Swipe Left On Reality

Kei slowly trudged down the road, sniffling. He clutched his chest, wincing with every step. His nose bled perpetually.

Hours passed. It was high noon. He panted as he walked along, sweat droplets covering his face. The wheat fields seemed endless.

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Wait a minute. I’ve been isekai’d… this isn’t all bad.”

A grin broke across his face. “I’ll probably get some kick-ass OP powers!”

He chuckled nervously as he paced, hands trembling.

“Maybe I’ve got an interface and just don’t know it?”

He started swiping in every direction, trying to activate some kind of UI.

A caravan slowly crept up behind him and stopped. Kei flailed his arms like a man swatting invisible flies, totally oblivious.

Huffing and puffing, he tried different phrases.

“Link start!” he yelled… but nothing happened.
“Choose class!” Still nothing.

He grabbed a nearby plant.

“Maybe if I eat this, I’ll gain some knowledge?”

He chewed once and gagged. It tasted like lemon zest marinated in horse ass.

“Fucking gross!”

In one last desperate attempt, Kei extended his hand and yelled, “EXPLOSION!!!”

Someone laughed from behind him.

Kei turned around. Heat crept up his face. He looked away, shoulders tightening.

“I must look like a chuuni…”

The man in the caravan looked like one of those over-the-top pretty boys from a shoujo manga—black hair, and striking blue eyes so bright they looked like colored contacts.
“You alright, bro? You doing okay upstairs?”

Kei took a breath, straightened his back, and forced a crooked smile.

“I was just checking if I had any badass powers. Yeah... turns out I’m still me.”

Laughter exploded from the pretty boy. “Badass powers? You’re too much of a twig to be a badass. No offense.”

Kei’s face twitched. He clenched his fist. “Offense taken. I didn’t think anyone was watching!”

As the pretty boy’s laughter died down, he cocked a brow, grinning. “Relax, bro. I’m just messing with you. Need a lift?”

Kei paused.

“I suppose so, yes.”

The pretty boy motioned to the back of the caravan. “Hop on. Name’s Satori.”

He extended a hand.

Kei took it. “I’m Keisuke. You can call me Kei if you want.”

Satori nodded. “Alright, Kei. Hop in.”

Kei climbed into the back of the caravan.

“So, tell me, Kei. Are you one of those transients from the war? A lot of folks have made their way from up north.”

Kei cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. I am.”

Glancing at the floor of the wagon, Kei swallowed hard and avoided Satori’s eyes.

Satori hummed. “I thought so. Sounds like you could use some help. I know a family that needs farmhands. The pay is fair, living conditions are kind of shit. But hey, you’ll at least put some muscle on that frail body of yours.”

Kei turned his head, jaw clenched, teeth grinding hard enough to ache. He slowly exhaled.

“I’ll do it. If it helps me get on my feet, I’d appreciate it if you could bring me there.”

A smirk crossed Satori’s face. “Atta boy, Twiggy. It’s on my way—I’m headed to the capital city, Telwin.”

Kei glanced at the looming sky island. “Satori, I’m curious… what is that in the sky?”

Satori looked over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t know? That’s the fortress of the Demon King. The place is impregnable—on account of it being in the sky.”

Kei glanced up at the sky fortress. His vision blurred.

Suddenly, he could see a pale rider on a winged steed flying down from the floating island toward them. Its eyes were darker than the void. Kei’s face grew pale. He clenched the side of the caravan. He closed his eyes. “It’s not real. It’s not real.”  He reopened them. The rider was gone.

Blood spurted from his nose. He struggled to breathe properly. The feeling of a searing blade piercing his heart didn’t help. He clutched his chest.

Satori looked back at Kei, sighed, and shook his head. “You're in rough shape, pal. Are you going to be okay?”

Kei let out a shaky breath as he stuffed a tissue into his nose. “Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be fine.”

Satori hummed. “You sure that’s normal? You looked like you were about to have a panic attack.”

Kei looked away. “Don’t worry about it.”

Satori kept his eyes on the road. “Alright, I won’t pry.”

Kei noticed some of the blood had dripped down on Satori’s possessions. “Sorry for bleeding on your stuff.”

Satori chuckled. “Don’t mention it. People bleed on my stuff all the time.”

Kei raised an eyebrow.

“I’m curious, Satori—what do you do? Are you some kind of merchant?”

“Nope. I’m an adventurer. Second-best in the world. S-rank.”

