Loss Of Hope, Despair And A Phone Call(past life memories PT.6)

My life up to this point has been shit and darkness, without any glimpse of light and the very persons who gave light to my life was taken away just like that, as if they only existed in my memories, I have realized from a young age that this world does not like me at all, so why was I born here in the first place if this world was gonna treat me like this, and to top it all of, here I am in pain and the very persons who did this to me are living freely and nicely, and even if I swore revenge in my heart, I don't even know where to start cause I don't even know the fuckers who did this at all

honestly I thought nothing could get to me, but of course I am no monster so my heart was tearing to threads yet still there was no tears that fell from my eyes, but I was sad, sad to the point that my heart felt like it was threading like paper, and to the point where I was even deluding myself, believing that the sassy, mystical and delinquent like Mellia would be there when I woke up, classing Zane, or desperately trying to find a comeback against Lucea, yet even when I woke and saw that what I wished for would be called nothing short of a miracle if it did happen, I still did not see no tears flowing, was I that defective from the start or did this feeling I feel right now already frozen my heart to the point where I don't feel any emotions anymore. When my uncle abandoned me, I felt nothing, when I was met with the harsh life of the slums I felt nothing other than the pain of hunger and even that became so commonplace to me that it could not be called pain anymore, when I was locked away by the devilish twins, only a slight sense of loneliness was all I felt, but now it feels like all these feelings were planning with each other to attack me, with their power amplified a million times than normal.

Here I was before the door of the hospital room that Lucea was in, how I ended up here was vague in my memory as I could not even wake myself fully and come to face with reality that Mellia was gone, Mariabell, the maid who felt more like a friend or a very attentive older sister to us, gone, and to hear that this was just part of the pain was so hard to contain, and so hard to remain sane, I vaguely remember me awaking to the atmosphere I wish was a dream and Zane was there, knowing him, he was smiling through the pain, you could see by his expression that he was tearing apart, this guy was the cheerful happy go lucky type who being angry and sad is something rare for him, unless it was about his friends or someone close so seeing him now I knew just how much Mellia and Mariabell for that matter was to him, but he desperately tried to smile while telling me that were gathering the family at the hospital.

We reached the hospital and was swiftly lead to the office of the doctor

"I presume you guys are the Grapevine family, well I have good news and bad new, without ado, the good news is that the bullet was lodged between her chest thanks to that boy there pushing the assailant just before the bullet went off, but unfortunately the bullet was a lead round, so the lead is slowly poisoning her right now, she just has few hours at most to survive, that's the good news, the bad news is she will die anyway", he said while acting all shrug

"Are you fucking dumb huh, is this the time to be acting like this, what the fuck is this good news, bad news thing for, are you asking to die", Zane shouted at him angrily while crying.

"Calm down Zane", said Inoki

"But Mr.Inoki, this doctor bastard really", he said while bawling his eyes out

"Yeah I get it", he turned to look at the doctor, "can I ask you to leave please, this is just as much respect as I can show you for the one who prolonged my daughter's life even a little bit

"Okay I get it, I get it, I will leave"

"Thank you for prolonging my daughter's life even a little bit", Inoki said while bowing,

He hissed at Inoki and while walking out he mumbled to himself, "I was the one who saved your daughter's ass even a little bit, but instead of you groveling before me to thank me you just offer a fucking mediocre apology and even sick your your dog of a son on me, that fucking ginger-haired brat, don't you think you guys are being punished for your arrogance that why that little bitch is in there croaking right now, Tsk"

After he said this my head went blank for a moment, I felt this feeling once before at the time in the slums, no emotions flew threw me, and my view darkened and only thing left was the feeling of desperately needing to tear apart the person in front of me., When I came to I was already pummeling the face of the doctor into a deformed state, and I was pulled away by Inoki, as he pulled me away Zane sprawled at him and kicked him in the face, he was gagging over his own blood, Inoki quickly pulled Zane away too,

"Why do you constantly do things that could cost you your life, I asked you to leave kindly and yet you still do this shit, I apologize for my boys rude behavior but you must understand that this was well deserved, I will pay for your bills to get treated, and I hope you understand that the only reason why you are leaving here alive is because I appreciate what you have done, lest I would have let my dogs as you called them, beat you senseless, Inoki said sternly but still in a respectful manner

