The One Who Fears Living

It was late.

The kendo club activities had taken longer than expected. Dragging his feet, a teenager of about 16 years old was leaving school and decided to lean against the gate to catch his breath. Surrounded by intrusive thoughts, he came to only one conclusion: You were only accepted because they needed new members. That thought carried no doubt — for him, it was a certainty.

His name was Tadashi, but only a few people in the club even remembered that. They called him by his surname.

Among those skilled individuals, I’m merely a burden, he thought. Everyone had an aura of determination and maturity, while he couldn't help but check the time. Not that he had anything to do — every night was the same, playing MMORPGs and watching anime until he collapsed in bed at dawn.

Tadashi knew he was a complete failure at kendo. His movements were embarrassing. His posture? Don't even mention it. The humiliation only increased as the club president failed to correct his mistakes — or worse, when she just ignored him and didn't even try to help.

The breath he managed to regain faded away just by remembering the embarrassment he had endured in front of her today.

And she was gorgeous. If only she were a little ugly, everything would be fine; the shame wouldn't be so great. But no, she had to be perfect in every way.

On his way out, his eyes met hers. In a delicate gesture, the club leader said goodbye to him with a wave, before turning to walk away on her own. She didn't even seem like the same girl who, just moments ago, had scolded him for his lack of determination.

She probably lived near him. On the way there, she always came into his view. Still, it was all speculation. I mean…What harm would there be in asking her if we could walk back together? he thought, approaching her.

No... it was better to go home right away. Tadashi decided to stop imagining things. His fear was greater than his determination.

Seeing the same cycle repeat itself was frustrating. However, something told me that today would be different.

The walk home was long, but Tadashi didn't mind the distance. The wind blew through his hair as he listened to calm music on his headphones. It was the soundtrack from an old game, one that no one else had played but him.

When he put on his headphones, the huge city of Tokyo disappeared.

Love was too weak of a word to describe how much he enjoyed that feeling of peace. Walking slowly home was so routine, yet so precious. Would it be silly to tell someone that his favorite moment of the day was just feeling peace wash over his body?

Daily life had consumed him for years, and in the midst of his studies, the walk home was the only time he realized if he was even breathing.

The subway was emptier than usual. When Tadashi managed to sit down, he took a book out of his backpack — a somewhat generic light novel, but one he loved. He had already read all the volumes that had been released, but couldn't stop rereading them.

It was the classic hero’s journey: an ordinary boy, after dying, was taken to a magical world where he would have the chance to be a hero and, who knows, maybe even save the world. As he was still waiting for the last volume to be released, he reread the first one.

On the cover, the hero held a sword up to the sky while a beautiful girl hugged him.

So cool!

While reading, Tadashi liked to imagine himself in the same situations as the protagonist. In the fight against the black knight, for example, he thought it would be much easier to win if he used the powers presented in volume 8. Damn, had the character forgotten about them?

The boy, who couldn't land a single blow a few minutes ago, was absolutely certain that his combat strategy skills were better than the protagonist's.

Even if he tried to deny it, he had only joined the kendo club because of that book.

The story was full of epic battles, magical items, dungeons and everything else that was cliche but cool. It was the kind of plot that attracted teenage boys — but that wasn't why he loved that story.

What captivated him were the challenges. That was what kept him coming back.

Since he was a child, his life had been full of tests... but only school tests, the boring ones. Tadashi dreamed of deadly puzzles, or perhaps a bet where his life was at stake. Something that could prove he wasn't just another face in the crowd.

To win, raise his fist to the sky, celebrate like a hero — or die trying.

Seeing a character so similar to him, not only conquering, but deserving everything he achieved, made his heart race. It wasn’t only about winning, but actually managing to win.

Tadashi was an ordinary youngster, living his dreams reflected in those pages. It was anticlimactic, but the world sold by the story was fake. There were no deadly tests, divine trials, or even mystical challenges. Life's challenges were tense and sad. Raw and direct. Deep down, even with so much desire, he knew that if put to the test, he would fail.

His grades were so-so. His family, though hardworking, was somewhat distant. His friends were cool, but he had no one truly close to him. His appearance wasn't the type to repel people, but he couldn't say it attracted attention either. And having talents wasn't exactly his... talent, if that makes sense.

In short, he had a life good enough not to complain, but not good enough to be thankful for.

He arrived at his station and started walking, but unlike other days, he didn't close his book. The worst that could happen is accidentally bumping my head on a pole, he thought. As he walked along, Tadashi didn't see the people around him. His eyes were fixed on the pages, but his thoughts were sinking deeper and deeper into himself.

Grades could improve with more study. If he persisted more in conversations with his family, maybe they could get closer. Damn, he had been paying for the gym for a year now, it was time to make an effort!

Effort — the boy didn't know if he had the strength to turn his will into reality.

Lost in a world between the pages and his mind, he forgot to focus on the path.

He didn't hear the footsteps — he just followed the flow through the streets, focused on the music. Everything was going well until he reached an empty street. Without the crowd leading the way, he didn’t notice the red light.

Crossing the street, he saw a light coming from the right. His reality went into slow motion: a few meters away, a car was speeding toward him. The headlights blinded him, while a cell phone illuminated the driver's inattentive face.

Die out of carelessness? Die over a generic book? Die 'cause a driver was watching cat videos? Worst of all, Tadashi would die thinking how useless he was.

Even if he didn't accept it, an avoidable and meaningless death was approaching at almost 60 miles per hour.

Letting go of the book he loved so much, Tadashi instinctively stretched out his arms to protect himself. The driver finally noticed him, trying to brake in the last few seconds.

Humph... Just this once.

A projectile came out of the shadows produced by the headlights.

Yeah! It was a critical hit!

Boom!

The front left tire exploded with a loud bang. The vehicle lost control and swerved. In seconds, the tires lost contact with the ground. Tadashi, motionless, could only watch the headlights rising. The shadow of the car covered him, the roof passing inches from his face.

The car ended up upside down, the driver unconscious — miraculously unharmed.

Yeah, I know. It was a VERY critical hit!

Tadashi, completely lost, felt his chest tighten. He had never faced anything like this before. He had never felt so afraid — never even considered his own mortality. Seeing the car so close awakened a feeling he didn't know.

Perplexed, he fell to the ground, hyperventilating.

“Hey kiddo, that was close, right?” As I said that, Tadashi was finally able to see the shadowy presence behind him. “Good news, you're finally going to be different from the others, just like you wanted.”

The boy who had just witnessed his own mortality turned to see something unbelievably worse — death itself.

Yes, you read that right. I am Death. The one no human has ever defeated. Or rather, a focus of attention for the greater concept of death. An entity that represented it. And I didn't bring only good news:

“The bad news is that you're gonna have to die for it.”

Tadashi looked at me confused. Without thinking twice, he collapsed on the floor and fainted.

“Crap…I wasn’t expecting that.”