Laughing Gods, Failed Lives

I wake up feeling dizzy and disoriented. I was still warm, but definitely not under my covers. The best word to describe my surroundings was white. Not the soft white of new bedsheets, or the sterile white of doctors offices and hospitals. No, it was a blinding, oppressive white. Almost like I was inside a burning star.

And I would believe it if it wasn't for the huge screen flickering to life in front of me. It first showed me a picture: a young adult, with dark circles under her brown eyes, somewhat messy dark wavy hair, wearing a gray hoodie two sizes too big. Me.

"Name: Aya Nakamura Rizzo" It read. "Age: 30. Height: 166 cm. Hair: Dark Brown. Eyes: Hazel. Profession: null."

"Is that... A dossier on... Me?" I ask, a bit incredulous. The screen, however, ignores me and keeps going.

"Rate of success: 3%. Dreams realized: null. Connections cultivated: 2%."

"Oh wow." I deadpan. "No need to kick down a dead woman."

"Mental stability: Fluctuating. World Impact Rating: Negligible. Burnout level: 92%"

"Really. I'm flattered, but you don't need to do all that." I say, wincing when I see the Burnout level. "I know I need therapy, don't need a huge screen pointing it out."

The screen, again, continued regardless of my protests.

"Existential crisis per week: 3.5. Attempts to start journaling: 17 (all abandoned). Faith in Self: Depleted." The screen finishes with a single sentence. "Status: Pending Gods' approval."

"Great. Being roasted by a huge screen in the middle of my dreams. I think this is a new low for me."

"You might want to rethink that." Says a voice behind me. I quickly turn, and am faced with a tea table filled with gorgeous beings sitting around it. One of them, a blond beautiful teen wearing a toga, is grinning at me.

"Ah. I had an audience."

"For longer than you might think, dear." Says an old woman, a kind-looking granny type knitting something. "It's been a little over 30 years now, I think."

"30...? Is this a table of gorgeous ethereal voyeurs?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. A huge, strong man wearing an hourglass long necklace laughs when I say that.

"Surprisingly, being a God does leave you with a lot of free time." He says. "Either that, or I keep losing my hourglasses somewhere. You wouldn't know what happened to them, would you, little one?" He asks a little girl wearing a bunny kigurumi. She giggles, and blinks her red eyes to him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, grampa!"

I quickly interrupt them.

"Excuse me - God?" I ask, incredulous. "As in... I died and went to heaven kinda deal?"

"Limbo, actually." Says a middle-aged guy, looking sharp in a black suit and tie. "If you want to use that kind of lingo."

"If we're being true to the concept, you are actually in the place between places. The space between worlds, so to say." Says an adult with long blue hair, wearing a cape and glasses that seem to display an infinite feed of information.

I stay silent for a second, trying to digest whatever was happening in front of me.

"... I always thought that 'God' was more of a force than.... Multiple people."

"Well, I am pure force, little one." Says a huge woman with a strong accent seated beside the infinite feed guy, flexing her muscles. The grandma pats her arm kindly.

"I don't think that is the kind of force Aya is talking about dear." The old lady says, softly, before looking at me. "You are not entirely wrong. We use the word God as a simpler term, dear, but we are more akin to the embodiments of certain... Concepts. All part of the whole, you see. I, for one, am the Goddess of Destiny. See, these are your faith threads." She says, showing the completely crooked and lopsided scarf she just finished knitting. "Oh dear. Not my best work, I admit, but I did have to work with the choices you made."

I eye the scarf. "Honestly, that's sad."

"Agreed." Says the teen that first spoke to me. "I really tried to look at the beauty of your life, but... It got hard, after a while."

"Thanks." I deadpan. "You're the God of Beauty, I gather."

He smiles. "The one and only. And here we have Time," He points to the huge guy, who waves at me. "Chaos," The little girl jumps, giggling. "Death," The suited man nods. "Knowledge - he's the one responsible for the screen, by the way." He points to the one wearing glasses.

"Not great stats, but hey - not the worst either." Says the God of Knowledge, not looking at me.

"And finally, Strength." Beauty points at the strong woman.

"I'd say nice to meet you all, but after this whole fiasco, I don't really know if that's the case."

The God of Time laughs again, before setting down.

"Well. Tea time is almost over. Any of you willing to claim her?" He asks, as the other gods make protesting sounds.

