The Window To The Soul

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. The winds of change were slow to start, but they were inevitable. 

"Hello, Sota speaking..."

"It's Sensei..." his voice immediately burst out through the phone. "Where have you been? I swear, you're only at class once or twice a month."

"Yeah, sorry. Been trying to figure some stuff out."

A throwaway excuse. The truth was that his life was continuing to cave in on him - slowly but surely. The violence in the household had been increasing recently, and his family was starting to push harder to figure his life out or move out on his own. Sota wasn't dumb - he knew that his family owed him nothing in terms of providing shelter and basic necessities. He also knew that his parents only did that to keep up appearances. Having a grown, homeless child was taboo in the so-called "productive" world, after all.

Suffice it to say, he had been losing more and more motivation when it came to attending class. 

"You're going to be at class today," Sensei finally responded.

"I'll try..."

"You will," Sensei corrected, not leaving room for doubt. "We're testing Ren for her first rank. She's been training for four months now, and she's made a lot of progress."

Four months? Sota was almost taken aback by the idea; his sense of time was completely warped by the purgatory he was stuck in. It made sense once he took a moment to reflect on it, though. For her first month of training, he had managed to be there an average of once a week. From there, it dwindled until it was closer to once every 3-4 weeks. He knew she wouldn't be left high-and-dry. Sensei or Natsu would make sure she got the training she needed. He was not a necessary part of the equation.

"She was assigned to you, so you need to be there." Sensei confirmed, as if suspecting Sota's thought. "It would mean a lot to her to have everyone there for the examination. Don't let your students down."

With that guilt-inducing statement, Sensei hung up. Sota put down the phone and hung his head. The only thing Sota despised above his own situation was the idea of causing other people hardship. This girl hadn't done anything bad to him, so what harm was there in going to help with her evaluation? Sure, he hadn't moved around or spoken to anyone in nearly two weeks, but he'd manage fine. If anything, it would remind him for a bit that he still existed. A brief reprieve from the thought that his disappearance from the world would mean nothing to anyone. 

He peeked outside his window and saw that the beater was gone. One of the others must have taken it. He wasn't going to be allowed to use one of the other family vehicles, so he needed to rely on his backup plan. He reached over for his phone and dialed in Riku's nimber.

"Hey girlfriend!" Riku answered suspiciously quickly. "I heard you might need a ride tonight..."

***

Sota and Sensei stood at the head of the room, their attention focused on Ren. Natsu had taken the rest of the class for an outside training session, giving them the time they needed to evaluate her progress. 

"We're going to start with sparring," Sensei noted. "Self-defense is an important factor to your growth. If that hasn't improved enough, then there's no point putting you through everything else. Go get your gear on - Sota will be your opponent."

"Yes, sir!"

Ren, still as vibrant as Sota recalled, rocketed off towards her bag to get herself geared up. Sota grabbed his own gloves from nearby - he had brought them in the event they were needed. 

"Try not to break her this time," Sensei commented quietly as he put them on. 

After a moment, the two of them stood in opposition to each other. They bowed to each other - Ren's eyes intently focused on her opponent. Sota's eyes were pointed in her general direction, but he was clearly off in his own world. He was distracting himself as best he could so he could make it through the class. 

"Good luck, Senpai!"

"Good luck."

"You'll continue until I call 'up' or a point is scored," Sensei instructed. "When you're ready, you may begin!"

Sota's guard was up, but he was not fully present. Given that it was her very first grading, he did not expect to have to expend much energy. He needed to work just hard enough to push her towards the limits of her skill. He had an expectation of what that would look like. He had worked with countless beginners, and four months of training usually wasn't enough to have significant improvement. Almost every new student attended class, but rarely would they practice at home or exercise of their own volition. Maybe she'd end up a little more coordinated, but nothing he had to be "online" for. 

His mistake. 

Ren dove in towards him immediately and went to slam him in the ribs with a roundhouse kick. Sota blocked it instinctively, but it was faster and had a lot more power behind it than he was anticipating. The sudden assault returned him to the present moment. She recoiled with precision and threw another kick towards an opening he had unknowingly left exposed. He still blocked, but it was significantly harder while his mind was frantically trying to catch up. Her control was stellar, and it had caught him by surprise. 

Sota had heard the statement about 'the eyes being the window to the soul' before. It seemed like some metaphorical riffraff. Any time he made eye contact with someone, there was no soul to be found. It didn't matter if it was friends, family, or any of his one-sided love interests from his school days - there was always a 'veil' present. An unspoken barricade that did not allow him to truly 'get to know' anyone.

