Congratulations, it's a Zombie!

Warmth.

The first thing I became aware of wasn’t light, or even pain. It was heat – soft and pulsing, like pleasantly warm sunlight on my face.

Then came sound.

A baby crying. Was that me?

A woman gasping. Laughter. Cheers. “It’s a boy! The kingdom has a prince!”

Holy crap! I’m a prince? Heck yeah!

Another voice spoke, low and trying way too hard to sound important. “And he was born at the exact moment the summoning spell for our hero was completed. If that’s not a divine sign, I don’t know what is.”

“I’m sure of it,” a man said. “Whoever steps forth from the light now will be the hero who saves us all. He and the prince together will end the Demon King once and for all.”

The light? The summoning spell? I tried to move my limbs.
I have to save the world together with a summoned hero? Sounds pretty cliché

I tried to open my eyes.

Tried again.

Eventually, with some effort, I managed it.

Light poured in, too bright at first. I blinked, once, twice – and saw a throne.

And a king.

Not some vague silhouette, not a heavenly vision – an actual, honest-to-god king, sitting majestically on a golden chair, surrounded by people in ceremonial robes. I named him King melon-face in my thoughts. Pretty self explanatory.

Then I realized something.

Wait... I’m standing?

I wasn’t a baby. My legs were fine. I was upright.

And more importantly –

Why do all these people look like they just bit into a lemon?

That gaze... I know it all too well. Don’t tell me it’s happening again.

One by one, their expressions twisted. Eyes narrowed. Hands went to swords and lances.

“Are you kidding me?” the king barked. “A zombie?!”

...I’m sorry, a what now?

I looked down at myself.

Gray skin with a pale greenish hue. Exposed veins.

My fingers twitched.

Great. I skipped reincarnation and went straight to Halloween world.

I took an involuntary step back. 

Wait wait wait. This isn’t what I signed up for. I thought reincarnation and summoning were two different things! Did the red-haired girl mess something up? I told her to slow down..

From the side of the room, I noticed the baby – wrapped in a blanket, eyes shut but now opening slowly. A servant was holding him gently. He has just been born.

The king gritted his teeth. “What do we do with him? A zombie can’t be a hero.”

“Excuse me,” I said trying to sound politely. It wasn't easy. I haven't actually spoken to others in quite some time. Especially in front of so many people.

Every head in the room turned toward me.

“Did... did the zombie just talk?” someone whispered.

“Excuse me,” I said again, raising my right hand. “I’m really not evil or anything. You can put your weapons down. I think... I think there’s been a mistake.”

A drop of something hit the ground.

Then another.

I turned slightly, feeling a wet sensation trail down my arm.

Blood.

There was a bite mark on my upper arm. Still raw.

The king noticed it too.

“He must’ve just turned,” he murmured. “The summoning came too late. Perhaps he was the hero meant for us... but fate intervened. We could not save you.”

“Wait, no, really, I’m not dangerous!” I yelped.

“And you expect me to trust the words of a zombie?” the king snapped. “We have enough magic for another summoning. You are replaceable. And besides, you have the same hair color as the Demon King. It’s sickening to look at you.”

That’s hair racism, you know.

A servant approached, holding the baby. He gently placed the newborn into the king’s arms.

The baby opened his eyes.

He looked at the king.

Then – he turned and looked directly at me.

I froze.

His tiny pupils locked onto mine. Wide. Curious.

He’s... staring at me?

I hesitated, then gave a small wave – probably looking like someone trying to entertain a baby with silly faces and a high-pitched “goochie goochie gooo”.

“Who gave you permission to wave at the royal prince?!” the king roared.

Suddenly, the baby lifted one tiny hand – and pointed.

At me.

Then at himself.

He looked at his hands. Then grabbed his face like he was checkng something.

This baby…

Nobody else seemed to notice. The guards around the throne, however, had noticed something else.

Me.

“Kill it before it spreads its curse,” the king barked.

“WAIT!!” I shouted.

Too late. They charged.

I did the only thing that came to mind.

I ran.

Slipping beneath one of the robed summoners’ legs, I shouted the first word that came to mind:

“NUTMEG!!”

It didn’t do anything. I think I just wanted to yell something so they thought I have some special skills.

A guard stepped into my path, raising his lance high.
He swung it down – trying to slam it right where I was about to run.

But I stopped just in time.

CRACK.
The tip struck the marble floor with force, planting the weapon like a pole just a meter away from a window.

For a split second, we both stared at each other.

Then I ran again.

I jumped onto the wooden shaft of the lance, using it as a springboard.
My body shot upward.

The window was right there – just an open arch with nothing but sky behind it.

Doesn’t matter what height I jump from. I’m a zombie. What’s the worst that can happen? Breaking my neck? In here I'm definitely going to die..

I dove through.

Or rather, half-dove.

My torso cleared the window.

My left foot did not.

It caught on something along the frame.

“Oh come on! Why does a Zombie even have shoes on” I shouted, kicking both legs.

Two guards were already standing directly at the window, they had enough time to kill me by now, but they decided to laugh at me.

I kicked even harder.

One shoe came off. The wrong one.

It fell.

Down, down, down.

Boink.

“Ow!” someone yelled from below.

“That was Thomas!” one of the guards laughed. “Good throw!”

The second guard laughed even harder. “Right in the dome! Hahaha!”

I heard the king’s voice bellowing from behind. “STOP LAUGHING AND KILL THE ZOMBIE!!”

At that, the second shoe came off.

I slipped free.

Fell.

Right onto the poor guy named Thomas -- who was just looking up to see what hit him.

“Hey,” I said as I landed with a plop, “That wasn’t too bad.”

He was making some weird noises. So he’s not gonna die. Probably.

“You broke my fall,” I whispered, patting his helmet. “I’ll be grateful to you my entire life”

And then I ran.

Barefoot. Panicked.

Please... not again, I thought as the castle walls blurred past me. Not another life alone. Not like this. I wanted friends.. a wife.. how should a Zombie have all of this..

Maybe the king was just scared for his newborn. Maybe there are others who won’t judge me by my looks. Or lack of pulse.

A woman looked up from a market stall.

Our eyes met.

She opened her mouth.

“ZOMBIEEEEE!!!”

Okay. Yeah. I think that was a pretty unrealistic though right there..