Buggining

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.

There is a story, possibly apocryphal, of the distinguished British biologist, J.B.S. Haldane, who found himself in the company of a group of theologians. On being asked what one could conclude as to the nature of the Creator from a study of his creation, Haldane is said to have answered, "An inordinate fondness for beetles."
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I didn't get the dignity of a truck. All I got was waking up. Something was surrounding me, some kind of substance I didn't recognize. I couldn't see yet. I just pushed at the substance, the material stretching like bubblegum until it finally snapped apart. I felt the air on my skin and wiggled… wiggled?

I reached my hand out, only to be unable to reach with anything. I tried to stretch, and my whole body flexed. I fell… not asleep. But it was like my awareness slowly sank away, allowing my body to work on autopilot.

When I came back to awareness, it was while eating. Someone was speaking in a language I didn't recognize, it sounded somewhat like Chinese? I chewed idly on a piece of some kind of sweet food and looked around. Everything felt so vibrant… like my eyes were somehow seeing more and less than they should? I tried to focus.

Something was above me… OH. Oh god. I froze, food falling from my mouth. I could feel it, moving above me, its vibrations brushing across my body. I couldn't see it, like my eyes couldn't focus on it. It was huge. So huge. Incomprehensibly massive. I wiggled my body, trying to look up-

I was in it's hand. My eyes blearily (God, did I need glasses?) stared down at the palm below me, the size of a warehouse floor, with five fingers poking up into the sky in the horizon. I couldn't see the fingers clearly, but I could feel them. For a moment, the story of Sun Wukong leaping into the heavens, only to see the five fingers of Buddha holding the universe filled my memory.

The creature holding me… I don't think I can describe how incomprehensible the size difference was. I felt a sense of vertigo as I tried to comprehend-

A voice spoke again in a language I couldn't understand. It sounded compassionate, at least. A sensation like the passing of a train was followed by a finger landing on the palm landscape, a finger as massive as a redwood tree. It pushed the food I'd dropped forward.

I hesitantly chewed on the sweet… not fruit. Wood. I was chewing into a log nearly the size of my body. I tried to focus, tried to understand what was happening. After a bit of chewing, my awareness faded again.
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When I regained awareness, I was crawling past a small pool of water. I looked at my reflection and recoiled. A giant fucking bug! A freaky looking worm, with mandibles, creepy legs, and-

It recoiled as well. I twitched to the right, ready to dodge. The insect did the same.

'Oh. Oh god…' I chittered, my mandibles wiggling with each word. I leaned closer, my reflection joining me. I stared at myself, my mind roiling in horror.

I was a larvae. A bug. I WAS A BUG.

I swallowed, the sensation feeling more unfamiliar than I could have ever believed. This time, my awareness didn't fade away. I stayed in that body, staring at my reflection as I tried to understand what was happening.

Then I tried to scream.


After a big chunk of time panicking and gibbering, I finally got myself together enough to think beyond the sheer terror and shock.

I'd hatched out of an egg. That must have been what my first memory was. And the giant… well, might have been giant, but more likely was just a normal human. I looked around. While my new eyes were good for field of view, they were still bleary. It was enough, with my weird sensitivity to the air, to sense that I was in some kind of enclosure.

Oh, and I was a bug. A worm. I looked myself over, feeling my body. It felt both natural and unnatural. I'd forget that I was in the body, then all of sudden a flood of human memories would clash with that feeling.

I wasn't someone who disliked insects. Bugs are cool. But I didn't want to be one.

I felt hungry. I let my instincts guide me, and found myself in front of a log of wood. I chewed my way through the wood, surprised with how good it tasted. It seemed to fill my body with energy with each bite. Like, a weird Dragon Ball Z kind of energy, not regular 'hungry to full' energy.

That was another thing I didn't expect. I felt so much more aware. It was like my body was feeling things at a level I wasn't used to. Maybe because I was smaller, the info had less distance to travel from my senses to my brain?

