And Thus He Became an Abyss: Part II

‘Hazuki, you have to get back to her!’

‘Hazuki, where are you?’

‘Hazuki, you have to wake up!!’

Hazuki,YouHaveToGetBackToHer!’

Hazukiyouhavetogetbacktoher!!

The voices echoed in his head. They were becoming more jumbled every day. He could no longer tell if they were his thoughts, or merely hallucinations.

Images of ‘her’ faded from his mind with every waking day. Who was she? He knew her, but he couldn’t remember her name. Recalling her face was like trying to catch smoke with his bare hands. Was she waiting for him?

“Hazuki?” said the woman’s voice.

Was it hers? No, it was someone else, far away.

“Hazuki, are you feeling better?” asked the woman.

Hazuki blinked his vacant eyes. Days had passed now and he was still in a hospital bed on suicide watch. His hands were still restrained.

“For the last time, I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” Hazuki pleaded in frustration.

“You jumped in front of a moving vehicle hours after losing your remaining family. You must understand that the State is required to take serious precautions, especially given your family history…” replied the woman.

Hazuki’s hands pulled at the restraints as he let out a frustrated whimper.

“No, please! I don’t want to talk about that!” Hazuki begged as he clenched his eyes shot and banished the flickering images of cursed trees and feet hanging a meter from the ground. 

‘Focus on her! Focus on the plum blossoms!’ he commanded himself.

‘Focus on her!’

Who was ‘her’?!

Focus on her

Focusonher…

“I was trying to go see her,” he said as his memories swirled under the chaos of strange new chemicals flooding his mind.

“Who is she? A classmate?” asked the woman.

Hazuki shook his head. He was too afraid to admit he couldn’t remember. Such an acknowledgment would do him no favors regarding the state’s analysis of his mental wellbeing.

“What’s going to happen to me?” he asked as tears formed in his eyes.

Even as he cried, the void in his being was still there. His soul felt out of alignment now. As though his existence and body were rendered in one spot, but his soul was rendered a few pixels out of alignment. Unsettled and isolated. Voided and hollowed.

“Your grandparents’ remains have been taken to the gravesite. The government is working with a legal team and the banks to deal with their remaining debts. There was still a balance on their mortgage, so the lender will be taking their house back.”

“As such, you will not be staying in Inabe City. There is a nearby home for older wards, which is where you’ll be transferred to. The home has a school attached, so you will finish your education there,” said the woman in a completely neutral tone.

“I’m leaving?!” asked Hazuki.

She nodded as he cried.

“Once you are cleared to leave the hospital, you will be taken to the gravesite to say your goodbyes, then guardians will escort you to Yamanashi.”

“Yamanashi? That’s hours from here. That’s almost to Tokyo,” said Hazuki.

“As stated, it is the nearest orphan- home for older wards of the state that currently has capacity,” replied the woman.

Pain pulsed through Hazuki’s left leg, which was now full of pins and wrapped in a cast.

“Orphanage…” whispered Hazuki.

“This home is known for its care and kind staff. It is not like the horror stories. This is not the end of your life or the end of your happiness Hazuki. There will be adults there to help you recover and find your way.”

“What about my leg? And do I have to take these meds?” asked Hazuki.

“The doctors did what they could. And the government will cover a small cycle of physical therapy to help you recover. But your leg had multiple fractures. And your A.C.L. was torn, along with your achilles. It will take great effort on your part to mend. And the State will require you to take these meds until you are an adult. After that it is your decision to stay on them or not,” she replied.

The harnesses and cast were burning now. Hazuki felt as though his whole body might rip if any more grief moved through it. So he resigned himself to collapse into despair, and sank into bed. Movement avoided him for days, as he shifted to scrape a few morsels of food each day, then returned to immobility. Sores appeared on his back and buttocks from the lack of movement, but he didn’t care. The added pain of the lesions was lost on him as nothing else could be registered within his abyss.

Time dripped by like his IV drips. Days turned to weeks and soon he was released. He stood for the first time in nearly two weeks and braced himself on the rails as he moved to the wheelchair that was to be his new temporary prison. Then he was in a van with several strange adults, on his way to say goodbye to his family and Inabe City. Tears did not fall anymore. Instead there was nothingness. Sorrow had made way for defeated acceptance, and Hazuki sat in silence as he looked out the window at the city blurring by.

After the gravesite visit, Hazuki was loaded back into the van, and was set off towards his new home in a faraway land. As the van moved through traffic and towards the major thoroughfare to take him away, Hazuki looked out the window once more in hopes of seeing the plum grove in the distance. But it wasn’t there. The van did not take a route that went near the sea of pink trees. Hazuki felt a ping of sorrow claw its way through his void as the thought of never seeing Naoe again draped itself over him in the embrace of a funeral shawl. A single tear ran from his eye as he looked away from the window and bid farewell Inabe City and to the life he’d known.

As the van drove out of the city and into the unknown, there was a single lonely girl sitting beneath a plum tree, wondering what had happened to the kind, happy boy she had met. She couldn’t leave that tree, so there she sat in waiting. Naoe wondered when she would see Hazuki again, and prayed he was okay.