Chapter 9: Democratic Republicans

“Hello everybody!” Thompson screamed into her mic. “We’re ready to get into things with a match featuring two Presidents from the legendary Democratic Republican Party!”

She gestured to the arena.

“First up, we have the calm, no-nonsense, second in command of the Democratic Republicans! She’s standoffish to strangers and slow to take her ground, but when the storm of battle rises, this woman stands more firmly than any other! Yes, despite how frail she might look on the outside, this fighter boasts one of the greatest constitutions the world has ever seen! Give it up for [The Sage of Montpelier], Jamie Madison!”

Madison entered wearing a pitch-black pinstripe blazar, a trident held in her hands, and a sharp glare spread across her face.

“Her opponent,” Thompson continued, “is the tall sharpshooter of the Democratic Republicans! She has a friendly personality and a scrupulous sense of honor that can turn even her most bitter critics into loyal allies! More than anything, she’s a diligent patriot; one who’s willing to take on any role and travel any distance for the sake of the country she loves! She’s [The Heir of Good Feelings], Jeanne Monroe!”

Monroe swaggered in wearing a tie dye shirt, baggy pants, and a tri-pointed hat. She shot a peace sign to the crowd with one hand, her other holding onto an old-fashioned rifle.

“So, Truman,” Thompson spoke up, “what do you think about this upcoming match?”

“Well, it’s pretty clear Madison holds a real advantage in this match given that Monroe specializing in long-range combat and our arena being entirely enclosed…” he shook his head. “Or at least, that would be the case, if the fight actually took place.”

“But it might not!” Thompson added on, “Because Madison and Monroe come from the same Party, meaning there’s no reason for them to really go against each other!”

“Yup. It’s pretty boring, but one of them will probably just give up as soon as the match begins. The only question left…” he said, looking over the fighters, “…is who’s backing down?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Half an hour earlier, Madison and Monroe stood in front of a tall, slender woman wearing a joyous grin.

“I had the most wonderful idea last night,” Tanya Jefferson spoke with genuine excitement. “We shall settle your match…through a democratic vote of the people!”

Madison and Monroe exchanged worried glances with each other.

“…let me get this straight, baby,” Monroe spoke up, “you want us to go out there and ask all those cats in the audience whether they dig me or Madison more to decide who should win?”

“Exactly! After all, it’s only fitting that we, the Party of the people, should leave this critical choice up to the wise wisdom of the masses.”

Madison bit her lip.

“This idea of yours is certainly…ambitious,” she spoke carefully. “But I believe there are some practical considerations which must be addressed first. For example, how are we to conduct such a vote? Orally? This certainly wouldn’t work if the voting is close, or if one side happened to be louder than the other. Would we instead use paper ballots? Such a process could take hours, if not days, to go through with a sufficient level of care.”

Jefferson brought a hand to her chin, pondering Madison’s words.

“Yes…perhaps this plan is a tad too grand to be implemented with such little notice.” She gave a quiet nod. “Well then, why don’t the two of you decide for yourselves who shall win?”

“No can do, baby,” Monroe interjected. “We’re each convinced we ought to be the one going forward in the match. You’re the only one who can make this decision for us.”

Jefferson lowered her head.

“I was afraid it would come down to this…”

Jefferson looked over the hopeful faces of her two best friends before her.

“…given the nature of Grant’s Executive Power,” she finally spoke, “it would seem that Monroe has the better chance of defeating him in the second round…”

Monroe gave a quiet smirk.

“…that being said,” Jefferson continued, “I have ultimately decided that Madison shall be the one going forward.”

Monroe blinked, looking to Jefferson with quivering lips.

“But…but ma’am! You just said I was the more suitable fighter!”

“Against Grant, you are,” Jefferson corrected. “But Grant is not our primary concern here: it is Roosevelt and Lincoln in the later matches for whom we must plan around…and for opponents of their caliber…well, I’m afraid to say that only Madison stands a significant chance at victory.”

Monroe lowered her head, fighting back the tears forming in her eyes.

“So…when you told us you’d make your decision after watching how things went in round one…” she clenched her fists, “…that was just an outright lie, wasn’t it! You were always going to pick Madison, regardless of the outcome!”

“No!” Jefferson insisted, “That’s not true at all! If the winner of the first fight possessed an EP which Madison stood little chance against, then I would have gladly declared you to be our champion!”

“But outside of that one in a million chance,” Monroe grumbled, “it was always going to be her, wasn’t it?”

Jefferson averted her eyes from Monroe’s burning expression.

“…I’m sorry, Monroe…it pains me to do this, it truly does…but it’s the best course of action for the Party to take.”

Monroe snarled, huffing and puffing to herself before gradually taking back her previous sense of poise.

“…don’t worry, baby,” Monroe said, putting up a half-hearted smile and peace sign. “I completely understand your decision…now, if you’ll excuse me,” she said, walking off before the others could respond, “I’ve got a defeat I need to prepare for…”

Jefferson gave a soft moan as she watched Monroe walk away.

“Oh, what a horrid mess this is,” Jefferson remarked to Madison, “You know, I had initially been elated when you first secured a match featuring two of our members. But as things stand now…I feel I would rather face all of Rushmore on my own if it meant restoring our Party’s former sense of unity.”

“It’s okay, ma’am,” Madison said patting her back. “Monroe may be hotheaded, but she’s no fool. She’ll come around eventually.”

“Eventually, yes; but there’s no telling when that time shall come.” Jefferson stared into Madison eyes. “You know that I have complete and utter faith in Monroe’s loyalty to our Party…but she can be impulsive at times, especially if she feels she’s been slighted.” Jefferson rested a hand on Madison’s arm. “I sincerely pray that nothing should come to pass during your match…but just in case…please, be careful out there…”

Farther down the hall, Monroe stormed forth with impassioned steps.

“Trying to take me out of the fight, huh?” she hissed to herself. “I won’t stand for it…not again I won’t!”

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Democratic Republicans. The first major political party of the United States was Jefferson’s “Republican Party,” which confusingly is the precursor to the modern-day Democratic Party, not the modern-day Republican Party. To avoid potential confusion, this party of Jefferson’s is now typically referred to by historians as the “Democratic Republican Party.”

Monroe’s Epitaph. Jeanne Monroe’s epitaph, [The Heir of Good Feelings], is a slight mutation of James Monroe’s most common nickname “The Era of Good Feelings President” which refers to the fact that he was President during a time when there was (at least on the surface) little political disagreement due to a momentary one-party system. It is because of this epitaph that Jeanne Monroe was given her hippie aesthetic in the novel (which is historically inaccurate to say the least!).

Monroe’s Shooting. James Monroe genuinely was a capable frontier marksman who would often shoot at squirrels and pigeons for family meals when he was a teenager.