Hips Don't Lie

Haruto switches his job to something less distracting, testing out his new quick change feature. He couldn't really explain his plan with Aki staring at him. He snapped his fingers in front of her face, snapping her out of her perverted fantasies.

"You're pretty. You know that?" Aki said giggling.

"Focus." He said calmly. "What are your skills?"

"I have a quick brew skill." Aki said, more focused but still gazing at his lower half. "As long as I have ingredients I can brew potions in a flash."

"Eyes up here!" Haruto said, squeezing her cheeks and tilting her head up. "I'm going to be using Fan Service Delivery Boy to bring over Gob-uh-lins, then take them out with Blue Tie Assassin. Don't get distracted when I'm in fan service mode!"

"O-okay. They took my bag. If we find it I can be more helpful." Aki said through pinched cheeks.

"System." Haruto looked at his annoying companion. "You're indestructible, so you're on defense if I need it."

"Yeah, if I feel like it..." It said dryly.

Another Gob-uh-ling walked by, peering through the hole in the door melted by acid. Haruto, Aki, and the System stared at him with wide eyes. Haruto changed to Blue Tie Assassin, slipping off his tie with new found slickness and wrapping it around his targets neck like a whip. He pulled, toppling the Gob-uh-lin over the half-door, stomping into his head and jerking up to break his neck.

Haruto hadn't had much success in the short time he had been in this new world. He'd been thrown around from one failure to another in quick succession. He had finally realized why. Having the right job makes all the difference.

With unmatched fluidity, he retrieved his tie and placed it back around his neck. Aki took a small knife from the corpse, cutting off their ears, then picked some of the flowers that had grown from the melted one. Haruto's brow furrowed as blood spattered on her pretty face.

She looked up at him innocently. "Alchemy ingredients!" She said happily, holding them in her hand, with an empty vial in the other. A faint light emanated from her palm, as the ears and flowers began to spin and grind to powder, then flow into the vial, mixing it with a strange oily substance she had scraped from the corpse.

"Is that a skill!?" Haruto asked excited.

"What? No, that's my magic." Aki said happily. "It's called 'Pestle'."

"Is that from your job?"

"You have to be born with magic, Haruto." The System cut in. "You can't qualify for magic using jobs without it."

Annoyed and saddened, Haruto walks out of the room in a huff, peeking around corners for any guards. He poked his head back in, motioning for the others to follow him. Aki scooped up her second empty vial and followed, while the System floated forth, rolling its eye.

"Alright. We take out any Gob-uh-lins that are alone and avoid groups." Haruto whispered. "And we do it all quietly."

As the group rounded a corner, they tip toed down the hallway, until a lone Gob-uh-lin appeared. It saw them immediately, raising a horn to alert others. Haruto changed to Fan Service Delivery Boy and began to pose. Haruto sparkled and shone as a vision of beauty.

"Come here big guy." He sighed seductively, voice lower than usual.

The Gob-uh-lin lowered his horn, giggling like a child with a crush. "Hehe, okay baby."

Haruto began to gyrate his body, curling his fingers fluidly in a "come hither" motion. His mark laughed and danced over to him in short, but quick hops, thrusting his lower half. As they got closer to each other, Haruto changed jobs again, and the Gob-uh-lin woke up, only to find his vision angled with the breaking of his neck. Haruto caught it before it crumpled to the floor, shoving it inside of a large pot, and the group walked on.

The System led the way, taking them down the correct path toward the exit. Haruto repeats his strategy a few times with different outcomes. One target found him so alluring that he fainted right out. Another seemed to challenge Haruto to a dance contest, before succumbing and getting a tie around the throat, granting a notification that both jobs had gone up to level 2.

Through the winding hallways, the group followed the System until it stopped at a wide open doorway. A group of six Gob-uh-lins were coming their way. Haruto grabbed Aki's hand, pulling her down the hallway and into a door, with the System behind.

The room was pitch black. Not a single torch was lit. The room smelled of squid and the sound of multiple snoring mouths could be heard in the darkness.

