Chapter 19

I drifted in a nothingness of pure memory. I was asleep but also living a thousand lifetimes. Memories flowed through me as the spell struggled to rebuild a reality around my desires.

But what did I want?

One of my favorite Isekai was a Virtual Reality about swords and magic. Even as I considered the idea I felt the world of being knitted together. It was odd, feeling a reality as both a place bigger than myself but also inside my mind.

I stopped the creation of that world. It would be meaningless to go there if I could remember everything. It wouldn’t be any kind of escape if I remembered who I was. Maybe the secret to a good Isekai was more about what you left behind.

Was it like this between Isekais for Nyarin and Truck-kun? They had crafted worlds to entice me while I slept. This planned manipulation felt like my company’s marketing meetings I attended as the data guy.

The marketers valued a data guy to explore their ideas. We had a good team. We could have sold ice to penguins. My data explained why customers acted, then used that knowledge. We manipulated the customer as we pleased. We knew their psychology. It was practically mind control.

When a promotion put me in charge of negotiations for new contracts, my data skills became my secret weapon. I gave potential partners exactly the right arguments to convince them to make a deal. I used to like my job, back before they considered firing me when things got tough.

I could enjoy an Isekai if I forgot about everything. Maybe I could go back to being happy at work if I only forgot how little I meant to them. Ignorance is bliss.

Nyarin was in the same business I had been, expertly steering customers toward something profitable instead of what they preferred. In the instant I considered Nyarin, she was there. I felt her wake.

“Baku?” she asked. It felt both intimate and distant being with her in a non-existent place, where neither of us had bodies.

“What’s a Baku?” I asked.

I felt Nyarin tense up like a cat spotting a cucumber. “Seo Igita? How are you conscious here?” I felt her irritation. “And how dare you sabotage that Isekai. I worked hard.”

“You two said I could leave these Isekai when I truly didn’t want to be here. So I made myself miserable with a gacha ball containing a vomiting platypus.”

Nyarin’s irritation peaked, then she laughed. There wasn’t sound but I felt the pure release as she laughed. “That was hilarious. Someone as mighty as him, becoming a platypus. Was it fun, sabotaging me?”

“No,” I quickly answered, realizing there was something fun about figuring out how to ruin everything. It had been like a puzzle, like a secret mission.

Apparently she could sense my emotions too, because I felt her mischievous smugness. “You have to truly want to leave. You had an interesting mission in that last Isekai, even if the mission was sabotage. The mission kept you interested.”

“Then how do I get home?”

Nyarin paused. “Do you want to go home?”

What kind of question was that? “I don’t want to be a sucker, existing for other people.”

“Were you more of a sucker in our Isekai adventures or in your real life?”

Now that was a question. I didn’t answer. My memories floated through me and I didn’t like the answer that they showed me. When did I forget how to live my life? Had I ever really known how to live?

Nyarin was working up a pitch to get me to spend my life in a way that profited her. I knew exactly what it was like to deliver that sales pitch in a business meeting. A big part of me wanted her to succeed. I would be nice to just be happy.

I summoned every memory I had of Isekai. I remembered researching with friends from Truck-kun Isekai Fans I had never met. We passionately learned everything we could about how Isekai worked. “Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Data gathering for Truck-kun Isekai Fans was hard because men have had most Isekai experiences. It was like half the data was missing. Almost all the escapees are men, so most of the stories are from men. Why not target many women?

Truck-kun Isekai Fans thought that men are more likely to throw themselves in front of a truck for others. Given what I’ve learned, that doesn’t make sense. What’s the real reason?”

“Ah, Seo, have you read any of the stories from Isekai women?”

“Not really. They’re not to my taste. A lot of finding love or building a surrogate family in a relaxing, pastoral life. I liked the one about becoming a spider. I guess I’m looking for more adventure and danger.”

Nyarin felt nervous. “We capture roughly an even number of men and women.”

“But why…” my voice trailed off. I knew data analytics. Often the data’s message was staring you in the face. “Nyarin, you said the retention rate of customers like me was about fifty percent, right?”

She was quiet and let me figure it out.

“I think you meant men had a fifty percent rate of staying in their Isekai long term. What is the retention rate for women in Isekai?”

“Quite nearly one hundred percent. For men, we have hundreds of adventures, fairy tales, challenges, games. Still, the men grow dissatisfied. They escape the dream and think they had a near death experience. They may remember nothing. Truck-kun does more than vehicle accidents. He manages a dozen attempted captures per day. Sometimes we keep the customer for a few hours, but it’s enough to keep the goddess happy.

We have fewer than ten dreams for women. Those are the stories women tell when they escape, which is rare. Those are the ones you found boring. We offer them a warm home, a loving family or a surrogate family, and meaningful but fair work to provide for their children and friends. The women rarely escape.”

I felt Nyarin tear up as she spoke.

And I remembered Sachiko. The pain I felt in my non-existent chest was bad enough, but the flood of memories was worse. Our first date. Our first kiss. Our first fight. Our first anniversary. I tried to make the flood of memories stop.

“Seo, are you okay?” Nyarin must have sensed my feelings. “What’s happening?”

I didn’t answer for a while and Nyarin gave me time. Finally I asked, “is it really so bad for women today?” I thought of women coworkers in my company. The company didn’t have much patience for them when they prioritized their happiness.

One who had left to take care of her children full time had to return to work when her husband got sick. She always thought about her children. I worked for money, importance, and purpose. That woman worked for her loved ones. My reasons seemed pretty shallow by comparison.

The relative scarcity of Isekai stories featuring women wasn’t because they were never captured. Escapees were so few because modern society was bleak and offered so little that felt fulfilling to women.

And at that moment, I got it. Maybe the women were smarter to recognize how our bleak society didn’t encourage meaningful lives. Hadn’t I sought out an escape to an Isekai for just that reason? Maybe that kind of Isekai would make me happy.

“Show me,” I asked. Perhaps I could be happy in an Isekai like that.

Nyarin didn’t respond at first. Then I felt her knitting together a world with a cottage in a small village. I arrived in Nyarin’s Isekai like I was waking from a dream.