Trying To Talk

I didn't stop running for quite a while and when I did, I realised that I was almost at the flower shop. Panic started to raise inside of me, but I somehow managed to keep a somewhat calm demeanor as I approached the location and cautiously looked inside. To my surprise, Sophia wasn't there. It was a different girl. I had seen her before on days when Sophia wasn't at work, but I was sure that she shouldn't be here today. For a while I didn't know what to do. I decided that maybe I was mistaken and that I got the days confused, so for now I chose to retreat and went straight home.

The next day was even more turturous then the previous one with Aoto continiuing to tease me and the office rumours moving on to the question who my Juliet might be and whether it was someone from the office or maybe even some juicy extra marital affair. I refused to comment. But even that day ended and finally I was on my way to the flower shop once again. But arriving there presented the same picture as the day before. Sophia wasn't there and instead it was a different girl I vaguely recognized. I was still at a loss, but her not being there two days in a row was very unusual and the thought that it might have something to do with our previous encounter started to creep up in me.

I hesitated for a moment but then I gathered all my resolve and actually went into the shop and approached the girl working there.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she greeted me in a customer service tone of voice.

"Eh, this might be a bit unusual but I was hoping I could talk to Sophia." I said, my voice slightly shaking. The girl looked at me as if she was trying to ascertain whether I was a threat worth calling the cops on or just a harmless idiot. Apparently I was deemed trustworthy enough.

"Sorry, she called in sick, I don't know when she will be back."

"Thank you, that helps a lot." I didn't really know what else to say and quickly left the shop after that. Standing on the street I was convinced that she just wanted to avoid me now and that made me feel sick to my stomach. Making the girl I liked so uncomfortable that she rather risked getting in trouble at work instead of seeing me was the last thing I wanted, although I couldn't really complain too much since I did a lot to make her feel uncomfortable. Now the question of what to do became even more difficult.

Today was a friday and I never went by the shop on the weekends since that would have made me feel like the ultimate stalker, at least on weekdays I could convince myself that I was just passing by. So I decided to use the weekend to think of something to do if she also wouldn't be there on monday.

My apartment was a small place meant for one person in a small high rise building 20 minutes away from work by foot and train. The rent was too high for what it was, but I enjoyed the central location and for me it was a good fit. My walls were lined with shelfs of books and especially records that I sometimes even listened to.

I sat down on my couch staring at the reflection on the TV screen infront of me. I was thinking about drinking just so I could pass the time, but decided against it on basis that I didn't fancy having a hangover on a saturday without a good reason. I was sleepy and anxious at the same time and I wanted to think of something I could do to get in contact with Sophia so I could relax a little at least until monday came around.

I looked around the room hoping for some inspiration to strike me when I spotted some paper and envelopes made from some kind of fancy paper that I bought to use for a gift that I never ended up giving.

I could write her a letter. But how would I get it to her? Could I give it to one of the girls that worked there? It wasn't a great plan, but at that moment it was all I had and so I sat down at the desk and thought about what to actually put in the letter. I finally decided on the following:

Dear Sophia,

our meeting at the dance practice didn't go so well and I wanted to apologize to you. If you don't go to work because you want to avoid me you don't have to sorry about that, I'm going to take a different way home from now on.

But if you still want to know the answer to why I was looking at you I will come to the flower shop this saturday at noon for one last time and I will give you my answer.

Regards,

Sato

I didn't know whether this was a brilliant idea or the new height of my delusion, but I decided that it was what I wanted to tell her. Either it worked or not. Before I could change my mind I put the letter in the envelope and sealed it. Then I sank back in my chair and sighed. What the hell was I about to do. So much could go wrong here. But the idea of it just working out the way I wanted it to was also intoxcating and so for the moment I just wanted to go through with it.

I thought about how for so long I just went along with whatever presented itself. Be it choosing a highschool or college, a girlfriend or workplace. I never really felt like I was aiming for something, I just took what was there and never really considered whether it was a good thing that I chose. But this time I wanted to make it work. I wanted to have that girl for myself and make her my girlfriend and wife and spend my life with her, no matter how pretentious that sounded. And now I already manouvered myself in such a precarious position that to had to resort to writing letters to be passed on by another girl like a middle schooler. I had to put my hands infront of my face thinking about my own stupidity in these things, but there wasn't much I could do about it at this point.

