Chapter Five

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Chapter Five

I stared at the figure—because a figure was all it was. You know those dark, blurry spots that get in your eyes when you stare at the sun for too long? Imagine that, except as a person, and you’ll start to have an idea of what I saw sitting there on my parents’ couch.

“Who are you?” I finally asked.

“Obviously, I’m not going to tell you that,” he said. His voice was distorted somehow, almost like a dozen people were talking at once.

Slowly, I reached for Splatsy. “Legion?”

“No. If you must call me something, you may refer to me as Vague.”

I snorted. “I’ll refer to you as whatever the egg drop soup I want, Blurry McSmearwipe!”

To my disappointment, Blurry didn’t rise to my bait. Instead, he just nodded. I’m not entirely sure how I know he nodded, since so much of him was just, as his name implied, one big, hard to look at blur, but I somehow just knew. Almost as if my eyes were seeing him, but something was stopping that information from reaching my brain.

“If that makes you feel better,” he agreed. “In the end, it doesn’t matter what you call me. All that matters is that you cooperate.”

I felt a hand touch my arm, and I jumped a little. But it was just Ethan. In the shock of seeing my living room destroyed and my family gone, I had forgotten he was there.

“Be careful,” he whispered.

“You should listen to your friend,” Blurry said. “Rash actions will only lead to tragedy, so why don’t you leave that hammer of yours in the hallway?”

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “I don’t think so.”

“Very well. Whether you like it or not, you are going to cooperate with me.”

Being careful not to step on any broken glass, I made my way across the room so that I was in between Blurry and the broken window. Ethan was still in front of the living room door, blocking his path to the entryway. Ethan didn’t have his spellhammer, but hopefully we wouldn’t need it as long as I had Splatsy.

“And what exactly am I going to be cooperating with you on?” I asked.

“I think you already know,” Blurry replied.

I scowled at him. If there was one thing I hated, it was when people got all uppity about answering questions. What do you think? You know the answer to this! Remember what we just went over five minutes ago in class? If I knew the answer already, do you think I’d still be asking? Why couldn’t people just…

I paused.

“You’re the one,” I said slowly, comprehension dawning on me, “who built the laughter farms.”

He nodded again.

I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to draw Splatsy then and there. “Then why don’t I just call you by your real name, Ichabod?”

Blurry just shrugged. “I am not Ichabod Hench. But again, if that’s what it takes to ensure your cooperation, then so be it. I could not care less about what you choose to call me. That being said, I would appreciate it if we could move on to more important matters.”

“Fine by me,” I spat, pointing accusingly at him. “Even if you’re not Ichabod—which you are—you’re still the cause of every single one of my problems! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t turn your head into a puddle of blurry pudding right now!”

He gestured at the living room. “Look around you, Henry. Where are your mother and father? Where is your grandfather?”

My temper flared, and I took a step toward him. “Is that supposed to make me not want to kill you?”

“Henry, don’t!” Ethan warned me.

“Young lady, do you have any idea how a hostage situation is supposed to work?” Blurry asked derisively. “I don’t particularly care about what you want, unless what you want is to see your family alive again someday. And if that is what you want, then I highly recommend you sit down and stop running that wretched mouth of yours so that we can talk like civilized people.”

I felt my hand inching towards Splatsy again, and I had to grab my wrist with my other hand to stop it.

Ethan walked over to stand beside me. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

I didn’t reply, just glared ice cold daggers at Blurry.

“He’s the one holding the cards right now,” Ethan insisted. “All we can do is play along and give him what he wants.”

“I could kill him,” I whispered back. “I could kill him so…very…easily.”

“And then whoever’s working for him would kill your family! Henry, please, for their sake just sit down and listen to him!”

They’ll kill your family. Those words struck me like I was a gong, and for a minute I could only stand there and try to stop shaking. Blurry waited patiently, completely at ease. Completely in control.

Finally, when I felt like I’d regained at least a little control over my body, I forced myself to sit down on the minicouch. Ethan sat down next to me, his hand still on my shoulder.

“Good,” Blurry said, nodding. “I’m glad to see you can rein in that temper of yours when the need arises.”

“We’ll see how long it lasts,” I growled. “Tell me what you want already!”

