Prologue

I was a 20-year-old man, living with my parents, wasting my life away inside my room. I never had a job, and I've done nothing with my life since leaving school. Already, I am regretting my life and the decisions I've made. But I'm either too lazy or too stupid to make an actual change that would make me feel better. The worst part is that I know where this story goes. I know that if I keep just thinking about doing things, I will never do them, and I will stay the same way for the rest of my life. 

I was the quiet type, never drawing attention to myself and simply staying chronically online to satisfy the interaction that I craved. At first, my family admonished my behavior, but as time went on, they slowly grew accustomed to it, even feeling pity for my situation. I hated that feeling. I wish that they would just leave me alone instead of telling me how much better life could be if I would just try. Deep in my own thoughts is when I heard the frantic climbing of steps growing closer to my room. The door of my room swung open, but I did not turn to look to see who was there. 
"YOUR BROTHER GOT IN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT AND YOU'RE JUST LYING THERE?" Father screamed.

It's true, I knew about it already because of the texts they had been sending me. My brother was riding his bike and had been hit by a car. One of his ribs punctured his lung, and he has many broken bones throughout. This was all conveyed to me through text, but I still decided not to go to the hospital where he was staying. My father began to destroy all my stuff, throwing my computer out of the window, and raining punches down on me. I simply let it happen, because in truth I knew I was a piece of shit. He pulled me by the hair to the front door, where he literally kicked me out the door. When I looked back, I saw his face filled with anger, but also the pain that I caused him. I said nothing to him and walked off. 

I was not always so pathetic. In elementary and middle school, I was sociable enough to get by with a few close friends and smart enough to get decent grades. However, when I started to get into high school, things changed. The people I used to be close with drifted off to different groups, and I quickly became ostracized. People cared about what you've done, what achievements you've made, and for someone like me, who quickly fell behind in grades because of my hobby of gaming and manga, people saw no reason to interact with me. My brother, on the other hand, was the antithesis of me.  He was athletic, smart, and had good features to top it off. Being constantly compared to him by my own family and other friends made me resent him deeply, even though I know he has done nothing to me.
It just hurt.

I was invisible to my brother and the people I used to be friends with at school. Soon after, people picked up on the fact that I was close to nobody and began targeting me. Simple pushing and shoving evolved into punching and stealing my stuff. I endured it for 2 years, until I just stopped coming to school altogether. There is one high school in my town, so there is nowhere else to go except there, and in a small town, everyone quickly learned about it. I avoided going out because of the chance that someone would see me and know me.  
I wouldn't talk to people outside my family for weeks, and then months, and then a full year.
I couldn't go to college because I never finished high school, and I refused to become something like a farmer. It felt like the only thing I could do was stay in my room.
If I had only tried to do something, anything, maybe I wouldn't be in this position.

I could see the sun setting over the green fields in the distance as I walked on a narrow dirt path, and that's when I heard a familiar voice, "Hey, is that you dude?". I turned to see the group of friends I used to be close with. "Hey," I said sheepishly. I was still tattered and shaken up by what happened earlier. "We are going to that spot we used to hang out at as kids, let's go together!" he exclaimed. 
"Ah ... um I don't ..." I tried to speak, but I was too nervous. I haven't spoken to anyone in so long, and now I have to talk to these guys? They were talking along the way to each other about their lives, getting into college, getting a job, getting a girlfriend. My feelings towards them have been building up for years, and this was just reinforcing it. I've been living my life like shit, when these guys have been living it up? They abandoned me when I needed them, and now they show up out of nowhere? I was fuming, but I realized that they owed me nothing, at least nothing more than any other person. I was just angry that they were so happy when I was so miserable. We eventually got to the abandoned building where we used to play as kids.
"How have you been doing?"
"You know that already," I responded quickly.
I felt sick, I wanted this to be over already. 
"Look, we heard what happened and are worried," one of them said.
"What, what are you talking about?"
"Your dad told us what happened, and we came over to check on you."

I was completely flustered, my face red, clenching my hands. This was about the way I acted, this was about not seeing my brother, this was awful. These people I haven't seen in years come over, and this is our first interaction again in years. 
I screamed at them. I screamed profanities, about how they ditched me to fend for myself, and now come back acting concerned for me. I started to back myself up to the edge of the roof, and one of them grabbed the collar of my shirt.
"What are you doing?"
"Don't touch me!"

I pushed his hand off me, and in that moment, I fell backward. It was mostly dark except for the little bit of sunlight in the distance, creating an orange-reddish hue. I could feel myself plummeting towards the ground, the wind whistling in my ears as I fell. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for something to happen. Then the wind stopped, I could hear the heavy breathing of people and the sound of a crackling fire in the distance. When I slowly opened my eyes, I was in a dimly lit room, surrounded by fuzzy looking faces.
I was alive.