But then, how was I thinking? My brain had to be tiny. Way too tiny to be able to comprehend things the way a human could. But maybe that's why I had spent so much time without being aware of things? My human memories were too big to be held in an insectoid mind for long?

Why was I able to hold onto my awareness now? Things were fuzzy, but I wasn't drifting off again. Looking back, while I had two clear memories of awareness, there had been little hiccups of awareness over the last… however long it had been.

I was glad things were fuzzy though. They kept me from really panicking again like I had after the initial discovery.

I crawled through a log the size of a three-story building, chewing my way through the wood, sometimes coming upon tunnels I had already dug through. The feeling of energy flowing from the wood to fill my body kept happening. It was interesting, actually feeling my body fill with fuel in a way my former human form had never come close to.

After what had to be a few minutes, I… expelled that fuel, then left the log.

The moment I did, a voice spoke with excitement. A pair of fingers moving with insane speed picked me up. That sensation of two giant pieces of flesh wrapped in bone grabbing onto me and lifting me up, the wind whistling around me, was horrifying. It was a relief when I landed in a palm.

Once again, the voice spoke as the whole world shifted around us. The giant was walking to another part of the room. I was placed into a small clear glass cup. I still couldn't see things clearly, but I could perceive the sounds of someone writing, feel the air shift, hear a voice speaking quietly to me.

So I was… what, a pet? A science experiment? For a Chinese guy? Or was I being racist by assuming that? The language he was speaking didn't sound Japanese or Korean, more similar to what I'd heard from old Kung Fu movies than anime or K-dramas.

Then again, I was an American. Red, white, blue, and barely able to speak English according to some countries, let alone other languages. What did I know?

Still, not like I could do much other than listen and 'feel' the air around me. I settled down to try and translate the language as much as I could. It helped when the giant dropped in some strange wood for me to chew on. I devoured them as I listened to him talk to me, trying to understand what I could. Probably wouldn't get anywhere just from listening, but it was worth a shot.
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A couple months of eating and listening hadn't gotten me anything but bigger. Way bigger. Way too fast too. I wasn't great at tracking days, the small room I was kept in didn't have a lot of sunlight, but it had to have been less than two months, and I was already as big as the giant's hand. I didn't know a lot about insects, despite having some friends that were enthusiasts, but I knew beetles could take anywhere from several months to years to get to adulthood.

I was growing a lot faster than that. Soon I'd have to change. From a larvae to a transitionary form, then to a full on… whatever I was. I had no clue of my species.

I molted my skin three times, the whole process kind of fascinating, gross, and itchy. Had to be done though, with how fast I expanded.

My… god, I didn't want to say owner. Caretaker. He (My eyesight had been getting better the more I ate and the bigger I got, which was how I knew he was a 'he') spent a lot of time talking to me, but I didn't know enough to figure out if he ever said what species I was. I got 'hello', 'goodbye' and a word that must have been my name. Pinchy, or something that sounded similar to it.

I hoped it was Pinchy, and not Pi Chi. Pinchy was funny for a beetle, which would mean the guy had a sense of humour. He said the word a lot at least. 'Pinchy' this, and 'Pinchy' that. Better than nothing.

So I continued to eat and grow, fattening myself up to the point I was getting to be a real unit. Over and over I ate, pooped, and listened, until one day I kind of… had a moment. It was like my awareness of myself sank away and away, until I was just barely cognizant of myself. Whatever was happening, my humanity couldn't interfere. I found myself digging deep into the wooden log within my enclosure, digging deeper and deeper until I'd created a small burrow.

Then I surrounded myself in a simple shell. And it was like… It was impossible to describe. How do you describe it? My muscles, organs, all parts of me, melting, changing, flowing, slowly turning me into something… else. Thank god my awareness sank away. It didn't hurt. But there are things man isn't meant to understand, and feeling, in exact detail, every part of my body change and flow, was just so wrong.

