Conflicting Personas

A few months have passed since my first encounter with the first prince. Lately, things have been somewhat relaxed, with me just following Kassim around. After learning about Kassim's ambitions, I now see everything he does in a different light. Before, when I saw him helping random people out or donating to a charity, I thought he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart. Now I know better. He does these things to curry favor with the people. I don't mind the way he goes about doing things. In fact, I quite liked his ambition.

Lately, I've been sparring with Malti because Zagan has to handle Kassim's meetings and other affairs. I've been trying to use the binding stone I recently got, but it's actually really hard to control. Also, if I don't control it well, it uses an ungodly amount of mana.

"Hey, you ready to spar or what?" Malti was standing at the center of the training arena.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

We stood across from each other, staring, until Malti leaped forward. I focused mana into my Ular Eye; her movements slowed down enough for me to react and respond. I ducked underneath her, and as she flew by, I started directing mana into my rapier.
Let the mana converge and flow through the conduit to become an Inferno!

A huge burst of flames spiraled out of my rapier. Malti ran straight into the inferno, charging at me.

"Ha! That tickles!"

I knew she would be fine because of her resistance to magic. I used the flames as a screen, putting my left hand to the ground. When the flames dissipated, we were just inches away from each other, face to face. Malti reached out to grab me, but right before she could, massive tree roots emerged below her, launching her high into the air.

"That was good!" Malti was flying through the air, with a wild grin on her face. She really did love to fight.

"Let's turn this up!"

Malti began to transform. The scales on her arms and legs started to spread, covering most of her body except parts of her midsection and face. She already had sharp teeth, but they became even sharper and bigger, too. Her hands became claws, with her fingers becoming sharp like knives.

I've never been able to beat her like this.
Oh, man...

Malti landed, breaking the arena floor. In less than a second, she was in front of me, throwing a punch. I barely parried it with the rapier, getting launched backwards. Before I could even recover, she was on top of me again. Malti was stopping me from using magic by pressuring me so much. I couldn't think about anything other than trying to parry her attacks and making space. I kept backing up until I tripped over one of the roots I made.
Shit...

I fell backwards, and Malti pounced.

"I give up!" I was exhausted.

"Good match! But you need to work on watching your surroundings!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Malti got up and grabbed a cup of water to drink from, then passed it to me.

"Thanks." I started drinking, then asked her a question.

"I don't think I asked, why are you working for Kassim? I know you said that you were a slave, but what kept you here?"

"Hmm..."

"Well... curiosity? Yeah, curiosity... To see where that man's ambitions can take him."

"Ambition?"

Malti smiled. "Yeah, I want to see if he will become king. He's smart and kind, generous and reliable, but he's also deceptive and ruthless when he needs to be. I say he has a pretty good chance to be king, and I want to be there to see it."

I've known Kassim for three years now, and he really is all of those things. I really want him to be king too. I feel he is a good person and handsome to boot. But why am I having thoughts like this, like... a fangirl?

"What's wrong?" Malti was looking at me.

"Hm? Uh... nothing."

"Hmm? Were you thinking about the prince? Well, it's natural; you're a girl, and he... Well, he's a prince."

"What!? No! And no!" I hit the ground.
Wait... But I am a girl! But I'm also not? Ugh...

"It's only natural. I see the appeal. That's why I've slept with him."

"W-What!?"

Malti ignored me and continued. "I would say he's above average in bed compared to other men I've been with..."

"I've heard enough!" I walked off.

This did bring up something important that I had been putting off the whole time I've been here... What am I? Am I a girl or a boy? I've been alive as a girl for almost as long as I have been as a boy. Also, I hate to say it, but I do find Kassim kind of attractive... I mean! He's got everything: power, looks, and personality. What's not to like?

"Urgh." I rubbed my head.
Damn it, I'm so confused...

Kuno

It has been three years since the attack on my city. I am sixteen now, so I'm technically a fully fledged adult, but my parents still control much of my life. When the city was attacked, the nobility was rounded up and kept away from the fighting. After all was said and done, we were ransomed for a hefty price and let go. But it didn't feel right. I felt so much guilt. Guilt for not being able to help Sern or her family. Guilt for buying my safety.

After the soldiers of Amir left, I searched everywhere for Sern. I went to their house and found it ransacked. I checked all of the places we frequented, like the gardens or the hills overlooking the city. When I couldn't find any trace of her, I went to the place I dreaded going to, the burial pit. Thousands of corpses, just piled into a shallow pit. There, I looked desperately, hoping not to find her. After hours of searching, I stumbled upon a body I recognized. Vash, Sern's father, was lying there with a large gash in his chest.

"Oh god, I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

I carried his body back to his home and dug a small grave for him. I didn't find Sern or her mother, which made me relieved, but also afraid. They could be dead somewhere else or living through something worse. I wanted to leave for Amir and go look for Sern, but my parents refused. I was only thirteen, and traveling to an enemy nation would be suicidal. So I waited.

I have waited here for three years, waiting to see if Sern would somehow return. But I can't wait much longer. My parents think I'm crazy, waiting for someone who's probably dead. They decided that I needed to leave the city. In one year's time, I will have to leave to attend Sepleo University of Magic in the Western continent of Nok.

I hope that Sern is alive and doing well. I hope that one day we can meet again...