(V4) Chapter 2: Only With You

It took a moment for my brain to boot up from napping too hard after we got to the suite.

I just awakened to the feeling of something soft, warm—alive—pressed up against me.

I pushed her away immediately, but she refused to give space, her hands gripping me like vices.

Her eyes blinked open slowly, like she’d been dozing for hours. She looked up at me, totally unfazed, totally relaxed—as if she belonged there.

"Hey hey! How the heck did you end up here?"

“…Ishida-san didn’t lock the door,” she said sleepily, like that explained everything.

That alone told that she carried all the innocence in the universe.

“That’s not the—wait, I didn’t—? Ugh, damn it—no, that’s still not the point! Why are you here?! What if someone saw?! Room sharing between opposite genders isn't allowed!”

She didn’t even flinch. She just slowly rolled closer to hold me better, resting her cheek on my chest as if it gave her salvation.

“I don’t mind though.”

“I do!” I argued, trying to shoo her away.

But a plaintive smile played on her lips.

"Saori-chan took too long..." she said softly. “And the others were nice. Laughing, playing. But…”

The pink-haired bombshell trailed off, gaze falling somewhere around my collarbone.

“…It felt lonely.”

I blinked, struggling to process that.

“You…were lonely?” I repeated, like an idiot.

"You promised you'll be there with me when I want to watch the sea. When I was sitting on the sand with everyone, trying to laugh when they laughed, trying to talk about favorite foods or beach games or swimsuit trends…I kept turning to my side..."

She was smiling. So small, so sweet and so hopeful. Her voice had softened into something more vulnerable than I'd ever heard it before.

"And Ishida-san's not there."

"..."

“I don’t know how to be in a world where you’re far away.”

Every cell in my body short-circuited.

“Ayase—”

"I just want to be with you right now, Ishida-san."

My throat tightened. I tried to look away, but she reached up and gently tugged my sleeve again.

"I enjoy it, yet there's something missing. I thought there's just a mistake in my programming, but I'm totally fine. This time I knew, it would really feel complete when I'm with you."

“Ayase…” I bit my lip. “You can’t just say things like that. Not when we’re…in the same room. On the same bed. This close.”

She tilted her head, pretending to think. “I could say it outside if that’s easier for you.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” I muttered.

I just suddenly remembered the similarity of the situation in Takamine-san’s case. The two of them had the same fire in their hearts that made them act to their desires.

But Ayase’s eyes showed no desperation and curiosity.

Just a quiet wish for warmth and affection, and for me to see her. She clearly wanted this out of her heart.

"I knew we had lived together for some time now, Ishida-san. Being with you, you showed me how strict your personal space is. But at times you helped me, held me, took care of me and saved me, I realized that you were always unguarded around me. You were only reachable at times like these, so I'm always taking advantage.”

I understand that. I have built walls high enough not to let people in, rejected them casually, and tried to be invisible because I grew afraid of weaving threads with others.

I live a life where a simple gesture can send me spiraling into questions and obsessions. I knew what it meant to grow attached, and a simple error could make the difference between happiness or misery.

And I cannot make the same mistake from before. Not with anyone, especially Ayase.

“Allow me to show you how I feel, Ishida-san. Just this once.”

I breathed in, trying to get past the lump on my throat.

“I…built up borders to keep everyone out. I don't even know if I could ever reciprocate or understand your feelings.”

But she didn't bulge, instead, her eyes gleamed in passion and her face started to bloom crimson.

“...Will you let me erase them?”

Silence.

This time I realized, I was treating her like a younger sister and I never considered what she really felt about me as herself.

As Ayase.

“I’m not trying to do something bad. I just… didn’t know any other way to be close to you.”

That was true.

Our relationship—was it ever beyond just kinship? Or being platonic? Have we always had something more underneath that? I hadn't put much thought into it because I simply loved spending time with her and didn't want to lose it. But the real kicker was, I never thought any deeper than that.