“Very well. As you’ve already deduced, I am the one behind the laughter farms. Unfortunately, while Legion has kept you distracted by puppeting Victoria around, he has been using his other avatars to locate my farms and destroy them.”

I sat forward, eyes widening. “Them? As in, there was more than one?”

“Of course there were. I could hardly run a successful business with only one small farm, could I? Not that it has mattered much, I’ll admit. Forcing people to laugh without mind control is extremely difficult, but I haven’t been able to use my talismans ever since Legion infected them. If I did, I would just be providing him with another avatar.”

I smirked joylessly. “Good for him.”

“Is it good, though?” Blurry asked. “You know as well as I do that he won’t be satisfied with the elimination of my farms. He intends to destroy all of klaonkind as well.”

“And that’s supposed to put me on your side?” I asked.

“No. The fact that I will kill your family if you don’t help me is supposed to put you on my side.”

I clenched my fist so hard my nails bit into my skin.

“As for what I want,” he went on, “you’re going to help me overcome this setback in my production.”

“You want me to help you kill and torture people?” I asked, my face turning blue with anger. Ethan reached out to put his arm in front of me. He shouldn’t have worried. I wasn’t going to do anything. Yet. Probably.

Blurry waved dismissively. “No, no, nothing that drastic. You’re merely going to procure a certain item for me.”

“What item?”

Instead of answering, he extended a hand toward me. I hesitated, confused, but then realized he was trying to hand something to me. Although touching this creep was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, I reached my hand out toward him, and jumped a little when I felt something be put into it. I drew my hand back, and something…detached…itself from his blurriness and solidified into a dark red envelope.

My heart skipped a beat.

“This is…” I stammered. “This is the envelope I got earlier today!”

Reflexively, I looked at the front door—or, more accurately, at the mail slot that only existed on the inside of the door. Whenever a klaon became a maiam, a letter would come through that slot telling me who they were and where to find them. But I had thrown the letter away right after I’d read it. It had never left this house!

With a shaking hand, I held the envelope up. “How…did you…”

“If you knew the full extent of my reach,” said Blurry, “you would be too afraid to even get out of bed in the morning.”

Again, I had to resist the urge to pulverize his nonexistent face.

“Fine,” I said, praying to the whoopee cushion in the sky that I came across as more confident and intimidating than my soft, quavery voice sounded. “What am I supposed to do with this, then?”

“Exactly what it says.”

I gripped the envelope so tightly that the paper crinkled in my hand. “What is that supposed to—”

“Henry, look!”

Ethan pointed, and I looked down at the envelope again. This time, I noticed something that hadn’t been there when I’d thrown it away. Three words, written in big, blocky letters so that they covered up the original addressee, “To She Who Bears the Title of Hunter.”

RETURN

TO

SENDER

“Between the two of you,” said Blurry, “your friend seems to be the brains in your little organization. If I were you, I would make listening to him my highest priority going forward. Do that, and you may just see your parents again someday.”

I stood up. “If you so much as lay a finger on them, I’m going to—”

Ethan took my hand, and I forced myself to swallow what I was about to say. The full weight of my helplessness pressed down on me, and I sat on the couch again next to him, fighting back tears. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. I wouldn’t!

“You still haven’t told us what it is we’re supposed to get for you,” Ethan said.

“No. I have not.”

“And you don’t think that’s a little unfair?” he challenged him. “You’re threatening to kill her entire family unless she brings you something, but you won’t even tell her what it is?”

“Not won’t,” Blurry corrected him. “I can’t tell you what it is I need her to bring me.”

“Then how—”

“My knowledge of that place is extremely limited. The extent of it is that they have something I need. Something that will help me get my production schedule back on track. Figuring out what it is will be the first step in your assignment, and bringing it to me will be the second.”

I glared at him. “How am I supposed to bring you something if you don’t even know what it is you’re asking me to bring you?”

“I hope you figure it out,” Blurry said, getting to his feet, “for your family’s sake.”

I stood up again, finally drawing Splatsy. “Where do you think you’re going? Sit down! You can’t leave me like—”

“I’ll be back in three days to collect.”

With that, he turned a Corner and vanished. I stared at the spot where he had just been, then let out a scream and slammed Splatsy down hard enough to shatter the hardwood floor.

“ICHABOOOOD!”

NEXT CHAPTER 8/13/25