Alice

The room I was trapped in felt unstable, almost ready to collapse. The Sun was already down, yet I could still see the gaps in the palafito’s floor. In the quiet that follows sunset, I struggled with all my strength to free myself from the ropes, but it was no use. The lingering aroma of the floral bath filled the air. As a reminder of my bad choices in life, the smell only infuriated me more.

Then I felt something moving below the elevated hut.

Don’t get the wrong idea! My life usually doesn’t involve me on the brink of death. Long before my capture in the stifling jungle, in a faraway place free of so horrifying levels of filth and chaos, I was just an ordinary Alice, living an ordinary life. I was your hard-working girl giving her all to survive each passing day in the street jungle.

Since I was a child, I thought that if you put the proper effort, you would have an easy life. I thought that if you followed the standard path of school, university, and work, you wouldn’t have any shortcomings. Problems would arise along the way. That’s just how it is. Nevertheless, in modern society, most of the solutions are already common knowledge.

Things aren’t that simple. I knew I wasn’t a genius, though I never imagined I’d end up a failure. I followed all the advice, every guide, and put in an effort above average… only to end up in low-paid office work. On paper, I chose a good career path with good prospects. Reality was a different matter.

However, my life wasn’t a sad story—at least not for those reasons. I earned enough money to buy everything I need, and most importantly, everything I want. So when I returned to my apartment after another normal working day (which means I arrived around 11:00 pm), there was only one thing on my mind: beer, pizza, and anime. All in my spotlessly clean room.

Am I not a blessed woman?

Or so I thought, because when I was about to turn on my computer, I received messages from my mother and my sister. Somehow, they found out that night there was a high-school reunion. They were the worst kind of reunions. Even more than unpleasant Monday work meetings. Why would anyone want to hang out with people they only studied with by chance? If we were that chummy to begin with, no specific meeting would be needed, don’t you agree?

Long story short, both my mom & sis—better to mention them as a duo—kept pressuring me. I knew that despite living far from my apartment, they would get the chance to reproach me. When I was a child, I thought that being an adult meant that you were free from previous bonds, yet I learned soon enough that the weight of relationships only increases.

I found myself in the metro at midnight on my way to the bar where my ex-classmates were already celebrating. Drunk youngsters on their way to their parties swarmed public spaces at those hours, which I always thought was distasteful. Didn’t people have a house on their own?

Regardless of my attempts to be positive, when I was already near the bar, I felt my stomach churn with a little anxiety. So I decided to stay one hour, say some ‘hey’, ‘hi’, ‘how have you been?’—you know the drill—and leave when everyone wasn’t paying attention to avoid uncomfortable goodbyes.

Although the Goddesses of Destiny had something else in mind.

The bar’s lights were low, yet at this point, that didn’t matter. Considering that I was late, the interior felt crowded with people, most of them a little tipsy. I wandered for a while in this cramped space until one—and I mean only one—person recognized me.

She was tall and slender, with the prim and proper long, black hair. Well-dressed even for a place like this, Joan smiled at me.

“Alice! You came! I knew I had to talk to your mom. How have you been? It has been ages! Hey, Claire, Sophie, do you remember Alice?”

Quickly, she “introduced” me to her group. I tried to answer the best I could, but I think my annoyance was clear on my face. For all except Joan. She has always been a truly positive person, a sunny girl who only brings joy to the people around her. I never got why she approached me in school.

After a few drinks, I tried my best tricks to slip out unnoticed, but with Joan close by, it was impossible. She was good at distributing the attention in a group conversation. The rest of my ex-classmates were nice to me, but still, it was obvious they didn’t remember me that much, nor did they have anything to say to me.

The worst part was when people started talking about work, houses, investments, cars, and of course, marriage and kids. I prefer it when old people start talking about school memories like time froze at high school. At least in those situations, I don’t have to say anything, since I didn’t participate in any relevant school event.

By some miracle, I managed to avoid personal questions and drank a bit more. Luckily, a stockbroker paid for the last rounds. When Joan left for the bathroom, I took my opportunity to leave. I was sure not to talk to any of them again in my life. My ex-classmates were profoundly drunk, some in compromising situations, which I wasn’t interested in at all.

I left with a feeling of relief and triumph. Mission accomplished. Or so I thought.

Joan reached me outside the bar.

“Hey! Leaving already? I know you don’t like this sort of place, but can we talk?” She looked me directly in the eyes. I imagined what she wanted.

“Oh, sorry, it’s pretty late, you know? I have to work, so…”

“Come on, just a little talk between us. I promise it won’t take much, please?”

We ended up talking in a park nearby.

“The reason I wanted you to come is to say thanks. I know you like to pass unnoticed, but I never truly thank you for all you have done for me. If not for you, I would have repeated a year. Alice, you were my support during school.”

She made a pause, like waiting for a comment, and then continued. “After that, everything in my life improved. I didn’t mention it inside, but I’m going to get married next year. A guy met at work, he’s truly so charming, like a prince…”

Earth, swallow me. Why am I listening to this bullshit?

After Joan finished her PET talk about how her life was perfect, she said goodbye and returned to the “party”. I was alone on the bench with a rum bottle under my sweater. What was the point of that talk? And can I consider this a talk? Under the excuse of saying thanks, I had to listen to this monologue that only made me want to vomit.

My plan for tonight was to watch anime at home. Why does the rest of the world have to mess with me? Do I disturb the lives of others? Is it necessary to remind me of my failures in life?

I started crying alone on the bench. I could hear couples kissing nearby. They could have sex for all I care. I wanted to stop thinking about the past. I didn’t want to live with regrets, but this pain in my chest didn’t leave me even after all that rum.

Then I felt something moving in the bushes. And it wasn’t a couple in the middle of procreation.

My stench of rum must have called the wildlife because I saw a big white rabbit jumping from it. The night was dark, but after they adjusted, I could see the damn animal was wearing something. No, I wasn’t drunk enough.

The white rabbit was looking directly at me, which was unsettling. That said, I stood up, cleaned the tears, and tried to reach it. But the animal hurried inside the bushes, and my curiosity unusually increased. It is strange for me to be curious about something.

Only took one step inside the bushes to the disaster to start. One step that changed my life. One step into a life full of more misfortunes. One step into a big, dark rabbit hole.