But as they say, the hardest to learn are not the foolish but the ones who refuse to learn because of ignorance, because the doctor stepped out of the room

And was still going on

"Why do I constantly do things that could cost my life he said, Ironic coming from the man who's daughter is in there croaking and he can't do a thing", after laughing out loudly and making sure we heard him he was about to walk away but Inoki slammed his foot in to the door and it flew off, he was out there cowering in fear as Inoki walked out slowly and menacingly after him, but Inoki was suddenly met with a slap to his face followed by a burning pain to my left cheek and Zane's Right, it was Claudine who was silent the whole time.

As we held our faces to register the pain felt, she looked at the three of us, "why are you, the men, acting like this, that doctor is a fucker, but more than that he is a obsolete nobody who you should know better than get involved with. You may have forgotten because you lost yourselves in anger but Lucea has just got a few hours to go, we should spend that time with her instead of wasting time here, or are you guys going to continue being so pathetic".

"Yes yes, are you going to continue", the doctor jeered at us, but he was suddenly stopped by the look that sent shivers down my spine, frost bites down Zane's and Nearly made Inoki shit himself whenever we saw it,

"My patience grows thin, are you going to leave or are you going to continue to test the patience of me knowing fully well the consequences that comes from it"

As he saw her face he scampered away and she turned to us, "so have you boys calmed yourselves", the three of us nodded and then we walked over to Lucea's room and I was made to be the first to go in, and now it was back to the present time when I was in front the door, a door that should have been easy to open but for some reason it felt it weighed more than a ton, a door that should have been easy to grasp but for some reason my hand was refusing to even hold on to the handle, Fear seeped into the deepest reaches of my heart, the fear of knowing that it was nothing short of a death bed that I would see Lucea on, the fear that only a few hours were left until she just goes like Mellia did, that fear had me refusing to open the door, the fear that my hope that the person behind this door was not Lucea but someone else was all but a dream and that hope came crashing down when I heard the one voice I would have rather never heard, seeping from the room.

"Luchas, I am sure that it is you behind the door, come in, at the end of the day you have to accept what is before you even if it feels like needles to digest", Lucea said sounding the same as always.

As for me this feeling was a good times harder than any needles to digest, but strangely when her words registered in my ear I could no longer just stand still, I reached for the door that weighed over a ton and pushed it open and there she was the perfect woman enveloped by the perfect golden light of the sun, donning a perfect smile, I was astonished to see her still struggling to hold her image amidst the situation, and the sudden realization that in just a few hours, this woman who thrives to be perfect was not going to be here any longer and That realization had my heart sinking deeper into the cold grasp of sadness and grief

"To think it was only when I am a breath away from death is when I would see your face change so completely, you always seemed somewhat off to me Luchas, whenever you are happy, surprised or even sad, I could genuinely feel that you were but you have never shown it on your face, you can be feeling happy but for some reason you can't smile and I wondered why but here I am right now, an d your face is so contort with grief that your expression changes, if I am the one that brought that look to your face then I am genuinely happy, I guess I understand how Mellia felt now"

When I heard Mellia's name I could not contain myself, "Mellia what about her", I asked

"Nothing it is just that before sje died, she said that she was glad that she saved me because she got to seem me making a similar face to yours"

"Did she really say that I thought you hated each other", I asked

"Yeah she definitely did, I even cried and asked her why is she only showing her true feelings now when she was about to die, and she said it was embarrassing to look at her rival that way"

"Yeah that kinda sounds like Mellia, so are you really going to die", I asked her

"Yeah it seems so, I can just feel it, you know Luchas the doctor told me that you were my savior because, the bullet did not penetrate too deep because you pushed away the person, but he said that it was unfortunate that the bullet had already been fired because now he said the bullet is slowly pushing it self between the creases of my chest and will probably reach my heart in a few hours added to that the poisoning by the copper from the bullet, they said they could not retrieve the bullet because they would risk forcing it down more so it was better to leave it until it's time, but am I that special to think I would have two Messiah's, she chuckled and said.