I was barely aware enough to understand what was happening, and that was enough to freak me out. And I was worried about… everything. I'd thought a lot about my situation. A human in the body of an insect. I'd reincarnated into a freaking bug. Was I really that bad in my old life?

There was plenty of time to think about my situation. I was an insect. An animal that usually didn't have long to live after it became an adult. A few months, at most. I was… going to die. The thought of it filled me like ice in my veins.

Well… ice inside the gelatinous mass that my body had become.

Heh… that helped. Joking around about my weird ass body, my weird ass situation. I didn't know why I'd become what I was, but at least I had some perks. Free food, I could sleep and laze about however I wanted, no need to go to work. I didn't have much in terms of entertainment, and if I had been human, being alone for so long without mental stimulation would have driven me insane, but thankfully I could sink into my insect instincts to stave off mental damage.

Over time, my liquidy insides began to flow back together. I slowly formed legs, horns, eyes, and something approaching a nose and ears.

I couldn't explain the feeling of my body changing while I could 'feel' it. It's like explaining how your liver feels rubbing against the rest of the flesh around it. A human couldn't. But I was now intimately familiar with the experience.

Thank god I had a digestive system. I was worried I'd be one of those bugs who became an adult, had sex, then died of starvation a day later.

Also, I was apparently still a guy. Thank god, no gender dysmorphia to go with my body dysmorphia. There was… something else.

The energy from the logs I'd been eating had stayed with me. In fact, it was growing, filling every part of me, strengthening me. I'd thought it was simply me eating and getting filled with nutrients, but the energy felt like… more.

My awareness was still faded when I finally cracked out my pupa shell and began wiggling around. Still not fully grown. I had all the parts, but the armor I had was soft, almost useless. I still needed time to 'cook'. I spent time resting in my burrow again, what felt like weeks, slowly toughening my skin and body. Inside me, the energy I had been gaining flowed through strangely, like it was deciding how to settle.

My exoskeleton hardened around my horns, torso, and powerful limbs. My body grew, my muscles solidified beneath that exoskeleton. And then, one day, I snapped into full awareness.

I exploded out of the thin covering around me. I climbed out of my burrow, quickly moving upwards until the exoskeleton around me shone in the light. I stood on legs, real powerful legs, and stretched as best as I could. What I had lost from the flexibility of my larvae form, I'd gained in feeling sturdy and powerful. My horns shone before me, feeling as much like swords as they were a body part.

My eyesight was also… better? No, not quite. I still had the weird sensitivity of my larvae form, sensing the air across my body, and I still had the wide field of vision, but it was a bit better. Even more, I could smell things a lot more clearly to the point that I could almost seem to smell the colors.

I stared around. Previously, I could barely make out my enclosure. Now I could see the whole room.

The room seemed to be some sort of office or library, with books and old scrolls lining the shelves all around me. I experimentally opened up my back. A pair of wings fluttered out, the weird feeling of powerful muscles pushing to lift me up into the air took over, sending me up and away. I floated around with an imaginary grin on my imaginary face. I was flying. Sure, only at human height, but it was still cool!

I moved around the room, trying to understand what I was seeing. There were maps on the walls, small pieces of art, and a desk with writing materials. I could see the cup that I'd once been placed in while the giant fed me and talked.

Hm… lots of books. Back in my old life, I'd had a few children's books on my shelf, either so I could have something to read to nephews and nieces or just out of nostalgia's sake. Did my caretaker have some as well?

I flitted around the room, looking over the books. Finally, I found one. A slim little manual with some flowers on it, a dusty thing at the bottom of a shelf in the far corner of the room. I dropped down and awkwardly pulled it out with my horns, the book falling open. Like I'd hoped, a children's book. But not the kind you'd give a kid to teach them.

It was more the kind you'd read to them to get them to fall asleep. I sighed to myself. Well, not really sigh, but as close as a beetle is capable of.

