From the Day I Died

The bread was stale.

The rice was hard.

The milk was sour.

Sachi said nothing as the milk carton splashed against her uniform. She didn't flinch when the plastic bento box was thrown at her, pieces of food staining her clothes and skin. 

"Ew, is this what poor people eat?" one girl said with a disgusted laugh.

"Did you find this in the trash or what?" another laughed.

"I told you not to get us cheap stuff you freak" another added as she kicked dirt up from the ground into Sachi's face. 

The laughter continued until they finally walked off, leaving Sachi on the ground.

-

The bathroom was cold and too bright.

Sachi stood there alone by the sink, scrubbing at the stains on her uniform with shaking fingers. The smell of sour milk clung to her and pieces of rice stuck to her. Her reflection in the mirror looked like it belonged to someone else - she had gotten way too thin and pale, her dark hair dry and brittle, lips chapped and lacking color, the dark circles under her eyes have grown far too much from the restless nights, and her eyes had lost the light to them. Sachi stared at her reflection wondering when she started to look like this or if perhaps had she always looked like this.  

The bell for class rang.

-

Back in the classroom no one noticed the girl who was a falling apart. No one ever did.

The teacher handed back graded exam papers. The teacher praised the students on their hard work and intelligence. When Sachi received hers, she was met with a disappointed sigh and "Try harder next time". She stared at the red ink marks that attacked her paper wondering what she did wrong. The big red 37 mark stared back as if mocking her. 

Laughter broke out behind her.

"Wow, did you even try? But I guess it makes sense, after all why would someone like you get to go to college?"

"What's the point of studying if you're just going to fail anyway?"

"Maybe she just likes the attention of being a sick freak"

Sachi's hands trembled as she gripped the paper.  She could feel the tears form. Her ears were hot. Her stomach cold. She had studied. She had tried. She really did. 

-

At home the voices were already loud.

"I'm telling you; we can't afford this anymore!" her father yelled.

"Then what are we supposed to do? Just let her waste away and get worse?!" her mother yelled back.

"She's draining us! Her medicine, her doctor visits, her therapy. And for what? She can't even go a week without breaking down! She doesn't even try to get better or make anything of herself! She's failing everything! She's utterly useless!" her father screamed.

Sachi stood there in the hallway listening as her parents argued because of her yet again.

"Quiet. She'll hear you" her mother hushed.

"I don't care if she hears! Maybe she should! Maybe then she'll be motivated to make something of herself finally!" her father responded. "I'm tired of working all day everyday just to be met with piles of debt that's not even for me! She should be paying all this off! Not us! We're not the problem here so why do we suffer from it?!"

They didn't know Sachi was there.

Or maybe they did.

Either way they continued on as if she wasn't there. Until finally her father turned, and his eyes narrowed as he gazed upon his child "Look at this disrespectful brat, just standing there eavesdropping like a little rat. Can't you even greet your own parents?"

Her mother crossed her arms releasing a frustrated sigh "We got a call from your school today. Failing your classes again. Do you even know how hard we work just to keep you alive? The money, the hours... and this is what we get in return?"

"I'm sorry" Sachi said, her voice barely audible.

"Sorry doesn't pay the bills" her mother snapped. "At the very least you could study well, get a good job, and pay us back. But no, you're nothing but a burden."

There was a pause.

"If only you were like your sister."

Another pause.

"Actually, no. If only we only had your sister. And not you." 

Sachi felt a knot in her chest. Her ears ringing and skin burning. She bowed her head and walked to her room, shutting the door softly behind her.

-

 Her parents continued to fight but the voices were muffled to her now. 

Her room was cold and hollow. The bed was unmade. Desk was empty. Shelves were bare.

A pile of empty medicine bottles sat beneath the desk. 

Sachi's knees gave out beneath her, and she fell to the floor.

"I didn't ask to be here" she whispered.

Her tears stung her eyes. Her ears began to ring. Her breath became shaky. 

"I tried. I really did" her voice cracked.

As Sachi sat there trying to control her breathing, the moonlight poured into her room. The moonlight brought Sachi some comfort in that moment. She got up, crossed the room, and opened the window. The cool night wind touched her face as the city lights glimmered below. Sachi looked up past the noise of the world to where the moon in the everlasting sky sat. The moon didn't yell at her. The stars didn't laugh at her. They didn't demand anything from her. Just peace and quiet. For a brief moment Sachi felt like everything would be okay. 

"Maybe death will be kinder to me than life" she said softly.

And then she let go.