How He Protects Her

“She’s moping real bad right now.” At the dorm entrance, Emilija looks down at me with a blank face. She opens the door further, moving out of the way, “I’ll leave you two to it. Bye-bye.”

Akari is a lump under her sheets; her narrow, timid eyes peek out from her comforter as I come in. “Ah, Akira,” she murmurs, rising up, but not without guiding her long torso into a sulking hunch.

She wears a white button-down shirt. Wherever we go, she dresses with a masculine formality. “Do I not look better in men’s clothes?” she asked me once. “My form is manly and menacing, so…” Akari’s genuinely fond of her suits, but she’s outright afraid to wear skirts, tank tops, and dresses. She has only tried women’s clothes when alone with me in her dorm, where she feels comfortable enough to experiment. Yet, even with my love and support, she has never gone outside with that style; she still believes she is far too tall, with too broad of a figure, to sport anything feminine.

Perhaps I am the only one who appreciates her as a woman. Whether she presents a masculine or feminine look, Akari effortlessly sports a charismatic, endearing mix of handsome and beautiful. Any kind of attire can compliment that elegant face. And no matter how much she may hunch, nothing can obscure the grace of her tall build.

My father taught me to admire strength in men: confidence, bravery, and most of all, physical power. He told me that this kind of strength in women was unnatural. A good man protects a woman. A good woman is protected by a man.

But… something was lost in all the manipulation.

Indeed, I came to admire strength. But not just in men.

After all, the person I fell for… is one of the strongest women to walk this earth. I don’t love her in spite of it. What attracted me to her in the first place was that charismatic power, adorned by that gentle personality.

Akari is so gorgeous, so lovely, because she is brave, because her body is incomprehensibly powerful, because justice is her priority.

Yet she is far, so so far, from confident.

She believes that she’s intimidating no matter what. She stands much taller than most men, let alone her fellow women, and she’s decently muscular as well. What’s more, the stories of her battles are well-known. People don’t care about her righteousness; they only see her violence, her anger. They don’t care about her kindness; a gentle giant is still a giant.

To Akari, it’s best to avoid people. Assume they consider her a threat, and an uncanny eyesore.

But at least, she understands how I feel.

She knows I love her. She knows I find her beyond gorgeous.

And she knows I understand her. I know the why behind her stories…

She came to this school with Emilija so she could protect people, to give her strength a purpose.

“I was too angry about my parents to care about who I frightened back in high school. The people I beat up were instigators… and I never injured anyone that badly, anyway. But still, I was violent for… absolutely no reason.”

Today, she’ll still weaponize her size, and her power. She’ll scare someone to tears. But only if the conditions are right.

She despises it so, so much, feeling truly monstrous every time. And yet she continues; protecting her peers, and her man, are more important to her than her own wellbeing.

This college doesn’t help. It’s a one-of-its-kind institution, half the population being high-performing students and the other half being delinquents.

And my lover fits into both categories.

She’s truly unique, and I can’t admire her enough.

—

I hop onto her bed, wanting nothing more than to comfort her, to bring her peace. “What are you nervous about?” I ask with a smile.

She pouts. “I…”

“Hm?”

She blushes. “Why am I such a fool? Is fighting… really all I’m good for? Even with you…” She looks right into my eyes. Though timid, I crawl closer, and then her graceful arms wrap around me. She holds me tight as my head leans onto her shoulder. “I’m quite inept, aren’t I?” Her voice cracks as she caresses my bushy head. “When I c-can’t do anything… but love one man, and intimidate everyone else?”

“That’s not how it is at all,” I reply gently.

“I c-couldn’t… even order anything yesterday at the cafe. Y-You had to do it for me.”

“Well, that group project must have killed your social battery; it’s been a long week for you. I don’t mind at all, so long as it makes you feel at ease.”

“It’s pathetic.”

“No, it’s okay. You don’t always need to challenge yourself.”

Akari’s default demeanor is full of gloom, her trauma and insecurity perpetually burdening her. However, she can also appear like a flustered mess, thanks to her shyness. During anxious social interactions, would she show that innocent timid face, or her intimidating dejected one? Often, the guilt she feels over her appearance will trump her shyness, replacing her nervous expression with that of a stagnant shame: the very gloom she wants to avoid.

I’m… used to seeing her that way. I’ve even witnessed her at her wildest, fighting to protect me. Yet… I’ve never been scared of her. And I count my blessings; though I often see her frown, I also see her smile. Even Emilija told me that she barely saw Akari’s grin until I came around. But now? It’s commonplace.

“Am I frightening when I’m gloomy?” Akari asks, her voice cracking.

“Not to me. You’ve never been.” I trust her too much. I love her too much. She can never scare me.

“I think,” Akari laments, “my project partners hate me. And that just… makes me dissolve even further. All those men definitely spread things about me. What I’ve done, how strong I am.”

“They certainly slander you,” I say with a frown. “But we can’t control them. Akari…” Should I say it? Would it just worsen her feelings?

In the end, it seems I just can’t help myself.

“You don’t have any debt to pay, you know,” I murmur.

“Stop…” she whispers with a shaking voice, holding me tighter and tighter. “M-Maybe I’ve no reason to help anyone else, but for you…”

Her quivering words make my eyes tear. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “It’s just that… I don’t want you to destroy yourself again, even for a noble purpose.”

I’m the weakest student in this school, but for some reason, I’m embraced by the strongest. I’ve tried and tried over a lifetime to become strong. But this body is just too frail. It’s too much for me. Far, far too much.

Is it disgraceful that I, a man, cannot protect his girlfriend? Is it okay… to let her protect me? She, so cool, so strong, so handsome, so elegant… If I’m there for her, is that enough? Does that make me a good boyfriend, a good man?

Akari kisses my cheek. “You’re so precious,” she murmurs. “You’re strong enough; I promise. Let me protect you.”

I smile. “And you’re gentle enough. You’ll be okay, Akari.”

Her eyes grow wide, gazing upon me with a softer, calmer wavering. She withdraws her arms from my back, and holds my cheeks in her hands. “I will be,” she whispers in awe, “because I have you.”