Chapter 17

“It’s super effective!” I yelled as Truck-kun hosed down the nearest cannibals. How many donuts had that platypus eaten?

The cannibals pulled back, understandably confused.

I turned to Nyarin, expecting to find her eyes wreathed in red flame. She should have been findings a more permanent solution to our problem than a duck bill-focused water gun attack, but instead she stood there, laughing.

“I can’t wait to tell my coworkers about this one.”

“Nyarin, weren’t you going to do something about the cannibals?”

She looked at me in surprise and in the same moment we realized that I had messed up by using her real name, not the fake name “Mimi” she had been using in this world.

I watched the gears turn in Nyarin’s head. The red flame disappeared from her eyes.

On the other side of the riverbed Truck-kun waddled in staggered confusion amidst cannibals that appeared to be having something of a religious experience. “The man is a powerful wizard!” they yelled, pointing at me.

Nyrain’s head tilted as she considered. Two weeks of suffering while catering to my every incompetence. She was struggling to keep her job, and I was her worst trouble customer. And somehow, I had just spoken a name I should not have been able to remember.

“Seo Igita,” she asked in a calm voice that sounded like the hush before a thunder storm, “how long have you remembered the name ‘Nyarin’?”

The cannibal were amazed at Truck-kun and the gacha ball. “The ball he threw is magic. Powerful magic. With this, we could unite the tribes against the tyrant demon lord.”

I laughed nervously as Nyarin looked up at me. “Haha, did I say Nyarin?”

The cannibal chieftain, an older man, had finally caught up with the rest of them. He exclaimed in joy upon seeing the gacha ball and used a ceremonial staff to lift it carefully from the ground. “As the carvings that appeared on the cliffs predicted, our god has manifest in the flesh!”

Nyarin made that same nervous giggle again. She had put it together.

The cannibals pointed at me and chanted, “Our god!”

Nyarin pointed at me. “I’m gonna tear you a new one!”

For the second time in the last ten minutes I was running for my life. Nyarin roared behind me and pounced. She tackled my shoulders and we both went rolling down the side of the riverbed. I came up first and ran into the welcoming arms of worshipful cannibals.

Nyarin chased me, but they restrained her. The chieftain brought the gacha ball and Truck-kun. I carefully hid Truck-kun inside the magic gacha ball while the cannibal chief asked which of his people’s gods was.

The man who had been knocked unconscious down the side of the riverbed had gone entirely unnoticed during this. He stood, dizzy and with a line of blood running down the side of his face.

“Wait, we’re you a platypus just a moment ago?” asked the cannibal chief.

The injured cannibal looked dizzy. “Was I?”

“Our god has shown mercy on those foolish enough to attack him! Let us gather the tribes and bring down the demon lord!”

There was a lot of cheering and yelling. “Finally, we take revenge for every…” “Was that a platypus?” “We’ll no longer live in fear of…” “I swear, when I get ahold of you Seo Igita I’m going to shove a…” “Our god is merciful and needs a bath!”

It was all rather disorienting.

An hour later we found ourselves surrounded by a veritable army of cannibals. Apparently these were the displaced people from when the demon lord conquered his lands. They had been cursed and mind controlled in their battles against the demon lord, so they were a bit unstable.

Nyarin sat on her own camel, arms folded and fuming at me. “I can’t believe you put me through all of that. You’re the worst customer ever.”

Truck-kun shook the gacha ball. “Let me out.”

I sat on my own camel a safe distance from Nyarin, happy that Truck-kun was locked in the gacha ball. They were not pleased with me and I could guess why.

“I mean, you got what you wanted Nyarin. I’ve got an army of cannibals with me to defeat the demon lord. It’s a real adventure now. And I have an animal companion that only requires a few donuts to do a neat trick.”

“Don’t remind me.” Truck-kun’s gacha ball shivered.

“Oh, is this an adventure now?” Nyarin asked. “We’re going to defeat the demon lord? With an army that’s already lost to him and is depending on your gacha magic?”

I considered this. I was about to die horribly to the demon lord’s army armed with nothing but an angry platypus in a gacha ball.

“And when the cannibals realize you aren’t the manifestation of their god? They’ll eat you. The only question is if you die in war or in a soup.” Nyarin was acting brave about this, but I noticed she was trembling.

“Why not use your cool red flame eyes thing to fix the problem?”

She looked worried. “I can’t use it right now. Maybe if you hurry and get Truck-kun out he can use it. He’s always been better at the focus it requires. I’m just an amateur at magic. But that gacha ball takes him outside of structured reality. He can’t use the True Vision while in there.”

I thought about this. “So all I need to do is take Truck-kun out of the ball and have him save us before we arrive at the demon lord’s stronghold?”

“Rejoice, our god, we have arrived at the demon lord’s stronghold!” The cannibal chief called over to me from his camel.

What stronghold? I only saw a mountain. I looked at Nyarin, nervous. “I thought that would take longer. I guess I just have to make sure they don’t start the attack before we can fix everything.”

The army of cannibals charged forward. The mountain illusion faded and suddenly it was the demon lord’s stronghold looming before us instead of a mountain. The cannibals met with imps and demons on an open field of battle and suddenly I was in the battlefield.

“It’s fine!” I assured Nyarin, who was glaring at me with increased ferocity. “As long as the demon lord doesn’t send his strongest troops we’ll be fine.”

Nyarin looked at the cannibal chief expectantly.

He shrugged. “Actually, we can handle any of their forces except the demon lord himself. Everything’s going well so far.”

“There!” I said to Nyarin. “We’ll be okay for a while as long as the cannibals don’t realize that I’m a fraud just pretending to be one of their gods.”

I looked back at the cannibal chief. He looked rather surprised.

“Ah, no hard feelings now that we’re actually facing the demon lord’s armies, right?”

The cannibal chief thought about this. “Actually, I’m probably going to kill you now and eat you later.”

So I threw open the gacha ball at the chief, launching Truck-kun out with a yell of, “Truck-kun, attack!” You wouldn’t expect a platypus to put up much of a fight while atop a camel, but Truck-kun has some moves.

“This is the stupidest plan ever.” Nyarin yelled.

“This isn’t even a plan. This is panicking with extra steps!” I yelled back.

I had to think. Our only real tool was the red flame eyes, what Nyarin had called True Vision. Nyarin said she couldn’t manage it right now.

At least I still had my gacha ball.