The rest of the weekend went slow and fast at the same time. On the one hand I was anxious about monday and every minute felt like a chore but on the other the clock seemed to race when I thought about actually having to put into action what I planned to do. When it was finally monday morning I was a wreck again, but at the same time I was relieved that at least today I could hopefully make some headway towards my goal of winning the flower girl for myself. At work I was prepared for another day of teasing and rumours about my lovelife, but apparently the weekend was enough to cool interest down enough to a point where other things took over the grapevine. Even Aoto seemed perfectly content to just talk about baseball as usual, which I more then welcomed. The working day was pretty busy since it was the end of the month and before I knew it I was out on the street again heading towards the flower shop, the letter firmly in hand. I still hoped that Sophia would just be there, but I also knew that things wouldn't be this easy for me, so I was fully prepared to hand over the letter in a vain attempt to win over a girl I met once and that for all I knew was actively running away from me.

Then I finally arrived at the destined location and when I looked through the shop window, Sophia wasn't there, but instead the girl I asked her about earlier was. I didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing though. Sophia not being there was bad of course, but at least I already knew the girl I wanted to give the letter to a little bit and she deemed me non threatening enough to at least tell me about Sophia calling in sick. I was hardly keeping my composure and when I finally gathered enough courage to enter the shop to do what I came to do my shirt was drenched in sweat. Luckily it was april and I wore a jacket so my indisposition was covered up for the most part. When the girl spotted me she immediately made a face that didn't fill me with much confidence.

„Sophia is still sick mister. You are wasting your time.“ Her words stung a little bit, although I was already fully aware that everything I did was most likely a huge was of time, including trying to win over this woman. I once again mustered all my courage to actually fullfill my mission.

„Well, I expected that. I came here to ask you for a favour.“

She made a face again, but she seemed at least somewhat interested in what I had to say so I kept going.

„As I said before we had a bit of a falling out and I'm afraid she might not come here again because she might see me here. But I still want to apologize to her and so I wrote this letter. I wanted to ask you to give it to her if possible.“ I held out the letter and my hand was visibly shaking as I did so. This time the girl didn't make a face but turned her head slightly and looked at me quizzically for a few seconds. Despite her admittedly looking very cute at that moment I thought it was all over and that my whole world would just crumble to dust at this very instance but then to my surprise she actually took the letter from my hand.

„Okay mister, I see what I can do. No promises though.“

Now it was me who looked quizzically and for a few seconds I didn't know what to say.

„Oh, thank you so much. Of course, you don't have to go out of your way, it's not that important.“

Now the girl actually started to smile and I once again was confused.

„Look mister, I'm not that stupid. It's pretty obvious how important this is to you and I don't blame you. Sophia is a beautiful girl. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but you seem like an okay enough guy to me so I will try my best to give that letter to her. The rest is up to you and her though.“

Of all the ways I thought this might go, this certainly wasn't one of them and it being so obvious what my intentions with Sophia were was pretty embarassing, but it seemed encouraging enough that she still was willing to fullfill my request and give her the letter.

„I don't know how to thank you.“ was all I could say.

„Well, it's nothing really. But I have one request.“ she answered, now with a cheeky smile.

I didn't feel any good about this, but there wasn't much I could do and I certainly couldn't refuse her, at least if her request was somewhat reasonable.

„If you succeed in winning over Sophia with my help you have to fullfill a wish of mine, okay mister?“

For a second I was hesitant because her smile really only made me think of inappropriate things, but for now my goal to get the letter to Sophia took precedence.

„Okay, I'll do it. Don't ask me for anything inappropriate though.“

She laughed as an answer and assured me that her intentions were completely above board, which I choose to believe for the moment. I still could refuse later anyway.

„My name is Daisuke by the way.“

I told her my name and after that I took my leave, my body finally succumbing to the stress of the previous encounter and I fell down on a nearby bench. My body was now fully drenched in sweat. But I couldn't help but smile at the same time, as I at least was in good hope that my letter would find it's way to Sophia. The deal I made with Daisuke had me a little bit worried, but I decided to let that go for the moment. If I really had a chance with Sophia, anything she could ask would probably be worth it. And if not, nothing else mattered anyway.