Now I felt completely unprepared and out of my depth.

What does one do with someone whose emotions go beyond the bounds of friendship? I opened my mouth to speak, words catching in my throat as I struggled to find a way to respond, to explain that while she was right, we couldn't stay like this forever.

I knew that we weren't related at all, and it seemed like we're the same age (to her, biologically), but why did I ever think that I'm a goddamn parent and let respect, sense of duty and discipline define our relationship?

Was it because she's a Sentinel and doesn’t have the rights to love a human?

No, I never considered that.

Maybe it was because I couldn’t see past the surface of that innocent facade. Maybe it was because my own feelings were too buried to understand anything about hers except how she sought to let out her feelings and how she wanted the same thing from me.

How am I ever different from that father of Takamine-san?

Then, out of nowhere, Ayase pushed me down to lay on my back and she climbed onto me without hesitation. She pinned my arms to the futon, not allowing me to struggle or escape.

Not even in a lifetime would I imagine Ayase being this reckless and daring. Heck, she did.

My heart was beating like crazy, but I wasn't afraid.

Because I understood.

All I could do was look at her pink eyes that turned earnest. Her hips brush down on mine, slowly—and the feeling down there was driving me crazy.

Not just because it was my first time, but because the clothes we wore were all casual.

I had my boxers on, and she had thin pink dolphin shorts.

"What are you doing, Ayase?"

Then, the smallest smile curled her lips. “Do I make your heart race?”

“You’re not supposed to ask that!” I hissed, averting away from the intensity of her gaze.

“I didn’t say you had to answer.” She looked impossibly calm. “But I already know. I can see through you, Ishida-san. I'm a Sentinel, nonetheless.”

I exhaled. She was already way past her old self, that badly bruised and innocent girl I saved from the flower owner bastard. She already experienced what it meant to be treated like a human, and probably she was just returning the favor to me. To let herself dictate her own feelings.

She kept watching me with that unreadable expression, eyes soft but somehow heavy with intentions.

"You cannot be this emotional, Ayase! I can't risk it!"

Her voice dropped lower.

"It's not about my lifespan anymore, Ishida-san." she mustered to voice out. "It's about my feelings now."

I found my breath trapped, my eyes widening.

I can't feel my heart anymore—it was tangled and a lost cause.

"What do you want from me then?"

She searched passionately for my eyes.

“I just…want to make memories with you, Ishida-san.”

I peeked at her through my blurring vision. I just hope that it wasn't tears at all.

“Then let's go out!” I argued. “It's not a safe bet doing things like this. It's like—”

I was cut mid-sentence, as if arguing and escaping was never an option.

“If I’m going to remember the sea, the sun, the breeze, the scent of salt and summer…I want you in those memories.”

I felt a movement in my chest. Not painful—but something akin to a loosened knot.

Her grasp slowly softened, and my arms were free.

Fortunately for her, the rebellious feelings were gone.

Right now, I just want to submit. Follow whatever my heart, if I ever had one, wants.

I took the moment not to shove her away, but to tuck the stray hair behind her ears.

Ayase was beautiful, more than I had assumed she would be.

“You didn’t have to sneak in here just to say that.”

“I didn’t sneak,” she said with an innocent blink. “You forgot to lock the door. I took that as a divine sign.”

“You’re unreal.”

Ayase gave a tiny hum, and her fingers lightly brushed my wrist. She hesitated for a second, then slid her hand into mine.

Her skin was warm and supple.

I didn’t pull away. I let her sink to my chest, and I ruffled with her soft pink hair.

We stayed like that. Not speaking. Just letting the silence stretch comfortably between us, like maybe it could hold everything we weren’t saying.

Like everything happening was enough.

Just for now.

She rose up, and whispered a question I didn't expect. "Can I be selfish temporarily, Ishida-san?"