"Let's just calmly and quietly leave." Haruto said, turning in the dark to open the door. Haruto felt his hip bumped against something and the wobbling of pottery, followed by a stark and satisfying breaking noise halted the snoring.

"Maybe they're still sleeping." the System said like the jinx it is.

Rows of shimmering markings began to glow in the dark, showing dangerous silhouettes of multiple Gob-uh-lins. Haruto gained a burst of experience to Accidental Comedian. Aki stepped forward like a pitcher, throwing the recently made potion to the middle of the room.

A tingle went up Haruto's spine. He grabbed Aki, pushing her against the door and covering her with his body, changing to Stress Management Consultant. The potion went off, exploding in violent fashion, scattering Gob-uh-lin pieces across the walls, while Haruto and Aki were thrown through the door.

Haruto cradled Aki's head as they tumbled across the hall and slammed into the wall. He took the full brunt of the explosion and then the slam, keeping Aki as safe as possible. His job gained a large chunk of experience and he used his active skill to reduce the pain Aki felt.

"I'm going to need you to circle back to calmness and loop me in on any rising panic." Haruto said, activating his skill. "Look at me. We’re alive. That's our win condition today."

His advice reminded him of his old job. He took to the internet to learn ways of managing his stress and existential dread. He had become a light expert and people relied on him for advice on the matter. Who knew it could be useful in this way?

The ruckus had been made. Smoke poured from the exploded room. Haruto stood quickly, pulling Aki to her feet. The Sytsem flew in circles, whipping the smoke into cover for them.

"Plan's over!" The System said. "We run now."

Haruto pulled at Aki, rushing down the corridor and into a large open area that was being flooded with smoke. The System slammed into a Gob-uh-lins skull, knocking it out of their way. The group passed by tables of food with confused Gob-uh-lins jumping to their feet at the commotion.

Through the smoke a hand grabbed Aki, pulling her from Haruto's grasp. He changed to Blue Tie Assassin, wrapping his tie around its arm and releasing her. A large scimitar cut through the veil, forcing Haruto to kick Aki out of the way.

He watched as she disappeared into the smoke. Blue Tie Assassin granted higher agility, allowing him to react to the treats around him better, but he was stuck on the defensive with so many Gob-uh-lins about. A scream broke through the noise and the smoke was blown away as the Gob-uh-lin chief swung his club, clearing everyone's vision, and halting the quarrel.

Haruto scanned the area for Aki and the System, seeing them behind the chiefs throne. Alone and surrounded by Gob-uh-lins, he let his instincts take over. He activated Fan Service Delivery Boy.

Haruto’s muscles tightened dramatically as glitter burst from his collarbone and his skin emitted a faint glow, like he'd been marinated in moonlight and body oil. He pointed to a group of Gob-uh-lins with instruments and the music started. As the beat rose, he let his body roll upward and began gyrating.

He never thought his new life would lead to harem dancing in a tiny loin cloth for a bunch of Gob-uh-lins. Everyone hooted and hollered, whistling and dog calling for him to "Take it off!" Aki watched from her hiding spot, doing her best to fight her hormones.

"Aki! Is that your bag?" The System broke her from her mesmerized state, pointing at a bag with a digital arrow.

Aki slipped her hand around, grabbing the bag and pulling it behind the throne. Haruto danced his heart out, sliding on tables, and pumping his hips. Aki began searching her bag, pulling out 3 more vials of already made potions.

The Gob-uh-lin chief stood from his seat, walking to Haruto. The other Gob-uh-lins parted the way for him. He was bigger than the rest, with additional spine like protrusions coming from his back.

Haruto waves his arms in the air before doing a turn and ending in a pose. The chief stood before him and Haruto breathed heavily, his sweat dripping down his bare chest. Above the chief, an orange, digital skull appeared with the warning: "Boss Fight."

Without so much as a word, the chief slammed his fist into Haruto's face, sending him flying back, and breaking through some tables.