

“Haibara-senpai found it in another second-year's locker, and he brought it to me during lunch. I got so embarrassed!”

I trail off, because the moment the name leaves my lips, Mom freezes mid-step. Her hand goes slack. The plate she was holding slips from her fingers and explodes against the floor in a spray of white shards.

“Mom?!” I gasp, rushing toward her.

She doesn't seem to hear me. All the color has drained from her face. Her eyes are wide with a kind of primal terror I've never seen before, fixed on nothing.

“H-Haibara...?” she chokes out, the name sounding painful. “What... what did you say his first name was?”

Before I can answer, she shakes her head violently, trying to force a smile that looks more like a grimace. “I-I'm fine, Tsukasa. Just... clumsy.” But her hands are shaking uncontrollably as she stoops to pick up the pieces, not even seeming to notice when a sharp edge slices her finger.

“Here, let me help you.” Mom smiles as I squat on the floor to pick up the rest of the plate before throwing it on the trash can. “Thank you, Tsukasa,” she says. “You’re always so helpful.”

“That’s just how you raised me,” I smirk at her. “Do you need something else, Mom?”

“Oh, nothing. Thank you,” Mom replies. But as I dash off to my room, I can swear she’s shaking, and I catch a bit of what she whispers to herself:

“Did she just say Haibara…?”

***

The next day, the teacher announces that we will have to do a surprise test, what somewhat shocks the entire classroom. The most shocking part, however, isn’t the test. It’s that we’re going to do it along with all other classes, second and third years included, and therefore will do it in the auditorium.

Tae hisses a curse word in English behind me and I thank the heavens nobody else heard, because that isn’t something you said in a classroom, much less about a teacher.

As I forage through my bag to get my pencil case, I notice something.

My ballpoint pen is gone.

I shuffle around, dump the contents of my pencil case on the desk, but no sign of my pen.

Another thing that Nagano guy stole?

“Aishi, is something the matter?” The teacher asks. I hesitate for a moment, then speak:

“I think I might have lost my ballpoint pen,” I tell the classroom. “Does somebody have one to spare?”

Ten rows up and three seats to the left, somebody stands up—Senpai, I realize. “I have one,” he says. Then, walking to my desk in absolute silence, he drops the pen in the table with a small thud and then walks back to his own desk. Even before he heads back, I can feel the hundreds of pairs of jealous female eyes burning holes on the back of my head.

Is he doing this on purpose? No, Senpai would not stage something like this. Not to me.

…I seriously need to say some stuff to Nagano-senpai.

I look at the pen Senpai’s given me, and I recognize it immediately.

It’s the pen I stole from his pencil case during break and then gave back to him under the pretense of having found it in the student council room, along with the keycard I had also stolen to go in said room.

And, tied to it with a cute red bow, is my missing ballpoint pen, along with a note:

I found this in Shiraishi-kun’s locker. Seems he’s cooperating with Nagano-kun and a few others to steal your classroom items for passion reasons.

Please be careful around them. I’ll do my best to keep your things safe, Aishi-san.

Yukiteru Haibara

My heart pounds in my chest as I read his words. He's watching out for me. He knows when other boys try to get close, and he's... handling it. He went into their lockers for me. The thought sends a dizzying thrill through me. He's not just my soulmate; he's my protector. My knight.

I carefully untie the red bow, my fingers trembling slightly. I have a test to take, but a fierce, triumphant smile spreads across my face. I'll thank him properly later.