18. To Kill or Not To Kill

He missed. The target stayed put, yet he only managed to scratch its leg.

"Oi! What's wrong?"

The angered drake, screeched and approached Yumino, who started backing up.

The elf couldn't take his gaze away from the eyes of the animal.

"I can't..." he said. "They've done nothing wrong!"

As Yumino pleaded for the drakes, one of them lunged at him, managing to leave a scratch on his shoulder as if applying the "an eye for an eye" rule.

"Yumino!" the girl clad in heavy armor screamed while reaching for him, but she was held back by Gavin.

Helpless, Yumino looked at the other drakes as they were getting ready to attack.

"Now don't just stand there! Dodge!"

Attacks came from every direction. Luckily, the body of the elf came with high agility, so the scared Yumino was able to get out of there and head for the trees nearby.

Helpless, he looked back to see how all of the drakes followed him, ignoring the other party members.

"Ready that damn arrow!"

"I can't! Look! They're smart creatures! I can't take their lives like this!"

Dodging attacks left and right, Yumino made it seem like he could keep the status quo, but the drakes were many, and they took turns attacking him.

"Yumino! What did I tell you about not listening to us?" Gauntmere spoke out of nowhere.

"What would you know?! You've used my hands to take lives against my will! Why should I even listen murderers? You're all dead anyway!"

At the rude remark, Guntmere bit back.

"And we can summon another elf if you fail! Don't think I will put up with you just because we went through the trouble to save you and bring you here!"

Her sharp words cut deep. She was right; as much as he hated it, they were the ones who gave Yumino another chance. If not for this curse, he would have lost his life to a stupid heat stroke.

Frozen in thought, Yumino forgot to defend against the animals. A drake pounced on him and pinned him to the ground.

While barely dodging its sharp fangs and claws, Yumino was doing his best to get up, but the drake wouldn't let him.

The elf glanced at his feet and saw the other drakes slowly approaching. He had no way to escape. He was getting desperate. Death was closing in, and he was running out of options.

That's when Gauntmere's words finally resonated with him. He was given another chance, and he was throwing it away.

I don't want to die.

He had already died once.

I don't want to lose this.

He had already lost everything once.

I'm scared.

He felt fear because he was alive.

"If you won't kill them, they will."

"RAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Yumino's mind went blank. Fear overwhelmed him. He lost control of his own body, and became blinded by terror.

For a moment, his mind went blank.

When he came to his senses, he was standing next to a drake's corpse, holding a bloodied arrow. Shocked by the scene, he dropped the arrow and looked at the other drakes with sorry eyes.

"I... I didn't mean to."

But these small drakes were no more than mere beasts. Words would not work on them, and so they once again attacked him, ignoring their fallen brethren.

"No! Stop! Leave me alone!" Yumino screamed, stuck in the same war of attrition once again.

"WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN?!"

That's when he grabbed another arrow, placed it on the bow, and shot it. The sparks at the tip were even stronger than before, and the heat emanating from the arrow was enough to take down another drake. And another one. And another one. And another one...

Yumino didn't stop until the remaining drakes started running away. And even then, he kept shooting at the fleeing beasts.

His eyes gave away Yumino's mental state. He was terrified. He killed fleeing drakes just to make sure they wouldn't come back. Deep down, the archer was screaming.

"Wake up, big boy! It's over!" Garron said, grabbing his arm.

The other looked at the elf with worry while Yumino was trying to free himself from the giant man.

Only after the drakes were completely out of sight had Yumino regained his sanity. He then took a glance at the faces around him, and fell to his knees.

"It's not my fault...they just wouldn't stop..." he kept muttering while the others gathered around him.

*****

The group didn't reach the remains of the castle that day. Resources were plentiful, so after a short discussion, they all agreed to let Yumino calm down and call it a day.

"It's already dark. Yumino, I can take guard alone today. You should take a rest!"

The elf thanked Averin for her kindness, but refused to let her do all the work.

"How lame would it be to leave my name in history thanks to laziness?"

"Leave your name where? What's that about?" the girl asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Nothing, pretend I didn't say anything..."

After his attempt at cracking a joke failed, Yumino got up on his feet and did some light stretches to keep himself aware, trying not to worry his teammates more than he already had.

"This way, Velmira can get some shut-eye two nights in a row!"

Yumino looked at the sorceress, expecting words of gratitude, but he was only met with a look of confusion from the lady, who had already found a comfortable spot to lie on.

"Me? Oh, dear! Don't try getting cozy with me now~. This little witch never stays on guard. I always get my beauty sleep."

Defeated by her coy banter, Yumino took his place next to Averin again with his back hunched over.

"Yeah... I forgot to tell you. Velmira needs her sleep more than any of us. She's insanely strong, but only when she's rested. Otherwise she becomes pretty useless."

"Hey! I heard that!"

With Garron and Gavin both already asleep, Velmira soon followed suit, leaving the two greener members of the party alone.

"Those fire arrows were pretty cool!" said Averin, trying to break the silence. "Taking down fire with fire—that's one way to do it. And what a fire yours was!"

But her compliments didn't hit their mark. If anything, they made the silent Yumino hide his face behind his knees.

"Ah! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... I don't know why I said that. It was really stupid of me..."

Having realized her mistake, Averin chose not to continue.

"You know, I'm pretty dense when it comes to reading the room..." she said with a low voice, hurt by her own confession.

That made Yumino want to say something. He didn't want to sour her mood because of his morality and fears, which he'd brought from his world. The others probably didn't even understand these concepts the same way.

But by the time he opened his mouth, the girl got up.

"I'll go take a look around. You stay here and rest a little more! Tomorrow is the day we reach the castle. Ah, just don't fall asleep! We need someone to keep an eye out here."

So Averin walked away, leaving Yumino alone with his thoughts.

He tried to keep his head clear. Thinking too much would bring him nothing good. He wanted to look at the bright side—he had learned a new attack, but whenever he remembered it, he also remembered going berserk and slaughtering the drakes who didn't know better.

He could have talked with the ghosts, but doing so usually brought him distress. Lies, fights, and revenge were all the ghosts knew. He hated them, but they also saved his life multiple times. 

The contradiction was so confusing, Yumino could not set his mind one way or the other.

"Ah!" he sounded out by mistake. Fortunately, nobody woke up.

Yumino checked around to make sure nothing was lured in by his scream, and once he made sure they were safe, he sat back down on the purple, glowing grass.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" someone spoke out of nowhere.

Yumino grabbed his bow and readied an arrow. 

Images from the afternoon began running through his head. With a loud "no," he threw the bow away, but fear made him crouch and grab it back instantly.

He grabbed another arrow and lit it up, but he shot it in the air. The thought of shooting at somebody was too much for him.

As a last resort, Yumino decided to use his bow like a mace, but it was too late. A hand had already reached him, clamping over his mouth."

"Shhh..."