A Tasty Performance (2)

“First, we have to crack some eggs.” The smooth jazz playing in the background transitioned to a more elevator-style music, one normally heard in a video on some popular streaming service. “Two-handed, one-handed, a hammer – choose whichever style suits you.” I gave a quick demonstration, lightly tapping the egg shell with a hammer I ‘magically’ pulled from my back pocket. It immediately disintegrated, leaving behind the egg trapped in the thin eggshell membrane. Then, dropping into the bowl, the egg shattered, oozing out into a thin layer.

Of course, behind the illusion, I just used the standard two-handed method: a quick table smack followed by a thumb pull.

“That’s not how hammers work…” Maeva said with a hmph, pressing her fingers into her forehead. Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and whatnot, and I like my cartoons.

“Oh right, we should get those vegetables and herbs chopped too.” I moved my fingers in time to the music as the knives responded in tandem. They each began to slice the ingredients, acting as a snare-like counterrhythm. “For the vegetables, you want to finely dice them. As for the herbs, they should be minced for easier incorporation.”

“Uh, finely diced? Minced?” Maeva’s father seemed confused.

“Basically one centimeter cubes and as small as possible, respectively. Have you never heard of these terms before? Aren’t you a chef?”

“Yeah? But that doesn’t mean I know lingo. It’s easier just to say how big each piece should be. Only the upper castes bother to dress-up their words.” Ah right, Maeva mentioned something about that last evening. After all, why use fancy words when normal ones work fine? I wonder if those items in the pawn shop are from the upper castes. ‘Opuscule’ and ‘detritus’ sound like fancy hosh-posh.

“Then, we make the egg mix by beating the yolks. Use a fork or whisk and stir in a circular motion as fast as you can until it looks like a single color. Of course, if you want to be a bit fancy, wind magic or a flurry of punches will do the trick!” I decided to go simple with a whisk this time. Save the punching for those bizarre souls.

“How does punching make any–”

“Rinse and repeat for the water and herbs, adding them to the beaten eggs.”

“Can you just let me complain…” Maeva muttered. Sorry, but you’re doing such a great job being my straight man.

“Now, let’s get this on the fire.” With a snap, the burner turned on, heating up the pan with its blue flames. “Is the pan non-stick?”

“Non-stick?” Right, industry’s still under development.

“...nevermind. Start off by melting some butter to cover the pan’s surface. If you’re feeling a bit zesty, add some oil too. Then, begin by cooking off the vegetables. I assume you know how to pan-fry onions, mushrooms, and peppers, right?”

Maeva’s father nodded his head. “Yeah. Onions and mushrooms go in first until they’re translucent and browned. Then, add the peppers about four minutes later. Should be done in about seven.”

“Ding ding ding, Correct! Once that’s finished, then we start on the omelet. The vegetables can either be left inside the pan or added back in later.”

“Does it even matter?” Maeva asked, which was unfortunately a reasonable question.

“Nope, it’s a matter of preference. Depending on how busy you are, it makes sense to keep the vegetables in, but I like to put the vegetables on top, so I’ll do it my way.” I used the spatula and cleaned off the vegetables into one of the empty bowls.

“How does that help then…” Good comeback! Nine out of ten stars.

“After a bit more buttering, dump the egg mix into the pan. Some say to put on a lid, but the eggs begin to set in less than a minute, so it’s not worthwhile.”

“And who says that?” Maeva said pointedly.

“People.”

“Who’s people?!?”

“Anyway… once you notice the egg sort of forming into solid chunks, use the spatula to lightly push away the edges and tilt the pan to let the mix on top drain into the empty spot. Repeat it over and over, and then after sixish minutes…” I shook the pan, flipping the egg into the air. Then, with precision, I caught the omelet with its bottom side up. In reality? Spatula.

“Turn off the fire and let the residual heat set the rest of the mix. Add your cheese and vegetables on top, and fold over one side so it looks like a taco. Slide it onto your plate, adding a bit of salt and pepper to your liking, and bam!

“Your omelet is served.”