Gambling in Court

With Rollnaldo’s and my hands cuffed behind our backs, the sheriff paraded us over to the courthouse. “Keep on moving, partners. You don't want to be late for your court appearances.”

Just as he was about to shove us through the entrance, I halted and protested. “Don't I have a right to an attorney!?” Considering that, according to Rollnaldo, I was facing the death penalty, I didn't think that was so much to ask.

“Well, you do have the right to a lawyer, but everyone in town is serving on the jury…” The sheriff stopped and thought for a moment. He snapped his fingers once an idea popped into his head. “I got it. You two can represent each other.”

“I don't know about that.” I reluctantly muttered under my breath.

“Don't you worry, Lucky. With me as your lawyer, we'll for sure beat your case.” Rollnaldo gave me a confident nod.

Despite his positivity, I couldn't say I felt the same. My life was being put into the hands of a dice man that I just met in a jail cell.

Ducking under the low door frame and nearly hitting my head on it, the sheriff rushed us into the old West styled court house. There were murmurs amongst the twelve jury members sitting in the jury box, as I entered the court, still wearing nothing but my tighty-whities.

“Wait a second, only twelve people live in this town?” I murmured to Rollnaldo.

“Actually it's fourteen if you include me and the sheriff.” He responded.

“Alright partners, take your seats.” The sheriff ordered us.

My knees came up to my chest as I sat down in a disproportionately small chair behind a just as small table. Rollnaldo sat directly beside me.

“So, if everyone in town is part of the jury, who's the judge?” I wondered.

“All rise.” The sheriff commanded the room. He then proceeded to remove his cowboy hat and put on a powdered wig, taking his seat up at the bench.

I turned to Rollnaldo and whispered. “Isn't being both the judge and the bailiff for the same case a conflict of interest?”

Rollnaldo shrugged. “He's also the town’s mayor.”

The sheriff, who was now the judge, banged his gavel. “Order in the court!” He dropped his Western accent. “Please be seated. Our first case of the afternoon will be Dice Town v. Gamblord. Representing the defense will be Rollnaldo and Mr. Rolland will be representing the prosecution.” The Judge suddenly removed his wig and ran over to the plaintiff side of the courtroom, where he put on a pair of round glasses and a clip-on tie, which since he had no torso, was attached underneath his mouth. “Thank you, your honor.” He responded, then proceeded to take everything off again and put the wig back on while running back up to the bench.

I leaned back with uneasiness in my comically small chair. “So he's the Judge, bailiff, and prosecuting attorney… This is the definition of a kangaroo court!”

“Just relax. I happen to have a way with people. With my opening statement, I’ll for sure win over the hearts of those jurors.” Rollnaldo attempted to reassure me.

The judge banged his gavel once again before talking. “Now the prosecution will present their opening statement.” He got back up from his podium and ran back down where he once again switched costumes. Clearing his throat, he spoke as the attorney. “Thank you again, your honor. I think I speak for every citizen here when I say that Dice Town is the most wholesome and close knit community in all the Kasino Kingdom, possibly the entire world… but sometimes there are monsters like that gamblord over there that decide to disrupt all that. During this trial I ask all the ladies and gentlemen of the jury to ask themselves… Would you rather live in a decent community or would you rather live in a community full of degenerates that streak around town and assault Matthew the World’s Largest Ball of Twine?

The jury members were all nodding in agreement. It seemed like they already had their minds made up before the trial even started.

Rolland switched outfits again and yielded back to himself as the judge. “The defense may now present its opening statements.”

Rollnaldo shot up from his seat with a confident smirk. “Leave it to me, Lucky, old pal!”

“We barely know each other. Maybe we would be better off if I just make the opening state-.”

Rollnaldo shushed me. “Don't you worry, as a veteran salesman, I have a PhD from the University of B.S.. I'm confident I can win over the hearts of everyone in this room… except maybe that pip head, Rolland. Now, as your attorney, I order you to stay quiet and let me do all the talking.”

I let out a reluctant huff. “Alright, but I'm putting my life in your hands. You better not let me down.” It was a gamble, but he seemed confident that he could get these charges dropped.

Stepping out before the jury, Rollnaldo began to speak. “Good afternoon everyone. I’m here today to show you all that Lucky…” He turned back toward me. “What's your last name?”

“It's Diamond.” I responded.

He continued, “...That my client Lucky Diamond is no villain, but a victim… a victim of society… And as all members of society, I think we can all find a piece of Lucky inside of us. Thank you.”

None of the members of the jury seemed to be swayed by Rollnaldo, as all of them continued glaring at me with dirty looks.

“The prosecution may now present its evidence.” The judge said, followed by him switching back to being Rolland the attorney. “I'd like to call Miss Rollsy to the stand.”

The Pink dice woman from earlier, stepped out from the jury box and took her place at the witness stand.

“Objection!” I shouted. “How is it fair that a jury member is also a witness?”

The judge banged his gavel. “Overruled.”

“But-.”

“Don't worry, we'll get our time.” Rollnaldo tried to calm me.

