Chapter 3

“Have you ever wondered… Cats have an average of six to eight nipples, right? Does that mean that an anatomically correct cat girl should have at least three pairs of boobs? But what would that look like? Imagine the amount of bras one has to wear. Like… I can’t even… I can’t even imagine it. And the weight. Oh, the weight—”

“Bro…” Teri looked at Taku, trying to find the right words to at least mumble. A complaint would do, but his best friend actually followed their plan and his instructions.

Taku taught him that dungeons are generally chaotic, designed with no purpose in mind other than to be explored and cleared. That if there were toilets here, all the shit would magically be dealt with and disappear. And knowing that it’s mainly composed of rooms connected with sometimes long, tight corridors like the one they’re in right now, their best bet is to approach each door and room carefully. To do so effectively, they will have to move hugging the walls with Teri at the front and Taku behind him. What were they fighting? They currently have no idea.

“I know! Like can a humanoid even handle the weight of having six to eight fully-fleshed breasts? I think not! It’s painful to think about!” Taku continued in a whisper. “But yeah, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe that’s why cat girls in popular media only have a pair. Not only does it make it so that they’re attractive to us humans, it’s also much less to think about.”

Teri sighed.

“Hold up, Teri. Corner.” Taku took out a spool of rope, about three meters long, from his makeshift backpack. Attached on one of its ends is a rock. “The corridor is wide, so it shouldn’t be booby trapped, but that also means there could be monsters on the other side—there’s no sign of them, but you can’t be too sure.”

Teri raised his shield and tightened his grasp around his weapon, a mean wooden club spiked with nails. An improvised “tool” made by yours truly. Cheap. Easy to make. And a whack to the head will surely send someone to the ICU or heaven itself depending on how good the hit was.

“Go, Taku.”

Taku wound the rock a couple of times and slung it into the corner. With that force, it would be heavy enough to trigger a pressure plate if it landed on one or be loud enough to catch a monster’s attention. As expected, the sound reverberated throughout the corridor upon its landing but no dice. No trap was triggered. No enemy should also be on that other side. Therefore, it’s safe and they can move forward.

Teri could breathe again. He’s unsure of what time it is, but he knows that both of them spent the better part of their first day getting their gears ready. Teri made spiked wooden clubs and shields for the both of them. He also made a number of sharp wooden spikes using the dagger he got from the box. While he’s doing that, Taku sewed two makeshift backpacks using the cloth they got from dismantling the crates, flexing that he dabbled in making costumes before as he did so; the rest of the cloth became the base for the wraps around their forearms. And since Taku had more time to spare, he read the scrolls that he got, it burned out of nowhere and he somehow “learned” two new useful spells. But even with all of that, Taku said that they’re barely ready to fight. He could at least trust his caution.

Their starting area had four exits. There’s a door in the north side of the room, an open corridor leading to another room in the west, a door in the southern side, and a large, menacing path in the east. Believing that this area is a safe zone, both of them decided to check the large path in the east first. And after making that careful left turn, now they know that it leads to a pair of heavy and large metallic doors that specifically require two keys.

“Man, who the fuck designed this dungeon?” Taku whispered with a face that made it seem like he’s shouting. He looked like he was about to lose his shit, but managed to get himself together after a few deep breaths. “That’s the boss room,” he calmly added. “Our way out here is through there.”

“Is it okay to drop our guard then?”

“We can relax.” Taku sighed. “No monster will probably spawn here, so I think our starting area is really a safe zone. And look,” Taku pointed at the carvings on each door. “clues. We’re going to find a large door that has a sword on it and another that has a rose on it—sub-bosses, most likely. They’re going to drop keys that we can use to open this door, challenge the main boss, and proceed.”

“That simple?”

“But it’s hella tough.” Taku wiped the sweat off his face and led Teri back to the starting area. “In any case, we got what we need here. All that’s left is to explore the rest of the dungeon to find some more proper loot. We’re going to need a bigger party too.”

It was comforting to know that the air in the starting area didn’t change. Teri hung his shoulders, enjoying the fact that it's starting to feel even more peaceful.

“A girl would be nice, yeah.”

Teri squinted, moving toward the center of the room while refusing to look at his best friend. “Is this the harem thing… again?”

“It would be perfect. Right now, we have a silent badass dude who’s very jaded and not almost always on board with anything. Then, you have a bright, cheery individual who radiates some kind of energy that all the girls are probably gonna fall for. The third member, who’s going to be a girl, will balance that out. I’m very friendly. So, we can be sure that she’ll fall for you first, because you’re so cool and brooding, but when she realizes that she can’t get through the darkness in your heart, I’ll be there for her,” Taku explained, moving his hands around at almost every syllable to drive his point home. “If we need other parties, we can just share the info we know and work with them.”

Teri chuckled. “But what if the girl actually got through the darkness in my heart and we fell for each other?”

“I didn’t imagine you to be such a romantic.”

Taku pointed Teri to each of the exits on the southern, eastern, and northern side. Teri shrugged and directed his finger on the northern exit. Taku shrugged as well. He gave Teri two thumbs up and both of them started walking towards the door in that direction.

“But if that’s the case,” Taku sighed, “then fuuuuuuuuck me. I’m not gonna win against you. I may be more attractive. I may have more charisma as bright as the sun. But I don’t have the vibes. But that’s okay since the faster you get into a relationship, the better it is for me. But the third person being a girl is not a requirement though. We really do need some extra hands. At least two more people if we were to challenge a sub-boss—and that is if we’re strong. Maybe at least one more if really no one wants to join us.”

Taku skipped ahead and examined the northern door. He checked the door’s hinges. Next, he confirmed that the door was unlocked. Then, he used his spiked wooden club. After all that ritual, he turned to Teri and gave him a thumbs up paired with a very confident but unconvincing smile.

Teri gave him back one too, looking a bit confused.

“The door is unlocked. It opens inward. It’s not a booby trapped from our side. Is it a booby trapped on the other side? That’s what we need to check.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!”

Teri rubbed the back of his head, weirded out that he didn’t feel bad about grinning like an idiot. “So how do we do this?”

“That’s easy.” Taku put his hand on the doorknob. “You just have to open it slightly, hug the walls to be out of harm’s way, and push the door open with a stick—”

Teri’s eyes snapped open. There was something. Teri was sure of it. Something bad enough to make him immediately grab the door and stop it from moving. Cold. Freezing. His body was like stone, yet it felt like it was burning. His heart was pounding, his head pulsing. A waft of air. The second the door welcomed the smell of the “outside” world, it felt like he was being violated by thoughts. A range of emotions. Sadness. Regret. Rage. The air smelled of paper, ink, roses, and blood and flesh—like an old butcher’s shop. Teri’s eyes widened, his lips showing the beginning of a smile.

“You okay?” Taku asked, his face getting more worried by the second.

“I think… something on the other side of this door…” Teri took a deep breath. “I feel like we’re going to die. By any chance, do you remember if a party walked through this door?”

“A party of five or four. Not that sure with the number. But a group of people definitely walked through here.”

“They’re fuckin’ dead.”

Taku picked up his shield and readied his weapon. He glanced at the door and back at him. Slowly, his face showed a curious, brave smile. “Then why are you smiling, you sick son-of-a-bitch?”

Teri chuckled. “I’m starting to see why you find dungeons fun.”