"What do you mean"

"It's Just that Mellia saved me from instant death then you came and saved me too"

"I see then the doctor you are referring to is it the pot belly bastard with the strange haircut and glasses that just screams 'yeah I am about to piss you off', was it that guy"

"Of course not, you should know by now that I have better judgement than that, from the first time I saw that pig I knew he was foul, so I got rid of that stench from early by asking for a new doctor, apparently you guys believed he saved my life but it was you who did, that pig did nothing"

"I see, so I should have killed him at that time"

"I don't get what you mean but why are you so far, come a little bit closer"

I walked up and sat on a stool right by the bed and I was met with a warm smile from Lucea

"How can you smile in the situation you are in"

"What's there not to smile about when your face is filled with agony, and part of this agony is for me, I can just see how you are bottling up your pain, trying to put on a strong facade in front of me, but if you want to cry, you should, it's always better to cry your heart out, oh and guess what, my shoulder is conveniently there for you to cry on, what say you"

After she said this everything just seemed to crash down at me at once, and the well I was desperately trying to control was burst open and suddenly I could feel the slight drip of water calmly flow down my eyes until my vision gradually became blocked by water, I touched my eyes to make sure if what was happening was really happening, was I really crying?, was I really shedding a tear?, was this really tears?, all these questions welled up in my mind, before I heard laughter ring out from beside me.

" Hahahaha, no it can't be, Lucas, are you really surprised by your own tears, why are you so interesting, to think I would see someone genuinely surprised about themselves crying, I can see you asking yourself if this is really tears or if you are really crying but yes Luchas, this is what tears are"

As her words clarified my doubts. What was a well transitioned to a river and I could not contain myself anymore, I cried harder than I was crying before until I could not even see in front of me, as soon as I did I could feel her gentle arms slowly wrapping herself around me in a hug, I looked up and saw that tears started to form around her eyes.

"It's alright Lucas, It's alright, You are not the type to be shot down by this, I know my family must be in shatters right now and I need you to help them, build them back up, this is my wish, oh and another thing, if you are going to get involved with a woman please do it a good time after I am gone lest I will haunt you", she smiled amidst the the tears that were flowing from her eyes.

When I heard her nonsensical wish, my mouth started to just go off on it's own, "Lucea, I don't know what kind of heartless fuck you think I am, why should I be the one to build your family back up when it's hurting me too, do you think they are the only one who is in shatters, look at me, have you ever seen me like this, my heart has this feeling like it is gradually being ripped from my chest and my lungs feel like they are being crushed under a weight, I can hardly breathe, and what, it was not like I got hit by a truck, it's not like I was in an accident, it just the thought of you leaving and the fact that Mellia is already gone, that is the only thing making me feel like this, Lucea, I don't know what you are expecting from me, I can't understand this feeling either, At this point I don't know anything, the only thing I know is this excruciating pain, if it is like this I should just leave with you now"

As I shouted out my own feelings to the point where I was surprised that the person talking was me I was met with a slap to my face, strangely I did not feel anything from the slap but I was so surprised to find out that the slap came from Lucea, my eyes opened wide

"What are you saying huh, what the fuck are you saying, Luchas, explain it to me clearly so I can understand, am I going on a trip, am I going overseas, I am dying Luchas, so tell me what do you mean by 'leave with me', are you fucking serious, are you playing with me, Luchas, if so then leave, Luchas, remember this, you were mine and you are mine, I will not allow to say such shit before me, do you understand, and to top it off, how could I face Mellia if she knew that I brought you to your death"

She was angry, so angry to the point she disregarded her "perfect woman" demeanor

and started cursing, but I could not understand what she was saying, in my mind, her words felt so unreasonable for some reason, so I shouted out.

"I told you already that I don't fucking know what I am saying, I don't know these feelings, but when I think of you going away I just feel like I should just go with, why can't you get it, you are smart right, you are perfect right,so why can't you understand", I shouted whilst angrily standing up from the chair I was sitting in.

As I did she kneeled on her bed just enough to let our eyed meet, followed with a kiss to my lips, after a few seconds with her lips pressed against mine she drew back and placed her forehead on mine, "Luchas I am telling you that, it is okay to grieve for me and feel pain, I even like it that way, but what is not okay is to let that pain consume your whole life, or to let that grief guide you, do you understand and what I will not forgive you for, is to die because of me, do you get it, I don't want to ever hear you say that you are going to go with me again"

As she said this, my tears started to flow again, so was hers, we cried in that same position for a while until she backed away and I slowly got up to go outside.

