The Esteemed Hero Goes Forth

DATE: IMMORTAL REIGN 1023 MONTH 2 DAY 30

Ruxian lay awake in his hard, creaky bed. The crawling bugs and the chilly night were the least of his worries. No connectivity. No electricity. No content to upload. No streams to watch. Reflexively, he scrolled down his saved contacts and tapped the photo of his mother. Nothing. Letting out an audible sigh, he stared idly at the screen, watching the yellow battery icon turn red. Finally, the screen went black for one last time. At this point, Ruxian realised he might have preferred captivity over interdimensional travel. He cackled at the joke. If he was in his apartment, he’d have already posted it on his channel.

So what kept him from rushing out there and sucker-punching Lucius for bringing him here? Susie, the pretty nun serving him breakfast the following morning. It appears the priest assigned her to look after him. Her “habit”, barely concealing her underwear, sent blood to his cheeks and alarm bells ringing. Ruxian remembered all too well when his first collaboration with a high school girl resulted in an accidental upskirt shot that almost terminated HypnoPro.

Susie lingered by the door and toyed with her necklace while he forced down the rancid milk and hard bread. Dipping helped with the swallowing but nothing improved the flavour. Ruxian stole occasional glances at the girl to distract himself when a voice popped into his head.

If you’re going to look, then just look!

Ruxian blinked. Was she talking to him? He looked at her and got a blank stare back. Frowning, he dunked the final morsel into the milk and drained the cup, his throat convulsing in protest. Susie rushed to pat his back, her surprising strength almost dislodging his lung alongside the food. Sputtering, then laughing sheepishly, Ruxian turned to thank her only to find her head down, completely motionless, as if asleep. His smile died. Did he just hypnotise someone without consent?

Before Ruxian could check on Susie, her thoughts poured into his head, flooding his vision with images until the physical world disappeared. From the brief snippets, Ruxian saw a little girl herding goats, praying in the altar, and finally joining the orthodoxy. These were Susie’s memories. In an instant, the stream of consciousness faded into the dark, eventually returning Ruxian to the room again.

Drenched in cold sweat, his hands left prints on the frayed sheets. Still motionless, a drowsy Susie drooled on the floor. Mustering what little strength he had, Ruxian snapped his fingers just as Lucius walked in. Susie woke, blinked, allowed her gaze to drift from Ruxian to Lucius, and scratched her head.

“Please remove the plate, Susie,” Lucius said, smiling. “I have vital business with Lord Ruxian.”

Wiping her mouth, Susie bobbed her head, made for the door before turning back for the plate, bowed, and exited. Lucius chuckled, ogling the nun. Lifting a brow, Ruxian donned his sunglasses and lab coat, finding reassurance in the weight of his getup. Without the armour, Ruxian felt naked in the presence of this jolly fat man.

“I must apologise,” drawled Lucius. “Being suddenly summoned to foreign lands must be stressful.”

Surprised that he understood the entire sentence, Ruxian swallowed a derisive snort. Stressful?! Had he not feigned ignorance, the infuriating euphemism would have lost Lucius a tooth at least.

“Susie and I will make your brief stay as…comfortable as we can,” Lucius continued. “But the Goddess bestowed Sothrend with nothing but wheat, cows, and more cows.” He laughed at his own joke. “Now, as to why you’re here...”

Ruxian swallowed. At last.

“The demons are invading again,” sighed Lucius, reminding Ruxian of an unenthusiastic weatherman. “Our empire needs heroes.”

Ruxian almost guffawed. Having withdrawals just from being denied the internet, he could not think of any less fitting person for war.

“You seem uncertain, Lord Ruxian,” said Lucius, beaming. “You need not worry. The Goddess has blessed you with mighty magic to decimate the mongrels, like those who came before you.”

Ruxian finally snorted. “No.”

Ruxian stormed out the church, bumping into other priests along the way. He had half expected Lucius to call the guards, to enforce the conscription. Instead, the heavy monk trailed him into the yard. Ruxian stopped and gave the man a disgusted look he reserved for “investigative journalists”.

“Let’s set the record straight,” Ruxian yelled, heedless of whether anyone could understand him. “You kidnapped me, subjected me to negative-star hospitality, and expect me to die for strangers who don’t even know I exist? I’ll have you know, I was about to be a superstar, in front of hundreds of millions of people. That’s right! More than your fingers can count! You’re lucky I can’t call a lawyer right now because your next ten generations will be still be paying off the damages after you surrender your damn church! Is any of this getting through?”