Her long lashes fluttered lightly as her eyes searched mine, deeper now and unguarded. I felt it then—something shifting. Like the world had gone quiet, just for this moment to speak.

I nodded, throat too tight to say anything.

Without a word, she leaned in, one breath and then two.

I don't know what was supposed to happen, my eyes just shut on their own.

And then—

Our lips met.

Hers was soft and sweet and soft like the ocean breeze, delicate and calm. It was gentle, but firm and passionate at the same time. She felt human. She was natural. There was no difference.

And heck, it makes me alive.

A little unsure at first—like we were both holding something brittle between us. But it deepened naturally, like it always knew how to happen. Like our hearts had been waiting for it this whole time.

Perhaps I’d been hiding behind the excuse of protecting her. Yet the truth was, I didn’t want to admit I needed her just as much.

Her hand tightened in mine.

She pulled away, catching her breath, smiling.

"Thank you, Ishi—"

I did not let her finish. I just cupped her cheeks and pulled her in.

I kissed her again.

Slower.

Longer.

Deeper.

My hands moved instinctively: her cheeks, her shoulders, the curve of her sides, the warmth of her hips. She was so warm, so alive. Soft and smooth and delicate in all the ways that made her feel real.

I wanted to send her the electricity that I always felt.

Just for her to remember it.

Just in case this was the kind of memory that could keep someone alive.

And a kind of memory that will make her feel human.

Every second that I hesitate, I'm losing her. So I will make her life worth something.

Akio-san would be really proud of me.

When we pulled away, she stayed close, forehead pressed to mine, breath trembling slightly.

“I’ve never done that before, Ishida-san.” she murmured.

“…Me neither.”

She giggled quietly, putting a finger to her lips. “You taste like omurice.”

“You taste like…strawberry parfaits.”

She smirked. “Thank you, Ishida-san, for making my first kiss memorable.”

“Please don't overheat and turn me to a toast later.”

“Hmm, we don't overheat on feelings like these.”

“Good to know. You don't want to burn the whole hotel down.”

I chuckled as well. And she laughed, a bit breathily. The smile grew wider, her pink eyes glistening softly, and her hand found its way to my cheek, caressing.

"I want to make memories with you, Ishida-san."

"Haven't you said that earlier?"

"I mean, more of it."

"You're really impossible."

She gave me the softest, most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.

And oh,

I hate to admit it, but the whirlwind of emotions that settled within me since I met her has died down into one simple thought.

The journey to the conclusion was crazy, but I’m glad I arrived at the end just by looking at her eyes.

I like Ayase.

I really, really like her.

And I should've realized that so much sooner.

"I really don't mind if it's only with you." she voiced out gently.

"What do you want me to remember right here?"

“That if my time ever runs out...promise me you'll remember me like this. Not the Sentinel. Not the bruised girl. Just...your Ayase.”

My Ayase, huh?

I gulped, and then smiled.

“I’ll remember you every time I see pink. Everytime I see strawberries, and everytime I buy parfaits. I'll remember you every time I breathe.”

"I'll become the wind for you to breathe, Ishida-san."

And our lips met again. But this time, it was completely different.

My heart stopped.

Time folded in half.

This girl was so close to me like a dream I was never supposed to touch. And yet here she was, claiming me, asking for me to be real.

She took my hands, and she guided me to the places she felt most alive. With her soft gasps against my breath, I felt her fragility, I touched them reverently.

I remembered them.

She was a girl. A soul. A story I never wanted to end.

And I claimed her back, like it was taking her away from anyone that had eyes on her, and anyone that would take her in the future.

We stayed like that, stuck in our own space, tears of joy falling, and folding to whatever guidance our bodies told us.

Constantly moving—like the waves outside, whispering through the half-opened window. The room was finally filled with her scent like flowers caught in the wind.

And I thought—I could freeze this moment and live in it.

Not with anyone else.

Just me and her.

And maybe today, I would let her call me by my first name.