This was entirely different. As he locked onto Ren's fiercely determined gaze, he saw more than he ever had in anyone. Her thoughts and emotions in that moment were as clear as day - no hidden agendas or signals of eventual betrayal. Just a locked-in expression that he could almost hear in his mind. 

Now's my chance to show what I can do. Sensei and Senpai's approval means the world to me, and I will NOT disappoint them!

Her determination was not what hit Sota the hardest. It was the way she viewed him with respect and with value. He was not invisible to her. He was not a burden or a repulsive human that needed to be disposed of. He was one of her instructors, and everything he taught her seemed like it was worth its weight in gold.

It was in that chaotic moment that it happened. Between the barrage of kicks and the sudden weight in his chest distracting him, his footing tripped up. He tried to catch himself, but wasn't able to do so before falling backwards onto the ground. 

The moment froze in time as both of them froze in momentary shock. Neither Sota nor Ren expected this outcome, and both of their brains were trying to process what came next. 

"Don't just stand there!" Sensei called out, suddenly very drawn to this match. "Get him while he's down!"

His words snapped both Sota and Ren back to reality. Ren lunged forward to continue, but Sota's ingrained instincts were faster. He rolled away and got back to his feet, able to successfully parry Ren's next attack. He was fully online now. His body may have been out-of-shape, but he was fully present in what was transpiring. Ren would not get a second opportunity at him. 

With Sota having collected himself, he left no openings and fully dominated Ren for the rest of the match. Not maliciously, but the amount that was required for an assistant to help fully test a student. Even still, that moment lingered through the rest of the test. No one, not even the highest-ranking students, had ever managed to catch Sota unaware like that. Ren inevitably aced every other part of the exam, but the result had been decided the moment that Sota hit the ground.

When the evaluation finally completed, Sensei sent Ren on her way to join the outdoor class for the cooldown. Her face was red, dripping with sweat and completely devoid of remaining energy. Her personality remained, though - like she had just had the time of her life. 

"What do you think?" Sensei asked once Ren was well out of earshot. 

"She's impressive, for sure," Sota commented, grabbing his water. "To be that good after only four months in. Are you sure she's never done this before?"

"Never. She works hard; harder than I've seen any student work in a long time. She ingrains every lesson like her life depends on it. I haven't seen her hands drop once since that first class..."

"Seems like a shoe-in for her first rank, then. I'm not sure that you really needed me here to decide that..."

"Don't pretend to be an idiot. You know you need to get your shit together, and you know exactly why I envisioned this helping."

It was incredibly direct, almost enough to catch Sota off-guard. Sensei had always been a pretty straightforward person, but it usually wasn't quite like that. 

"I'm not sure what it is exactly that gives that girl such an intense drive," he admitted, "but I've been around a long time. People who are that motivated almost never come from a good place. If I were a gambling man, I'd say that there's something dark and nasty lurking underneath the surface."

It was an interesting theory, and Sota certainly didn't think he had more wisdom on the topic than Sensei. It was true that Ren was motivated to a level that he had never really witnessed before. Could something like that really spawn from the darkness?

"I'm not going to pretend to understand her situation, just like I don't pretend to understand yours. But you, Sota, have admitted on more than one occasion that you have no self-worth. Even if people started praising you to the stars, I'm not sure that your mind would be changed. But you were assigned Ren as a pupil, and there is no doubting that she values your opinion just as much as the opinion of Natsu or myself. This is your chance to find that value, Sota. To be able to pass on the wisdom you didn't know you had and watch someone flourish with those lessons - that is at the essence of being a teacher."

Sota pondered Sensei's words. He stood in the doorway of the dojo, watching the class finish up their cooldowns. He could see that Ren was still giving it her all, smiling and laughing with everyone else despite being exhausted. He pondered if there could really be darkness behind that? How twisted did someone's life have to be for her to relish their training as much as she did? He also couldn't get the image of her gaze out of his mind. It wasn't an attraction or romantic feeling - she was far too young for that - but her transparency was something his mind couldn't help but fixate on. It was a massive change from the 'polite illusion' he was used to.

"Fine, we'll do things your way," Sota finally decided as he turned towards his teacher. "I'll do everything I can to be here every class and help her however I can. If I can impart at least something on someone before I die, then I might as well do so."

"A little melodramatic, but I'm glad to hear it. We're having our annual tournament in three months, so the focus of class will shift towards that direction next week. Get her and your other pupils ready, hone their skills, and take pride in however well they manage to do."

With that, Sensei passed by him and headed off towards the field full of students. He left Sota standing there to ponder and reflect. It was minimal, and it may not have much of an impact on her life over time, but it was something that he could contribute. Even when the day came that he was no longer around, he will have left a mark on someone who could go on to do great things. 

And for him, that was enough.