The Weight Of Not Knowing

The Iron Lily was quieter than usual.
Not silent-there was always noise in the guild’s favourite inn. The low crackle of the hearth, the soft clink of cutlery, the occasional burst of laughter from another table. But at their control table, tucked beside the window overlooking the cobbled street, the air had stilled.
Shin stared at his half-empty plate. The stew had long gone cold. He wasn’t hungry.
The others were talking lightly-Kaen rambling about how he’d spotted a bakery that sold strawberry pies the size of his head. Rurik was grumbling something about sugar being the death of warriors, and Reina was pretending not to smile as she quietly sharpened one of her daggers with a whetstone.
Kael, of course, noticed first.
“You’ve been quiet,” he said simply, his eyes never leaving Shin.

The table went still.

Shin hesitated. The firelight flickered across his face, warm against his skin, but there was a coldness rooted deep in his chest.
“There’s something I need to say.”
Reina lowered her dagger.
Kaen blinked. “You’re not dying, are you?”
“No, Shin said, managing a faint smile. “Not that.”
Kaen, are you… pregnant by any chance? Laughed
Reina punched on his head and, said, idiot.
Rurik leaned back, arms crossing his chest.
“Go on, then Shin.”
Shin looked at each of them in turn. His friends. His team.

“I’ve been thinking… ever since that fight in the forest. Since the power inside me first surged out not completely but it did. I still don’t know what it is, where it comes from, or why it reacts like that when I’m in danger. But I know one thing-
He drew a slow breath.
“It’s not normal. And it’s not safe.”
The fire snapped in the hearth behind them.
“I’ve felt it,” Shin continued. “This thing inside me-whatever it is- it’s watching. Waiting. Growing. Every time I draw my sword now, I wonder if it’ll come out again. If I’ll lose control. If next time, it won’t stop with just the enemy.” and if it gets more powered up.Silence.

Kael’s expression didn’t change, but his jaw tightened.
“I’ve been thinking of leaving the party.”
Reina’s hand froze mid-motion.
Kaen actually dropped his spoon.
Rurik scowled. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Shin looked down at his hands. Calloused, steady… but not steady enough.
“I think the monsters are coming for me,” he said softly. “That demon beast-its eyes locked on me, even when I wasn’t moving. It was like it recognized something. Like it was drawn to me.”
Kael said nothing.

“I don’t want to bring more danger to all of you. You’ve fought enough just to survive. If I stay… I’m afraid I’ll be the reason someone dies.”
Reina stood. “That’s not your decision alone.”
Shin met her eyes. They shimmered, not with anger, but something deeper.
“You’re part of this team. You don’t just get to walk away and declare it’s for our sake.”

Kaen finally spoke. “Look, I don’t understand half of what’s going on with you, Shin. But you saved me. You saved all of us. If you think we’re scared of your glowy magic thing, then you clearly haven’t seen Rurik shirtless.”
“I have no regrets,” Rurik added, deadpan.
Reina’s voice lowered. “You’re scared. That’s fine. But don’t let fear trick you into thinking you’re alone. You’re not.”
Kael finally rose from his seat, walking around the table until he stood beside Shin.

He placed a hand on Shin’s shoulder.
“I saw what happened in that fight,” he said quietly. “I saw something awaken in you. But I also saw you-your will. Your control. You became more of who you are.”
Shin swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I am.”
Kael nodded. “Then find out. But do it the way that makes you stronger-not more alone.”
“I need to know what this power is,” Shin whispered. “I need to understand it. To master it. And I think… I can’t do that here. Not while worrying about protecting, you all. Not while being protected myself.”
Reina’s voice cracked just slightly. “You don’t have to leave to find answers.”
“I do,” Shin said. “If I stay, I’ll hesitate. I’ll second-guess. Out there, I won’t have that luxury. I’ll learn faster. Or die trying.”
Kaen opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Rurik muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “damn fool noble-types.”
But none of them argued further.
Because deep down, they understood.
They didn’t like it. But they understood.

The group sat in silence for a while longer. Just breathing. Just being.
Time stretched in that quiet. The low hum of the inn returned, but their corner of the world remained untouched, frozen in the gravity of Shin’s decision. He glanced out by the window- people were walking by, merchants setting up carts, life continuing. But he felt distant from it all.
Later, as dawn broke over Nevernight, Shin found himself alone in the inn’s small reading room. The scent of old books and faint candle wax lingered. His tea had long gone cold, and his sword rested quietly beside him. The rising sun cast pale light across the dusty wooden floor, illuminating the quiet resolve etched into his expression.
He didn’t turn as Kael entered first, followed by Reina, Kaen, and Rurik. They all stood there, silhouetted against the morning light.

Shin stood slowly.
“I’m leaving,” he said.
“We figured,” Reina murmured.

Kael stepped forward. “Let us help.”
Kaen nodded. “Supplies. Maps. The usual dumb hero gear.”
Rurik tossed a pouch onto the table. “Smoked meat. Don’t die hungry.”
Reina handed him a small cloth bundle.
“Healing vials. Reinforced glass.”
Kael pressed a whetstone into his hand. “Keep your blade sharp. And your mind sharper.
They didn’t say much else, but everything they needed to say hung in the air. It was in the way Reina lingered by the door, or how Kael checked and rechecked Shin’s pack like he was memorizing it. Even Kaen-usually all jokes-was oddly quiet.
Outside, the Iron Lily was bathed in sunlight. The banners flapped gently in the wind, the fabric worn but proud. The scent of baked bread from a nearby stall drifted on the morning breeze, mixing with the earthy tang of dew and dust.
Shin stood by the gate, bag slung over his shoulder. The city stretched out before him. He could feel it all-the weight of its stone roads beneath his boots, the distant hum of the market square, the whispered promise of the unknown beyond the walls.
Reina approached and pressed a silver ring into his palm.
“For luck,” she whispered. “And so, we know you’re still out there.”
“I will be,” he promised.
“Don’t get eaten,” Kaen said, trying to sound casual.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rurik added.
“Don’t forget who you are,” Kael finished.
Shin smiled.

“I won’t.”
He turned and walked forward.
The gates of Nevernight closed slowly behind him.
A breeze swept through the street.
And the silence that followed felt heavier than any battle.
The path ahead was unfamiliar, stretching into forested hills and faint mountain peaks that clawed at the horizon. Birds wheeled through the early sky. Somewhere in the woods, a distant howl echoed, half-muted by the wind.
But Shin didn’t flinch.
He stepped forward, boots crunching over gravel, cloak billowing gently behind him. Each step pulled him further from safety-and closer to something he couldn’t yet name.
Discovery. Truth. Control.

His thoughts wandered as he walked, remembering stories from the old war veterans who spoke of distant temples buried in forgotten valley, and shrines where the winds carried voices of the past. Maybe one of them held an answer. Maybe none did.

He stopped for a moment on the crest of a hill, the city now a distant shape against the morning haze. A lone hawk soared overhead, circling wide, free.
For the first time in days, Shin allowed himself to breathe without the weight of decision pressing on his chest.
Far from the gate, deep in the woods, something stirred. Not darkness. Not evil. Just presence. Ancient, quiet, and waiting.
And as Shin stepped forward into the unknown, something old and patient turned its attention toward him.

Waiting.