Eyes moist with pious tears, Lucius collapsed onto his knees. “My lord, your mastery of the Goddess’s tongue is exquisite! I have witnessed a miracle!”

Ruxian paused. Lucius understood his Chinese, which was impossible. Looking back at his earlier contact with Susie, it became apparent his gift was much more than linguistic mastery. Covering his mouth to conceal a mischievous smile, he surveyed the countryside for the first time. Lucius was right. No matter which way he turned, acres of golden wheat stretched towards the horizon.

Having not visited his parents in the countryside for years, Ruxian welcomed the absence of city noises and industrial pollution, that was, until cow dung assaulted his nostrils and made him swallow his breakfast a second time.

“Lord Ruxian,” said Lucius, smoothing his habit as he stood. “Are you really not heading for the capital?”

“Oh, you’re still here,” replied Ruxian. “I thought I was pretty clear”

“Even if it means a way home?”

Ruxian snapped his neck around. “Why didn’t you say that first?”

“You must pardon this humble oversight,” apologised Lucius, hanging his head. “Your later than expected arrival meant we had to organise your transport overnight. Speaking of which.”

A rickety coach dragging a wagon rolled into the courtyard. After halting the horse with a single shout, the driver vaulted from his seat and shot towards Lucius like a bullet. Ruxian craned his neck upwards at this giant, who possessed a movie star face and muscles that belonged to granite Greek sculptures.

“Brother Lucius,” the burly man cried, pointing to Ruxian. “Is this the hero? Just the one?”

“Yes yes…Goddess wills it,” Lucius replied with a sigh, turning to Ruxian. “Lord Ruxian, please meet Captain Gilverman, head of the 42nd Targonian Cavalry.”

“It is an honour,” said Dramien. “But I think my skills better suited for border defence.”

“You can tell that to His Highness yourself once you reach Immortrium,” said Lucius. “Are you really going to decline the emperor for a third year running?”

“It’s been that long?” the hulking warrior sighed before offering Ruxian a hand. “Please call me Dramien.”

“Dramien, Lord Ruxian has not quite mastered his magic,” explained Lucius. “Until he does, contact is…best avoided.”

Dramien turned the handshake into a fist over his heart. “Understood. I beg your forgiveness, Lord Ruxian.”

“It’s…fine.” replied a sheepish Ruxian, scratching his head.

Much to Ruxian’s surprise, Susie climbed onto the wagon shortly after loading the last sack of supply. Sinking down next to him, she placed her hands onto her lap and closed her eyes, as if meditating. Reclining against a lumpy sack he assumed was full of potatoes, Ruxian fixed his eyes on the distant, doing his best not to look at her.

“You are the first hero I’ve ever spoken to,” Dramien broke the silence. “None of the others I’ve met are this fluent in our language.”

“I surprise even myself sometimes.”

“Still, I had hoped the summon would bring more candidates.”

“Can a summon bring more than one?”

“Usually, or so say the priests,” answered Dramien. “I was wondering, Lord Ruxian. Was your home very bright?”

“No brighter than this place. Why?”

“It’s just…I’ve never seen dark spectacles before.”

Ruxian had all but forgotten he was still dressed for TV. “Oh this –”

With a loud screech, the lurching wagon flung Ruxian into the Susie, who immediately wrapped her arms around him. This time, there was no thoughts, no images, just her warmth. With nothing left to distract his hormones, Ruxian tried to climb back up when the nun rolled over, pinning him down with surprising skill.

“Stay down,” ordered Dramien. “Susie, as you are.”

Dramien, drawing his sword, bolted towards a lone tree. Dropping on one knee, his fingers traced a curious ring carved into the bark. Peering left and right, Dramien sheathed his weapon and jogged back to the coach, his eyes narrowed with alarm.

Exchanging a nod with Dramien, Susie climbed off Ruxian and hoisted him back up with one arm. Face flushed with colour, Ruxian waved away her handkerchief that she produced from inside her skirt.

“Pardon my driving, Lord Ruxian,” Dramien sounded like a soldier reporting to his officer. “A Dracon was here.”