Just One More Day

Just one more day.

For Sota, it began like all other days did. He had spent the last ten hours in a completely different world. A world that was a chaotic mixture of video games and online videos. Some of them provided him with a means of living out his favorite fantasy tropes. Others gave his overly strategic mind a place to flex and stretch. Lastly, they provided him some deprived baseline of social interaction. He may not actively contribute, but he could at least read the comments and conversations that others were having. 

All of it, however, was meant to be an escape. An escape that was ritualistically washed away by the glow of the sun peeking out over the horizon. With its rising came the sign that it was time for him to return to the real world for the time being. He took a deep breath as his usual defenses came online. 

"Just one more day," he repeated to himself, over and over like a mantra. He knew deep-down that it wasn't really one more day. There would be one-hundred more after that, and one-thousand more from there. Taking on all that solitude at once was a death-sentence, though. All he could do for now was re-frame and tackle what was in front of him. 

A glimmer of hope sat with tomorrow, though. A unique chance for change - that was what he clung to in order to keep going.

As his games and videos powered down, he looked to his clock. 5:15AM - same as every other day. He quickly got up from his chair and gave his legs a minute to re-circulate blood. Once that was done, he walked around his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He had about fifteen minutes to do everything that he needed to do before it would cause a problem, and that was not an ordeal he felt like facing. 

He moved through this small portion of his day like it was clockwork, because it was. The rest of his relatives typically awoke around 5:30 to begin getting ready. They all slept upstairs in the intended bedrooms, and usually wouldn't make their way down to the first floor for at least an additional twenty minutes. That gave him enough time to take care of necessities and clean up any trace of his existence. He was not meant to be seen, and that meant no evidence left behind. He moved with practiced precision, taking in deep breaths of the non-stale air from outside his room. 

He quietly retreated to his bedroom, pulled the curtains shut, and changed for bed. Above his head, he could hear that the rest of the household was coming online. Someone was walking around, another person was in the shower. There was a small echo of laughter as someone finished some early-morning joke. He was safe at this point, though. Now in pajamas, he crawled into bed and got himself completely under the covers.

***

2:00pm marked the routine of his alarm going off. 

His routine began like clockwork as he awoke. The house was quiet yet again, as no one had yet arrived back home from school or work. That meant it was time for him to get up, get ready, and get out before people began returning home.

Sota hopped out of bed and turned off his alarm. He showered, got dressed, packed up his stuff and left the house with monotonous precision. He grabbed the keys to his car and grabbed $10 from his "survival funds". He then swiftly retreated out of the house, started the car, and began on his way.

As he drove along to his destination, his phone began going off. He checked the caller ID and immediately rolled his eyes at who it was. 

"Hello?"

"Heyyy, Queen!" Riku's voice blurted out, loud enough that Sota had to jerk the phone away from his ear. "You didn't think you'd get through today of all days without hearing from your bestie, did you?"

"No, I didn't. I can dream, though."

"Well keep those dreams alive, baby! I know today's a big day for you - and maybe she'll be the perfect fit!"

"Or she'll ghost me like the majority do," Sota replied with an eye-roll. 

"What?! Noooo, why would she do that? You're just flustered because that happened with the last girl..."

"Last Three girls."

"Late bloomers always shine brightest!"

Their back-and-forth bickering continued on for about ten more minutes. While Sota constantly pushed back, he was happy to have Riku around. Riku had been his only consistent friend throughout his life, and was quite a bit more optimistic than he was. He was far from perfect, and often disappeared for weeks or months at a time, but he would pick things right back off where he left up when he did reappear. 

"Anyway, let me know how it goes! The boyfriend's getting home from work soon, so I'm going to start whipping up some dinner. It's a great day outside for grilling!"

The phone clicked off immediately after that. As quick as the typhoon came, it was gone. Sota hadn't really noticed how nice of a day out it was. Whether it was sunny or rainy, the outcomes of his days didn't change. He simply sighed and continued on towards his destination. 

While he had become incredibly nihilistic, this date was the first change he had experienced in some time. Despite countless attempts to connect with people, little to nothing usually came of it. This was the first one that had actually agreed to meet for coffee. It felt dangerous to get his hopes up, but he also didn't want his depressive stance on life to ruin it. 

He pulled into the coffee shop about fifteen minutes before the date was supposed to start. He went in, sat down at his usual spot and ordered himself a coffee. It was at this point that he the extreme anxiety began to set in, as he expected it to. In order to feel less like a creep, he pulled out his laptop and began to work on something meaningless. He didn't want to sit their fidgeting or looking uncomfortable. Every now and again, his eyes would dart up to see if his date had arrived. This became more frequent as 3PM approached, which was when she was meant to arrive. 

3:00PM came - then 3:05, then 3:15. He checked his phone, making sure he hadn't missed a message. He sent a quick message over asking if she had forgotten or needed to reschedule. He was hoping, now desperately, that maybe she was just running late or hadn't seen him sitting there. 3:30 came and went, and by that point, the reality of things had begun to set in.

Finally, at around 3:45 as he began to pack up, his phone buzzed. 

"So sorry," the text read. "I was just thinking about it all day today and looking through pictures and decided you're really not my type. You'll find someone some day, though <3"

With that, what wind remained in his sails completely vanished. He wasn't angry or sad - simply tired. it was time to close his laptop and carry on. He returned to his car, grabbed himself an order for dinner, and then returned home. 

By this point, a couple of family members were home, so he elected to climb in through his window rather than use the main door. It would save him explanations and headaches, and he really wasn't in the mood for that. 

With his chance at change whisked away, he returned to his routine. He ate his dinner, and quickly re-absorbed himself back into his games and videos. With the date having gone nowhere, he ended up with several extra hours to escape into fantasy and the monotonous hell that was his life. He would game until it all began again at 6AM. His life-sentence didn't appear to be ending anytime soon, so he simply took a deep breath and waited for "just one more day".

The words didn't feel as solid this time.