The sound of the door opening drew my attention. I looked over and got my first clear look at my caretaker. I couldn't 'see' him anymore than you can perceive the entirety of a mountain at first glance. I was bigger, but he was still incomprehensibly larger than me. Still, the combination of my senses helped me get a better idea of what he looked like.

He was pretty average in height at my best guess, with a lithe set of muscles, strong jawline, and a classic kung fu beard, like an inky black waterfall. His clothes were fancy green and white robes layered across his body. He glanced at the enclosure, then his eyes bee-lined directly to me. Just like that, no confusion, no searching the room. He glanced at the enclosure on instinct, then his eyes snapped to me, his attention almost physical.

"...Hmm?" I understood that in any language. He walked over. I flew up and away, landing on the bookshelf. He picked up the book and looked it over, then glanced at me. A wide smile grew on his face. He said something, striding over to his desk.

He came back with a mirror, which he held so I could see my own reflection. I looked myself over.

Huh… I looked cool. Weird, still, and I'd give a fifties housewife the scare of her life. But I was healthy looking, with an ink black carapace, long sword-like horns tinged with fur, and beady eyes under my armored head.

I turned to look at my wings, flaring the beautiful looking things, then back around to look at myself again.

"Ahhh!" The caretaker raised his hands and shouted in shock. Then he laughed, grabbing me up in a single hand and twirling the room happily. That's when I realized what happened.

He'd been testing my ability to recognize myself in a mirror. And I succeeded.

This guy had been trying to make a sapient beetle? Why?

As the guy screamed and shouted for joy, swinging me around like a baby, I wondered what was next for me.


"Cultivation," my caretaker said two months later, a small book in front of us. I stared down at the word. While my grasp over his language wasn't the best, I had learned a bit thanks to his patience. And now we were on a word he had thought was critically important for me to learn… and it was.

Cultivation. Cultivator. I was in a cultivator story. I had read two cultivator stories. And one puppet show about them.

Aw, balls.

I looked up at my caretaker then back at the word. Finally I sighed, as much as a beetle can sigh, and dipped my right front leg into ink to begin copying the word. I was in trouble, huh?
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My caretaker's name was Sī Chóu Jiǔ. Best I could tell was that it meant something like 'silk wine.'

"So, Pi Chi, you are the culmination of my many experiments," He said softly, feeding me bits and pieces of fruit while I read from the book before me. "I have been breeding beetles for the last fifty years, some becoming spirit beasts, others abject failures. So far, you are the first to show such intelligence so quickly. Most die of aging after less than a year."

That… was a fucking lot to unpack. Over fifty? The guy looked like, twenty-five, tops. Cultivators really were built different, huh?

And of course I was the first to show intelligence. I was the first human unlucky enough to get reincarnated into a beetle. Far as I knew. I felt a bit of guilt. Technically, I wasn't a sign of his success. I was a lucky drop.

Finally, and most importantly, I had a timeline for my death. I had less than a year left. Unless I could cultivate. Cultivators lived for centuries sometimes, maybe more right? I didn't need that much, but I'd love to at least learn enough to survive a few decades. And beyond that, I didn't want to be a beetle. I mean, it was awesome that I could fly, but I missed thumbs. And legs. And other… parts.

I think, if I didn't have my beetle instincts to lean on, I would have been a lot less comfortable in my chitin. Still. Spirit Beasts could gain human forms. I missed my human form.

While I was thinking that over, my caretaker continued to speak. "What do you think, Pi Chi? Would you like to learn? I've never taught anyone before, let alone an insect like you, but it could be fun."

He wasn't talking to me like a pet, but it was pretty clear he was mostly humoring himself. I wasn't a real person in his eyes.

That was fine. I quickly nodded my body, my horn waving up and down. I could sense his surprise, but he still chuckled.

"Very well! Tomorrow, we begin your training! Then, when you're ready, your first real fight!"