As I was going I took some time to look at her and my heart sunk more, so I turned to walk out the room but I felt a weight draw back my hand, but I did not turn around.

"I love you Luchas, I really do so much"

As she said this I bit my lip, in grief and stepped out of the room

As I reached out and saw Inoki his face sank deeper, maybe it was because he still had hope up to me entering the room but when I finally came out and he saw my face he just knew that this was it, I held my head down and walked over to the benches that they were on, as I did Claudine and Inoki stood up and Inoki touched me on my shoulders and desperately tried to smile and I sat down, Inoki and Claudine then proceeding to the room.

They opened their door to their daughter and of course she being who she is opted to look as perfect, elegant and pristine as she can, as she saw her parents walked in she slightly waved to them.

"Hi mom, Hi dad", she uttered in her normal voice

Inoki saw this and instantly burst into tears and ran the over to her

"My daughter, My daughter, how has it come to this, why has it come to this, how will I get through this now", he cries and asked, it was a first for him who was normally so articulate to be like this.

Lucea saw this and rubbed her hand on his head, "Father I would like to tell you something, I love you, dad, and it seems like Luchas is taking this way more harder than I thought, so can you promise me to take care of him please, it's the only wish I have, and I know you, Dad, do not concern yourself with finding my killer, you are a gentle man by heart, it would pain me to know that you got blood on your hands because of me"

"My daughter, what are you saying, of course I have to put an end to the person who did this, you are my daughter, Mellia was also like my daughter to me, and Maria Bell was like my little sis, how can you say that knowing these facts, if it is the last thing I do I will obliterate those scum from this earth, how could they be able to do such things to My daughters, just how", he fell to his knees crying, bawling in agony

"Father look at me, no means no, do you get that, I already told Luchas this before, it is okay to grieve for me but what is not okay is for you to let this grief take over your life, do you understand"

As she said this he shook is head in agreement.

"Well said Lucea, I see you are still keeping up with your demeanor even now, but it is okay now, Lucea, it is okay, you can shed that demeanor for now", Claudine looked on her and told her.

As Lucea hears this water welled up in her eyes, she started crying,

"Mom Dad, I had so many things I wanted to do, life became so much more interesting from Luchas, Mellia and Zane came around, so why is this happening, I don't want to die, I never wanted Mellia and Mariabell to die, so why is this happening, is it because I took them from the slums, was that a wrong choice, Mom, Dad, what do I do, I want to live with you guys and Luchas more, how can I make that happen, how can I", she cried so hard you could hardly recognize her, she cried and anguished and cried in the arms of her parents who was hugging her from the side, even Claudine was crying while holding her.

They stayed like that for a while until they unilaterally decided to break apart and Lucea Eyes were red and swollen a little from the tears she cried.

The parents stood there for a while observing her as she smiled at them, without a hint of her previous outburst expect her eyes

She looked on them, "I am okay now", she said with a smile enveloped by the sunset, normally that smile would beautiful to behold but it just served to emphasize the melancholy and sadness of the situation, as the parents saw this they were obviously shaken but they hid it well and formed a smile on their own face to respond to her before they stepped out

After they stepped out she smiled and bit down on her lips before she placed her hand in her head and started crying again, when we heard the muffled crying through the door we could only fall deeper in the despair we felt.

after this event time flew by so fast without me knowing, the funeral happened. It was a joint funeral with Mariabell, Mellia and Lucea, that day is still etched In my mind, the atmosphere in that funeral, the three coffins that displayed three of the persons I came to care for more than anyone in this world, the abundance of cries and wails and overall my heart never ceasing to be threaded like paper, such was the funeral and such was my life to this point, Two months passed from the funeral and I I could do was lock myself in my room, swimming in the memories I had with them, with a despair filled appearance, two months has pass since and I could not see me getting over this grief that tore up my heart, it was unbearable, unbelievably so, until something happened, something unexpected, a phone call rang through, amidst my loss of hope, despair a phone call rang through.