"Wait, claim me?" I ask, but get ignored.

"I'm afraid I won't. Her threads were too difficult..." Says Destiny.

"Nah, she's boring!" Yells out Chaos.

"No, thank you. Don't want any more paperwork." Says Death.

"Same." Agrees Knowledge. "Besides, she's low potential for systemic integration. Stats say her chances of thriving are below 5%."

"Only 5%?" I exclaim, kinda offended. "I can do better than that!" But again, I get ignored.

"Not strong enough!" Exclaims Strength.

"She did not appreciate my earthly gifts in her life, so pass." Declares Beauty, passing a hand through their hair dramatically.

"Well, since my hours keep getting lost, I don't think I can claim any more souls." Says Time, nodding. Then he looks at me. "I am sorry, Aya, but no God is willing to give you their approval. Seems like you will be stuck here for eternity. We do thank you for your time, though - soon your status will change on the screen."

"Wait, wait! Please, not again! Not even..." But they disappear in a poof, and I am left there, alone, panting with adrenaline.

The Gods rejected me. Truly. It seems I'm hitting new lows every minute.

"Fine!" I yell out to the nothingness around me. "Then maybe I'll find someone else who wants me! Or no one. But mark my words, I won't just vanish quietly!"

I look back at the screen, dreading to see another 'Rejected' written in red after my name. However, when I look at my status, the same words are still blaring at me: "Pending Gods' approval."

"Are they gone?" Asks a soft voice behind me. I turn around again, startled, and see a scrawny woman, with long blond hair that is cut uneven and has dirt on it, and clothes that have holes patched up badly.

"I think so." I say, a bit startled.

"Ah. Good. They never listen to me when they're around... Let's see... You're the new soul?" I nod, not knowing what to answer. "Oh good! I have a proposition for you."

"A... Proposition?" I ask, cautiously. "Are you another soul? You definitely don't look like the other gods..."

She gives me a lopsided smile.

"Not... Exactly. What are Gods if not the souls of their concepts? But... I digress. Sorry. I tend to do that from time to time..." She shakes her head. "Never mind. See, I know you, Aya, as you know me. In all of your life, I might be the one that walked the most by your side." She says, pointing to the screen. I look back, examining the stats displayed there.

"Goddess of Failure then." I say, still looking at the screen. "Fitting."

She chuckles, but doesn't correct me.

"If that is how you want to see me. If you wish... I can claim your soul. Offer you an opportunity to start again in another place."

I look at her over my shoulder, frowning. "I thought that only happened to truck-kun's victims. Or did I also fail to meet him?"

This time, she gives me a full bellied laugh.

"He has a tight schedule, so we make do with what we have. But no... This is not exactly what you're thinking."

"What do you mean?" I ask, turning around to look at her again. She waves her hand, and the white next to her ripples, transforming into an interview table. She sits on one side, and points to the other for me. I hesitantly sit down, and she grins, pulling a stack of notebooks from under it.

My notebooks.

"I'm giving you the chance of a... Narrative repositioning. Another shot at what you can do, what you were born to do, but in this mess of your own creation."

"Hey!" I exclaim, kinda protective about my old work. "True, I never got to finish it, but I don't think the story is a mess...!"

"But that's the point, isn't it? You never finished it. And unfinished stories get forgotten. You know what happens to someone when they're forgotten even by their own creators?" I pause, gulping. Yes. At least I think I do. Failure gives me a kind smile. "So. A chance to fix things. Won't be easy, but... Even if you fail, isn't it worth trying?"

And she was right.

"Well... There's no other choice for me, right? And I have nothing to lose. Might as well try."

She beams at me, and, for a moment, I can see all her beauty underneath the dirt. She taps the notebooks, and they become bound hard cover books that Failure gives to me.

"Here you go! You might need those. Anything you want me to grant you before you go?"

"Infinite money?" I ask, shooting my shot. She laughs, but shakes her head. I shrug, with a smile. "Had to ask."

"Say what. Imma give you a library. You love books, don't you?" I nod. "Library it is! Might take you a little while to find it though, I can't really control where you'll end up. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Then take my hand, Aya, and close your eyes."

I take her hand and close my eyes, feeling myself being lurched at neck-breaking speeds at... Something.

However, the only thing I could register was how warm Failure's hand was.