“Please proceed with your testimony, Miss Rollsy.” The judge yielded to her.

Timidly, she glanced around the room. “I don't know if I can do this. I'm still really shaken up about the incident this morning.”

The judge, who was starting to break a sweat from running back and forth, put on his glasses and became Rolland. Approaching the witness stand, he attempted to comfort her. “I know this is difficult, but your testimony will help us bring justice to this miscreant.”

She nodded in understanding and took a deep breath before speaking. “It all started first thing this morning, when I was going for a stroll through town with my children, Dieler and Dicesly. When we stopped by the town well for a drink, there it was…” She paused for a moment, as she looked like she was holding back tears. “That gamblord, right over there was laying in the middle of our town, virtually naked. Immediately, I covered my children's eyes and ran to the nearest building, which was the bakery. There, I begged Rollo, the town baker, to get the sheriff.”

“Thank you so much Miss Rollsy. I know that wasn't easy.” Rolland graciously ushered her back into the Jury. “Next I'd like to call Rollo, the town baker to the stand.”

A blue dice man wearing a chef's hat stepped out from the jury and came to the front. “So there I was baking some muffins this morning, when Miss Rollsy rushed into my bakery with her children. She was so distraught that I could barely understand what she was saying. That's when I went to check for myself.” He looked directly at me. “and there he was, a gamblord passed out in his undies, in the middle of our town. From there, I went right to the sheriff.”

“Thank you for that Rollo.” Rolland responded. “I’d like to call Sheriff Rolland to the stand.” He proceeded to remove his glasses and put his cowboy hat back on. His Western accent suddenly returned. “Howdy everyone. So here's my account… I was just filling out some paperwork at the jail this morning, when Rollo burst through the doors asking me to come quickly. When I got to the scene of the crime, there he was, a gamblord committing public indecency in front of the entire town. When I woke him up and attempted to confront him, he resisted arrest and barricaded himself in a building with Matthew. The next thing I knew Matthew crashed through the side of the building and slammed into our saloon.”

He removed his cowboy hat and went back to being the attorney. “And that leads us to the final witness I’d like to call to the stand… Matthew the World’s Largest Twine ball.

I blinked my eyes for a moment and defying all logic, Matthew somehow manifested itself at the witness stand.

“Go on Matthew, tell us your account.” Rolland encouraged it.

There was a moment of silence, as everyone stared at the twine ball. After about thirty seconds, everyone in the jury began tearing up and sniffling.

“I’m so sorry that had to happen to you, Matthew.” Rolland wiped the tears from his eyes. “I think based on our witnesses, it's clear that this gamblord is a menace to society and deserves only the most severe punishment… the death sentence.” He switched back to being the judge. “The defense may now take the stand.”

“Thank you, your honor.” Rollnaldo got up and proceeded to take the floor. “My fellow Dice, we've heard Many people give their accounts relating to the events that occured this morning involving this gamblord, but we haven't heard his side of the story yet. I'd like to call my client, Mr. Lucky Diamond, to the stand.”

Honestly, this angle Rollnaldo was taking was pretty decent. Maybe if I could just explain myself, these dice people would have some understanding.

I got up and took my place at the witness stand. “Hello everyone. I just want to assure everyone that this is just one giant misunderstanding. The truth is that I'm not actually from this world, I don't know how, but I somehow was transported here.”

I glanced over at the jury, all of which were giving me unconvinced glares.

“I know it might sound crazy, but that's the tru-.”

I was abruptly interrupted by the judge banging his gavel. “I will not allow you to make a mockery of this court with this nonsense… I think we've all heard enough. Let's just move onto the closing argu-.”

“Objection!” I interrupted him. “You know, I just realized something. Why is it a big deal that I'm in my underwear? I don't see any of you dice people wearing pants or even shirts for that matter.”

“Overruled, I will not tolerate anymore outbursts.” The judge reprimanded me. “Would the prosecution please give their closing arguments.”

Changing back to Rolland, he stood in front of the jury as he spoke. “I think we've heard everything we need to know that this gamblord obviously came to this town with bad intentions. When all of you make your verdict, I'd like you all to think of the children… but more importantly, think of Matthew, who was the biggest victim in all this.”

He switched back to the judge. “Thank you, Mr. Rolland.” He looked toward Rollnaldo and I and let out a sigh. “I guess the defense can give their closing statements… not that it's going to matter.” The last part he muttered under his breath.

Rollnaldo took the floor once again. “I know my client has said some things that are hard to believe, but what kind of example would we be setting for the youth by putting someone who is obviously insane to death.”

“Woah, wait a sec-!”

Rollnaldo prevented me from interjecting by speaking over me. “I want you all to think long and hard when you come to your decision… and think of the children… oh and Matthew too.” With that, he ended our closing arguments.

“It's over.” I shook my head in despair. I should’ve known from the start that this trial wouldn't be fair.

An orange dice man with a tan fedora stood up from the jury. “You honor, we the jury have reached a verdict… We find this gamblord guil-.”

The trial was unexpectedly interrupted by a loud bang, as the doors to the courthouse were tossed open…