.Tarot

Because the woman was rather insistent, I gave in and sat back down on the old bench I had just left a moment ago.

"You said it was cheap... how cheap is it?"

I knew a little about this kind of tarot reading service—it usually wasn’t cheap. While some people might see it as nothing more than a card game, in truth, it felt more like a counseling session.

The woman, who had been standing with a slight hunch, now sat beside me. She sat quite close—barely a handspan between us.

"How much money do you have, sir?" she asked bluntly, skipping all formalities.

With a heavy sigh, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my wallet, and checked the remaining bills still folded inside.

"I've only got a hundred thousand left..." I said, holding up two fifty-thousand rupiah.

Without waiting for further agreement—like a flash—her hand had already snatched the money from my grasp.

"More than enough," she said, slipping the bills into the cleavage between her breasts. "Just for tonight, I’m giving you a discount."

I let out a deep breath and leaned back against the bench again.

"So... what kind of tarot reading are you actually offering?"

She adjusted her sitting position, then looked at me with a calm gaze.

"I offer you three spreads. You're free to choose the theme: love, career, or perhaps your future destiny. Even if you just want a yes or no answer, that's possible too."

Honestly, doing something like this at a time like now felt almost pointless—it wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t fix anything...

But let's just consider it a kind of final act of charity from someone who didn't know what else to do, because after this, money might not even matter anymore.

The woman observed my face for a moment, then spoke in a voice that was still warm, but now sounded a little more serious.

"So, what would you like the reading to be based on, sir?"

"Whatever. I'll go with it," I replied shortly.

"From your expression, it seems you're carrying quite a heavy burden," she said, tilting her head slightly. "In that case, I'll read about your destiny, shall I?"

I paused for a moment, then let out a faint chuckle. "Sure, go ahead."

The woman reached into her small bag and pulled out a medium-sized box—her tarot card case. She opened it slowly, then took out a deck and offered it to me.

"Before I shuffle the cards, you may place your right hand on top of the deck," she said softly.

I nodded and followed her instructions, placing my right hand on the stack of cards.

"Done," I muttered quietly.

"Now, imagine all the problems you're currently facing. Feel, with your whole heart, every emotion you've been holding in. Then, in silence, say to yourself that you wish to know what your future destiny holds."

As soon as the woman uttered her suggestion, a shiver immediately ran down my spine. Perhaps it was because the night had grown deeper, and the street around us had fallen into an eerie stillness—leaving only the two of us behind. The silence made my chest tremble ever so slightly.

But strangely, it was precisely in that silence that I felt peace. There were no longer the emotional outbursts that usually filled my head. No more suffocating shadows of past wounds. It felt like... I had settled everything.

"I’ve imagined it," I whispered.

"Very well, then. I’ll begin shuffling the cards," she replied with a calm nod.

She began to shuffle the tarot deck slowly—too slowly, in fact—while smiling in a rather seductive way. The way she held the cards too... well, perhaps I don't need to describe it in detail. What was clear was that there was something seemingly intentional about her gestures.

Honestly, I started to lose focus. My gaze drifted, and my mind was diverted.

“Sorry... could you go a little faster?”

"Patience, sir... I'm shuffling the cards that will determine your destiny," she said with an equally subtle, tempting tone.

Only then did her movements quicken slightly, until a card slipped from the deck and fell to the ground—separated from the others...

The card fell precisely between us—it lay face-up, aligned perfectly perpendicular to the bench where we sat. As if it truly wanted to reveal itself. Not a coincidence, but a kind of cosmic intuition.

The card was...

Major Arcana: “Death.”

For a few seconds, no sound escaped our mouths. Silence. An eerie quiet. A kind of void hung between us, as if someone had just unveiled a truth that should have remained hidden.

We exchanged glances for a brief moment—my eyes scrutinizing her suddenly changed expression. Then, swiftly, the woman averted her gaze, turning her face away.

There was a nervousness she couldn't hide. Her eyes darted restlessly, her lips parted as if to explain something… but no words came out.

Without saying much, she hastily grabbed the card, then slipped it back into the deck. Her movements were quick, almost frantic, as if she wanted to erase what had just happened.

"T-This... what just came out, don't mind it, okay?" she said hurriedly, her voice slightly trembling. "It's just... a random card. It doesn't mean anything."

But seeing that card actually made me smile faintly. There was a kind of omen—as if my subconscious already knew, long before I could even voice it, what I truly needed to do. Perhaps... this was indeed the answer.

The woman then began to fan out her cards again, spreading them in a semi-circle across her palms.

"P-Please choose three cards from here, sir... Then place them in order on the bench, okay?"

Without much thought, I chose randomly. One card from the far right, one from the middle, and another from the far left. After that, I laid them all out on the bench, in a row as she instructed.

After that, the woman slowly pushed aside the rest of the deck, leaving only the three cards I had just chosen. She began to focus her attention entirely on them.

Her hand moved slowly, touching the surface of each card as if feeling the hidden energy within. Meanwhile, her lips seemed to move softly, as if uttering an incantation I couldn't clearly hear.

Then, one by one, the cards were revealed.

The left card—Major Arcana: "The Devil."

The middle card—Minor Arcana: "Nine of Swords."

The right card—Minor Arcana: "Four of Wands."

"Alright," she said, glancing at me briefly, "I'll read them in order, okay?"

I just nodded slowly. No words came out of my mouth.

"Everything happening in your life right now is deeply connected to your past, sir. There's something strong... a kind of bond that's holding you back from truly moving forward. You might not realize it, but it's like a snare trapping you." Her hand pointed to "The Devil" card, her gaze somewhat heavy.

"That could be trauma, obsession, or unresolved guilt. As a result, you're constantly haunted by anxiety, guilt, an inexplicable fear, and regret that grows deeper every time you try to forget." Then she moved her finger to the middle card—"Nine of Swords."

"But..."—her eyes shifted to the last card—"If you can get through this, if you persevere and don't give up, then there's hope. There's a point of light that can lead you to happiness."

I remained silent.

Her words almost sounded like a prepared script. Too aligned with the emotions I perhaps wanted to hear.

For a moment, I even wondered—maybe she was just stringing words together to soothe me. To make everything seem okay.

"Is that all? If so, I’d like to continue my journey now."

Without waiting for an answer, I turned my body, preparing to stand and walk away.

Suddenly, her body and face leaned gently against my back. I could feel her breath—warm and trembling—through the fabric of my shirt. And from that close distance, she whispered softly.

"Whatever it is you’re going through right now… please, don’t give up. Don’t do anything that would chain sorrow to the hearts of those who still love you."

Her breathing sounded heavy.

Then she continued, her voice softer than before.

"I believe you are a wise man. And someone who is wise… will always know the best path for himself—even when the world seems to leave no choices."

I said nothing.

For a moment, I felt the urge to respond, to say something. But all that came was a trembling in my lips that couldn’t find the words.

I raised my elbow and wiped away the tears that had returned.

Still with my back to her, I stood. Without a single word. Then I slowly walked away, leaving the woman behind.

With every step I took, I cast away all doubt. With every step, I made peace with my fear of death. And for once, I tried to gather whatever courage I still had left.

For a brief moment, I glanced back. She was still there, standing in place, watching me from a distance with eyes full of softness—full of pity, full of sorrow for me.

But...

I couldn't waver. Not tonight.

I wouldn't let anyone disturb the resolve I had made.

Because if I wavered now, all these wounds would remain. And I... would continue to live only to repeat the same pain.