Kei blinked. “Second best?” He let out a low whistle. “You’re serious?”

Satori raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never heard of me? I’m kind of a big deal.”

Kei looked at the sky. “No, sorry. I come from a small village.”

“Oh man, that’s so cool! There’s an adventurers’ guild? I wonder if there’s magic?” he thought.

Kei grinned. “Think I could be an adventurer?”

Satori grinned back. “Maybe—once you stop looking like a wet noodle. Do you have any skills? Swords? Magic? Archery?”

Kei shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

Satori sighed. “Well, you can still become one. But you’re definitely going to have to learn some kind of offensive or defensive skill first.”

A small smile crossed Kei’s face. The pain in his chest eased. He felt a flutter in his heart. But then he raised an eyebrow and asked a burning question he’d been holding back. “Why are you helping me?”

Satori shrugged. “You remind me of someone I grew up with. Thin, twiggy, hopeless. Nostalgia, maybe?”

For the rest of the ride, Kei wore a large smile. In his mind, he was already wearing a crimson cape, sword drawn, pulling a princess from the jaws of danger—her eyes shining with gratitude as she leaned in and...

He snapped out of his daydream when the wheat fields ended and the road opened up.

Soon, they stopped at a small house by the roadside. Satori looked back at Kei. “Let me do all the talking.”

Kei fidgeted with his sleeves as he felt a pit in his stomach. “O... okay.”

They approached the house. Satori knocked on the door. “Gerald? Are you there? It’s Satori.”

A burly man in his fifties opened the door. He was tall like Kei but had a barrel chest and arms like tree trunks. “Satori? What brings you here? Need some more moonshine?”

He paused when he saw Kei. Satori placed his hand on Kei’s shoulder. “Found another transient from the north. He’s looking for work. Got any room?”

Gerald sized him up. “He looks like a gust of wind could blow him over. Not cut out for farm work.”

Satori chuckled. “He does, doesn’t he? But he’s a good guy. He’ll work hard. Won’t you, Keisuke?”

Kei said a little too enthusiastically, “Yes, sir. I’ll work as hard as possible. I’ll work my hands to the bone if I have to.”

Gerald glanced at Satori, then Kei. “We don’t have any room inside the house. Are you good with sleeping in the barn?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll sleep wherever you have space.” Kei glanced at the barn in the distance.

Gerald sighed. “Alright. I’ll take him in.”

He turned and shouted, “Kent!”

A broad-shouldered young man with short golden-blond hair stepped out. He was built from the hard work of farm life. Kei squinted.

“Another pretty boy. Great,” he thought.

“Get Keisuke set up in the barn. Show him the ropes tomorrow morning. If he slacks off, let me know—I’ll kick him out myself.”

Kent looked at Keisuke. He rolled his eyes. “Yes, sir.”

Kei turned toward Satori one last time. “Thanks for the help. With any luck, I’ll become an adventurer one day—just like you.”

Satori shrugged. “Don’t mention it. Stay safe.”

Kent motioned for Kei to follow.

The barn smelled of hay and warm fur. Cows snorted in their pens, chickens clucked from the rafters.

“Pile up some hay and make a bed. Heidi’ll bring you dinner in a bit.”

“Thanks, Kent.”

Kent didn’t reply and left immediately. Kei started piling hay into a makeshift bed.

Soon, a beautiful girl with long auburn hair and blue eyes entered the barn. “Keisuke?”

“Over here,” said Kei.

She carried a plate full of delicious-looking food—some of it unfamiliar. “I’ll bring you a blanket closer to bedtime. I’m Heidi, Gerald’s daughter. Nice to meet you.”

Heidi’s lips curled into an easy smile, the kind that melted tension from a room. Kei's ears went hot. He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly very interested in the hay. “Nice to meet you, Heidi. Where do I put the dish when I’m done?”

“Just bring it to the house. Anyway, I’ll let you eat.”

Once she left, Kei eagerly dug into the meal. Man, she is pretty. No way she’d look at me twice, he thought.

When night came, Heidi brought a thick wool blanket.

He groaned and flopped onto his side, straw crackling under him. He sighed again, long and dramatic, as if the barn owed him an apology.

“Anime lied to me. This sucks. Where are all the Elves and hot cat girls?”

He sighed again, trying his best to get comfortable.

“No internet, no phone, no catgirls in chainmail bikinis. This isn’t a fantasy—it’s a downgrade.”

He let out another long, drawn-out sigh.

“I wanna go home.”